"Welcome to F-----g Deadwood!" - Al Swearenger
"Deadwood" is back on June 11th for season 3, and not a f-----g moment too f-----g soon, c--ks----r! I was getting pretty well pissed the f--k off at waiting so god damn long for the new f-----g season to f-----g start. F--k!! What does a "lying, thieving, c--ks----r" have to do to get some f-----g quality tv 'round here? M----rf----r!
I've just started watching the c--ks-----g season 2, and it's pretty f-----g good!
The plots are so f--k--g realistic! I never knew that those god damn cowboys had to put up with so much s--t! I mean, pissing in a f-----g p--sp-t? What the f--k? And the way they talk: Holy S--t! As Sol Star f-----g said on the first episode of the m----rf-----g second season, "I LIKE saying c--ks----r! What do you think of that?" Man, that is so right, so f-----g right on. F--k!
Thankfully, all the main f-----g players are back ('cepting fer Wild Bill...may he rest in god damn peace, amen.):
- Calamity Jane, whose only line in the first f-----g episode was "C--ks----rs!", upon which she passed out dead f-----g drunk on her c--ks-----g horse, the drunk b---h.
- Sheriff Bullock (bool'ek n. 1. young bull 2. a castrated bull, steer: Webster's), who now f--ks the s--t outta that rich widow what owns the gold strike, Mrs. Garret.
- Al Swearenger, f-----g saloon keeper and basically runs the whole p--sppot of a town. The nicest thing he had ta say in episode one was "I'll put your nose through your f-----g brain!!" to Silas Adams (nice cuz he DIDN'T actually do it). And when Swearenger says "Remove the fucking thumb!", ya better remove it quick!
- Cy Tolliver, another f-----g saloon owner: Swearenger's main competitor for biggest c--ks----r in Deadwood. To a bunch of new wh---s brought in by Joanie Stubbs to stock her brothel, Cy growled "S--k some p---ks if ya like, keep whatever they give you as my way of saying 'Welcome!'".
- Dan Dority. NOT a man ya wanna f-----g piss off....ever. Shows his softer side by bawling in episode 1: f-----g c--ks----g pussy!
- Silas Adams: Watch season 2 and you'll be f-----g enlightened what the phrase "He just twelve pointed 'Slippery' Dan...." means. It ain't too pretty.
- E.B. Farnum - The c--ks-----r innkeeper. "There's a rodent looking creature lamping off your barrels." "Pay him no mind, that's the mayor.": When the town's new w---es say this aboutcha, yer none too popular. But it kinda fits, if ya know E.B. He did get in a good one on Swearenger though: "I'll look into the new w---es." Smart ass m----rf----r.
and last but not f-----g least, Mr. Wu's god damn m----rf-----g pigs. Those h---es--t swine are still eating the various dead f-----g bodies produced by Deadwood's many nightly "disagreements." For a fee, of course: five f-----g bucks.
All right, so I'm f-----g done already with the first two god damn disks, Netflix. Where the f--k are the next c--ks-----g two? What the f--k am I paying you t-ts-----rs for anyway? To sit on your god damn asses all f-----g day? F--k! Come on now, get f-----g moving!
PS: to HBO: RE: the fart "jokes" - What the f--k is it with these f-----g fart jokes every twelve seconds? It's f-----g disgusting, god damn it. If I want to be f-----g grossed out by m----rf-----g bodily functions, I'll watch "Nip/Tuck" or the f-----g Discovery Channel or some shit like that. Christ, can't you a--h---s class it up a bit? There-s f-----g kids watching this s--t! F--k!
I've just started watching the c--ks-----g season 2, and it's pretty f-----g good!
The plots are so f--k--g realistic! I never knew that those god damn cowboys had to put up with so much s--t! I mean, pissing in a f-----g p--sp-t? What the f--k? And the way they talk: Holy S--t! As Sol Star f-----g said on the first episode of the m----rf-----g second season, "I LIKE saying c--ks----r! What do you think of that?" Man, that is so right, so f-----g right on. F--k!
Thankfully, all the main f-----g players are back ('cepting fer Wild Bill...may he rest in god damn peace, amen.):
- Calamity Jane, whose only line in the first f-----g episode was "C--ks----rs!", upon which she passed out dead f-----g drunk on her c--ks-----g horse, the drunk b---h.
- Sheriff Bullock (bool'ek n. 1. young bull 2. a castrated bull, steer: Webster's), who now f--ks the s--t outta that rich widow what owns the gold strike, Mrs. Garret.
- Al Swearenger, f-----g saloon keeper and basically runs the whole p--sppot of a town. The nicest thing he had ta say in episode one was "I'll put your nose through your f-----g brain!!" to Silas Adams (nice cuz he DIDN'T actually do it). And when Swearenger says "Remove the fucking thumb!", ya better remove it quick!
- Cy Tolliver, another f-----g saloon owner: Swearenger's main competitor for biggest c--ks----r in Deadwood. To a bunch of new wh---s brought in by Joanie Stubbs to stock her brothel, Cy growled "S--k some p---ks if ya like, keep whatever they give you as my way of saying 'Welcome!'".
- Dan Dority. NOT a man ya wanna f-----g piss off....ever. Shows his softer side by bawling in episode 1: f-----g c--ks----g pussy!
- Silas Adams: Watch season 2 and you'll be f-----g enlightened what the phrase "He just twelve pointed 'Slippery' Dan...." means. It ain't too pretty.
- E.B. Farnum - The c--ks-----r innkeeper. "There's a rodent looking creature lamping off your barrels." "Pay him no mind, that's the mayor.": When the town's new w---es say this aboutcha, yer none too popular. But it kinda fits, if ya know E.B. He did get in a good one on Swearenger though: "I'll look into the new w---es." Smart ass m----rf----r.
and last but not f-----g least, Mr. Wu's god damn m----rf-----g pigs. Those h---es--t swine are still eating the various dead f-----g bodies produced by Deadwood's many nightly "disagreements." For a fee, of course: five f-----g bucks.
All right, so I'm f-----g done already with the first two god damn disks, Netflix. Where the f--k are the next c--ks-----g two? What the f--k am I paying you t-ts-----rs for anyway? To sit on your god damn asses all f-----g day? F--k! Come on now, get f-----g moving!
PS: to HBO: RE: the fart "jokes" - What the f--k is it with these f-----g fart jokes every twelve seconds? It's f-----g disgusting, god damn it. If I want to be f-----g grossed out by m----rf-----g bodily functions, I'll watch "Nip/Tuck" or the f-----g Discovery Channel or some shit like that. Christ, can't you a--h---s class it up a bit? There-s f-----g kids watching this s--t! F--k!
posted by joe sweeney at 10:59 AM
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