Apartment 404 By Joe Sweeney

So...What's New?

2011-12-16T08:42:00.000-05:00

I don't know either.

New(z)?

2011-11-30T17:48:00.001-05:00

Are you kiddin' me?

Nothing new 'round here

Been here for 50,000 years. And way before that

Increase? Increase? No fucking way

The percentage is the same as it's always been

Humans are humans

So what we gonna do 'bout dis?

...

Baylor Basketball: I Likee

2011-11-30T09:00:00.003-05:00

How to read a boxscore - by Joe

Perry Jones III - one of the most talked about young players in years -- future NBA player -- here's what he did against Prairie View: 31 minutes in a 40 point blowout, no assists, 7 of 9 from the line, 1 fucking foul (1 fucking foul!), no TOs (NO TOs!, shit man, you ain't trying if you ain't fucking up), 27 points

You wanna play with the big boys in the NBA? You gotta foul some little shits, you gotta get a couple turnovers every damn game, you gotta run the court for 2 or 3 dunks (free points!), you gotta have moves, counters, etc

Perry: what do you wanna be in 3 years? On the cover or a video game or playing one?

Are you just hype? Are you another bust, or the real deal? Me, Shaq, and LeBron and D-Wade want you to be the real deal.

Are you?

Talent

2011-11-30T08:23:00.015-05:00

530 -- Gorham, ME -- Hill Gym -- 500 folks -- watching DIII guys and ladies play a doubleheader

===============

930 -- on TV, the Bigtime in Columbus -- Jared and Austin -- a dozen large, unemployed black dudes with too much time and money (for now) -- choke! -- you think that was tough? try walking up a fuckin' mountain with 80 pounds on your back day after day after day for years

===============

Effort, heart, hustle, listen to coach..., play to win, play with pride, wear the uni proudly, help a teammate up, catch and shoots missed, close games, EFFORT, HEART, TEAMMATES, 2,000 miles from home, too short by five inches but playin' anyway up here in the cold, open jumpers: net, pick and rolls not executed or seen, no dunks, threes (ugh), the ladies shower, leave their hair messy, and watch the guys play (Bowdoin men showed up behind the girl's bench to watch the first half, USM dudes were studying in the library), Bowdoin: kids who grew up with money but still wanna play the game, seeing plays (or not) but two steps slow to execute properly, a seven footer from L-S with an IQ, I'd guess of 300...thousand who the coach left out there too long in the first half: lesson: get in the gym and lift, eat, shoot, play, etc: no one gets in shape playing in a game, they get in shape in the offseason and in the morning, man, that was some kind of damn fun

Blowout, face painted fans who leave when the Bucks are ahead or behind too much, slap happy kids who think they won something, 2nd round draft picks w/out guaranteed money (learn Spanish, guys), 20,000 "friends", hip pointer?: I know what that feels like: welcome to old age, kid, 3/4/5, school is fun, the sweetness of a banged in j, then another, then another and another: that's fun (I hear), do you assholes know what you have?

The Future of Medicine

2011-11-30T08:21:00.000-05:00

Jets fans

F.A.S.

2011-11-29T15:15:00.008-05:00

Once a fetus' brain is formed in the womb, it's done developing (basically). All the building blocks it's going to receive are there.

Nutrition during childhood, loving parents, stimulus, exercise, thinking about goals, etc are important after birth in shaping personality, but not IQ.

Your IQ at birth, which we don't understand how to measure, is your IQ throughout your life (basically).

If the mother carrying that baby drinks and/or drugs enough while the fetus is attached to her womb for the nine months of pregnancy (quantities of alcohol and other drugs and their effects on a fetus are not yet understood) that fetus will be born brain damaged and there ain't a damn thing doctors or anyone else can do about it.

FAS babies often, quite often, grow up to be 100% disabled. They eat, shit, sleep, and, often, fuck.

Can a FAS adult female give birth to a healthy baby? That also is not understood, but my gut says "yes, they can", though the raising of an otherwise healthy baby by a FAS parent will always (ALWAYS) be a disaster for that child.

This is one big fucking problem in America.

Hi! I'm Herman Cain!

2011-11-29T15:12:00.001-05:00

Why is Herman Cain still running? Because the GOP wants swing state voters to think that all black guys are that dumb.

==============

It takes a lot of people to run a Presidential campaign. Why are 20 and 30 something former College Republicans still working for a wreck of a campaign? Because the higher ups in the GOP want Cain to be an example to voters that black people are dumb and can't be trusted.

Bobby V: X

2011-11-29T07:02:00.001-05:00

Bobby V goes overseas NOW? When he is one of two candidates to manage the Red Sox? Fuck you, Bobby.

You don't go eight thousand miles away NOW.

==============

Gene Lamont: Next manager of the Sox

==============

Let the healing begin

We Don't Know Why (More)

2011-11-29T06:09:00.002-05:00

Do people in comas get zits?

No, they do not

===============

Zits are related to the central nervous system, thus are way beyond our comprehension at this point in time

All those creams and jells and treatments? WASTES OF MONEY

We Do Not Understand Acne

So pop 'em, clean 'em with alcohol swabs to kill bacteria, and hope for the best

Because zits are here to stay

As if high school wasn't bad enough

Thas' the truth, man

We Don't Know Why

2011-11-28T23:11:00.010-05:00

Zit Farm 404 -- no, not "Sex Farm 404"

Zit: The Joe Sweeney Story

My So Called Zit -- she never had that problem

She and Zit -- easy listening?

"I am not a zit! I'm a human being!"

Pop-A-Zit - played in bars since way back when

The 45 Year Old Zit

Up With Zit

High School Zit

I Was A Middle Aged Zit

zit mirrors -- worth their weight in gold, man

You don't know where that zit's been. So don't wipe it on me.

Does she get zits?

No known cause. No known cure. Zits are god's cure for self confidence.

I remember a pretty girl in college, an accounting major like me, King Library, studying upstairs. Zits everywhere. I wanted to hug her. I'll never forget that

Listen Up

2011-11-28T21:45:00.001-05:00

Black guys get chicks

Not because they have big dicks

But due to

Their lack of zits

B.O.T. to "No No / Go Go"

2011-11-28T21:26:00.004-05:00

Beginning of Time

---------------

Universe forms -- date unknown

---------------

"Earth" breaks away from sun, cools

---------------

"Moon" breaks away from Earth, cools

---------------

War To End All Wars starts -- Middle East divided up in Paris by old white men

---------------

World War II -- 50 million die -- Middle East largely, wisely, sits this one out

---------------

Cold War -- Middle East forgotten by two global powers

---------------

Vietnam War -- Middle East still not thought of much

---------------

Energy Crisis -- "Help Us!!!" -- they remember -- they get rich

---------------

Soviets invade "Afghanistan" -- not really a country so much as a region

---------------

Infighting in Moscow, Soviets never 100% committed to effort

---------------

Soviets defeated by nomads, who are given billions by US government

---------------

After Russians leave region billions in weapons and graft left behind

---------------

Divided up by largely illiterate nomads, who then start to kill each other

---------------

medium sized nation of Iraq invades tiny nation of Kuwait -- Why?

Possiblities:

1. Their king is bored

2. Their king is afraid he'll be deposed if he doesn't

3. "No No!" "Go Go?"

4. US companies excited by possibliity of wartime economic boost

5. All of the above

6. Unknown

----------------

Bush I decides to kick Iraq's ass -- is criticized and praised equally

----------------

Whitney sings our national anthem prior to G-Men vs Bills Super Bowl

----------------

Iraq gets their butts kicked by U.S. troops

Absolute slaughter: hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqi boys, U.S. loses a couple of hundred boys

Iraqi Army on run back to Baghdad

Bush I - "Halt!"

----------------

turn blog over for second half

U.S. spends a trillion on war -- FUN!

F.A.S. - Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

2011-11-28T18:07:00.003-05:00

Cost to the state of Maine - $1 billion / year

Robbie Hummel Is So Old...

2011-11-17T21:25:00.003-05:00

They call it "Robbie Hummel Surgery" now

He played for Coach Keady

He knows Rod Woodson personally

He played pickup with Drew Brees

He is a true "Legend"

He has seen a good season out of the football team

He dated some of the women's national champions

He remembers when Michigan State was good

WDSHD?

2011-11-17T14:16:00.011-05:00

What did Sister Helen do?

==============

Sandusky did bad things
In prison

What was done to him before
He has brought to those kids

Repurcussions follow our bad behavior
Hopefully
So we can learn and teach and heal and grow and forgive and live

That man has, is, will suffer and suffer
For what he has done
The dead eyes of a child abuser don't lie

Can you imagine the horror inside?

===============

Sister Helen teaches us to face up
To the tragedy of our lives

POTUS: There's a Reason The Campaign Lasts Two Years

2011-11-17T10:39:00.030-05:00

Who should/could be President?

President Franken – He’s not outwardly funny anymore, which is a good thing for us in a lot of ways. But don’t think that the Franken brain is still not laughing at you and you and you

President Tina – She thinks she’s busy now? Stressed? Shit, this will bring premenstrual to a whole new level. Look out, bitches

President Larry David – Would work about 12 hours a week. Walks out on press conferences all the time. Plays too much golf, even though he’s as bad as President Clinton at the game. At least President Larry doesn’t take mulligans, though. Or does he?

