Live Blogging with the Staff of Apartment 404: Our Mailroom, Back by Popular Demand
It's been three and a half years since we emptied the old mail slot, if you know what we mean, so tonight seemed as good a time as any to field questions from our many avid readers. Send those queries to our live blog at Mailbag@Apartment404.blogspot.com and we'll get to as many as we can, given time constraints and our limited typping skills.
Here goes...
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First question comes from Stu in Bloody Dick Creek, Montana: "When was the last time any of you guys got laid, or are y'all still virgins?"
We are not virgins! We are not virgins! Well, honestly, a couple of the interns, but not the rest of us! In fact, the owner/proprietor of Apartment404.blogspot.com, Joe Sweeney, had sex four summers ago with a young woman from Lewiston. And yes, that still counts, Lewiston or no. Not everyone up there sleeps around, ya know. We were on our second or third date, completely shitfaced, and we brought her up to the ol' 'Pent. She took one look around the place, dropped her drawers, said "Let's do this, Joe!", spent the night, and we never heard from her again. Damn, we musta been so good she couldn't take anymore.
Second question, from Jackson of Berlin, NH: "Mr. 'Pent, do you think the Bruins and Celtics have a chance to do well in the playoffs this spring?"
About as much chance as we have of getting laid this spring. So "No", we don't think the B's and C's are likely to get out of the second round. Honestly, the B's can't score any goals, though we love Rask in net, and the C's are just completely broken down by age/injury (which go hand in hand). It would not surprise us in the least to see a first round flameout for the Celtics against, say, the Raptors, though there are really only three good teams in the Eastern Conference (Cavs, Magic, Hawks) of The Association.
Next, from Sherry down in Slaughter, Louisiana: "What is the worst movie you've seen lately, Mr. 'Pent?"
That is an interesting question because it is the rare bad movie that we actually sit through in its entirety. Say we're sitting in the theatre and realize we've paid to see a dog. For all but the very worst of the worst we're out the door of the Westbrook Cinemagic by the twenty minute mark. But to be a Bad Movie that is worth sitting through, that's something for hack directors to aspire to. Of the releases last year and this, we'd have to say "Invictus", "Valentine's Day", and "Observe and Report" were the three worst, not counting walkouts. "Invictus" was a snooze, "Valentine's Day" a complete mess, but the worst by quite a margin was "Observe and Report", a mean spirited take on mall cops that turned the usually terrific Seth Rogan into an unlikable bastard. We've heard that some folks actually admired the approach taken by director Jody Hill, but man, what a depressing movie. And we have no idea why we sat through the entire thing. This was not, as mentioned above, a Bad Movie. It was just a movie that sucked.
From Sean of Deadhorse, Alaska: "Whatever happened to Big Hat Guy and Bald Head Ed?"
Bald Head Ed is still bald. And Big Hat Guy is retired. Gawd, we miss the good old days of psychosis and many, many hidden cameras following us wherever we went. Sometimes sobriety and sanity is soooo boring.
Time for a couple more. Here's Monica from Turkey Flat, Arizona: "What kinds of music do you guys listen to?"
First of all there are only two types of music. Good and bad. Don't give us this "We don't listen to classical/country/rap/heavy metal" bullshit. There's good stuff in every type, just as there is shite. We listen to it all, man. All of it.
Here's a question from David of Climax, Pennsylvania: "Can you give your readers a glimpse inside what must be the fast paced life of a professional blogger?"
Well, we usually wake up between 3 and 4am after four or five hours of sleep. You'll find, David from Climax, that the older you get the less shuteye you need. We're thinking that at this pace, in twenty years, when we're in our early 60s, the staff here at The 'Pent will be able to get by with a five minute nap every three or four days. Really. When we were going through our "difficulties"/depression, substance abuse, and psychosis, we'd be asleep more than we'd be awake. Now that life is good and getting better, there is less time for sleep. (Hmmm, does that sound like we are tending to get kinda manic now and then? No Fucking Way!) Then it's off to work at 6:45am (Yes, we have a damn job. Best twenty hours of the week!). We drive a handicapped van. The van is twenty years old and has seen better days. It has two speeds: Water Buffalo and Cannonball!. Water Buffalo is on flat or uphill surfaces; the engine groans and creeks but gets the job done. Cannonball! is what happens whenever we get get going downhill: try stopping ten thousand pounds of metal with brakes better suited for a golf cart and you'll get the idea. I drive the van downhill like Bob Eucker caught knuckleballs: I wait till we stop rolling, then I steer left or right. But Cannonball! is exciting, Water Buffalo is work. Either way, it's fun. We get done with our Workday at about 1pm. Then it's off to World Gym for some lifting and cardio. Yeah, we know it should be cardio and lifting (We know we're fat, don't rub it in.) but the lifting part is so much damn fun and the cardio is.....not. That takes an hour or so. Next is lunch at Whole Foods, right next door. We finally figured out how to make a salad taste good: put in a cup of dressing for each cup of salad. You say this is not nutricious and self defeating? We say "buzzkill." Then it's off to the nightly AA meeting where we get to spend some time with folks just as crazy as we are. It's awesome even when it's not. Finally, home to feed Rudy, our cat, dinner and some reading and tv before going to bed at 11pm or so. That's show biz!
