Why?

Feeling very low last week
As I am now 0 for ...oh, 6 or so in two years on the dating front
Saw my shrink on Thursday
He tells me, with kindness, that my life
"Is pretty good, relatively"
He's right, I know
And thank him for his honesty
He is such a good and valuable man
In my life

Four days of keeping the negative thoughts at bay
Follow
Four days of not allowing myself
To say, inside my head,
"I wish I was dead"
Tough days, long days

Last night the dam burst
And I considered the pills in the bathroom
What combination would do the trick?
How many? Would I have to buy some booze to finish the job?
All that sort of nastiness
And self loathing
My head was swimming
In
"I wish I was dead"s
For hours
I couldn't stop

Went to bed at 7:30
And woke up feeling OK
Looking forward to the day
Why?