News Quiz Time!

We'd like to thank all those who made this quiz necessary, as Yogi said.

-----------------------------------------

From the 12/4/06 edition of "Newsweek" --

1) What line did Newsweek post under photos of Rupert Murdoch and O.J. Simpson in a story on publisher Judith Regen?

a) -- O.J. to Rupert: "So...how many people have YOU murdered, Big Guy?"
b) -- Rupert to O.J.: "I see a series, too! Oops, cancel that."
c) -- Murdoch to O.J.: "Remember, no matter what, I have to come out looking good."
d) -- Nixed: Murdoch canceled O.J.'s book deal and TV spot due to public outcry.


2) What is the subtitle to the "My Turn" essay (each week a so-called "normal, everyday" American gets to have their thoughts published) written by Mrs. Eileen B. of Michigan, titled "Thou Shalt Not Turn Me Into a False Idol." Mrs. B.'s husband is a pastor.

a) -- Because I'm a pastor's wife, everyone thinks my husband is attracted to young boys.
b) -- Because I'm a pastor's wife, a lot of people assume I must be borderline retarded.
c) -- Because I'm a pastor's wife, everyone thinks my life is perfect and they have me figured out. Not so fast.
d) -- Because I'm a pastor's wife, everyone assumes my new Corvette was bought with church money. Not true. The money actually came from online scams.


3) What state is the writer of the following letter writer from?
"I'd call myself an independant, but I've almost always voted Republican. Jonathan Alter expresses the very reason I did not vote Republican this midterm election: the Terri Schiavo case. It wasn't the war, it wasn't the economy -- it was Schiavo. For Gov. Jeb Bush and President George W. Bush to interfere in this personal and private family matter, to have embroiled the nation as they did, cost the Republicans my family's two votes." -- Linda G.

a) Massachusetts
b) New York
c) California
d) Florida


4) Followup to #3 -- What is the best way to describe what Mrs. G's life might be like?

a) She is a stay at home mom with four kids, aged 3,4,5,6. Her husband is an office manager for a local defense contractor. They are devout churchgoers who watch a lot of Fox News and expect The Rapture any day now.
b) The future Mrs. G's mom drank during her pregnancy, often to excess. The future Mrs. G had three boys by the time she was 21, by two different men. Then, she found God, became born again, and married Mr. G, an engineer who volunteered with the local Big Brother group by taking a dozen of so youngsters on overnight camping trips. She is thankful for all her blessings now, and can't understand why all homeless folks smell so bad.
c) Mrs. G loves to get all her weekly shopping needs met at the local Globo-Mart. She thinks it's so convenient that she doesn't have to deal with all the downtown or mall traffic anymore, and finds that her Ford Mega-Explorer gives her a nice feeling of safety by allowing her to "drive way up high." And she writes many letters to the editor of the local paper.
d) Mrs. G is retired with her third husband, living in an ocean view condo with pictures of her 46 grand children and great grandchildren on top of the family's 20 year old television set, which is roughly the size of a coffin. Mrs. G does not know if 3,000 or 30,000 US troops have been killed in the Middle East, and does not care since she has complete faith in the President's ability to manage the war.
e) Any of the above is plausible


5) The usually clear thinking and sober Fareed Zakaria wrote an essay titled "The Next Step? Think Vietnam.", in which he advises the nation to look to the example of Henry Kissinger's lengthy negotiations with the North Vietnamese leaders as a blueprint for how the Bush administration can extricate the US military from Iraq. The use of mass murderer Kissinger as an example of how our government should change course and try to save face means that:

a) The end is truly near.
b) We here at Apartment404 give up. We just give up.
c) Henry Kissinger, one of the best practitioners of realpolitik in the 20th Century, will advise President Bush to bomb Iran and Syria as soon as possible. World War III ensues. And THEN all hell breaks loose on the planet.
d) The government of the US has no idea what they're doing, either. But still, the troops die. And the Iraqis die. With no end in sight.


6) The neoconservative architects of the Iraq War have largely left the administration. What are some of the fellas up to these days? All of the following are true except one:

a) Paul Wolfowitz works for the World Bank and does not comment on his role in the "Fiasco."
b) Douglas Feith "teaches" at Georgetown and admits that mistakes were made.
c) On March 27, 2003, Richard Perle resigned as chairman of the Defense Policy Board, though he still remains a member of the board. Perle remains an advocate of pre-emptive wars by the US military.
d) William Kristol, who runs "The Weekly Standard" and was never part of the administration though he is often referred to as "The neocon's neocon", is quoted by "Newsweek" as stating, "For a group that's discredited, an awful lot of people are spending an awful lot of time discrediting us." (He then may have run out of the room cackling "hahahahahahaha", though we're not sure about that.)
e) Dick Cheney spends much of his time assisting our President in the White House.


