"Just what is in the Wendy's special sauce?" Sports items. Always sports items.

A) Dan Shaughnessy claims Minky needs an ankle monitor when he comes back 'round. We agree with that. No need for the bats to be locked up, though.

B) Damn right. Damn right.

C) Beano Cook wonders if Phillies season tix are included in the tour/sentence.

D) How many Hanson Brothers are there, exactly? Test tube Hansons, anyone? ("The NHL had an All-Star Game?")

E) "I don't know when I'll be able to run and jump (sigh)." We don't know either, Faker. White Waltons can't jump, dude (yeah, we know. but it was fun to try to rhyme).

F) It's sad, really. Fenway should be among the loudest ballparks in baseball when the Sox are pitching. At least when Francona gets into that bullpen.

G) "Do you have access to any fight videos from this century, Hank?" No. No, we don't.

H) Lowell and Tavarez? Can Theo give them memories of Buckner, Stone Face MacNamara, and 80 something years of misery, too? Cuz we'd like to get rid that. We're also roughly 100 pounds overweight. Can we trade that to the Rockies? How about our worn out VHS tapes of "Coach"? A gross of Celtics "Green #17" t-shirts? No need for those for a while.

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Sports, again?

Well, we TRIED to go see "Notes on a Scandal," but a thunder and lightning freakstorm hit us right in the damn face on the drive over.

Or something like that.