Karl Rove, the US Military's most highly decorated veteran, criticizes noted draft dodgers John Kerry and John Murtha...
....in this week's edition of Newsweek (6/26/06). Rove is quoted: "They may be with you for the first shots, but they're not going to be there for the last tough battles."
How moving. How touching. Brings back so many memories.
Impressively, not once did American Hero Karl Rove note to the Manchester, NH audience, that he, Karl Rove, is the only 5 time recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor. The history of how he was awarded these medals is something that, to this day, takes the collective breath away from most folks like myself. The courageous yet unassuming Rove has been called by many the "model for which we have built our great party" by many GOP loyalists. Man, right on brother!
A brief history of the great man:
First MOH: Rove was born on Christmas Day, 1950; this in the runup to US involvement in the Korean War. Once Rove's loving and dedicated parents told him, at the age of 13 months, that the US military needed a few good men to fight the godless heathens of North Korea, young Karl made up his mind to join the fray: he lied about his age (and height, weight, and lack of potty training) to the recruiter, who quickly signed up the happy warrior. Once he arrived in Korea, Rove led an assault on what was then known as Hill 265489A (now known as "Rove's Mound of Soil" to South Koreans). Responsible for the wounding of several dozen enemy soldiers with his newly emerging baby teeth, Rove's commander was said to have uttered the phrase "We need more toddlers like Karl Rove if we're going to win this war....or at least tie it", and pushed for the MOH to be awarded. It was.
Second MOH: Vietnam. 1968. While panty waists like John Kerry, Bob Kerrey, Rocky Bleier (this guy thought the NFL was a better career option than the US Army), and so many others were back in the states working on their golf games, receiving multiple deferments, and getting useless degrees, Rove dropped out of college to again join the military. (Rove was to attend four universities in his academic career, but as the call to arms was strong in his stout heart, he would never earn a degree of any kind.) This time, Rove was out for blood. Lots of blood. The war for Vietnamese independance was the illness, and taking out hundreds and hundreds of Vietnamese was Karl's prescription. Using machine guns, hand grenades, a butter knife, fungo bat, and his lethal Kung-Fu grip, Rove cleaned out entire valleys of all forms of life. His motto? "Suck on that Ho Chi Minh; now let's see you turn these corpses into Commies!" For his efforts in the relocation of the village of Mi Suk Fo, Rove was again awarded the MOH, and returned stateside to a ticker tape parade thorugh the street of Austin, TX.
Third MOH: Panama, 1989. Noriega had "The Bomb". And he was going to use it if we didn't stop him: we knew this because of irrefutable CIA and FBI evidence provided them by Luxombourg's Secret Police, who bought it off a guy on a street corner in Paris, whose cousin lived in Panama, or possibly Nicaragua (he was never specific). Bush I needed to take this guy of of action, especially since Noriega at the time for 15% of the CIA payroll, and the US government was in a budget crunch. But what to do? What to do? Our man Rove knew what to do: he is the one responsible for the name given by the US Military for the Invasion of Panama: "Operation Just Cause". Although to be fair, Karl's original wording was "Operation Just Because", as in "just because we can, we will" (He was a little tipsy on Miller Lite at the time that he wrote it). For this, Rove received MOH number three. And well deserved!
Fourth MOH: His first entanglement with the despot Saddam. Iraq had just invaded its tiny neighbor to the south, oil rich Kuwait. Apparently the reason for the invasion was a mixup in communication between the US Embassy in Baghdad and Saddam: the US Ambassador was yelling over the phone "No!...No!...No!", while on the other end, due to poor reception, Saddam heard only "Go!...Go!...Go!". The sort of mixup that happens so often between a third base coach and baserunner over the years in a sport we in America call "Baseball", but that is known to the rest of the world as "Boredom". So Iraq defeats the forces of Kuwait in a long, drawn out "war" lasting about two and a half hours (that's how long it took for the Kuwaiti "Army" to get in their Jeeps and get the heck out of Kuwait.) And Karl Rove, having returned to civilian life, knew he must act. And act fast. The nation needed him. What did Karl do? He interrupted his lucrative career running a company that did mass mailings for GOP candidates. An example of his best known work: "(Insert Democrat name here) is a pussy, and he might even be G-A-Y!". Stepping down from his post as CEO, Rove volunteers for the US Special Forces. After a small monetary settlement between Rove and the military was negotiated (since Panama, the Army had instituted a "no balding, heavyset, four-eyed, creepy short guys" enlistment policy), Rove was back in his element: shootin' guns, throwin' grenades, pullin' latrine duty, and taking names well after kickin' ass!!! The Iraqis were scared, let there be no doubt, once they were made aware that Rove was back in the game. Sure, the military historians will tell you that the B-52 bombing runs, the incessant Air Force bombardments, the Cruise Missiles, the artillery barrages, the tanks, George Clooney and Marky Mark, and the 500,000 member US military force were the deciding factors in the runaway US victory in the Gulf War. Don't kid yourself kids. It was Karl Rove and his rep that won that war, no question about it. Simply for putting on his old uniform (which had to be let out a tad...I mean, come on even Karl Rove puts on a few pounds in non wartime/kickin' ass mode.), Mr. Rove was awarded his fourth MOH, and in the same glorious week was also inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland for popularizing the phrase "Let's Rock n Roll!!", long his battle cry. (And you thought it was Spinal Tap.)
