Mail Call, Y'all: "It is well that blogging is so terrible -- we should grow too fond of it."
Let's dive right in....
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--- Q: So what's it really like living in Apartment404, Hank? Lots of wild parties and glamorous women, I assume? -- Stu from Seattle, Washington
--- A: Well Stu, it's really not as glamorous as you might imagine. Really, I think "glamorous" is about the last word I'd use to describe life here for us. In fact, one of our interns actually went so far this morning as to ask a woman out on a real live date...
.....Once her screaming stopped, she was able to regain her composure and call security. That little intern got the hint, though. Cracked up the whole staff but good. We all learned a bit of a lesson: no attempts at dating for anyone who works here at Apartment404. Unh-uh.
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-- Q: Apt404, me and my friends have been wondering why you guys hate cops so damn much? -- Igor from Walpole, Massachusetts
--- A: No reason, just because, I guess.
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--- Q: How does one teach hope? -- Amy from Charlotte, North Carolina
--- A: You can't, Amy. Either you have it or you don't. Jesus, what a stupid question.
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--- Q: I've heard a lot about The Patriot Act allowing law enforcement to do pretty much whatever they please.....and I just want you guys to know I'm all for it! 9/11 changed everything! We must catch the evildoers. So, my question is; what are you at Apartment404 doing to help save freedom from those who despise it? -- PatrioticPatty from Hope, Arkansas
--- A: Great question. We at Apartment404 are able to do our fair share of snooping by carving a tiny hole in our shared wall with Apartment405 and installing spy cameras: We watch the fucker next door like a bunch of hawks!
In fact, our staff has a saying on the matter: "We value our privacy...the rest of the world can go shit in a hat."
And you wouldn't believe what kind of a wierdo lives next door to us. Man does the guy like to masturbate! Like every godddamn day, sometime between 8am and midnight (we monitor him closely). Like clockwork. The fuckin' loser has nothing better to do than pleasure himself once a day. Can you imagine being that bored with life that you have nothing better to do than jerk off somewhere in a 15 hour time frame? We laugh our collective asses off every time he rubs one out, then give each other celebratory high fives and big long pats on the back.
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--- Q: To followup on the prior Q/A, hey don't you think it's an invasion of the Apartment405's privacy to watch him 24/7? --- PP again
--- A: What's the big deal? If you have nothing to hide, who cares? We say put a police camera in every goddamn home in the country and we'll find out who's for the US, and who's against us. Goddamn right. We here at Apartment404 have absolutely nothing to hide, given at least two hour's notice.
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--- Q: Does the gang there at Apartment404 have any sort of nickname? -- SickoSadie from Austin, Texas
--- A: Well, now since you ask, yes we do. It's kind of an in-joke. We call ourselves "The Pussy Galore Posse", since we are big 007 fans as well as pygmies, like the original Pussy Posse. Yeah, all of us are under 5 foot 9 inches tall. Shit, now the secret is out. But our dicks are quite sizeable, or so we've been told.
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Q: Do the residents of Apartment404 think they have a well developed sense of humor, or do you just like to make fun of people? -- Mr. S from Kittery, Maine
A: Well, certainly we love to make fun of people. Most of the time of folks who even deserve it.
But really we think we have a hell of a collective sense of humor. For example, this headline always makes us all giggle. Those fuckin' developmentally disabled folks, always asking for handouts: Get a job, looosers and stop living off government handouts! Lazy fucks.
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Q: Do you guys enjoy shoplifting? -- Bill, Seattle, Washington
A: Only from stores where the clerks are snotty to us. So, the answer is, Yes, we enjoy shoplifting.
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Sorry, but that's it for this month's edition of "Mail Call, Y'all". See you next month!
------------------------------------------
--- Q: So what's it really like living in Apartment404, Hank? Lots of wild parties and glamorous women, I assume? -- Stu from Seattle, Washington
--- A: Well Stu, it's really not as glamorous as you might imagine. Really, I think "glamorous" is about the last word I'd use to describe life here for us. In fact, one of our interns actually went so far this morning as to ask a woman out on a real live date...
.....Once her screaming stopped, she was able to regain her composure and call security. That little intern got the hint, though. Cracked up the whole staff but good. We all learned a bit of a lesson: no attempts at dating for anyone who works here at Apartment404. Unh-uh.
--------------------------------------------
-- Q: Apt404, me and my friends have been wondering why you guys hate cops so damn much? -- Igor from Walpole, Massachusetts
--- A: No reason, just because, I guess.
--------------------------------------------
--- Q: How does one teach hope? -- Amy from Charlotte, North Carolina
--- A: You can't, Amy. Either you have it or you don't. Jesus, what a stupid question.
--------------------------------------------
--- Q: I've heard a lot about The Patriot Act allowing law enforcement to do pretty much whatever they please.....and I just want you guys to know I'm all for it! 9/11 changed everything! We must catch the evildoers. So, my question is; what are you at Apartment404 doing to help save freedom from those who despise it? -- PatrioticPatty from Hope, Arkansas
--- A: Great question. We at Apartment404 are able to do our fair share of snooping by carving a tiny hole in our shared wall with Apartment405 and installing spy cameras: We watch the fucker next door like a bunch of hawks!
In fact, our staff has a saying on the matter: "We value our privacy...the rest of the world can go shit in a hat."
And you wouldn't believe what kind of a wierdo lives next door to us. Man does the guy like to masturbate! Like every godddamn day, sometime between 8am and midnight (we monitor him closely). Like clockwork. The fuckin' loser has nothing better to do than pleasure himself once a day. Can you imagine being that bored with life that you have nothing better to do than jerk off somewhere in a 15 hour time frame? We laugh our collective asses off every time he rubs one out, then give each other celebratory high fives and big long pats on the back.
-------------------------------------------
--- Q: To followup on the prior Q/A, hey don't you think it's an invasion of the Apartment405's privacy to watch him 24/7? --- PP again
--- A: What's the big deal? If you have nothing to hide, who cares? We say put a police camera in every goddamn home in the country and we'll find out who's for the US, and who's against us. Goddamn right. We here at Apartment404 have absolutely nothing to hide, given at least two hour's notice.
-------------------------------------------
--- Q: Does the gang there at Apartment404 have any sort of nickname? -- SickoSadie from Austin, Texas
--- A: Well, now since you ask, yes we do. It's kind of an in-joke. We call ourselves "The Pussy Galore Posse", since we are big 007 fans as well as pygmies, like the original Pussy Posse. Yeah, all of us are under 5 foot 9 inches tall. Shit, now the secret is out. But our dicks are quite sizeable, or so we've been told.
-------------------------------------------
Q: Do the residents of Apartment404 think they have a well developed sense of humor, or do you just like to make fun of people? -- Mr. S from Kittery, Maine
A: Well, certainly we love to make fun of people. Most of the time of folks who even deserve it.
But really we think we have a hell of a collective sense of humor. For example, this headline always makes us all giggle. Those fuckin' developmentally disabled folks, always asking for handouts: Get a job, looosers and stop living off government handouts! Lazy fucks.
-------------------------------------------
Q: Do you guys enjoy shoplifting? -- Bill, Seattle, Washington
A: Only from stores where the clerks are snotty to us. So, the answer is, Yes, we enjoy shoplifting.
-------------------------------------------
Sorry, but that's it for this month's edition of "Mail Call, Y'all". See you next month!
posted by joe sweeney at 12:43 PM
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