President Micheal Richards – Making Gerald Ford look like Gene Kelly. Wigs are back, too. White socks with brown trousers, also. This guy has no job at present, too

President Gingrich – Can you imagine movie nights with him and Justice Thomas at the White House? What “films” would they show? Sasha Grey Night? (that girl really IS hot, smart, and sexy) Come on, man. Are these guys really running for POTUS? I mean, like Mike Barnicle said this am on MSNBC: "Has anyone ever actually eaten a Godfather's Pizza?" I haven't. But this is Maine. We think Panera is class

President Jerry – The “Did you ever wonder why” stump speech will become legend. Cabinet: Treasury is...well, Jerry can't fill that slot because he doesn't know anyone qualified to do the job, Sec of State Marisa Tomei, just because she's awesome, and the DEA slot (is that cabinet?) is clearly Mr. Rip Torn. If he's "spending time with his family", then Robin Williams can do that job. For a little while. Plenty of experience with the authorities. The rest? lackeys and cronies. Jerry has plenty following him around, I'm sure. Big entourage guy, def.

President Kathie Lee Gifford – Keep it down, girl. Just tone it down a bit. Jesus, woman. Can’t the nation get a moment’s piece. I can hear you from Portland, making sex jokes and talking incessantly (incessantly) about your teenagers. Man, are they not toilet trained or something? Thas weird, KL

Major League Bullshit

2011-11-17T10:16:00.002-05:00

MLB is gonna go to two fifteen team leagues next year, thanks to management . Genius. It will be just like hockey, where the B's play every team in the league like four times, and there are no fucking rivalries left. There's team in Columbus? Are you shitting me? Columbus?

I live to see the Bruins beat the snot out of those asshole Habs, but when do the boys ever play them? When? I have no idea. It sucks.

Baseball. Keepin' it Real. (cough cough)

Uncle

2011-11-17T10:10:00.003-05:00

I don't have a job. I rely on the US government to pay almost all my bills. I receive $1,223 each month in Social Security Disabiity benefits, a program set up decades ago to help folks like me who are unable to hold down a job that pays enough to live on. I also get Medicaid and Medicare health insurance from the government. I haven't paid a hospital bill for years, as my income is so low that I get free care from Maine Medical Center. Good deal. I'm a lucky duckie. I really am in some ways.

I do pay a couple of bucks per prescription, which is just a fraction of the "cost" of the drugs I take.

My father left me about $70K when he died from his life insurance policy. I've eaten away at that since 2004, usually 500 bucks at a time through checks written by my Mom, who has control of the money. There's about eight grand left.

I'm really grateful that these programs are in place.

The Shaq Power Show

2011-11-16T08:13:00.024-05:00

Five days a week on XM

Spinning, bullshitting, horsing around, saying what's funny and maybe even what needs to be said

(Shaq's a workhorse and a funny fuck. He needs a job, too)

================

Annnnnnnnnnd we're back on the Shaq Power Show! This is Shaq. How yall doin' today? Me? I'm 7 foot 1, bangin', and a gift from God to you people.

Have any of you little folks seen a more beautiful sight than Shaq in his leather chaps riding a big fucking custom Harley down the middle of the highway? No, you haven't. Youtube me, I'm awesome.

Alright, first record I'm gonna play is from a new group. "The Young Philadelphians." They're hot, they're young and talented and they're what I want to play. So fuck it, let's go."

(the song is called "Boston Can Go Jump In The River." Pretty good but not great)

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd we're back to the Shaq Power Show! This is Shaq. How dat sound to yall? Pretty fucking fresh, if Shaq does say so. And he do. He do. Our guest today is Ron Harper, my old Laker teammate and now a motivational speaker for the University of Louisville. How't is, Harp?"

Good, Shaq. Good.

That's awesome, Harp! Those five rings still shiny?

Yeah, man. Damn shiny, Shaq.

Cool, young man. You know Harp, if you hadn't blown out your knee yall might have spend your whole fucking career playing for the damn Clippers. You even think about that, dude?

Shit, that's true.

The Clippers suck ass, Ronnie. You was lucky to bust that knee up. Let you play with MJ and Scottie. And me.

Cool. We were bad. No regrets.

Damn right. Rings talk and bullshit walks, mutherfucker. You alright, Ron Ron. Glad we got to play together.

Me too, Shaq. Me too.

Alright. Commercial time on the Shaq Power Show. Here's a word from our sponser, John Wall Carwash and Leather Emporium...

(commercial runs: "Hey DC. This here is John Wall. I have a chain of the very best in carwashes in the city. Ten bucks and we'll wash it, shine it, put gas in it, and buy you some groceries. Sound like a good deal? Fuck yeah. John Wall knows carwashes. We can't miss! jingle runs)

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd we're back! Shaq Power Hour, Hour 2. This is Shaq. Let's continue, shall we? We shall.

(it kinda goes on like this. you get the idea. Shaq has a face for radio. He'd be great at it.

Future shows:

Coach Dale Brown, Stanley Roberts, and Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf: Why we choked

Swept: The story of the '96 Orlando Magic

Acting Without Acting. Featuring Jason Alexander, Larry David, and Shaq. A wide ranging discussion of all things acting

Where's My Oscar?: Shaq pontificates on the state of movies and why they were better 15 years ago

Hi Gabby. Hi Mark.

2011-11-16T07:52:00.002-05:00

No baby

No bad guys

No giving up

No chance for you guys to stop and pat yourselves on the back

=============

No Formula One for Gabby

No more Space Shuttlin' for Mark

Just family

And teaching

=============

No crying?

No no

Plenty of that

=============

In her arms

He finds a safe place

Been looking for a woman to hold him for a while

He found just that

In a strange place

I Think That The Kindest Thing...

2011-11-15T05:42:00.027-05:00

...I can tell you folks today is Take the time to get to know yourself.

Your body, your brain, your tastes, your strengths, your faults, your loves and hates. Your family, your hometown. Everything that makes you unique.

===============

First off

If you love to fuck 10 year old boys, well, that's a bit of a problem. Because little boys do not have the capacity to tell you "No, don't do that to me." Consent and all that. But the tragedy and underlying truth of the sexual abuse of children or anyone else is that it is always (ALWAYS) the result of prior sexual abuse of the predator. No one is sick enough to invent that shit. It was done to them, to them, and to them before.

Otherwise, any kind of sex between consenting "adults" who respect each other's wishes is fine, and a good thing. There are consequences to our behaviors, but as long as people keep that in mind and take precautions, most anything goes. Two linebackers, two cheerleaders, a cheerleader and a linebacker. Whatever, man. Sex is a beautiful thing.

===============

Further

If you love to play basketball or hockey, do that. With joy and intensity and passion and commitment.

If you love to paint your toenails different colors, do that, even if some folks might make fun of it. Believe me, in the long run, they'll think you're really cool for doing your own thing.

Being a follower is such a bore, and a bad way to live.

All the popular kids in my high school were followers. All of them. They did what they thought they were supposed to do and shit hard on the kids who were different, "weird", out of the mainstream. Now Tina and I rule the world. Rule the fucking world, bitches.

==================

Dr. Ruth had the right idea thirty or so years ago: We all need to get to know our bodies much better. That means exploring every inch, in privacy, in detail. That is one of the most important things a young person of either sex can do for themselves. Your parents, friends, and relatives think that's stupid? Take a good hard look at THEM and ask yourself if they know what the fuck they're talking about, or are capable of any type of instructive honesty.

==================

Also

You think the military likes followers? Nope. New ideas keep us on top of the globe. There's always a new way to do things, a better way. If following was what the military wanted from our troops guys would be getting killed at the rates seen in World War I, when idiot leaders told followers to go over that hill. All those followers went over that hill. And all those followers got shot in the fucking head and died. Big waste. The military learned that leaders create solutions, not follow plans.

==================

Finally

Masturbation: Sex with someone that each of us can almost stand being around. Sometimes. Do it. I won't watch.

Bob Knight to Coach K: Drop Dead

2011-11-14T21:00:00.003-05:00

UPI --

Dartmouth College is proud to introduce their latest men's basketball coach, Bob Knight. Coach Knight claimed in his introductory press conference that "This is entirely related to Michael's threatening my fucking record. Like I'm gonna take this lying down. Who we play tomorrow?"

Duke University had no comment.

What if Jesus Had Brothers?

2011-11-14T10:56:00.028-05:00

John – born 4 BC

Jesus – born The Year Zero

Chris – born 4 AD

===============

School years

John – tall and skinny, didn’t like being the older brother, resented Jesus because, well, he was Jesus, was buddies with Chris though, went to private religious school, loved horse drawn carts, also loved to drink wine with the fellas from the neighborhood

Jesus – 11 pounds at birth, didn’t speak until 3, then asked, “Why is there air?", almost unhealthily thin and short, wore glasses, had a bad haircut, no friends in school because he was too shy and serious, soiled his underwear in first grade twice because there were monsters in the bathrooms, never ate school food because he brought a sack lunch with him every day, in fifth grade the school held a “what kind of farmer or carpenter do you want to be when you grow up?” fair at school, Jesus had no idea…play basketball at the University of Notre Dame at Jerusalem, maybe? His teacher told him that was not a realistic goal: “You’ll be a farmer just like your father, Jesus, Get used to the idea” Jesus never told anyone his dreams for a very long time, he got cut from the goat head soccer team in sixth grade, breaking his little heart, later Jesus went to a goat head soccer game held in Pelham to watch the other kids play. at the start of the second half one of little boys on the field said “Hey Jesus, you want my autograph? You can’t fucking have it, loser! Go make some bread, you little shit!” Jesus never went to another goat head soccer game, though he loved the sport passionately

Chris – cute baby, popular with other kids, plenty of girlfriends, good at sports, wanted to become a barber in Tel Aviv, was sick of small town Jerusalem and couldn’t wait to get out of town

===============

Work years

John: got kicked out of horse and cart building school for drinking too much wine, flunked his Roman Legion physical, went to work overnights at the local usury, worked hard and got promoted, began writing bank stuff on 50 pound blocks of granite, got good at it, other people who worked at the usery asked him if he would teach them to write good on 50 pound granite blocks, John moved around a lot, never got married, made a fortune in the 50 pound granite block business, moved to the coast

John: moved to Tel Aviv, found a job he loved, made many friends, enjoyed the good life

Jesus: moved to Damascus for a few years after graduating, thought it was a nice place, nice weather but a bit too hot for Jesus’ taste, nice people, funny accents, Jesus got very depressed and lonely, moved back in with his parents in Jerusalem, Jesus' Dad sent him to a therapist named Isaiah, who did his best but didn't help Jesus feel any better about himself, Jesus eventually ran into money troubles (being Jesus' is tough work, apparently), sent a 50 pound granite block to his brother John via UPS, got no response, asked his brother Chris for 10 pieces of silver, Chris said “no”, Jesus didn't know what to do next

To be continued

He Knew The Powers That Be

2011-11-14T09:50:00.004-05:00

Bangor man, Boy Scout leader, found dead Sunday, suicide likely

================

So let me get this straight. The Bangor cops haven't had a chance to speak with the detectives assigned the case, but Senators Snowe and Collins get quoted in the newspaper article about the man's death? WTF?