Fifth MOH: The GOP Primary Season of 2000. Rove has hitched his wagon to George W. Bush, Texas governer and heavy favorite to win the nomination. But it seemed that Senator McCain of Arizona has thrown a bit of a monkey wrench into the campaign by winning in NH. Next up is the South Carolina primary. Rove springs into action: knowing that Sen. McCain and his wife had adopted a young child of the not-white complexion, in addition to having several kids of their own, Karl set up a phone "push poll" that asked the citizens of South Carolina (who hopefully had seen pictures of the entire McCain family) "Would you be more or less likely to vote for John McCain for President if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?" A pure stroke of genius. And Bush won the primary in SC, the GOP nomination and was then elected to the White House in November..no, no...December of 2000 by the United States Supreme Court. For Rove's coolness and courage "under fire" during the SC Primary, the military awarded him his fifth MOH. Asked why they gave an award to someone not currently serving in the Armed Forces, the military issued a simpy worded statement "Anyone with balls that big deserves another MOH. We'd give him two if we could."
Thus, the lofty moral high ground that Rove used as a pulpit in scolding Murtha and Kerry last week in NH.
Also, in recent weeks, Rove has been quoted as saying of Senator Daniel Inouye of Hawaii: "No right arm? Hah! I lost my entire upper torso in the jungles of Panama, but was man enough to reattach it and STILL kept the fight going!"
Of Alvin York and Audie Murphy, who had previously been the most decorated soldiers in the history of the US Military: "Wimps! I used my baby teeth in my FIRST campaign back in Korea. These guys used machine guns. Who's tougher? Huh? Who's tougher?"
And finally, of Rush Limbaugh, Rove said a week ago "That is one bad m----rf----r! I would never tangle with that guy: those ingrown hairs on your behind can really toughen someone up!"
How moving. How touching. Brings back so many memories.
Impressively, not once did American Hero Karl Rove note to the Manchester, NH audience, that he, Karl Rove, is the only 5 time recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor. The history of how he was awarded these medals is something that, to this day, takes the collective breath away from most folks like myself. The courageous yet unassuming Rove has been called by many the "model for which we have built our great party" by many GOP loyalists. Man, right on brother!
A brief history of the great man:
First MOH: Rove was born on Christmas Day, 1950; this in the runup to US involvement in the Korean War. Once Rove's loving and dedicated parents told him, at the age of 13 months, that the US military needed a few good men to fight the godless heathens of North Korea, young Karl made up his mind to join the fray: he lied about his age (and height, weight, and lack of potty training) to the recruiter, who quickly signed up the happy warrior. Once he arrived in Korea, Rove led an assault on what was then known as Hill 265489A (now known as "Rove's Mound of Soil" to South Koreans). Responsible for the wounding of several dozen enemy soldiers with his newly emerging baby teeth, Rove's commander was said to have uttered the phrase "We need more toddlers like Karl Rove if we're going to win this war....or at least tie it", and pushed for the MOH to be awarded. It was.
Second MOH: Vietnam. 1968. While panty waists like John Kerry, Bob Kerrey, Rocky Bleier (this guy thought the NFL was a better career option than the US Army), and so many others were back in the states working on their golf games, receiving multiple deferments, and getting useless degrees, Rove dropped out of college to again join the military. (Rove was to attend four universities in his academic career, but as the call to arms was strong in his stout heart, he would never earn a degree of any kind.) This time, Rove was out for blood. Lots of blood. The war for Vietnamese independance was the illness, and taking out hundreds and hundreds of Vietnamese was Karl's prescription. Using machine guns, hand grenades, a butter knife, fungo bat, and his lethal Kung-Fu grip, Rove cleaned out entire valleys of all forms of life. His motto? "Suck on that Ho Chi Minh; now let's see you turn these corpses into Commies!" For his efforts in the relocation of the village of Mi Suk Fo, Rove was again awarded the MOH, and returned stateside to a ticker tape parade thorugh the street of Austin, TX.
