To Be Honest...

I was planning on visiting my mother for lunch
Down in Kittery last month
In the days beforehand I was puzzled at to why I could hear all
Those folks talking about me, to me, in Apt404 every afternoon once again
Why was it happening now?
Was there anywhere safe?

I should be alright in her home, I thought
Those voices wouldn't dare follow
To the safest place in the world

I was a bit high at the time of the visit
Not on drugs, but hypo-manicky high
Happy with myself
For being so cool, for fighting so very hard
Against what is inside my head

I arrived at Mom's
She was watching, and listening to, Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy on the Red Sox telecast
(I usually keep the sound off and crank some music at home, so this was a different experience)
These two men talked to me throughout the broadcast
In between pitches, using the kill switches on their mics
So the audience couldn't hear what they were saying to me
But there had to be some way for me to hear them
Microphones and cameras in my Mom's house?
This shit again
It was real as can be
My mother, I knew, certainly couldn't hear them
They were nice, friendly, and funny
So was I
I made loud jokes to my mother to crack them up
And could hear Don and Jerry laughing at what I said
Why am I going through this again?
My reality can't be reality, I thought
This doesn't make a bit of sense
But how do you tell yourself not to trust your senses?
I could HEAR THEM clear as day
And wanted it to be true
So I went with it
For the entire game I made it my mission to keep Don and Jerry laughing
"He could be a professional broadcaster", said Remy
I knew he was right

It was real
It was reality

When I got home I got scared
Things couldn't have happened that way, I thought
(But it felt so real)
I know what I experienced in Kittery
Though, I thought, why would there be mics and cameras in my Mom's house?
Who would be so cruel to do that?
I so badly want to be loved, to be known
And my heart and brain must have latched on to these insane notions

Who wouldn't want to make Don and Jerry laugh at their jokes?
Who wouldn't want to be the center of the universe?
I do
And make it my reality every once in a while
It cannot, though, have happened as I experienced it in my brain
I know that now

It is so much fun to be crazy sometimes