What If

I’m gay. I’m black. I a woman. I'm a kid. I was blind.

What if I had a “job”. What if I hadn’t come home from VA. What if I was good at anything. What if I was married. What if I was abused. What if I had friends. What if anyone had said “yes”. What if I was ugly and skinny. What if I didn’t read books and magazines. What if she had called me. What if she hadn’t given up on me. What if Dad wasn’t such a creep. What if she was stronger. What if they didn’t hate me so much. What if I had gone to Quinnipiac. What if Miami wasn’t so cheap. What if we had cellphones in 1984. What if I wasn’t an accounting major. What if I was a teacher. What if I was gay. What if people hadn’t been so mean to me all my life. What if I wasn’t a virgin until I was 30. What if my family was normal. What if I got better grades in high school. What if I had made the freshman basketball team. What if I had made the POP WARNER football team. What if I hadn’t gone back to the gym three years ago. What if she wasn’t so completely fucked up. What if she had remembered me. What if I had never been born. What if I had taken another 50 aspirin. What if he didn’t say, “He should have finished the job.”