That heat, so fine. -- My First Crush
I hadn't ever had a date or even been interested in a girl until I met Joanne during spring semester 1986, my sophomore year at Miami University.
It was some random history class in a cold, damp classroom in the middle of campus in early January. On the second day of class I was late arriving and couldn't find a place to sit. "I stole your seat!" someone said. This very pretty girl with friendly eyes and long, blond, curly hair was looking up at me from her seat and smiling. She was in the chair I had used the prior meeting.
Was she talking to me? Was she making fun of me?
I don't remember if I smiled back, or even what I did next. Probably just took a chair and tried to be invisible, as the prof had already been lecturing for a few minutes prior to my arrival and I didn't want anyone to notice me in my usual awkwardness.
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Somehow we wound up walking next to each other after class. What did I say to her, other than "My name is Joe."? I don't know. What did she say to me, other than, "Hey, that's my name, too."? No clue. But something was happening that felt good, that made me look forward to the next time I would see her.
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In middle school, I remember the biggest, ballsiest girl in our grade asking me, mockingly, "Why don't you ever talk to girls?" In high school I was completely miserable and fearful of everyone, most of all young girls who were suddenly becoming women, so dating was out of the question. There was some masturbation and interest in pornography, but actually being interested in having a girlfriend, no, that was for other boys, not a loser freak like me. I had plenty of problems in my teenage years, lack of interest in girls being just one of many. So when I arrived at Miami in 1984 I had never been kissed, never been on a date, never really had even a meaningful conversation with a female peer.
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I started pretty quickly on making sure that I got to that history class early in order to move Joanne's favorite chair close to mine, so that our legs, our feet, our hips would touch as we listened to the lecture. It was almost involuntary. She didn't have a problem being close to me, apparently. This was all so new and wonderful.
There came a day when I got the courage to ask her if she wanted to study for an upcoming exam. Now, Joanne was a pretty indifferent student. She was technically a senior but had told me she wasn't going to graduate with her class, and what's more, she was not bothered by this. So I felt like I was taking a bit of a chance asking her to actually study for a test. But she agreed. I asked her if Burger King was okay.
Yes, Burger King. In the "Uptown" section of Oxford, so named because it was uphill from the Miami campus, on High Street.
Nerves are a funny thing: they show that you care, that something is important. And you better believe that I was plenty nervous waiting for Joanne to show up that first time we had a study date.
Things went well. She must have felt comfortable with me because she put her adorably tiny feet up against my knees from across the table at some point. I was becoming hooked on this kind of feeling.
I remember her long, wild, blond hair, which fell almost to her waist. I remember her complaining once that she had forgotten to shave her underarms that week. She even showed me, thinking I would share her revulsion. They looked pretty good to me. And who knew that women shaved there? I had no clue. I remember finding out that she was from St. Louis, and missed her family. She drove a massive four door sedan that must have belonged to her parents at some point. And was a waitress part time at a Mexican restaurant uptown. She loved "The Cosby Show", which had just come on the air and which I was sure was pap. Joanne was a member of a sorority, the Kappas, but wasn't too involved anymore as a senior. I found out later that the Kappa Kappa Gammas were the glamour girls of Miami sorority life, something that impressed me and my dorm friends to no end. She and her roommate called the bedroom of their apartment the "Love Pit", which took me aback until I realized she was being sarcastic. She once wore a sun dress to class and I heard the girl behind us laugh. I thought maybe she was laughing at Joanne's clothes. What a strange thing: I was paranoid even way back then, being afraid of people laughing at us. I remember her smile.
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Having no idea of what to do next, I sought advice from the guys in my hall back at the dorm. "You gotta ask her out" I remember being advised. What a terrifying idea.
The opportunity came when I found out the famed Second City comedy troupe, from Chicago, would be playing a show on campus. Would she like to go? Of course she quickly and enthusiastically said "Yes."
My first date, at 19 years old. Do I remember anything about the actual show? Not really. I remember not being able to laugh too much due to my heart being in my throat the entire night. Was I able to make coherent conversation? Not sure.
The show ended and we walked out. She lived in the opposite direction of town from me. She stopped and turned to me. What was I going to do? I said something along the likes of "Thanks for coming. I had a nice time." A whiff. No kiss. No "Can we do this again?". A wasted opportunity.
From that night until the end of the semester things were different between us. We still sat oh so close to each other, delicately touching, but when I asked her to come study with me sometimes she wouldn't show up. She was mentally moving on, I think. Getting ready for graduation and whatever life was going to hold for her after she left the school we lovingly call "Mother Miami." She will always be special to me.
------------
There is a famous scene in "Citizen Kane" is which one of the peripheral characters talks about spying a beautiful women in the distance, on a ferry, when he was a young man and subsequently thinking about this woman at least once a week for the rest of his life. I have the same experience with my first crush, Joanne L of St. Louis, Missouri and the "Love Pit." Thanks, J, for the memory.
It was some random history class in a cold, damp classroom in the middle of campus in early January. On the second day of class I was late arriving and couldn't find a place to sit. "I stole your seat!" someone said. This very pretty girl with friendly eyes and long, blond, curly hair was looking up at me from her seat and smiling. She was in the chair I had used the prior meeting.
Was she talking to me? Was she making fun of me?