This....man....apparently knew everyone who was anyone in the state. They are all sooooo very sad to see him go. I never heard of him, but I don't get out much. Don't spent too much time at Boy Scout sleepovers, that type of stuff. But that's me. I'm a busy guy, writing and stuff. Guess if I was a better person I would spend more time helping the less fortunate with their Boy Scout needs and stuff. I'll work on it.

The Most Selfish Act I've Ever Seen On A Football Field

2011-11-13T18:58:00.003-05:00

David Nelson of the Buffalo Bills caught a short touchdown pass today to make the score Cowboys 21 - Bills 7. As soon as he had the ball in his hands he ran off the field and handed it to his girlfriend, a Cowboys cheerleader. A Cowboys cheerleader. This act was planned by Nelson for a long time and no one that knew him thought to say, "Boy, Thas dumb. Thas really dumb." Not one player or coach warned this guy that he would like the biggest dickhead in football by doing this and showing up his teammates and coaches, especially when the Bills were getting beaten so bad.

I am awestruck by the selfishness of this player. He's not much of a player, but he is supposed to be professional trying to win games for his boys. Nope, he wanted to get on TV. You got on TV, Nelson. Now you're a part of the history of the game.

For decades, and maybe even centuries, this will be known as the "David Nelson" game. 44-7, Cowboys? Who cares. David Nelson embarrassed himself, his teammates and coaches, the Cowboys, his girlfriend, and the game of football today by doing what he did.

No wonder the Bills have sucked for two decades (save for the Dougie year). Good luck in the draft.

Animal

2011-11-13T17:05:00.007-05:00

Bats have a form of radar
Who shouldn't we, at some level?
Pretty girls know I'm checking them out
Bad guys know to run

===============

I've seen too much unexplained but true stuff
In my short time here
To not be convinced that energy, gravity, "the force"
Is real

It is not yet understood
Not even by your grandchildren's grandchildren
But something is there
Holding your feet to the ground
And the clouds in the sky
Something
Not good or bad, maybe indifferent
But powerful

==============

No, Tebow, that's not why you guys won today
Important explanations are never that simple

There is so very much going on in this universe
That we are clueless about

Thus
I have no advice on how to live a happy life
Or deal with our own and our children's mortality
I'm just finding this shit mighty interesting

===============

===============

inspired by "Like On Mars", by Tracy K. Smith

Top 8 Threats To Sink The Vinson Tonight

2011-11-11T13:11:00.008-05:00

1) The Marine Corps -- Just to show off

2) Rick Perry Project -- The band plays while the ship goes down to make it look good, but we know who's really responsible

3) The Sutter Clan -- Johnny Law's been after 'em for a long time. Hid out in something called the "National Hockey League" for a few years, but they're back in the outlawing bidness

4) Al Qaeda -- Been trying to get Coach Izzo for years. The rest is peripheral damage

5) Penn State Alumni - Southern California Chapter -- Man, they're pissed about something. What, 8-1 isn't good enough for you guys?

6) MJ, Worthy, Doherty, Perkins, and Jimmy Black -- Want the Tar Heels to go down at sea in order to insure that the 81-82 squad remains the best Carolina team ever. Also, they hate Coach Roy. Who doesn't?

7) Under Armour -- There's a marketing play in there somewhere. Damned if I can figure it out. I mean, have you seen this year's football unis? Burial at sea is right

8) VP Biden -- He wants the job and will do anything to get it

Child Abuse

2011-11-11T06:46:00.003-05:00

The question isn't what they did to those boys
But "what wouldn't they do?"

Six adopted children
One thousand players
Hundreds of assistants and staff
Millions of die hard fans
It's impossible right now to tell the guilty from the weak

Are you problem or solution?

Preseason -- ICU

2011-11-10T18:56:00.010-05:00

Future Lakers

5 Andre Drummond
4 Micheal Kidd-Gilchrist
3 Terrence Jones
2 John Jenkins
1 Austin Rivers

Future Clippers

5 Patric Young
4 Perry Jones
3 Harrison Barnes
2 Will Barton
1 Jordan Taylor

There's a lot of eyeballs watching you, fellas. Don't choke.

Big Drug = Big Tobacco

2011-11-10T15:13:00.001-05:00

It's that simple.

A Poem For You

2011-11-10T09:57:00.003-05:00

Strong for me
Strong for you

Baby, I love you so much
A minute ago I forgot your name

You are just me
I am you
There is no end
There's just us

I was strong for you
Now you are strong for me

=============

Good News Wednesday

2011-11-09T12:52:00.003-05:00

Kentucky looks too good. Coach Cal deserves the respect those kids give him. Believe it

Temple’s in big fucking trouble. 8pm EST

Carolina is back and bad

Dicky V: Still swingin’

Jay Bilas is on hand, so rest easy. Dude’s a lawyer, thus our problems are over

Pretty girls everywhere I look. I look hard, though

Undefeated? Nope. I lost the bet, but it’s a long season for NE

Coke machines crashing crashing over, more to come

Sunshine has come to the state of Maine for the day

The Bruins are scoring some damn goals for once

Mustache A/C reminds me of some great teams that I grew up watching on Channel 38. That music will wake me from my grave someday

Good movies are on the way (my kind of movies anyway)

CMAs tonight gonna rock and roll, too

JoePa

2011-11-09T11:17:00.000-05:00

It appears Jerry Sandusky was one of the worst serial child rapists in America for the past forty years and Paterno knew it the whole time. Paterno lived with it in order to win football games and power. Once Sandusky was of no use to Paterno, Paterno fired him.

Joe Paterno, the most powerful man in PA.

It's Never Easy But Sometimes It's Good

2011-11-09T08:08:00.027-05:00

Easy Ed Macauley has died, at 83 years young

Red traded Macauley and the Ice Capades for Russ, to the rascist Hawks, who wanted no part of a Negro genius. Ed? He wanted to go home. Red let it happen

11/13 (12/13 but for an ankle sprain)

Easy Ed; no one ever said a bad word about him. Shoulders like a girl’s. The Cs won a lot of games in the 50s with Ed, Cooz, and Sharman but needed someone special in the middle

Ed's passing makes me sad for the guys left, who must be hurting today. Their teammates dying. Wives getting sick. All that shit.

Larry Seigfried, a Celtic, died last year, too young

The Cs were and are a special group of fellas. Guys today have no idea. Apple fights on the road to Burlington. Two months of exhibitions all over New England against whomever had a gym and two hundred dollars. Red’s bad driving on the back roads of New Hampshire. Cooz up all night, every night. Shit. The front office? Red, Walter Brown, and a secretary. On a whim, Gene wanting to go to Isreal. Tough? Jungle Jim and everyone else: Fights every night, beers later. Tommy going on strike at the All Star Game: HEEL.

Today’s AAU Superstars have no idea. Playing the game for millions? The guys dying today made ten grand a year and worked as carpenters and insurance salesmen in the offseason. They were scared of not having the mortgage paid on time. They played for love of the damn game and the guys next to them

How many years does the great Cooz have left? Russ looks good; a life well lived. Success. Tommy is overweight and yells a lot. He's a bit scared, noble, and proud of what he’s done.

Almost all the Cs were successes in life after their ball stopped bouncing

And the owners let Larry take the last shot? A fucking travesty that I won’t ever ever forget. Tommy should have let it fly. It would have gone in, I believe

Celebrity Biggest Loser

2011-11-08T22:01:00.018-05:00

Fat people who aren't famous? Fuck that. There's plenty of famous fat people, or celebrities who need to be in better shape. Or just want to be on TV. So here's what NBC has in store for next season's Biggest Loser...

=============

The Trainers...

Chris Evert, whose goal is to make each and every contestant cry each and every week. She's a tough broad. Don't mess with Chrissie.

Rickey Henderson: "Lose weight for Rickey!"

The Contestants...

Betty White: "Well....I guess I could do one more jumping jack, Chris. I'm pretty tired, though."

Kirsten Dunst: "Ok. Five more minutes. I guess I'm OK with that."

Kirstie Alley: "I am fucking famous, Rickey! Let me eat my sweet potato fries in peace, would you! Have you ever even seen 'Cheers'? I was the best thing on that damn show! I'm owed!"

Rachel Dratch: "Shoot my good side, please, guys. I need the work."

Brett Favre: "Hey Chrissie, can I get a massage? Tonight, 8:30?"

All the contestants are, of course, playing for charity: The Three Mile Hope for the Future Charity: ("We love to adopt!")

