Words that when strung together give us pleasure
I) "Don't tell us. Show us."
--- During Sunday's Patriots broadcast, color analyst Rich Gannon mentioned that in 2000, sixth rounder Tom Brady informed owner Robert Kraft that he wouldn't regret the pick. Gannon tried to make this exchange seem unique, but we bet half the kids getting selected find the courage to inform management that they'll "win one for the flipper/eagle/cow. boy./etc." But Brady made it happen. Don't get caught up in telling, get lost in the doing.
[ Tangent Alert -- That's why we here at Portland 'Pent never ever watch pregame crap for any sporting event. That's where they stick the Michael Irvin's of the broadcasting world. And Clark Kellogg, too, the best college basketball color man going, we say. Clark, please get your ass out of the studio during this year's Madness. You are the best, and we'd love for you to squeal with delight come this March when, say, Greg Oden dunks on some dude's head six times. Can't be done from a studio. ]
-------------------------------------------
II) "Good writing must be painful."
--- No blood, no scoop. No blood, no prize. Or something like that.
Sorry, kids. But that's the way it is.
-------------------------------------------
III) "Reading is not work. It's pleasure. Or should be."
Never use any extra words, letters or punctuation when you're trying to make something understood. It hurts our freaking brains when we read big words that mean nothing.
And that goes for all forms of communication: "Montana. Rice. Touchdown." Three sentences, one word apiece. That was spoken, not written, but remains imbedded in our memories.
"I want to read all the great short novels." [ from the real "Kicking and Screaming" ]
"Hello?" [ "The Ref" ]
"That should be (long pause) fascinating." [ "Ref", again. ]
Nine words. One word. Four words. All funny. All gold.
-------------------------------------------
IV) "We've met the enemy. And it is u.s."
Walt Kelly's "Pogo" is in a class of its own among comic strips due to its groundbreaking nature. The above line is quoted endlessly, sometimes by people who even understand it. But with President Bush asking Congress for more troops to go fight and die in Iraq, adding one period to the line seems about right.
-------------------------------------------
V) "Less is more. More is less."
The first book in Norman Mailer's 1979 classic "The Executioner's Song" may be the finest writing we know of. Not an extra sentence, word, or semicolon. "Song" ran 1,072 pages, but if Mailer had stopped and gone with the first half he might have achieved the elusive "Great American Novel" through his retelling of Gary Gilmore's wrenching story. He put in the second book, about the events leading to Gilmore's execution, and that sullied things, though "Song" is still historic. Mailer should have learned his lesson, as we hate to even mention "Harlot's Ghost" (1,400 pages) and "Ancient Evenings" (709 pages).
-------------------------------------------
VI) "Just what in the hell is going on here?"
"60 Minutes" is killing us. Just killing us. Just not gettin' r done anymore.
The "drug that makes you forget your life" story by Leslie Stahl a few weeks back was terrible.
The Ultimate Fighting Championship piece last week was total garbage. Did anyone think to ask where the millions of fans for these bloodbaths come from? The fighters, they come from poor towns with no jobs and no future. We know that. But where do the hordes of knuckle dragging, mouth breathing morons who pay $40 bucks a pop on PPV come from? To Apt404, that's the more important question.
And this week's show... well...not good, guys. Not good. Larry the Basic Cable Guy as the King of Comedy? Are you fucking kidding us? No problem with the guy's popularity and income. Hey, Dice Clay was big for three months, too.
But did you have to blow him? "King of Comedy?" Does anyone at CBS have a DVD player? Have they ever heard of Scorcese?
"The Blue Collar Guys, comedy's answer to the Beatles." What? What? What? We're then told by Dan Simon that the Cable Guy is going to release a film called "Delta Farce" soon, about some U.S. soldiers who somehow confuse a bunch of Mexicans with Iraqi insurgents. Are you fucking kidding us? You didn't think to ask that maybe, just maybe, this was pretty obnoxious and unseemly?
