Apartment404's Media Watchdog continues unabated.....
First, in the "you can't make this shit up because it writes itself" Department (Dept. of YCMTSUBIWI for short): from Bill O'Reilly's 2004 "book", "The O'Reilly Factor....For Kids! [talk about superfluous information....the "For Kids!" part is a good example. do adults with IQ's over 85 watch The Factor?] : A Survival Guide for America's Families. Includes a New Chapter on Cyber-Bullying". An excerpt:
"Bullies are cowards.....When a group of girls ignores another girl [or talk show host] they think is dorky ....(or has) acne, that can be a form of psychological bullying....Whenever a group is cruel to an outsider, the mental scars can be permanent [don't he know it..can I get an "amen", former Factor guests?].
Generally, bullies pick on people who are smaller or perceived to be weaker or 'different' [like "retards", "spazzers', or, see above, "dorky"]. Why? Because misery loves company. Most times, bullies don't like something about themselves [or their botched hair weave], so they try to make others feel as bad about themselves as the bully feels about himself. In many cases, making someone else feel weak makes a bully feel strong [oh reilly? i mean, oh really?]
[now for the man's master stroke:]
Think of the bullies you've met. Are they the best athletes, the sharpest students, the most popular classmates? Never. [never?] Those cool people [cool people? two guys got paid to write this shit?] don't need to belittle others. They know that they're worth something [several million, in the case of O'Reilly's settlement for sexual harassment], are admired, and are succeeding. No. Bullies are losers [o'really?]....Often they're out of shape, awkward physically, or can't afford new or stylish clothes [I think i heard the same think about pot....yeah....."Reefer Madness".....]...They're lonely and angry people.
So what should you [what...you mean, me? hankszabo?] and everybody else do about them?
The problem has to be handled by the victim [you mean, viewer, don'tcha?], and fear can make that a very difficult thing to do.
.....I was always a big kid, played sports well, [wore quite stylish clothes, etc etc], and had a loyal set of friends. I was also never afraid to fight [so you're saying that the out of shape, acne filled losers getting picked on should get in fights with bullies, who are out of shape and awkward physically themselves, but nonetheless filled with hate and rage? good advice, Bill.], so I wasn't exactly the kind of target bullies usually picked on [so how are you qualified to help spazzers like me beat up or show up our oppressors? hmmm?].
I got bullied in high school once, too....
I attended a private school on Long Island where there were plenty of rich kids [O'Reilly being one of them, or close to it] in my class. I was not a rich kid [close, though].....(W)e had to wear jackets and ties in my high school, and my jackets were cheap pieces of junk [hmmmm....wore NON stylish clothing....very interesting]. Also, my tie was a clip-on [still is]. since I couldn't care less about ties.... [sounds like ya did, though] So a few wise guys started teasing me about my clothes. One of them pulled my tie off. (The hazing) went on for months [you just said it happened "once", not for several months, asshole].... Then one day two clowns cornered me...mocking me. Without hesitation, I decked [decked? who says 'decked'?] one of them...and the other guy ran.
After that the bullying stopped ALMOST [emphasis mine] completely."
O'Reilly goes on to talk about lessons learned (tell your parents, though first deck(!) the bully, etc). But man, this is a children's book. Does violence have to be the answer?
Can't we all just get along....without Bill O'Reilly?
Talk about shooting fish in a motherfuckin' barrel.
=================================
Next....
Magazines...Oh, I Loves My Magazines!
1) From October's "Blender":
"Ask Blender: Did one of the members of ABBA really have a Nazi dad? JM, Ogallala, Nebraska
In a word, Ja.
Anni-Frid Lyngstad (aka Frida), the brunette-female quarter of Sweden's most famous pop group was born in Norway in 1945 -- the product of an affair between her Norwegian mother, Synni, and a married German sergeant named Alfred Haase, who had been stationed in Norway.
After the war, Lyngstad's family -- like those of some 10,000 to 12,000 similarly conceived children, part of a German plan to 'enrich' the gene pool -- were shunned and branded Nazi collaborators. They fled to Sweden, where Lyngstad was raised by her grandmother after her mother's death from kidney failure. Lyngstad grew up believing her father had died on a ship en route back home, but when a German magazine published the truth in a 1977 article, the singer and her father were reunited.
Curiously, the Broadway hit 'Mamma Mia!', a jukebox musical based on ABBA's songs, has a similar plot, in which a young bride-to-be named Sophie tries to determine which of her mom's past lovers is her real dad."