That's all we have time for tonight. See you in 2013 for the next mailbag/liveblog!
Here goes...
--------------
First question comes from Stu in Bloody Dick Creek, Montana: "When was the last time any of you guys got laid, or are y'all still virgins?"
We are not virgins! We are not virgins! Well, honestly, a couple of the interns, but not the rest of us! In fact, the owner/proprietor of Apartment404.blogspot.com, Joe Sweeney, had sex four summers ago with a young woman from Lewiston. And yes, that still counts, Lewiston or no. Not everyone up there sleeps around, ya know. We were on our second or third date, completely shitfaced, and we brought her up to the ol' 'Pent. She took one look around the place, dropped her drawers, said "Let's do this, Joe!", spent the night, and we never heard from her again. Damn, we musta been so good she couldn't take anymore.
Second question, from Jackson of Berlin, NH: "Mr. 'Pent, do you think the Bruins and Celtics have a chance to do well in the playoffs this spring?"
About as much chance as we have of getting laid this spring. So "No", we don't think the B's and C's are likely to get out of the second round. Honestly, the B's can't score any goals, though we love Rask in net, and the C's are just completely broken down by age/injury (which go hand in hand). It would not surprise us in the least to see a first round flameout for the Celtics against, say, the Raptors, though there are really only three good teams in the Eastern Conference (Cavs, Magic, Hawks) of The Association.
Next, from Sherry down in Slaughter, Louisiana: "What is the worst movie you've seen lately, Mr. 'Pent?"
That is an interesting question because it is the rare bad movie that we actually sit through in its entirety. Say we're sitting in the theatre and realize we've paid to see a dog. For all but the very worst of the worst we're out the door of the Westbrook Cinemagic by the twenty minute mark. But to be a Bad Movie that is worth sitting through, that's something for hack directors to aspire to. Of the releases last year and this, we'd have to say "Invictus", "Valentine's Day", and "Observe and Report" were the three worst, not counting walkouts. "Invictus" was a snooze, "Valentine's Day" a complete mess, but the worst by quite a margin was "Observe and Report", a mean spirited take on mall cops that turned the usually terrific Seth Rogan into an unlikable bastard. We've heard that some folks actually admired the approach taken by director Jody Hill, but man, what a depressing movie. And we have no idea why we sat through the entire thing. This was not, as mentioned above, a Bad Movie. It was just a movie that sucked.
From Sean of Deadhorse, Alaska: "Whatever happened to Big Hat Guy and Bald Head Ed?"
Bald Head Ed is still bald. And Big Hat Guy is retired. Gawd, we miss the good old days of psychosis and many, many hidden cameras following us wherever we went. Sometimes sobriety and sanity is soooo boring.
Time for a couple more. Here's Monica from Turkey Flat, Arizona: "What kinds of music do you guys listen to?"
First of all there are only two types of music. Good and bad. Don't give us this "We don't listen to classical/country/rap/heavy metal" bullshit. There's good stuff in every type, just as there is shite. We listen to it all, man. All of it.
Here's a question from David of Climax, Pennsylvania: "Can you give your readers a glimpse inside what must be the fast paced life of a professional blogger?"
Well, we usually wake up between 3 and 4am after four or five hours of sleep. You'll find, David from Climax, that the older you get the less shuteye you need. We're thinking that at this pace, in twenty years, when we're in our early 60s, the staff here at The 'Pent will be able to get by with a five minute nap every three or four days. Really. When we were going through our "difficulties"/depression, substance abuse, and psychosis, we'd be asleep more than we'd be awake. Now that life is good and getting better, there is less time for sleep. (Hmmm, does that sound like we are tending to get kinda manic now and then? No Fucking Way!) Then it's off to work at 6:45am (Yes, we have a damn job. Best twenty hours of the week!). We drive a handicapped van. The van is twenty years old and has seen better days. It has two speeds: Water Buffalo and Cannonball!. Water Buffalo is on flat or uphill surfaces; the engine groans and creeks but gets the job done. Cannonball! is what happens whenever we get get going downhill: try stopping ten thousand pounds of metal with brakes better suited for a golf cart and you'll get the idea. I drive the van downhill like Bob Eucker caught knuckleballs: I wait till we stop rolling, then I steer left or right. But Cannonball! is exciting, Water Buffalo is work. Either way, it's fun. We get done with our Workday at about 1pm. Then it's off to World Gym for some lifting and cardio. Yeah, we know it should be cardio and lifting (We know we're fat, don't rub it in.) but the lifting part is so much damn fun and the cardio is.....not. That takes an hour or so. Next is lunch at Whole Foods, right next door. We finally figured out how to make a salad taste good: put in a cup of dressing for each cup of salad. You say this is not nutricious and self defeating? We say "buzzkill." Then it's off to the nightly AA meeting where we get to spend some time with folks just as crazy as we are. It's awesome even when it's not. Finally, home to feed Rudy, our cat, dinner and some reading and tv before going to bed at 11pm or so. That's show biz!
That's all we have time for tonight. See you in 2013 for the next mailbag/liveblog!
posted by joe sweeney at 8:53 PM
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