Also this week, Scott Pelley went to Switzerland to do a piece on the newly opened Holocaust archives. And came up with some of the most jawdroppingly awful lines we've ever heard:
-- "It must have been tiring just to write this, let alone kill them all." -- About the Germans meticulous record keeping. Hey asshole: they're Nazis. And if you allow those words to come out of your mouth without some sort of self censor alarm going off, for shame. That's just a weird thing to say.
-- "I'm curious. Why did the Nazis keep all these records?" -- What? What? They were Nazis. They tried to exterminate entire classes of people. You are trying to reason with a nation's insanity? Can't be done. Remember it, but you don't have to decipher the Holocaust. Wow. Those basic elements of fear, hatred for all that which is different, anti-semitism, the corrupting influence of authority, the power of the big lie; all remain in place today. Don't try to kid anyone that Hitler acted alone or that the same thing isn't happening today in places with fewer Anglo-Saxons. Open your eyes.
-- "In a sense, it's yours." -- Pelley presenting a camp record to a survivor. He should have shoved it up your ass. How indelicate can a reporter be? They'll be showing film of this piece for decades on how not to get the real story....
Because Pelley never asked the Swiss International Tracing Service, which held on to these artifacts for decades, just why it is that the archives are being opened now.
Why now, Scott? You never asked anyone in authority the question. Terrible.
--------------------------------------------
VII) "The Year In Sports issue of SI is here!"
You can have your egg nog. Your tinsel. Your caroling. What we here in #404 look forward to in late December is SI's Steve Rush... Steve Rushing. Steve Russing. Steve.... Wait. Don't speak! We'll get there. Steve... Steve Rush-in! Steve Rush-in? Whatever. This tall man from Minnesota's collection of funny/strange/telling items culled from the past twelve month's news headlines is, as always, priceless. And makes ya think, too.
Every year. Like a Walter Jones holdout and January trip to the Pro Bowl, Steve R. always plays this one perfect.
Thanks.
--- During Sunday's Patriots broadcast, color analyst Rich Gannon mentioned that in 2000, sixth rounder Tom Brady informed owner Robert Kraft that he wouldn't regret the pick. Gannon tried to make this exchange seem unique, but we bet half the kids getting selected find the courage to inform management that they'll "win one for the flipper/eagle/cow. boy./etc." But Brady made it happen. Don't get caught up in telling, get lost in the doing.
[ Tangent Alert -- That's why we here at Portland 'Pent never ever watch pregame crap for any sporting event. That's where they stick the Michael Irvin's of the broadcasting world. And Clark Kellogg, too, the best college basketball color man going, we say. Clark, please get your ass out of the studio during this year's Madness. You are the best, and we'd love for you to squeal with delight come this March when, say, Greg Oden dunks on some dude's head six times. Can't be done from a studio. ]
-------------------------------------------
II) "Good writing must be painful."
--- No blood, no scoop. No blood, no prize. Or something like that.
Sorry, kids. But that's the way it is.
-------------------------------------------
III) "Reading is not work. It's pleasure. Or should be."
Never use any extra words, letters or punctuation when you're trying to make something understood. It hurts our freaking brains when we read big words that mean nothing.
And that goes for all forms of communication: "Montana. Rice. Touchdown." Three sentences, one word apiece. That was spoken, not written, but remains imbedded in our memories.
"I want to read all the great short novels." [ from the real "Kicking and Screaming" ]
"Hello?" [ "The Ref" ]
"That should be (long pause) fascinating." [ "Ref", again. ]
Nine words. One word. Four words. All funny. All gold.
-------------------------------------------
IV) "We've met the enemy. And it is u.s."
Walt Kelly's "Pogo" is in a class of its own among comic strips due to its groundbreaking nature. The above line is quoted endlessly, sometimes by people who even understand it. But with President Bush asking Congress for more troops to go fight and die in Iraq, adding one period to the line seems about right.
