help me God

I thought I was the most important person on the planet just a couple of days ago and now I know that nothing exists, nothing is real.  my world does not exist.  mind blowing.  i am so sad, god.  why?  why?  i went to a church yesterday and the place was horrible.  the minister was creepy and weird and unfriendly.  who do I turn to now?  there are no churches in Portland to worship in.  what do people do all day?  there is nothing to do in Portland.  who are they texting?  talking about what?  the world is a joke.  i am sad and in so much pain.  pretty girls don't exist.  how can you be so smart as to make my dick hard at the sight of a pretty girl, yet cruel enough to make me feel so much pain.  nonsensical.  i am confused.  why would you put me through this.  i am in so much pain.  why?  i loved my father and he was cruel to me.  help me, Lord.  there are no churches left to ask for help in.  the people here in Portland are so very cruel and unfriendly.  so very unfriendly.  so very unfriendly.  i need your help.  how can i get out of here to a better place?  i am afraid of water and heights and cannot jump off the bridge down in kittery/portsmouth.  not yet anyway.  god, help me.  god, help me.  i am so sad.  i am full of love.