Top 8 Threats To Sink The Vinson Tonight

1) The Marine Corps -- Just to show off

2) Rick Perry Project -- The band plays while the ship goes down to make it look good, but we know who's really responsible

3) The Sutter Clan -- Johnny Law's been after 'em for a long time. Hid out in something called the "National Hockey League" for a few years, but they're back in the outlawing bidness

4) Al Qaeda -- Been trying to get Coach Izzo for years. The rest is peripheral damage

5) Penn State Alumni - Southern California Chapter -- Man, they're pissed about something. What, 8-1 isn't good enough for you guys?

6) MJ, Worthy, Doherty, Perkins, and Jimmy Black -- Want the Tar Heels to go down at sea in order to insure that the 81-82 squad remains the best Carolina team ever. Also, they hate Coach Roy. Who doesn't?

7) Under Armour -- There's a marketing play in there somewhere. Damned if I can figure it out. I mean, have you seen this year's football unis? Burial at sea is right

8) VP Biden -- He wants the job and will do anything to get it