NBC: Still The Best

Future AA Group Names

2011-11-08T20:08:00.004-05:00

The Portland Original Fags Group

Gay as One Group

Hitler Youth AA

Gay and Sober

God is Gay AA

SS AA:
"I’m Adolf and I’m an alcoholic. I took my first drink after the Beer Hall Putsch failed. What a day that was…"

"I’m Heinrich and I’m a gay alcoholic and I don’t care who knows it. I've sent many men and gypsies to their deaths, but I was always drunk when I did it. For that, I ask your forgiveness and understanding. I am sober today by the grace of God."

No Poles Allowed AA
Anti-Jewish AA
White Power AA
NAAAACP
Russian Mafia AA
9 And Above AA
Bitter and Sober
I Blame My Mom AA
Vietnam Vets Who've Killed People AA
(It’s funny if you’ve gone to aa for a while, probably not if you haven’t)

Remember

2011-11-07T22:34:00.003-05:00

There will come a day
Not too far off
When someone will say to MJ
"Did you play, man?"

It's happened to Lenny Wilkins
To Paul Westphal
George Karl
Sean Miller
Rick Carlisle
and even Doug Collins

What will MJ say to that kid?

Penn State Scandal

2011-11-07T15:37:00.004-05:00

SI story

============

If my longtime DC was accused of this awfulness, I would move heaven and hell to defend him. Paterno, in the SI article, does NOT defend Sandusky. DOES NOT DEFEND HIM.

What would you do if one of your best friends was accused of fucking boys over several decades? I'd scream, "BULLSHIT!" Not Paterno.

That's a clue the prosecutors aim might be true.

LLL

2011-11-07T10:32:00.006-05:00

No miracles

Just life

A trip

==========

I believe in Lindsay Lohan, and the rest like her

She can she can she can

==========

Do you know what it's like to hear planes flying overhead talking to you?

Do you know what it's like to forget how to drive a car?

I was I did I am

Does anyone else what it's like?

==========

Ellen and Ali were hated

Kennedy barely elected

Britney hospitalized

Coach Smith almost fired

Johnny U cut, and James Harrison, too

Never say never

Business As Usual in America

2011-11-06T22:31:00.008-05:00

Missionaries travel to Haiti while
I see plenty of poor people here

Athletes worry about the next paycheck
While their life savings are being thieved

Politicians try to get elected
To jobs involving never ending campaigns
They owe they owe
Off to Washington they go

Clerks are forced to become salespeople
Trying to sell me something other than change and a smile
(No thanks)

All I ever wanted is thousands of miles away
I can't afford to go and get it

For today/tonight/tomorrow

Don't let them forget the real percentage
Of you and you and you
And who we are

Irony

2011-11-05T06:50:00.011-04:00

I don't know the definition, but I know it when I see it:

==============

The Joe DiMaggio Children's Hospital is in Hollywood, FL. Really. This is a real place.

Hasn't anyone read Richard Ben Cramer's "Joe DiMaggio: The Hero's Life"? DiMaggio's first born, Joe III, died penniless in a trailer out west. Penniless.

==============

Other do-gooding institutions we need:

==============

Thurman Munson Top Gun School

The Ray Williams Mont Vernon, NY Motel and Campground -- Carry in, carry out

Reggie Williams Media Relations Camp -- advised by Coach John Thompson

Amy Sedaris Couples Counseling -- 50 years of experience in shaping lives

Hoda and Kathie Lee's Fitness Camp -- 30m 2x a week. Don't eat in between sessions

Pat Ewing's Art School -- based in ATL, classes meet 11pm to 4am, tipping of instructors encouraged (they work hard, fellas!)

Ohio University's Football Skills Academy -- We teach winning!

Gov. Mark Sanford's Appalachian Trail Club -- Bring a tent!

Coach Rex Ryan's School of Positive Thought -- Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity, you fucking pussies!

Warren Zevon Holistic School of Medicine -- No doctors, no drugs, just prayer

Ellen DeGeneres' American Idol -- El's version of the hit show, where no one gets voted off and general chaos ensues. At the end of the first season, our dear friend will learn the value of telling people to "get a fucking clue, worm"

Apt404 School for Writing Good -- We teach writing good

Black, White. I'm Sick Of It

2011-11-03T21:46:00.002-04:00

The race question is as old as the country. But really, other than the few tens of thousands of immigrants from Southern Sudan, Nigeria, and a few other places, there are almost no 100% "black" people in this country. And probably white people and Hispanics, too. You can try to separate the races by color, but we're a melting pot nation. White people have been fucking black people for centuries. Deal with it.

Reality TV

2011-11-03T21:12:00.004-04:00

Daytime talk is getting a bit same old same old.

The answer?

"Rickey!"

==============

The Oprah Winfrey Network is proud to announce their newest production, "Rickey!" Rickey Henderson's new one hour talk show. Starring Rickey!

The first episode? Bill Murray, Bruce, and Bette Midler are the guests.

Here's how I see it...

==============

"Mutherfucking Murray, what's up with the mutherfucking Japanese movies, man? What the fuck? Sheeet."

"Mutherfucking Bruce, what's up with the mutherfucking sad songs, cat? Huh? Rickey don't get that shit, man. Fuck you and your sad songs, mutherfucker."

"Mutherfucking Bette, what the fuck up, bitch? You can mutherfucking sing, BM. Damn, you is fine! Sing Rickey a song!"

==============

Reality television. Eating their young for two decades.

Robert California Backstory

2011-11-02T14:32:00.041-04:00

meeting notes -- "The Office" preproduction - 11/2/11 10:11 am

=============

"Who exactly is Robert California?"

"Any ideas?"

=============

Grew up wealthy in Thousand Oaks, mother and father divorced when he was 10

Robert was an only child, no cousins

Sports came easy to him though he never practiced much
hockey, baseball, soccer, hurdles

Class President, Thousand Oaks East High, 1982, 1983, Captain of Baseball and Soccer teams '82,'83

Drama Club President '84, starred in class production of "Caligula"

Dropped out of high school fall of '85, unexplained reasons

Received GED from Pasadena Junior College in '86

Worked as Safeway checkout line bagger, spring of '86,
Charged with sexual harassment of fellow employee ("hands on her fruit" according to police report), fired with cause

Married English teacher from PJC fall of '86

Entered UCLA, spring semester '87 as Econ major, lived off campus, tutored Computer Science part time in evenings

Switched major to Philosophy, fall semester

Switched major back to Econ, spring semester '88

Graduated UCLA in three years (Class of '90) with 3.98 GPA, immediately moved to Manhattan

Worked three years as freelance writer in various low paying gigs, also had gigs as waiter and bicycle messenger

Named Associated Editor, Sports Illustrated for Kids, 1992

Promoted to Senior Editor, SI for Kids, 1993, due to untimely, unexplained death of predecessor

1995: Publishes philosophical treatise "You, Me, and God." Sells 500,000 copies in 6 months

Divorces 1st wife, June '96

Marries Mimi Rogers July '96

Attends Pepperdine Law, fall of '98 to spring '00, graduates first in his class

May '00: Invents iHanks: A portable device that lists any and all Tom Hanks films being shown on cable worldwide

Goes on motivational speaking tour of Midwest in August '00
Fellow speakers: 1) Marcia Clark , 2) Robert California 3) Tony Banana Hands

=============

"Is that it?'

"That's all I've got so far"

"You're up, Mindy..."

Gravity - There's No Defying It

2011-11-02T06:09:00.008-04:00

It exists
We don't know how
Or why
Or when

We can't see it

It is the basis for everything

Why?

What?

Don't tell me you grasp everything there is to know

No one does

=============

We know less than 1% of what is knowable

=============

Humans, the rest
Are in the embryo stage of growth
And we will surely all move on
(To where?)
Before any answers are found

Maine Jokes

2011-11-01T22:17:00.002-04:00

"Bangor? She's a lesbian!"

"Bangor? Why of course I would Bangor!"

"Bangor? We haven't even smooched yet!"

"Bangor? No, Augusta."

"Bangor? Used to be Massachusetts."

"Bangor? No, we're all homosexuals up here."

1911 2011 2111

2011-11-01T21:56:00.010-04:00

"Tiger Mothers" In Asia create fact filled automotons who work hard at staying busy and staying out of trouble, doing what they're told, and pleasing their superiors/parents.

"Eagle Mothers" In the US and A create problem solvers and creative thinkers out of their children through a balance of play, sports, reading, thinking, and just doing a whole lot of nothing. That's the way kids should be raised. Maybe someday China will figure that out. Right now, they think stuffing knowledge down the throats of 6 year olds is the answer to our awesomeness. It isn't.

===============

I don't give a darn if 100% of Asian kids know trig at 9 years of age. Memorizing facts is a failed strategy of raising kids. Getting children to think on their own, to find what makes each person unique, what each young person's special gifts are, is better than reading the collected works of Shakespeare or Freud or any of that shit. Give me a point guard, a middle linebacker, and a standup comedian and I'll take my chances against anything China has to offer in this generation or the next.

===============

Tom Brokaw on "The Today Show with Hoda and Kathie Lee" this morning wondered what historians will think of our nation in a hundred years. Good question, but impossible to answer.

His query got me to wondering what to make of America in 1911. Women couldn't vote. Phones were rare. Tens upon tens of thousands of workers were killed every year in industrial accidents. Cars were still rare. There was no penicillin or mass sanitation. Fire departments were a joke. Ethnic strike was an accepted part of life in every city. The Civil War was only 45 years in the past, so veterans with missing arms and legs lived in every town and city in the country. There was no movie industry, no radio, no recording industry. The War to End All Wars was on the horizon.

Think times are tough now? Think about how your great grandfathers and great grandmothers struggled and tell me things aren't much, much better.

Look back to look forward.

