Why Do We Love?
Do you often tell someone in your life that you love them but then leave out the part about WHY you love them?
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When I was in high school I remember telling my parents, during a fight with them, that the only reason they loved me was because I was their son. Meaning I felt unloveable and unworthy of anyone's affection, including and maybe especially theirs. I knew my parents had to care for me since it was their duty as I was their own flesh and blood. But in my thinking at that moment in time they would have been better off sending me off into the street as an unwanted orphan since I was such a terrible waste of a person and truly not someone any human would want have in their life.
Yes, I was one screwed up teenager. But I wonder if things might have been different, in some small way, if Mom and Dad had told me exactly why they loved me. What was it about me that they enjoyed? Was I a good, worthwhile person? Was I fun to be around? Was I kind? Funny? Smart? I felt none of those things at the time, and to be told that "We love you because you love to read and learn new things, are kind to our animals, have a good sense of humor, treat others with respect, and so many other things" might have helped me understand a little bit about who I was and why I was on this planet.
So maybe if you have a friend who is struggling with life, or a child who, like me back then, isn't sure of their place in the world, or a neglected spouse, you could explain to them just what it is about them that you enjoy.
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When I was in high school I remember telling my parents, during a fight with them, that the only reason they loved me was because I was their son. Meaning I felt unloveable and unworthy of anyone's affection, including and maybe especially theirs. I knew my parents had to care for me since it was their duty as I was their own flesh and blood. But in my thinking at that moment in time they would have been better off sending me off into the street as an unwanted orphan since I was such a terrible waste of a person and truly not someone any human would want have in their life.
Yes, I was one screwed up teenager. But I wonder if things might have been different, in some small way, if Mom and Dad had told me exactly why they loved me. What was it about me that they enjoyed? Was I a good, worthwhile person? Was I fun to be around? Was I kind? Funny? Smart? I felt none of those things at the time, and to be told that "We love you because you love to read and learn new things, are kind to our animals, have a good sense of humor, treat others with respect, and so many other things" might have helped me understand a little bit about who I was and why I was on this planet.
So maybe if you have a friend who is struggling with life, or a child who, like me back then, isn't sure of their place in the world, or a neglected spouse, you could explain to them just what it is about them that you enjoy.
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posted by joe sweeney at 7:37 AM
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