Third MOH: Panama, 1989. Noriega had "The Bomb". And he was going to use it if we didn't stop him: we knew this because of irrefutable CIA and FBI evidence provided them by Luxombourg's Secret Police, who bought it off a guy on a street corner in Paris, whose cousin lived in Panama, or possibly Nicaragua (he was never specific). Bush I needed to take this guy of of action, especially since Noriega at the time for 15% of the CIA payroll, and the US government was in a budget crunch. But what to do? What to do? Our man Rove knew what to do: he is the one responsible for the name given by the US Military for the Invasion of Panama: "Operation Just Cause". Although to be fair, Karl's original wording was "Operation Just Because", as in "just because we can, we will" (He was a little tipsy on Miller Lite at the time that he wrote it). For this, Rove received MOH number three. And well deserved!
Fourth MOH: His first entanglement with the despot Saddam. Iraq had just invaded its tiny neighbor to the south, oil rich Kuwait. Apparently the reason for the invasion was a mixup in communication between the US Embassy in Baghdad and Saddam: the US Ambassador was yelling over the phone "No!...No!...No!", while on the other end, due to poor reception, Saddam heard only "Go!...Go!...Go!". The sort of mixup that happens so often between a third base coach and baserunner over the years in a sport we in America call "Baseball", but that is known to the rest of the world as "Boredom". So Iraq defeats the forces of Kuwait in a long, drawn out "war" lasting about two and a half hours (that's how long it took for the Kuwaiti "Army" to get in their Jeeps and get the heck out of Kuwait.) And Karl Rove, having returned to civilian life, knew he must act. And act fast. The nation needed him. What did Karl do? He interrupted his lucrative career running a company that did mass mailings for GOP candidates. An example of his best known work: "(Insert Democrat name here) is a pussy, and he might even be G-A-Y!". Stepping down from his post as CEO, Rove volunteers for the US Special Forces. After a small monetary settlement between Rove and the military was negotiated (since Panama, the Army had instituted a "no balding, heavyset, four-eyed, creepy short guys" enlistment policy), Rove was back in his element: shootin' guns, throwin' grenades, pullin' latrine duty, and taking names well after kickin' ass!!! The Iraqis were scared, let there be no doubt, once they were made aware that Rove was back in the game. Sure, the military historians will tell you that the B-52 bombing runs, the incessant Air Force bombardments, the Cruise Missiles, the artillery barrages, the tanks, George Clooney and Marky Mark, and the 500,000 member US military force were the deciding factors in the runaway US victory in the Gulf War. Don't kid yourself kids. It was Karl Rove and his rep that won that war, no question about it. Simply for putting on his old uniform (which had to be let out a tad...I mean, come on even Karl Rove puts on a few pounds in non wartime/kickin' ass mode.), Mr. Rove was awarded his fourth MOH, and in the same glorious week was also inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland for popularizing the phrase "Let's Rock n Roll!!", long his battle cry. (And you thought it was Spinal Tap.)
Fifth MOH: The GOP Primary Season of 2000. Rove has hitched his wagon to George W. Bush, Texas governer and heavy favorite to win the nomination. But it seemed that Senator McCain of Arizona has thrown a bit of a monkey wrench into the campaign by winning in NH. Next up is the South Carolina primary. Rove springs into action: knowing that Sen. McCain and his wife had adopted a young child of the not-white complexion, in addition to having several kids of their own, Karl set up a phone "push poll" that asked the citizens of South Carolina (who hopefully had seen pictures of the entire McCain family) "Would you be more or less likely to vote for John McCain for President if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?" A pure stroke of genius. And Bush won the primary in SC, the GOP nomination and was then elected to the White House in November..no, no...December of 2000 by the United States Supreme Court. For Rove's coolness and courage "under fire" during the SC Primary, the military awarded him his fifth MOH. Asked why they gave an award to someone not currently serving in the Armed Forces, the military issued a simpy worded statement "Anyone with balls that big deserves another MOH. We'd give him two if we could."
Thus, the lofty moral high ground that Rove used as a pulpit in scolding Murtha and Kerry last week in NH.
Also, in recent weeks, Rove has been quoted as saying of Senator Daniel Inouye of Hawaii: "No right arm? Hah! I lost my entire upper torso in the jungles of Panama, but was man enough to reattach it and STILL kept the fight going!"
Of Alvin York and Audie Murphy, who had previously been the most decorated soldiers in the history of the US Military: "Wimps! I used my baby teeth in my FIRST campaign back in Korea. These guys used machine guns. Who's tougher? Huh? Who's tougher?"
And finally, of Rush Limbaugh, Rove said a week ago "That is one bad m----rf----r! I would never tangle with that guy: those ingrown hairs on your behind can really toughen someone up!"
posted by joe sweeney at 8:19 AM
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