The Future of Movie Making

2011-10-31T20:17:00.003-04:00

No sets. No cameras. Just publicity

Babies, "marraiges", divorces, drama, drama, drama

Movie stars will be computer generated to make you feel sorry for them, glad for them, hate them, love them, etc etc

It's just a matter of time and public acceptance

Thanks a lot, Steve

You're On My List

2011-10-31T18:59:00.013-04:00

-- Tom "Doom and Gloom" Brokaw

The world is coming to an end...unless you buy my book. Go to Amazon.com to save the world. Free shipping.

You point the finger at the poor bastards over in the Arab world, blaming them for the world's troubles, and I see China holding the US' wallets. Come on, man.

=================

-- Herman Cain '12

Big Pizza. Don't fuck with Big Pizza

=================

-- Portland Pirates new between periods promotion: Hit the Zamboni driver in the noggin with a plastic puck, get to referee the next period. Everybody wins.

=================

-- The NBA announced today that...

...Derek Harper will, every day for the rest of his life, be asked, "what were you thinking, brother?"

...MJ was 6 4

...Larry was 6 10 and Kevin 6 9

...Chuck was 6 3

...Kareem was really 7 3

...The Celtics will retain their '76 title. Fuck you, crybabies

...The Mavs will be awarded the '06 title

...MJ really was suspended for gambling

...Muggsy was the baddest mutherfucker in the league for the duration of his career. Dude was bad

...The USA is getting its ass kicked by the Euros (Italy? A number one pick from Italy? WTF) because of cheap outdoor courts that don't allow poor kids to compete

...The 3 pointer is now the 2.5 pointer

...Wilt was one gay bastard. Deal with it

...Marques Johnson is officially the second most beautiful player in NBA history

...The Thunder are moving back to Seattle. It's OK, Ok City, you still got the Cowboys

...David Stern is fining MJ $1.2m for stupid and boring tweets, then told MJ Stern'd make it up to him in the revenue sharing. MJ: "Cool, Mr. Commish."

...And Ron Harper is in the "Would Have" Hall of Fame, along with Chris Washburn, Maurice Stokes, Lenny, and Ben

Fat LeBron All Stars

2011-10-31T14:46:00.016-04:00

I can see it now: "Playing small forward for your San Diego Clippers, weighing in at 325 pounds, standing at 6 feet 9 and 3/4 inches, from The Ohio State University...no... St. Vincent/St. Mary's High Seminary... Faaaaaaaat LeBron James!"

=================

No rings, hemorraging cash (investments in Friendly's, Applebees, any restaurant you can point a fucking finger at, didn't work out), friendless, soulless, diploma less, LeBron comes out of retirement at age 41 to play for the San Diego Clippers in 2025. He backs up his son, LeBron II, at the 3, getting about 15 heavy breathing minutes a night.

His jersey sales ranking at number 312 for the league (others: #311: Bob McAdoo, #245: Randy Smith, #55: Kermit, #11: Larry, #1: Austin Rivers), LeBron plays the Point Blank Forward. Can't pass, can't shoot, can't dribble, not a good teammate. Point Blank. Nothing but a big tub of lard.

The Clips are owned, as always, by Donald Sterling, still going strong and firing ushers at 92 years of age. Playoff contenders the prior year (THIS IS IT was the marketing slogan. Cost a shitload.), Sterling wanted someone to "put the team over the hump, for the fans" and pulled Fat LeBron off the scrap heap.

It was not to be, as Fat LeBron and his teammates missed the 2024-25 playoffs bythismuch. Better luck next year.

=================

Inspired by "The Office"

Must watch TV

Sweetness

2011-10-31T08:17:00.007-04:00

I never saw Russ or Jim Brown play. Ali was lesser when I started watching him. Gretzky comes close. Never saw Bobby play. Barry Bonds was unbelievable. Mario at his best was scary good. Don't know much about golf, but certainly Tiger. MJ is the best comparison I can think of. Larry wasn't as good, nor Magic.

=============

highlights/great mix

Jeff Pearlman's new bio. Looking like the best sports book since "Moneyball." I hope Jeff sells five million of 'em.

He should: The book is that good.

Teachers

2011-10-31T06:39:00.005-04:00

All my life
I was taught
Then learned
To be ashamed
Of my body
My being
My kindness and thoughtfulness
Of everything

Dancing's (what I love)
Hard

At first my baby steps
Will look silly and dumb
But you'll see

I never give up
Never give up
Never give up

The formula for all genius
Remains the same
As ever

Think I look stupid?
You'll see

10/31/11 -- Halloween

2011-10-30T12:17:00.009-04:00

I remember trick or treating several neighborhoods every year when I was growing up in Amherst, NH. Not nearly my favorite holiday, but it was cool to get goodies from folks. I used to spread the haul out on the kitchen counter when I got home, gobble up the good stuff (like Milky Ways and Milk Duds), then put the crap candy away for later. Sick? My stomach felt like five pounds of poop in a three pound bag. Awesome!

Someone somewhere along the way told parents that a nut was putting razor blades in candy bars, and kids were not allowed to go to neighbors homes.

To my knowledge, the razor blade thing never happened anywhere in this country. Not once.

But scared folks bought into it and now Halloween is an even shittier holiday. No neighborliness. No strangers saying, "Hi!" (Hi!). No fun.

I have no idea what we can do tomorrow to make Halloween special again. I'm all ears.

==============

I do think being kind to each other is a good start (fucking cliche machine you are, Sweeney)

And being aware of how tenuous our national way of life is. That's true not just right now, but many times over the last two hundred plus years. Our freedoms have been threatened almost constantly since America was founded. Plenty of books to read about that subject. We've always come through. Not always for the better, but the USA has always been a city on a hill for the world to live up to.

Today, the day before Halloween, I'm gonna watch Pats-Steelers go at it hard and clean and think about how awesome this country is, warts and all. I love it more than ever, no matter what should happen.

In other nations, corruption and bullshit is expected. Here in the States....well, we don't go for that shit.

The Next Logical Step

2011-10-30T12:05:00.004-04:00

There is no heat in my building

I can't find my car

The mail has not been delivered in several days

I have not received one card, letter, or cent

==============

What is the next logical step?

The end of Apt404, I guess

Do you guys want that to happen?

If/when that occurs, I will walk to the Greyhound station (1hr walk, maybe more), purchase a ticket to Kittery, and hope my Mom lets me in. I do not want that to happen. I like it here

Soviet Style Torture

2011-10-30T11:28:00.003-04:00

I read somewhere some years ago that the Soviets used to torture political prisoners by shooting them up with antipsychotics.

I thought, Big deal, I take those drugs.

But I realize now that the torture was in forced detox off these drugs, whose action on the brain and body is not yet understood.

The Soviets would shoot up their prisoners with these drugs for a week or two or three, then stop with the injections. The forced detox makes you feel like every cell in your body is dying. When you have the flu, you can feel your body fighting back via a fever and vomiting. But antipsychotics? It feels like a three day death, at least for me. There is no fight.

Soviet style torture.

Great!

2011-10-29T15:09:00.002-04:00

Psych Drugs, the new Tobacco!

Invest everything in Psych Drugs, son. There's plenty of gold left to be mined!

The key is that if you stop, you get so sick you can barely stand it!

Great idea!

Dear Mr. President;

2011-10-29T11:46:00.020-04:00

Do you know what it's like to suffer? To really suffer?

I ask because your face looks exactly the same now as it did when you took office. No visible change. That makes me wonder if you are truly in touch with people like me.

=============

I write this letter from my unheated apartment, 1125 Brighton Avenue Apt 404, Portland, ME.

Six inches of snow is going to fall tonight in Cumberland County, the first snow of the season in Maine. I expect to be able to see my breath in a few hours. I live in subsidized housing and heat is supposedly included in rent. I truly don't know why the landlord has turned off the heat. I am a month behind in my rent payments because money is tight right now. When I go out, I am afraid my locks will be changed by the landlord.

I receive SSDI benefits from the government. It comes to about $1,200/mo. Medicare is deducted, so I have health insurance. My rent is $374/mo. Every day for as long as I can remember, I pay my bills on the day the government disability check is direct deposited into my checking account. I have three credit cards, all maxed, with minimums totaling about $120. A cell phone, $60/mo. Cable and internet for about $160.

My car is paid for, thankfully, but I have an EZ Pass account with New York (typically $25/mo). Insurance is $70. I'm never late with that because I'm certain my policy would be cancelled if I was.

My father died eight years ago and left me $72,000 from his life insurance policy. Since I am on disability, in order to keep the money I had to set up a special needs trust fund, through a lawyer, to shield the money. My now 73 year old mother has signature control of the account. When I need money I ask her to move the money to cash, and she writes me a check, which I deposit into my checking account. Usually that works fine, but this month I have incurred about $400 in overdraft fees ($35 per transaction) from my bank due to charges made to my account, almost all of them automatic debits to the account for things like my gym and EZ Pass. I am now $383 overdrawn, so the $500 check my Mom wrote me Thursday from my trust fund I didn't dare deposit into my checking. I used a Cash Center type thing. They took out $50 from the $500, leaving me with $450 to use until Friday, when my $1,200 SSDI check is deposited into my checking. After the bank takes out their $400 in overdraft fees, I'll have $800 left for the month from the disability money. Since my rent is behind, I'll have to give management at least half of the $800, leaving me with $400 of the SSDI money to buy food and pay other bills.

I've been on and off and on again with SSDI for about 20 years.. My psychiatrist has diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder, which is a combination of depression and schizophrenic symptoms. I've always been a depressive, and started to have problems with auditory hallucinations in my mid 20s. I am a college graduate with a MEd, but working any job has always been extremely difficult. I am bright and hardworking, but can't seem to concentrate on one thing for a long enough time to meet the needs of any employer. My proudest accomplishment is graduating from Miami University in the spring of 1988, but I've really done nothing much since then. Not for lack of trying, but nothing seems to work out.

