Treating The Incurable

I suffer from a couple of treatable but incurable diseases (or, if you like, "diseases").

The first is alcoholism, which I treat by being an active member of AA. I've been sober for about twenty months now.

The second is a little tougher to get a handle on. I refer to it as The Beast. It's a mix of depression with psychotic symptoms that has caused me many stays in psychiatric hospitals for either suicidality or psychosis, or sometimes both. I've taken medication after medication, seen doctor after doctor and therapist after therapist in the last twenty years but it has only been in the last year or so that I have made any real progress.

And now that I'm doing better that question that comes to mind is, "What now?"

Since I feel good today, and yesterday, and the day before that, should I consider myself fixed/cured/whole and discontinue my medications, cancel my upcoming appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist, and try to live the life I've always wanted by looking for the perfect career, perfect woman, perfect car, etc?

I say no. Because maybe the reason I am doing well is because I am treating successfully a psychological disorder that will always be there, waiting for me to allow it back into my life. Maybe my present state of mind is the result of limiting the stress that life throws at us all by not taking on too much, not having too many balls in the air.

It's OK to just be OK, at least at the present moment.

So for now, I think I'll just ride this groove.