I don't remember if I smiled back, or even what I did next. Probably just took a chair and tried to be invisible, as the prof had already been lecturing for a few minutes prior to my arrival and I didn't want anyone to notice me in my usual awkwardness.
-----
Somehow we wound up walking next to each other after class. What did I say to her, other than "My name is Joe."? I don't know. What did she say to me, other than, "Hey, that's my name, too."? No clue. But something was happening that felt good, that made me look forward to the next time I would see her.
===========
===========
In middle school, I remember the biggest, ballsiest girl in our grade asking me, mockingly, "Why don't you ever talk to girls?" In high school I was completely miserable and fearful of everyone, most of all young girls who were suddenly becoming women, so dating was out of the question. There was some masturbation and interest in pornography, but actually being interested in having a girlfriend, no, that was for other boys, not a loser freak like me. I had plenty of problems in my teenage years, lack of interest in girls being just one of many. So when I arrived at Miami in 1984 I had never been kissed, never been on a date, never really had even a meaningful conversation with a female peer.
===========
===========
I started pretty quickly on making sure that I got to that history class early in order to move Joanne's favorite chair close to mine, so that our legs, our feet, our hips would touch as we listened to the lecture. It was almost involuntary. She didn't have a problem being close to me, apparently. This was all so new and wonderful.
There came a day when I got the courage to ask her if she wanted to study for an upcoming exam. Now, Joanne was a pretty indifferent student. She was technically a senior but had told me she wasn't going to graduate with her class, and what's more, she was not bothered by this. So I felt like I was taking a bit of a chance asking her to actually study for a test. But she agreed. I asked her if Burger King was okay.
Yes, Burger King. In the "Uptown" section of Oxford, so named because it was uphill from the Miami campus, on High Street.
Nerves are a funny thing: they show that you care, that something is important. And you better believe that I was plenty nervous waiting for Joanne to show up that first time we had a study date.
Things went well. She must have felt comfortable with me because she put her adorably tiny feet up against my knees from across the table at some point. I was becoming hooked on this kind of feeling.
I remember her long, wild, blond hair, which fell almost to her waist. I remember her complaining once that she had forgotten to shave her underarms that week. She even showed me, thinking I would share her revulsion. They looked pretty good to me. And who knew that women shaved there? I had no clue. I remember finding out that she was from St. Louis, and missed her family. She drove a massive four door sedan that must have belonged to her parents at some point. And was a waitress part time at a Mexican restaurant uptown. She loved "The Cosby Show", which had just come on the air and which I was sure was pap. Joanne was a member of a sorority, the Kappas, but wasn't too involved anymore as a senior. I found out later that the Kappa Kappa Gammas were the glamour girls of Miami sorority life, something that impressed me and my dorm friends to no end. She and her roommate called the bedroom of their apartment the "Love Pit", which took me aback until I realized she was being sarcastic. She once wore a sun dress to class and I heard the girl behind us laugh. I thought maybe she was laughing at Joanne's clothes. What a strange thing: I was paranoid even way back then, being afraid of people laughing at us. I remember her smile.
-----
Having no idea of what to do next, I sought advice from the guys in my hall back at the dorm. "You gotta ask her out" I remember being advised. What a terrifying idea.
The opportunity came when I found out the famed Second City comedy troupe, from Chicago, would be playing a show on campus. Would she like to go? Of course she quickly and enthusiastically said "Yes."
My first date, at 19 years old. Do I remember anything about the actual show? Not really. I remember not being able to laugh too much due to my heart being in my throat the entire night. Was I able to make coherent conversation? Not sure.
The show ended and we walked out. She lived in the opposite direction of town from me. She stopped and turned to me. What was I going to do? I said something along the likes of "Thanks for coming. I had a nice time." A whiff. No kiss. No "Can we do this again?". A wasted opportunity.
From that night until the end of the semester things were different between us. We still sat oh so close to each other, delicately touching, but when I asked her to come study with me sometimes she wouldn't show up. She was mentally moving on, I think. Getting ready for graduation and whatever life was going to hold for her after she left the school we lovingly call "Mother Miami." She will always be special to me.
------------
There is a famous scene in "Citizen Kane" is which one of the peripheral characters talks about spying a beautiful women in the distance, on a ferry, when he was a young man and subsequently thinking about this woman at least once a week for the rest of his life. I have the same experience with my first crush, Joanne L of St. Louis, Missouri and the "Love Pit." Thanks, J, for the memory.
posted by joe sweeney at 4:58 AM
1 Comments:
Your remarks are extremely remeniscent of most of us "average Joes" (no pun intended) when it comes to the lack of confidence when first approaching a young woman. Many of us have this false image of our fellow "MALES".... We convince ourselves they are all the stereotypical "Zac Effron" types and have an unlimited supply of confidence. Just because a guy displays a certain SWAGGER in a sport or possibly in his ability to dance ECT ECT..... We assume they also have it all together when it comes to the "chicks". WOW.... NOT TRUE! Well, not all the time anyway..... Every guy feels those very same feelings when noticing a gal for the very first time. We're all scared shitless they'll say "no" the very minute we engage verbally. It seems from my perspective the one character trait most endearing to females is a guys willingness to be vulnerable. Whether it's having the courage to take the first step or the courage to be perceived as "whipped" by his male peers. Having the courage to shed to masculine walls is a big indicator of a man's feelings for a woman.
Great post Joe.... Awesome story.... -John N. (One of Bill's friends)-
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