I am a recovering alcoholic. I've not had a drink in about two and a half years. Alcoholism is rife in my late father's family. His parents were Boston street drunks who gave up my father when he was a toddler to be raised by a relative. I manage my disease the best I can, and am proud to be sober today.

I was so depressed last night and had gone without more than an hour of sleep for a couple of days that I went to the local ER in hopes of being admitted to the hospital's psych unit. They held me for about six hours and then told me that there were no beds available, that I had to leave the hospital. I was so tired when I drove in at 4pm that I couldn't remember which floor of the parking garage I parked on. Upon my release I spend an hour or so wandering the garage looking for my 06 Corolla. Couldn't find it. I think it may have been stolen. Because my registration and plates expired a month or so ago, I don't think I can report the car to the police, as if they find it they probably won't give it back to me without an up to date sticker and registration. I spent last night, from the time I got home via taxi at 1am, wondering what options I have. I haven't come up with any good ones.

Life is really hard for me right now, but I have not quite given up hope. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Joe Sweeney
Portland, ME

The National Past-Time

2011-10-29T07:09:00.015-04:00

Who stays up until 1am 7 nights in a row? Eyeballs belonging to unemployed drug addicts or to rich people playing with their blackberrys.

Increased time in between innings? Imagine if the traffic lights everywhere in your town added 60 seconds to the wait. Would you get so pissed off you might find some other mode of transportation?

David Fucking Freese? AAAA player. And now a part of the history of a great game, and thus America. Yuk.

The 90 win Cardinals are the worst World Series winner since the last Cardinals team to win it.

What a disgrace to Jackie Robinson, Lou Gehrig, Ted, and Babe Ruth. Baseball is killing the sport that helped heal the wounds brought on by the War Between The States.

I watched basically none of the travesty, and that's a first.

You want to bring back the game? Seven pm EST starts. Ditch the wildcard and let the four best teams slug it out. And let me watch the fucking game, not a CMT video. It's baseball, not MLB DEATHMATCH '11. Calm the director down. And start the weekend games at 4. THAT"S WHEN KIDS WATCH, the future of the game.

Bud Selig, you are a joke.

Movie Mashups

2011-10-29T04:10:00.013-04:00

-- The Godfather / Rocky

"My boy. Look how they massacred my boy." "I don't care, Mick. I ain't got no locker"

-- Raging Bull / Stripes

"It's just Sugar Ray. We zip into the ring, we zip out"

-- ET / Swingers

"Have you been fucked since you got to Earth? You haven't, ET, have you?"

-- The Jerk / Interiors

"Alls I need is this Monet print. And this Van Goth. And also this pretty Calvin Klein LBD. Yah, now I can go home and mope"

-- Patton / Sybil

"No soldier ever won a war by dying for his country. He wins wars by getting his therapist to kill the bad guys"

-- Crossroads / Being There

Britney Spears. POTUS.

-- Brokeback Mountain / Tootsie

Two cowboys in drag have sex and sex and sex. And more sex. I'd pay to see that.

-- W / Chariots of Fire

The Presidential Olympics: Rules: W gets a 10 yard head start in the 40 yard dash. Cheney must carry Powell in the wife carrying contest.

-- Braveheart / The Color Purple

"Freedom!" Nah, we're still sharecroppers, asshole."

-- Footloose / Witness

Harrison Ford as a tough Philly detective who must teach the Amish to dance. Kelly McGillis gets naked, of course

-- Halloween / Mrs. Doubtfire

The kids try and try, but they can't fucking kill off Robin Williams

-- Meatballs / The Longest Yard

Bill Murray in cleats, jock, and pads. We gotta hit! He can't be a worse looking QB than Sandler

-- This Is It / The Seventh Seal

Demi Moore and MJ bring music and dance to Death. Win chess match

-- Donnie Brasco / Old School

Johnny Depp goes deep undercover to tear the lid off underage college drinking

-- Oh, God / Caddyshack

Really old guy takes care of greens at Nebraska country club. Wins over membership and caddies by performing miracles

-- Jules and Jim / Tommy Boy

Chris Farley learns a new language. The language of love
Chris Farley with subtitles: Yeah, thas a good idea

-- One On One / Cyrus

Irritating childlike basketball star tries to creep out his Mom's ugly new boyfriend

-- Superman ('78) / Requiem For A Dream

Superman breaks neck in equestrian accident, becomes addicted to painkillers. Dies slow death.

-- 10 / The Good Girl

Nuff said

-- The Shining / Diner

Crazy writer kills all his gay, loser friends after watching some big fat guy eat the entire left side of the menu

My

2011-10-29T04:02:00.010-04:00

She knows when she gets mad at me
Tells me she never wants to see me again
That I'll be hurt but back for more
Because
I don't run away from responsibility

Seven decades of bottled anger
Finally surfacing
So late
So needed
So frighteningly real and honest

I've been in plenty worse spots
And managed to get by

I am the recipient
Because I'm the only one whom she counts on
That's just the way it is

I'll take my lumps and go on loving her
As I always have

Riiiiight

2011-10-29T04:00:00.002-04:00

Humans became largely right handed and developed left and right brain type thinking in response to our heart's being on the left side. We needed to protect that area while throwing shit with the right. It's true.

Best thing you can do for your current brain? Use your opposite hand more.

Ouch

2011-10-28T20:03:00.003-04:00

The Steelers are gonna forfeit the game Sunday
Timlin says they're booties will get all slushy if they pway in da rain

Fucking pussies

Bring it

Overrated Americans

2011-10-28T16:40:00.007-04:00

-- Sammy Sosa
Big spoiled baby who won nothing. Took over the clubhouse to the detriment of the team for as long as he was in Chicago

-- Cubs fans
Drunks, wimps, sunburnt college students, crybabies, mean to real fans

-- Marilyn Monroe
The most overrated of all. This woman was a dull victim her whole life. What the attraction to this child was is lost on me

-- George Washington
What took you so long? It was a bunch of German hired guns

-- Wilt
Not exactly a winner

-- Steve Young
One is less than four

-- Lucille Ball
She struck me as shrill and a bit mean. Never, ever made me laugh. Never. Voice like a foghorn

-- Wayne Gretzky
Valued American dollars over Edmonton glory. But at least his wife is a star

The Biggest Loser Has Ideas

2011-10-28T14:48:00.012-04:00

The Biggest Winner -- Eat, Eat, You're Skin and Bones!

He who gains the most pounds in an 8 week period wins liposuction to remove it

Contestants: John Goodman (too skinny now at 320 lbs), Anna Kournikova (competitor!), DeNiro (he did it before, he can do it again), Alison Sweeney (whatcha got, sister?), Antone Davis (finally, something he's good at)

Bowel Movement -- The Biggest Loser

Urine -- The Biggest Loser

Birth -- The Biggest Loser

Haircut -- The Biggest Loser

Removable Limbs -- The Biggest Loser -- Open only to Iraq and Afghanistan dudes and ladies. No Civil War vets allowed

The Biggest Winner -- Clerk -- Whomever cheats the customers out of the most money wins! Anything goes

Vomit -- The Biggest Loser

Sweat -- The Biggest Loser

um....that's enough

no....wait

Period -- The Biggest Loser

Yeah. That's enough

Who?

2011-10-28T14:45:00.001-04:00

Plenty of dominoes falling in this here chess match

Boom! Boom! Boom!

What will happen next?

Nobody knows...

"How To Be A Nazi" by Joe Sweeney

2011-10-28T09:41:00.003-04:00

1) Get born to shitty parents

2) Work at a job for five years and never smile once. Never communicate other than with grunts and nods. Don't think once about ripping off Hannaford's most loyal customer. Really.

Thas pretty much it. If you're good at being told what to do, you're well on your way to becoming a Nazi. Just keep doing exactly what you're doing and we'll all be Nazis soon enough.

Maybe not the cat.

Have You No Shame At All? Any?

2011-10-28T08:16:00.004-04:00

Buck not Broke

Mrs Crook

Wedding bells, anyone? They deserve each other.

Another Hack Job By Sunshine Shaughnessy

2011-10-28T08:10:00.003-04:00

The Globe sports section kicks ESPN Boston's behind in every way, every day

Thanks to Dan for pointing out the suck that is Buck. Ner.

Too Soon, Guys

2011-10-28T07:34:00.004-04:00

There's bodies still gonna turn up in the spring. There's still dirty agents who don't want shit coming out that will hurt them. Gotta wait 10 years on this, man. Don't half ass the biggest story of your career. Waaaaaay too soon.

Now Billy? Fuck him

==============

Now Good Time Charlie Stuart? That's a fucking film. Multiple Oscars is gonna to go whomever puts that shitstorm on film.

Brad Marchand is "C" worthy. In time.

2011-10-28T07:22:00.002-04:00

What a player. He creates a good scoring chance EVERY SINGLE SHIFT for Boston.

And he knows black guys don't skate too good. Afraid of water and all that.

Pick on someone your own size, genius.

(Good fight, fellas)

Hello Out There...

2011-10-28T06:46:00.011-04:00

My name is Joe Sweeney. I'm the head...ok...only writer on this here blog, and I live in Portland, ME.

My grandparents were street drunks and child molesters. I have ten dollars to my name. My apartment is without heat.

I've had to scratch and claw my way in this fucked up world for almost everything I have, which ain't much presently.

I am America.

==================

Please send a $20.12 check to the President, care of the White House, made out to the "Free Joe Sweeney Fund"

President Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

He'll be sure to answer each and every one in time.

Don't you love getting a real letter in the mail, with a fucking stamp on it and everything? I do. No nasty notes, either. Show some respect.

Chinese food for everyone when this is finished. It's on me.

