Is it Ok if it's not OK?

I have to believe everything will be ok
I need to believe that life is worth living
Saying that
And
Knowing that being a small part of life
is all I've got
Makes me scared
For why would the future be better than the past?
When I've been struggling, trying mightily, all along

------------

Sometimes with
No reason to get out of bed
Other than what I make of the day
I do, though, stuggle up and out

I am on my own, though
By my wishes
And inborn diseases and weaknesses
And closed off nature

Having proven to not mix well with society
And their various employments and anxieties
I am largely alone
With my books and blog and weights and meetings
And little else besides the beloved kitty for company

A lonely journey to be sure
Will it be worthwhile?
Will it be rewarding?
.....Yes
I'll find what I'm looking for

(the book, the bodybuilding, the answers to all the loneliness)

Won't I?