A Lack Of Trust

Standing in the checkout line at the Forest Avenue Hannaford's
I saw P approaching with his young son
P was new to the program and seemed nice but somehow vaguely distant in my view.
But he was bright, friendly, and coherent, so he stuck out among the other newbies.
"Hi Paul!" I offered with a smile.
He looked at me and gave me back a weak "Hey" and seemed put off at the sight of me.
My instincts fired and I sensed rejection.

He walked to the checkout aisle fifteen feet away with his son at his heels.
A post was between us and I couldn't see him from where I was standing.
"That guy's in the program. He's creepy. Never had to work for anything."
"I have no respect for people like that who let the rest of the world do all the work."
"He's a loser and I can't stand him."
How could P be speaking to his child about me in such an aggressive way? Had I done anything to provoke this attack?
I paid for my groceries and walked away in shock, past where I could see P and the boy again and out to my car.
Why had he been so cruel? What is wrong with a person who would say such callous things about a stranger to a young boy?

Arriving home, I tried to piece together the puzzle. P had been nothing but nice to me
But I am always wary of strangers, especially males.
I had heard what he said to his son but couldn't see him because of the post.
Could it have been a hallucination? Another trick played on me by my mind?
The problem with hearing voices and being optimistic is that I keep expecting them to go away
And that the next time whatever I hear will BE REAL.

My only conclusion weeks later, after getting to know P better is that he didn't say those awful things about me.
He and his boy were most likely in a hurry and he didn't feel like talking
Or possibly he is as shy around new people as I am.

The belief that the next time, the next voice, will BE REAL is one of the hallmarks of my disease.