Love,
Joe Sweeney
Apartment404.blogspot.com

Stark Hills and Red Soil: My Trip To Jackson

2011-10-19T08:00:00.027-04:00

It was, I think, 1991. Spring. Living in Charlottesville. Working at a job I hated, living in the basement of some family that I never talked to. Weekends were for watching sports and driving.

=============

The year prior, I drove to Manhattan on a Saturday morning, parked the car in a garage, walked around the block, looked at a few freaks and let them look at me in my t shirt, shorts, and sneakers, then drove right back down to C-Ville. All in about 8 hours. Arrived back at our apartment, opened the door, gave Greg a look that said to him, "Don't talk to me, man" then went to my room and slept. Exhausted and angry and confused.

Also, a bunch of times I drove the windy two hours to DC, parked wherever I could find a spot (it's not hard), and walked the mall. Inspiring, especially on a rainy morning, when all the tourists are still asleep and the city is resting. The Washington. The Lincoln. The Jefferson. If that doesn't get you, nothing will. It always got me. Staffers jogging. A lot of limos. But once the sun came out and the people started to mill around, I was gone. Back on 66 South to C-Ville, and another day of watching whatever sport was in season.

In those days you had to keep the sound turned on because there was no running scrawl. I listened to Brent, Verne, Keith, Dick, Ara, Al, Billy, Bill, and so many others announcing the battles and they kept me company through many a long afternoon and evening.

I started to visit Civil War battlefields. First in Virginia. Appomattax, Petersburg, Richmond, Cold Harbor, Wilderness, Manassas, some of the Shenandoah sites, Gettysburg, Antietam. It's kind of addicting, if you live down there, to visit these places. They're like outdoor churches.

And I wanted to go further south. So I did.

On my first trip I made it to Beaufort, SC and thought of "The Prince of Tides." And Parris Island. I remember a little park off the main road, where I got out and stretched my legs. The air was cool in spring, but I thought of the heat and what it would be like in August for everyone that lived and worked there.

The next trip was spent mostly on the major highways of the South. Lynchburg to Danville, where I spent a pleasant night at a $20 motel waiting out a small overnight snowstorm. To the campuses near the Research Triangle of NC: UNC, Duke, and NC State. Beautiful. I didn't know the area and had no map so I just drank it in for a few minutes at each place and moved on. Of course I thought of MJ and Worthy and Walter Davis and George Karl and Jeff Lebo in Chapel Hill, Christian and Bobby and Alarie and Dawkins and Amaker and Forever's Team while on the Duke campus, and Lorenzo and Cozell and Terry Gannon and Coach running around like a lunatic in Raleigh on State's main drag. Gastonia was next, because of Sleepy Floyd and Worthy. I skipped right through the ATL. Not sure why. Probably because there's no easy way to get downtown. Just endless looping highways.

And then on to Mississippi. Where else would I wind up? It's a big state top to bottom but not all that wide. The soil is almost all red clay. There are plenty of hills from what I saw. The poverty. The poverty. It took my breath away, and I was driving on the main roads. The damn poverty.

Made it to Jackson. Drove up a hill, parked under a few nice shade trees, and walked through a museum of some sort. Nice views of the river, of the land, of the city. History. I thought of what it would be like to live there in the burning intensity of the summer sun, and shuddered. Not for me.

That was as far south or west as I got that trip. Jackson was enough. I turned my black Chevy Beretta back towards C-Ville and drove.

Who Knew?

2011-10-19T07:46:00.003-04:00

Ever try toothpaste on a scar or acne? Me, neither, until a little birdy said that works.

It does.

That Was The Fucking Problem

2011-10-18T23:52:00.000-04:00

Fuck you, "C"

Deep Thoughts

2011-10-18T23:16:00.008-04:00

This is going to be the best year for college basketball since 1985!

Great teams like UConn, Vandy, Ohio State, Duke, Florida, UK, Louisville, and Carolina. Great players all over the country. Thanks, NBA!

================

Every sport is better in person, but hockey is just as good on TV. Can't follow the puck? Bullshit. Watch two games and you can. The camera man is vital. Apparently the studio analysts aren't

================

Gay? Play sports, man

================

3/4s of the Earth is water. The rest is Sutters

================

Hi! I'm Herman Cain! This is a giraffe!

================

Stupid? Read a book, shithead

================

Why doesn't hockey go to 5 on 2 sometimes?

It would have evened things up tonight: Marchand and Chara vs Carolina. I like those odds

================

Books. For reading

Bobby Orr -- "Winning Through Intimidation"

Jeremy Jacobs -- "How To Make Friends And Influence People"

Teddy Fucking Ballgame -- "Ball Four"

Yaz -- "The Baseball Abstract"

Will McDonough -- "The Last Great Fight"

John Henry -- "Liar's Poker"

Five Hole -- "The Game"

Chris Kelly -- "The Fight"

Dinner Party / Party Dinner

2011-10-18T22:54:00.016-04:00

Table #1 -- The A List

Woody Hayes
Larry Bird
Michael Lewis
Tabitha Soren
Steve Martin
Michael J Fox
Tracey Pollan
Tina Fey
Michael Jackson

Table #2 -- Power Table

President Bush
Bill Goldman
Senator Ted Kennedy
Bill Russell
Wilt
Marvelous Marvin Hagler
Lorne Michaels
Gwyneth

Table #3 -- Nice Table

Babs
Jack
Dougie
The Shuetzes
Gisele
Bobby Orr
Bill Cosby

Table #4 -- Match Table

Mailer
Meryl
Red Auerbach
Madge
El and Portia
Joe Willie
Natalie
Grant Wahl
Alexander Wolff

Table #5 -- Funny Table

Mr Garaffa
Bruuuuce
Lorne Michaels
Serena
Bob Ryan
Larry David
Jerry Seinfeld

Table #6 -- Smart Table

Vice President Gore
Second Lady Tipper Gore
David Halberstam
Yao
Yogi
Teddy Fucking Ballgame
Venus
Peyton
Bruce Paltrow
Blythe Danner

Table #7 -- Guys Table

Bill Murray
John Belushi
Mr Hanchette
Tom Brady
Yaz
Bo Schembechler
Bear Bryant
Drew Brees

Table #8 -- Just Watching

Date
Me

Valet -- Dave

Entertainment -- at 7 -- Carlin, "Bette Midla", then gospel music during dinner

Food? Served at 9
Steak, Sweet Potato, and some shitty vegatable
Dessert: Chocolate Cheesecake

Post Dinner Movie -- Casablanca

No booze or drugs will be served
(Sorry, Hollywood)

Nervous? No. I'll just throw up beforehand and sit in the corner
with my date

Harvard Basketball

2011-10-18T15:23:00.001-04:00

Hang it but don't have a ceremony

Al's Legacy Lives On

2011-10-18T15:20:00.002-04:00

TWO Firsts??

Beauty

2011-10-18T15:18:00.002-04:00

here

Plastic Surgery in 2011

2011-10-18T15:13:00.001-04:00

We don't know enough about it to risk it. Once you go under the knife the clock starts ticking. Don't do it.

What If I Made The Team?

2011-10-18T14:58:00.007-04:00

What if you made the freshman basketball team?

How would your life be different?

===========

You would have been a good teammate and made friends and had dates

You would have worked your ass off and responded to coaching

You would have set some mean picks

You would have drawn a lot of charges

You would have looked good in Spartan Blue and White, man

You would have made varsity junior year

And started senior year

You would have played D3 somewhere close by and

Would have married some sweet girl you met freshman year

You would have settled for some shit job due to family pressures, because you two wanted to have kids so bad

You would have been unhappy at work

You would have loved the shit out of your family

You would have had a happier life, generally

MTV's "Jock Britney"

2011-10-18T14:46:00.011-04:00

A new "reality" show...

============

Basketball vs Elizabeth, Sherry, and whomever else on "The View" can play

Soccer vs Mia Hamm

Running vs Zola Budd

High Hurdles vs Rex/Rob

Weightlifting vs Hasselbeck

Swimming vs .... shit, man there's a lot of possiblities there. pick one

No biking. I want to run over those fuckers every time I pass one

Announced by Bob Costas and Cris Collinsworth

Sideline reporter? Jenn Brown

Studio Hosts? Erin Andrews and Jay Bilas

Location Analysis? Coach Lou ("Look me in the eyes, Brit, and tell me you can't do another five rounds with Robin Roberts! Go for it, girlfriend!)

Psyched?

Gay Wear Vs Man Wear

2011-10-18T10:17:00.008-04:00

Gay Wear: Adidas
Man Wear: Nikes

Gay Wear: Hats
Man Wear: Don't

Gay Wear: Brades on a man
Man Wear: Military short

Gay Wear: Untied Adidas
Man Wear: Laced Nikes

Gay Wear: More than 2 tattoos
Man Wear: 99% clean

Gay Wear: Standing around at the gym in between sets
Man Wear: Sitting

Gay Wear: Mustache
Man Wear: Cleanly shaven

Gay Wear: Deeply, deeply religious of any bent
Man Wear: Athiest

Gay Wear: GQ
Man Wear: Maxim

Gay Wear: GRP
Man Wear: GMR

Gay Wear/Man Wear: The Occupy US Movement that's growing every day

2012 Calender in Maine

2011-10-17T23:20:00.008-04:00

January -- Only 4 days long because of snow days

February -- 4 days long. Truck Day, though

March -- I can see the light. 2 weeks

April -- March Madness, so this month is regulation length

May -- 10 weeks long

June -- 10 weeks long

July -- Shitty month because of all the Massholes up here. 1 day

August -- Ditto

September -- The air, man. The air. As long as I can stand it

October -- Getting dark. Basketball practice starts, though. 4 weeks

November -- Good and bad. No light, but hoops. Regular length

December -- Cold month up here. 1 day long: Xmas in NJ

Coach Fight Throwdown

2011-10-17T22:59:00.012-04:00

The matchups...