Now, I guess if Frida, the Governator Arnold, and the Pope ever get together for brunch, they'll have something to talk about.
------------------------------------
2) from 10/9's Newsweek: These guys are part of The Coalition of the Willing...or whatever they call it.
Excerpts from an interview with Turkey's foreign minister (and the man who runs the country) Abdullah Gul, conducted by Lally Weymouth:
"Q: Do you think there is about to be a ceasefire with the PKK [a group of minority Kurds, one of the world's most oppressed peoples in several nations]?
A: We cannot bargain with a terrorist organization.
Q: Do you think the Kurds could control the PKK if they wanted to?
A: If they don't, we have the capacity, ability and determination to fight to the end....
Q: The White House has announced that PKK terrorism is on the agenda of the meeting President Bush will hold with (Turkish) Prime Minister Erdogan this week.
A: We appreciate that several times President Bush has declared that the US will take serious steps to fight terrorism, but we have to see the results."
Does anyone remember about 200 and something years ago a rather large and egotistic nation being founded by what would be called today terrorists? Yeah, that would be us. The PKK is an attempt by Kurds in Turkey to end their oppression and gain the right to (drumroll) speak and write in their own language, dress in their own clothing, etc etc. With "friends" like Gul, do we really need any enemies? There was much rejoicing in Asia and the Middle East when Gul took power several years back, due to the hope he would be a moderate.
It would appear the hopes were misplaced.
--------------------------------------
3) From 10/16's Sports Illustrated: "Died of a heart attack at age 64, former Australian Olympic sprinter Peter Norman, who shared the medal stand with Tommie Smith and John Carlos when the US runners gave their black power salutes at the 1968 Games. Norman, who won the silver medal in the 200 meters, supported the protest by wearing a human-rights button during the ceremony. He also helped plan it: When Carlos realized that he had forgotten his black gloves before the ceremony, Norman suggested that Smith and Carlos each wear one from Smith's pair. On Monday, Smith and Carlos were pallbearers at Norman's funeral. 'Peter never flinched, he never turned his eye or his head," Carlos said at the funeral. 'When I looked into his eyes, I saw nothing but love.'"
Also....
"Buck O'Neil: 1911-2006
In his 1996 autobiography O'Neil wrote 'Waste no tears for me. I didn't come along too early. I was right on time.'"
--------------------------------------
4) Borat. Is. Coming.
See Entertainment Weekly here. And just about every other mag and media outlet in the next three weeks. After a screening of Borat's new Blockbusterings film, 'Simpsons' writer George Meyer "turned to (Judd) Apatow [40-Year Old Virgin, among others] and said, "I feel like someone just played me Sgt. Peppers's for the first time."
Yeah, I think I'll find time to see the flick, out November 3rd.
--------------------------------------
5) From the November Playboy:
"How big has Wal-Mart become? The ratio in America of the number of the chain's employees to the number of high school teachers is 1:1."
Yeah, but can the teachers act pissed off when you want to know where the Big and Tall Men's sweatpants are?
--------------------------------------
6) From the 10/16 Newsweek: The goods on Rep. Foley
--------------------------------------
7) From the 10/9 Sports Illustrated:
Excerpted from a story titled "Is This Dr. Evil? A legend in the sports netherworld, chemist Patrick Arnold - inventor of THG - breaks his silence on his role in the BALCO scandal and hints of a future filled with scary science." By George Dohrmann
"It is late, and Arnold is sitting at a bar across the street from his apartment, smoking a Parliament Light....."
So the guy who invented the world's greatest steroid, used by every track and field athlete, every cyclist, weighlifter, etc, is a fuckin' smoker? Wow.
"....Once it became obvious that THG was as effective as he'd hypothesized, he didn't care about world-record times or home run totals. 'I'm sitting there at home alone, and this guy catches a touchdown (pass), and no one cheers for me,' he says. So I was like, "Who f------ cares?' But I also know that if they got caught, I was going to get busted."
Well, at least this dickwad isn't bitter or anything. Read on.
"'They are superstars making millions, and I'm getting a pittance,' he says of the athletes who used his drugs. 'I'm the one getting maligned in the press and going to prison, and they are still playing. I got the raw end of the deal.'
Insert whining sound here, a la petulant Peyton Manning throwing his offensive linemen under the bus after the Steelers game last year. Waaaa, I broke the law and I'm going to jail, waaaa.
And just for fun: Mr. Arnold is making some cash by producing a line of sports supplements for THE Sly Stallone. Regrettably, they do not come with lifts for your shoes.