-------------------------------------------
V) "Less is more. More is less."
The first book in Norman Mailer's 1979 classic "The Executioner's Song" may be the finest writing we know of. Not an extra sentence, word, or semicolon. "Song" ran 1,072 pages, but if Mailer had stopped and gone with the first half he might have achieved the elusive "Great American Novel" through his retelling of Gary Gilmore's wrenching story. He put in the second book, about the events leading to Gilmore's execution, and that sullied things, though "Song" is still historic. Mailer should have learned his lesson, as we hate to even mention "Harlot's Ghost" (1,400 pages) and "Ancient Evenings" (709 pages).
-------------------------------------------
VI) "Just what in the hell is going on here?"
"60 Minutes" is killing us. Just killing us. Just not gettin' r done anymore.
The "drug that makes you forget your life" story by Leslie Stahl a few weeks back was terrible.
The Ultimate Fighting Championship piece last week was total garbage. Did anyone think to ask where the millions of fans for these bloodbaths come from? The fighters, they come from poor towns with no jobs and no future. We know that. But where do the hordes of knuckle dragging, mouth breathing morons who pay $40 bucks a pop on PPV come from? To Apt404, that's the more important question.
And this week's show... well...not good, guys. Not good. Larry the Basic Cable Guy as the King of Comedy? Are you fucking kidding us? No problem with the guy's popularity and income. Hey, Dice Clay was big for three months, too.
But did you have to blow him? "King of Comedy?" Does anyone at CBS have a DVD player? Have they ever heard of Scorcese?
"The Blue Collar Guys, comedy's answer to the Beatles." What? What? What? We're then told by Dan Simon that the Cable Guy is going to release a film called "Delta Farce" soon, about some U.S. soldiers who somehow confuse a bunch of Mexicans with Iraqi insurgents. Are you fucking kidding us? You didn't think to ask that maybe, just maybe, this was pretty obnoxious and unseemly?
Also this week, Scott Pelley went to Switzerland to do a piece on the newly opened Holocaust archives. And came up with some of the most jawdroppingly awful lines we've ever heard:
-- "It must have been tiring just to write this, let alone kill them all." -- About the Germans meticulous record keeping. Hey asshole: they're Nazis. And if you allow those words to come out of your mouth without some sort of self censor alarm going off, for shame. That's just a weird thing to say.
-- "I'm curious. Why did the Nazis keep all these records?" -- What? What? They were Nazis. They tried to exterminate entire classes of people. You are trying to reason with a nation's insanity? Can't be done. Remember it, but you don't have to decipher the Holocaust. Wow. Those basic elements of fear, hatred for all that which is different, anti-semitism, the corrupting influence of authority, the power of the big lie; all remain in place today. Don't try to kid anyone that Hitler acted alone or that the same thing isn't happening today in places with fewer Anglo-Saxons. Open your eyes.
-- "In a sense, it's yours." -- Pelley presenting a camp record to a survivor. He should have shoved it up your ass. How indelicate can a reporter be? They'll be showing film of this piece for decades on how not to get the real story....
Because Pelley never asked the Swiss International Tracing Service, which held on to these artifacts for decades, just why it is that the archives are being opened now.
Why now, Scott? You never asked anyone in authority the question. Terrible.
--------------------------------------------
VII) "The Year In Sports issue of SI is here!"
You can have your egg nog. Your tinsel. Your caroling. What we here in #404 look forward to in late December is SI's Steve Rush... Steve Rushing. Steve Russing. Steve.... Wait. Don't speak! We'll get there. Steve... Steve Rush-in! Steve Rush-in? Whatever. This tall man from Minnesota's collection of funny/strange/telling items culled from the past twelve month's news headlines is, as always, priceless. And makes ya think, too.
Every year. Like a Walter Jones holdout and January trip to the Pro Bowl, Steve R. always plays this one perfect.
Thanks.
posted by joe sweeney at 8:27 AM
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