"Today's sports news, live from Bob Lobel...."

"Thanks Liz...."

1) Bad move, Andy. Roddick has hired just about the coolest and sexiest white man alive to be his new coach, the immortal Jimmy Conners. Dumb, dumb, dumb. What will Andy say when all the chicks flock to Mr. Conners, who still has hair to die for and the bod to match (Conners married a Playmate, and they said SHE was marrying up). I'm being serious now, Conners RULED tennis in the mid to late '70's by force of personality as well as those crappy metal racquets. Poor Roddick is not going to stand a chance against the man who is said to STILL root for rain delays at the US Open so that the networks can show his brilliant, awe inspiring run to the semis back in 1991, when he was 93 (sorry, transposed numbers=39). Now THAT was exciting tennis by the gun slinging Conners!

My thought is: will this lead to a comeback for Jimbo? He may be in his mid fifties, but is still in great shape. And a well timed insult to some of these teenage wanna bes prematch might just get him to the third round of some tournaments. Good luck and God speed to Jimmy Conners! Andy Roddick, this is your own fault for firing Gilbert. He took you to the top, then you dumped him. Shame.

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2) Some good quotes from training camp from Eric Cassano's blog, via Deadspin.

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3) Stephon Marbury, kind of an arrogant, clueless jock.

Starbury took on the greatest Knick guard of all, Walt "Clyde" Frazier, winner of 2 rings, during the telecast of a NYK summer league game back on the 8th of July. Clyde questioned Starbury's ripping of legendary ABA, NCAA, and NBA championship winning coach Larry Brown, and Starbury went on to....basically make no sense. Marbury is very into himself and has the strange belief that he is the best point guard in the world.

Why he believes this is anyone's guess, other than his posse continuing to remind him of this ridiculous "fact" in order to stay in his good graces. The man has not only never won anything at the college or pro level, he has the deserved rep of coach killer and team cancer. Just look at the Suns and Nets pre and post Starbury. And Stephon M. COULD have had a terrific career had he stayed in Minnesota, but his jealousy of Kevin Garnett's greatness (and contract) destroyed what possibly could have been a perennial contender. It's all been downhill since for the pg from Staten Island. What a waste of incredible talent.

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4) Harold Reynolds will no longer be announcing at the Little League World Series.....

.....due to the fact that, according to reports and whispers, he is a serial sexual harasser, and has been fired by Disney.

Here's what the greatest site on the planet has collected so far: Me Harold....You Jane....

Thanks once again to the geniuses at Deadspin for savings me the trouble of searching the web for anything interesting...because they do it for me.

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Sorry to interrupt you Bob, but we've got a breaking story.....it appears that 300m Americans have been f----d in the ass big time once again, as ConocoPhillips is about to announce, once again, record breaking profits. And other oil companies are expected to follow with announcements of huge, ungodly, unbelievably large profits from the quarter ending 6/30/06.

Yes, profits due to the "high COST of oil". Bob, if you can expain this to me feel free to jump in. If a company's product (that being oil) COSTS more, wouldn't profits do DOWN? They say it costs more to get the oil from, largely OPEC's, hands....then wouldn't THEY be the ones to bite the bullet and suffer losses or at least decreased profits? Hmmmmm...maybe, just maybe it's all an excuse to charge consumers more at the pump. Oh yeah, and f--k them in the ass, too.

Sorry sorry, I know, this simple analysis of 1+1=2 makes too much sense. And if you say to me that CP is just riding on the coattail of the market, then I would say (scream) back to you that I don't see any Bin Laden 'n Stuff gas stations here in the US. CP, Exxon/Mobil and OPEC SET the market price. And we pay it because I do not have any oil wells in the backyard of the apartment building I live in. The oil gets to the US somehow, whether it's pumped in the ME, US/Canada, Russia, or South America. Rationalize it all you want, the oil companies are raping and pillaging in the best tradition of Al Swearenger (not a "Deadwood" watcher? For shame.).

Oh yeah, for those who say that we all pay the same price at the pump and are affected equally, remember this: When Bill Gates tips $10 on a $100 lunch tab, he's being cheap. When I tip $10 on a $20 meal at IHOP, I'm being dumb.

Basically, thanks to the good folks in the White House, Americans who are NOT billionaires or multimillionaires are forced to transfer their earnings/savings/money under the mattress to the rich folk. Again. Some things never change.

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"Any thoughts, Bob?......Bob?.....is he breathing?....can someone call 9-1-1, Lobel seems to have fainted."