-------------------------------------
And just for laughs
-------------------------------------
That's enough Media Watchdog for this week. Excuse me while I get back to googling "Runaway Bride".
"Bullies are cowards.....When a group of girls ignores another girl [or talk show host] they think is dorky ....(or has) acne, that can be a form of psychological bullying....Whenever a group is cruel to an outsider, the mental scars can be permanent [don't he know it..can I get an "amen", former Factor guests?].
Generally, bullies pick on people who are smaller or perceived to be weaker or 'different' [like "retards", "spazzers', or, see above, "dorky"]. Why? Because misery loves company. Most times, bullies don't like something about themselves [or their botched hair weave], so they try to make others feel as bad about themselves as the bully feels about himself. In many cases, making someone else feel weak makes a bully feel strong [oh reilly? i mean, oh really?]
[now for the man's master stroke:]
Think of the bullies you've met. Are they the best athletes, the sharpest students, the most popular classmates? Never. [never?] Those cool people [cool people? two guys got paid to write this shit?] don't need to belittle others. They know that they're worth something [several million, in the case of O'Reilly's settlement for sexual harassment], are admired, and are succeeding. No. Bullies are losers [o'really?]....Often they're out of shape, awkward physically, or can't afford new or stylish clothes [I think i heard the same think about pot....yeah....."Reefer Madness".....]...They're lonely and angry people.
So what should you [what...you mean, me? hankszabo?] and everybody else do about them?
The problem has to be handled by the victim [you mean, viewer, don'tcha?], and fear can make that a very difficult thing to do.
.....I was always a big kid, played sports well, [wore quite stylish clothes, etc etc], and had a loyal set of friends. I was also never afraid to fight [so you're saying that the out of shape, acne filled losers getting picked on should get in fights with bullies, who are out of shape and awkward physically themselves, but nonetheless filled with hate and rage? good advice, Bill.], so I wasn't exactly the kind of target bullies usually picked on [so how are you qualified to help spazzers like me beat up or show up our oppressors? hmmm?].
I got bullied in high school once, too....
I attended a private school on Long Island where there were plenty of rich kids [O'Reilly being one of them, or close to it] in my class. I was not a rich kid [close, though].....(W)e had to wear jackets and ties in my high school, and my jackets were cheap pieces of junk [hmmmm....wore NON stylish clothing....very interesting]. Also, my tie was a clip-on [still is]. since I couldn't care less about ties.... [sounds like ya did, though] So a few wise guys started teasing me about my clothes. One of them pulled my tie off. (The hazing) went on for months [you just said it happened "once", not for several months, asshole].... Then one day two clowns cornered me...mocking me. Without hesitation, I decked [decked? who says 'decked'?] one of them...and the other guy ran.
After that the bullying stopped ALMOST [emphasis mine] completely."
O'Reilly goes on to talk about lessons learned (tell your parents, though first deck(!) the bully, etc). But man, this is a children's book. Does violence have to be the answer?
Can't we all just get along....without Bill O'Reilly?
Talk about shooting fish in a motherfuckin' barrel.
=================================
Next....
Magazines...Oh, I Loves My Magazines!
1) From October's "Blender":
"Ask Blender: Did one of the members of ABBA really have a Nazi dad? JM, Ogallala, Nebraska
In a word, Ja.
Anni-Frid Lyngstad (aka Frida), the brunette-female quarter of Sweden's most famous pop group was born in Norway in 1945 -- the product of an affair between her Norwegian mother, Synni, and a married German sergeant named Alfred Haase, who had been stationed in Norway.
After the war, Lyngstad's family -- like those of some 10,000 to 12,000 similarly conceived children, part of a German plan to 'enrich' the gene pool -- were shunned and branded Nazi collaborators. They fled to Sweden, where Lyngstad was raised by her grandmother after her mother's death from kidney failure. Lyngstad grew up believing her father had died on a ship en route back home, but when a German magazine published the truth in a 1977 article, the singer and her father were reunited.
Curiously, the Broadway hit 'Mamma Mia!', a jukebox musical based on ABBA's songs, has a similar plot, in which a young bride-to-be named Sophie tries to determine which of her mom's past lovers is her real dad."
Now, I guess if Frida, the Governator Arnold, and the Pope ever get together for brunch, they'll have something to talk about.
------------------------------------
2) from 10/9's Newsweek: These guys are part of The Coalition of the Willing...or whatever they call it.
