Britney To Host Saturday Night Live on XX/XX/12
Opening
Backstage Brit's throwing a fit, diva like. Fred Armisen looks scared, stares wide eyed into camera: “She’s the worst host ever! My God, the horror! We should have asked Rachael Ray!” Andy Samberg: “I’m frightened!” Brit's like a monster loose backstage. The camera doesn't show her for a few minutes: The viewers can see talent and backstage people running left to right and right to left across screen in terror. Frantic scene. You can hear the screams, and things being tossed around backstage. Lorne: “Frank Zappa was easier to deal with!” Talent running around looking scared, thinking, "What do we do with her? She's a nightmare!" She goes onstage, fixes hair, and smiles. “Hi, I’m Britney! It’s gonna be an awesome show, I know it!!”
"Fake" Ad
"Medicine Water"
Sketch 1: “Who’s On Bottom?”
Meryl Streep/Don Gummer
Jennifer Garner/Ben Affleck
VP Biden/Second Lady Biden
Tina Fey and what’s his name
Helen Mirren/Taylor Hackford
Governor Christie/First Lady of NJ
Amy Poehler/Will Arnett
Kathie Lee/Frank
Sarah Palin/Todd Palin
President Bush/ The First Lady
Stephen King/Tabitha
Sketch 2: “Governor Christie’s Workout Show”
2 minutes of Keenan as Gov. Christie doing some kind of workout
3 minutes of breathing hard, snacking, SWEATING PROFUSELY through hose attached to back of head
1 minute of some more exercise
Keenan/Gov: “That’s enough for today.”
Song #1 "Till the World Ends"
Sketch 3: “Gay NFL”
Showtime Series
In an NFL locker room: Guys in shoulders pads, hip pads, towels, lots of leering looks, rolling eyes skyward, “you gonna use that towel?”, stammering, double meanings
Andy, Jason - Can’t look each other in the eye, staring at each other’s penises,
CAN’T LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYE (the eyes on their head, sorry, the eyes that they see out of, sorry, the eyebulbs that send pictures to their brains, sorry, their vision things)
Orlando Cruise Missiles vs San Antonio Spurs
Sketch 4: BritneyLand
Britney: The Rollercoaster
Tea cups
Cotton candy
Stuffed animals
Bumper cars that travel 30 mph
Sketch 5: Michael Vick: Standup Comedian
Mr. Vick doing his best to not be funny. Is funny. "It's 100% guaranteed I'll play Sunday." He won't play Sunday. "Damn refs." The refs didn't "break" his hand. "I/me/my" references. You talk a lot about yourself, Vick. "What'd I say?" You are fucking hilarious, Vick.
Sketch 6: Joe McGinniss and the Palins: “Neighbors”
Two houses on set, emptiness in between
Both families on their porches, staring at each other
Trade barbs
McGinniss: mean to wife and kids, writing on laptop, throws things on to Palin’s lawn,
Palins: Sex, happy kids, on phone with Cheney, etc (Rep. powerbrokers) barely notice McGinniss
McGinniss gets angry at them for not noticing him – throws copies of his book at them, hits Sarah with it, Todd beats up McGinniss
Song #2: "I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"
That's a pretty cool song.
Close: "Thank You"
You're welcome.
Backstage Brit's throwing a fit, diva like. Fred Armisen looks scared, stares wide eyed into camera: “She’s the worst host ever! My God, the horror! We should have asked Rachael Ray!” Andy Samberg: “I’m frightened!” Brit's like a monster loose backstage. The camera doesn't show her for a few minutes: The viewers can see talent and backstage people running left to right and right to left across screen in terror. Frantic scene. You can hear the screams, and things being tossed around backstage. Lorne: “Frank Zappa was easier to deal with!” Talent running around looking scared, thinking, "What do we do with her? She's a nightmare!" She goes onstage, fixes hair, and smiles. “Hi, I’m Britney! It’s gonna be an awesome show, I know it!!”
"Fake" Ad
"Medicine Water"
Sketch 1: “Who’s On Bottom?”
Meryl Streep/Don Gummer
Jennifer Garner/Ben Affleck
VP Biden/Second Lady Biden
Tina Fey and what’s his name
Helen Mirren/Taylor Hackford
Governor Christie/First Lady of NJ
Amy Poehler/Will Arnett
Kathie Lee/Frank
Sarah Palin/Todd Palin
President Bush/ The First Lady
Stephen King/Tabitha
Sketch 2: “Governor Christie’s Workout Show”
2 minutes of Keenan as Gov. Christie doing some kind of workout
3 minutes of breathing hard, snacking, SWEATING PROFUSELY through hose attached to back of head
1 minute of some more exercise
Keenan/Gov: “That’s enough for today.”
Song #1 "Till the World Ends"
Sketch 3: “Gay NFL”
Showtime Series
In an NFL locker room: Guys in shoulders pads, hip pads, towels, lots of leering looks, rolling eyes skyward, “you gonna use that towel?”, stammering, double meanings
Andy, Jason - Can’t look each other in the eye, staring at each other’s penises,
CAN’T LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYE (the eyes on their head, sorry, the eyes that they see out of, sorry, the eyebulbs that send pictures to their brains, sorry, their vision things)
Orlando Cruise Missiles vs San Antonio Spurs
Sketch 4: BritneyLand
Britney: The Rollercoaster
Tea cups
Cotton candy
Stuffed animals
Bumper cars that travel 30 mph
Sketch 5: Michael Vick: Standup Comedian
Mr. Vick doing his best to not be funny. Is funny. "It's 100% guaranteed I'll play Sunday." He won't play Sunday. "Damn refs." The refs didn't "break" his hand. "I/me/my" references. You talk a lot about yourself, Vick. "What'd I say?" You are fucking hilarious, Vick.
Sketch 6: Joe McGinniss and the Palins: “Neighbors”
Two houses on set, emptiness in between
Both families on their porches, staring at each other
Trade barbs
McGinniss: mean to wife and kids, writing on laptop, throws things on to Palin’s lawn,
Palins: Sex, happy kids, on phone with Cheney, etc (Rep. powerbrokers) barely notice McGinniss
McGinniss gets angry at them for not noticing him – throws copies of his book at them, hits Sarah with it, Todd beats up McGinniss
Song #2: "I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"
That's a pretty cool song.
Close: "Thank You"
You're welcome.
posted by joe sweeney at 11:17 AM
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