==============

1) Sexy Rexy Ryan of the Jets versus Rob of the Cowboys

Hair pulling? Sumo style? No. Decathlon type stuff:

-- Belly Flop Contest
-- Body Building
-- Triathlon
-- 400m Hurdles
-- Hot Dog Eating Contest -- I want the post contest video!
-- Runway Walk - judged by Heidi Klum
-- Wife Swap
-- Weight Loss Challenge - Winner gets a ring

2) Bill Belichick of the Pats versus Bill Parcells of the last place Dolphins

Parcells wins easy. He fights dirty

3) Coach Bob Knight versus Coach K

I don't know, but I'd pay to see that

4) Coach Jim Calhoun vs Coach Jim Boeheim

Calhoun tends to fall down a lot, so I'll go with Four Eyes

5) Coach Smith vs Coach Bill Self of Kansas

Coach Self has a few years on the legend, so Self wins. But don't think Coach won't give it a good effort

6) Lovie Smith vs Tony Dungy

Dungy retires in the last round. Smith finally wins one

7) Doc Rivers of the Celtics vs Rick Majerus

Shitty matchup for Doc. He's too good for Majerus. Doc wins

8) Jon Gruden versus Bill Callahan

Chucky is scary good, but Callahan's a worker. Doesn't like the spotlight and Gruden does, so we'll give the belt to Coach Gruden in this one

9) Ara vs Lou

3 second rounds. No walkers. Three pound gloves. In the corners: Rudy and Bob Davy

10) Coach Buddy Ryan vs Coach Mike Ditka

Tight ends usually win these type matchups. Ditka is pretty tough. But so is Buddy. Ditka

11) Jeff vs Stan

Jeff leg whips Stan! Stan is wearing a bowling shirt! Jeff and Stan sweat five gallons! A left! A right! Down goes Van Gundy! Down goes Van Gundy!

12) KC Jones vs Chris Ford

Boring matchup. I don't give a shit

13) Bill Russell vs Tommy

Russ in the 11th

Voting With Your Wallet

2011-10-14T16:31:00.004-04:00

Every dollar you spend is a vote

Stand in line too long at the pharmacy? There's another store just down the street that will treat you better (etc etc)

Get rude service? Move along

Don't like the manager at your favorite restaurant? Find another place to eat. Or learn how to cook

Get screwed by apparel companies? Buy a different size and look for a bargain

That's what makes our economy sing

Sex

2011-10-14T11:49:00.013-04:00

--- Is the most important thing in your life

--- I am only sexually attracted to abuse survivors. Show me a healthy broad and I'm bored out of my mind

--- My favorite sexual partners to this point: 1) C-------- 2) myself 3) everyone else

--- My father was gay and was sexually abused as a boy

--- I think sex takes place in some form through a look, a touch, a thought

--- I used to watch a lot of porn. Good stuff, I thought. But all those poor people were sexually abused as children by their parents. Every single one of them. Do I want to spend my most precious assets (time and affection) on these people? No

--- Sex can be addicting, like most things. Unhealthy sex can be addicting, healthy sex is addicting. But there is hope if you're engaged in the former. Things can change. No matter what you're doing to yourself, your partner, or strangers, things can change. I'm living proof, though I had help

--- Watching those free porn sites where there is no foreplay is disgusting. Man, what's that about? Gross. That's rape

--- I want to see more PDA's everywhere. Healthy for society. True

--- Don't worry. Things are changing fast. We'll be able to have healthy sexual relationships with other adults of our choosing very soon. I can see it. My eyes are wide open

"Don't Give Up"

2011-10-14T09:08:00.000-04:00

Thanks

You Ever See A Cat Sleep?

2011-10-13T21:58:00.002-04:00

Me neither.

I'm talking out. Unconscious. Asleep. Dreaming. Resting.

That means my cat Rudy doesn't know what its like to wake up. Poor kitty.

No wonder cats are a bit mean.

Wouldn't you be if you never slept?

Mr. James

2011-10-13T21:22:00.000-04:00

Playa getting played

Live

2011-10-13T19:57:00.009-04:00

What did you do today?

How did you spend your time?

============

I ask because it's gone now. We don't know enough about the nature of time to recapture any of it. That's eons off in the future.

Did you go to the gym and make an effort? Eat a good meal? Read a good book? Hurt someone?

============

It's history now, and tomorrow is not promised.

============

A hundred years from now this will all seem funny. Hating ourselves and others because we like other men? Woman can't vote? Man can't fly? WTF, man.

Those computers you spend so much time on? A joke in a decade. Our televisions? Hilarious.

Fashion? Are you fucking kidding me?

My sneakers and shorts? Shudder inducing.

This haircut? Fucking funny, dude.

============

How did you spend your time today?

The Nazis and Germany

2011-10-13T15:30:00.011-04:00

1) The Nazis were mostly closeted, repressed homosexuals full of bloodlust and self hatred

2) Their leadership and Stormtroopers were mostly washouts

3) Germany had just suffered through a long, costly war

4) Germany's economy was in dire straits

5) There was an entrenched, corrupt power structure in place prior to the Nazi takeover

===================

Please read more

What Are We Doing Here?

2011-10-13T12:11:00.002-04:00

Trying to make people cry

Out

(We learn through pain)

"Modern Family"/Modern Family

2011-10-13T10:35:00.001-04:00

What a show. Ty Burrell may be the funniest man on television. What a super job they're doing.

TD Bank Is Fucking Me Over

2011-10-13T10:27:00.008-04:00

My checking account activity in the last 10 days:

Man, I'm broke.

=====================================

Type Description Debit Credit Acct Balance Check Image

10/12/2011 DEBIT CARD VISA DDA PUR
469216 APL APPLE ITUNES STORE 866 712 7753 * CA $16.01 -$813.23

10/12/2011 FEE OVERDRAFT PD $175.00 -$797.22

10/12/2011 DEP DDA DEPOSIT
TW011103 30 STATE RD KITTERY * ME $500.00 -$622.22

10/11/2011 DEBIT CARD VISA DDA PUR
401339 PORTLAND HOUSE OF PIZZA PORTLAND * ME $7.58 -$1,122.22

10/11/2011 DEBIT CARD VISA DDA PUR
469216 AMAZON COM AMZN COM BILL * WA $32.57 -$1,114.64

10/11/2011 POS DDA PURCH W/CB *7297
00000000 WHOLE FOODS MARK PORTLAND * ME $39.14 -$1,082.07

10/11/2011 ATM DDA WITHDRAW *7297
TW01Z036 449 FOREST AVE PORTLAND * ME $40.00 -$1,042.93

10/11/2011 DEBIT CARD VISA DDA PUR
469216 HANES COM 800 832 0594 * NC $48.29 -$1,002.93

10/11/2011 POS DDA PURCHASE *7297
02106001 HANNAFORD 8351 PORTLAND * ME $62.50 -$954.64

10/11/2011 POS DDA PURCH W/CB *7297
50791501 HANNAFORD 8354 PORTLAND * ME $66.30 -$892.14

10/11/2011 ATM DDA WITHDRAW *7297
TW01Y164 449 FOREST AVENUE PORTLAND * ME $500.00 -$825.84

10/11/2011 FEE OVERDRAFT PD $105.00 -$325.84

10/07/2011 DEBIT CARD VISA DDA PUR
469216 APL APPLE ITUNES STORE 866 712 7753 * CA $34.91 -$220.84

10/07/2011 POS DDA PURCHASE *7297
05734701 HANNAFORD 8384 YORK * ME $36.84 -$185.93

10/07/2011 DEBIT CARD VISA DDA PUR
469216 AMAZON COM AMZN COM BILL * WA $38.14 -$149.09

10/07/2011 FEE OVERDRAFT PD $105.00 -$110.95

10/06/2011 POS DDA PURCHASE *7297
NBT5 EXXONMOBIL WESTBROO * ME $31.66 -$5.95

10/06/2011 DEBIT CARD VISA DDA PUR
461043 THE LEVI SR STORE ONLINE 866 860 8907 * PA $60.00 $25.71

==========================

That's $385 in fees in the last week and a half. Thank shit my car is still running: It needs an alignment and oil change, but I can't afford them.

Maybe someday. (Fingers crossed)

Trying to be a Tough Guy at the Gym...

2011-10-13T07:44:00.002-04:00

...I think I pulled my Tillman muscle.

Red Sox

2011-10-13T07:43:00.001-04:00

Michael: "How bad do you think it's gonna be?"

Clemenza: "Pretty goddam bad. Probably all the other Families will line up against us. That's all right. These things gotta happen every five years or so, ten years. Helps to get rid of the bad blood. Been ten years since the last one. You know, you gotta stop them at the beginning. Like they should have stopped Hitler at Munich, they should never let him get away with that, they was just asking for trouble."

==============

The Boston Red Sox are bigger than Tom Yawkey, Ted, Luchino, and even John Henry. I'll be at Fenway next year. You?

Gloriously Outed Athletes

2011-10-13T06:56:00.002-04:00

Whose jersey and shoulder pads/cleats/skates/shorts will be the big seller for Halloween?

I have no idea. They're all pretty cool and brave.

Carry on.

Pass/Fail

2011-10-13T06:40:00.005-04:00

How far would you have taken this? (My guess is very far)

How much would you have been willing to hurt me?

Blood? Broken bones? Waterboarding? Electric shock?

What did you think I was guilty of, exactly? Stealing a loaf of bread?

What did I do to make you hate me so much?

Ask yourselves what makes you tick

And hurt

Others

How far were you willing to go with this?

Milk

2011-10-13T00:27:00.001-04:00

Did you know that there isn't one human on this planet allergic to breast milk?