Excerpts from an interview with Turkey's foreign minister (and the man who runs the country) Abdullah Gul, conducted by Lally Weymouth:
"Q: Do you think there is about to be a ceasefire with the PKK [a group of minority Kurds, one of the world's most oppressed peoples in several nations]?
A: We cannot bargain with a terrorist organization.
Q: Do you think the Kurds could control the PKK if they wanted to?
A: If they don't, we have the capacity, ability and determination to fight to the end....
Q: The White House has announced that PKK terrorism is on the agenda of the meeting President Bush will hold with (Turkish) Prime Minister Erdogan this week.
A: We appreciate that several times President Bush has declared that the US will take serious steps to fight terrorism, but we have to see the results."
Does anyone remember about 200 and something years ago a rather large and egotistic nation being founded by what would be called today terrorists? Yeah, that would be us. The PKK is an attempt by Kurds in Turkey to end their oppression and gain the right to (drumroll) speak and write in their own language, dress in their own clothing, etc etc. With "friends" like Gul, do we really need any enemies? There was much rejoicing in Asia and the Middle East when Gul took power several years back, due to the hope he would be a moderate.
It would appear the hopes were misplaced.
--------------------------------------
3) From 10/16's Sports Illustrated: "Died of a heart attack at age 64, former Australian Olympic sprinter Peter Norman, who shared the medal stand with Tommie Smith and John Carlos when the US runners gave their black power salutes at the 1968 Games. Norman, who won the silver medal in the 200 meters, supported the protest by wearing a human-rights button during the ceremony. He also helped plan it: When Carlos realized that he had forgotten his black gloves before the ceremony, Norman suggested that Smith and Carlos each wear one from Smith's pair. On Monday, Smith and Carlos were pallbearers at Norman's funeral. 'Peter never flinched, he never turned his eye or his head," Carlos said at the funeral. 'When I looked into his eyes, I saw nothing but love.'"
Also....
"Buck O'Neil: 1911-2006
In his 1996 autobiography O'Neil wrote 'Waste no tears for me. I didn't come along too early. I was right on time.'"
--------------------------------------
4) Borat. Is. Coming.
See Entertainment Weekly here. And just about every other mag and media outlet in the next three weeks. After a screening of Borat's new Blockbusterings film, 'Simpsons' writer George Meyer "turned to (Judd) Apatow [40-Year Old Virgin, among others] and said, "I feel like someone just played me Sgt. Peppers's for the first time."
Yeah, I think I'll find time to see the flick, out November 3rd.
--------------------------------------
5) From the November Playboy:
"How big has Wal-Mart become? The ratio in America of the number of the chain's employees to the number of high school teachers is 1:1."
Yeah, but can the teachers act pissed off when you want to know where the Big and Tall Men's sweatpants are?
--------------------------------------
6) From the 10/16 Newsweek: The goods on Rep. Foley
--------------------------------------
7) From the 10/9 Sports Illustrated:
Excerpted from a story titled "Is This Dr. Evil? A legend in the sports netherworld, chemist Patrick Arnold - inventor of THG - breaks his silence on his role in the BALCO scandal and hints of a future filled with scary science." By George Dohrmann
"It is late, and Arnold is sitting at a bar across the street from his apartment, smoking a Parliament Light....."
So the guy who invented the world's greatest steroid, used by every track and field athlete, every cyclist, weighlifter, etc, is a fuckin' smoker? Wow.
"....Once it became obvious that THG was as effective as he'd hypothesized, he didn't care about world-record times or home run totals. 'I'm sitting there at home alone, and this guy catches a touchdown (pass), and no one cheers for me,' he says. So I was like, "Who f------ cares?' But I also know that if they got caught, I was going to get busted."
Well, at least this dickwad isn't bitter or anything. Read on.
"'They are superstars making millions, and I'm getting a pittance,' he says of the athletes who used his drugs. 'I'm the one getting maligned in the press and going to prison, and they are still playing. I got the raw end of the deal.'
Insert whining sound here, a la petulant Peyton Manning throwing his offensive linemen under the bus after the Steelers game last year. Waaaa, I broke the law and I'm going to jail, waaaa.
And just for fun: Mr. Arnold is making some cash by producing a line of sports supplements for THE Sly Stallone. Regrettably, they do not come with lifts for your shoes.
-------------------------------------
And just for laughs
-------------------------------------
That's enough Media Watchdog for this week. Excuse me while I get back to googling "Runaway Bride".
posted by joe sweeney at 2:07 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home