Over And Over

I'll always be the 10 year old cut by the Pop Warner coaches for being too scrawny.
I'll always be the 12 year old who the popular girls said danced "like (I) was dead."
I'll always be the thickly layered 30 year old that my father claimed would "be blind by the time (I'm) forty" from diabetes.

I'll never forget being the kid who pissed and shit his pants in first grade because raising my hand to ask the teacher to go to
the bathroom was too terrifying.
I'll never forget being the M.A.S.H. freshman putz who wasn't man enough to protect Mom when Dad was beating on her back in Amherst.

I used to think my apartments were bugged. From 1998 to 2007. Three separate places.
I used to talk to famous people through the camera/mic/sprinkler heads in my current home. It's right behind me as I type this.
I used to write a lot of putrid poetry and ask people to read it and give me their "honest opinion." Right.

I once claimed to a psych admitting nurse that I was such a bad guy that people could "smell me coming." She took me literally.
I once shoplifted a book in a mall, then brought it back the next day and put it on the same shelf thanks to my guilt over stealing fifteen bucks worth of merchandise.