Joe College
We're going to start our own university here at The 'Pent, modeled after Trump U.
Slogan?
"Joe College. For Learning."
Eight credits a semester sounds about right. One semester a year, starting the week after the US Open and ending a week before Thanksgiving. No classes before 10:00am, no class with less than 200 students, reclining leather chairs in every classroom. The dining halls will require a minimum of 3 servings per per meal. The dorm rooms will have 1 bathroom per resident.
The graduation ceremony will have William Goldman as speaker. Once he's done all graduates will throw their fucking caps at the fucking floor and yell, "Fuck this! We don't want to go!" (That's what I did)
Tuition will be paid by Pell Grants. Every dime of it.
Our sports teams, known as "The Fighting 404s", will be Division III in everything but women's volleyball, which will be D1. We will not have a bowling team. The coach for men's basketball will be Jeff Van Gundy, football will be Tim Murphy (we'll get him somehow), hockey will be Terry O'Reilly, and baseball will be Tito Francona.
Our school colors will be maroon and gold, same as Arizona State, but our logo will be much, much better.
Known affectionately as "Safety State U", we're usually the third choice of most of our students, behind 1) Miami University 2) The Ohio State University.
Our President? Al Franken.
Slogan?
"Joe College. For Learning."
Eight credits a semester sounds about right. One semester a year, starting the week after the US Open and ending a week before Thanksgiving. No classes before 10:00am, no class with less than 200 students, reclining leather chairs in every classroom. The dining halls will require a minimum of 3 servings per per meal. The dorm rooms will have 1 bathroom per resident.
The graduation ceremony will have William Goldman as speaker. Once he's done all graduates will throw their fucking caps at the fucking floor and yell, "Fuck this! We don't want to go!" (That's what I did)
Tuition will be paid by Pell Grants. Every dime of it.
Our sports teams, known as "The Fighting 404s", will be Division III in everything but women's volleyball, which will be D1. We will not have a bowling team. The coach for men's basketball will be Jeff Van Gundy, football will be Tim Murphy (we'll get him somehow), hockey will be Terry O'Reilly, and baseball will be Tito Francona.
Our school colors will be maroon and gold, same as Arizona State, but our logo will be much, much better.
Known affectionately as "Safety State U", we're usually the third choice of most of our students, behind 1) Miami University 2) The Ohio State University.
Our President? Al Franken.
posted by joe sweeney at 4:55 PM
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