7) Ellis Cose wrote an essay on the Michael Richards racist rant titled "Sorry Isn't just Another Word." In it, he mentions that "the young men who were the target of Richards's racist rage have already pronounced themselves unsatisfied with his first public apology." Why is that?

a) The two young men, honor students studying to become architects, were extremely busy going to confession and doing volunteer work for shut-ins and thus could not be reached for further comment.
b) The two young men were involved in negotiations to sell their dual life story to Rupert Murdoch. Working title, "He did it! He did it!"
c) The two young men were too busy hiring a lawyer and going to the media, asking Richards for "some money," to pay attention to the actor/comedian's apology.
d) The two young men spent the rest of the week heckling other edgy comics, hoping for another potential payday.


8) A Mr. George Berg of South Carolina successfully sued a man who had an affair with his then wife for $150,000 for violating the state's "Alienation of Affection" Statute. In January, Berg will begin receiving monthly checks. These laws originated from the belief that the wife was simply property belonging to the husband. Seven states still have such laws on their books. What was Mr. Berg quoted as saying about his wife's affair and their subsequent divorce?

a) "Ca-ching! Ca-ching!"
b) "Ladies....I'm single again!"
c) "I may be a pathetic asshole, but I'm rich, you bastards! I'm rich! Suck on that! Hey, you guys know any single hotties?"
c) "I loved my wife more than anything in the entire world."
d) "I loved my wife more than just about anything in the entire world, except for that brand new Mustang the lawsuit paid for!"

--------------------------------------------------

From the "Portland Press Herald." --

9) From the 11/29/06 edition. Story by David Hench: "Cumberland County Sheriff Mark Dion says that when Channel 13 airs its second installment of 'Fugitive Files' tonight, it will be like flashing a local wanted poster in front of thousands of potential witnesses. 'Who knows best where these people are but the folks they're living with?' said Dion, whose agency is working with the local CBS affiliate in creating the news feature. 'This attempts to get the citizen to take a proactive approach to help us do fugitive investigations.'" -- Sheriff Dion went on to further say.....what?

a) "We're modeling the whole thing on the KGB. They kept a pretty tight lid on crime back in Communist Russia. If enough family members turn in their sons/daughters/parents/spouses, we'll lick all crime in Cumberland County. God willing."
b) "After the recent success of NBC's 'To Catch A Predator' in likely causing the suicide of a potential pedophile, we're hoping that quite a few past, present, and future criminals off themselves right here in Cumberland County, Maine. That would be a lot less mess for us to deal with. God willing."
c) "Hey, in Islamic nations they cut off thieves forearms for taking a loaf of bread. We're not going that far. I mean we're not savages. Just a couple of fingers would suit the Sheriff's Department just fine."
d) "They want to be there when the long arm of the law finally grabs that person. That's the payback for the public."


10) How much was bail set for a Mr. JL, who was a feature story on WGME's "Fugitive Files" for committing a drug possession misdemeanor and not showing up for his court date?

a) $500,000
b) 20 bucks and Mr. JLs bootleg 'Nightline' tapes, which were handed over to WGME "news" director Robb Atkinson and burned.
c) Held without bail due to flight risk. The perp owned a Segway scooter.
d) $140


11) From a recent letter appearing in the PPH, written by a Mr. WM of Wiscasset regarding the death of ex-NFLer Pat Tillman from friendly fire and the subsequent attempt by his parents to get past the government coverup and find out the truth regarding how he was killed : "(I)n warfare, many situations arise that put troops in danger of friendly fire....Nevertheless, that men die in such circumstances does not detract from their bravery and heroism. It serves no purpose to tell the relatives of such victims that their son or daughter died in such circumstances. All it does is bring on unnecessary anguish. I was in high school during World War II and delivered many telegrams for Western Union advising families of the wounding or death of a service member. Not one described the circumstances." -- What are the major differences between World War II and America's pre-emptive strike on Iraq?

a) When almost half a million US soldiers die in a war covering most of the planet in the pre-tv, pre internet, pre information age, the War Department probably had no idea how most of the men died at the time the families were notified.
b) Apparently, Western Union employees read a lot of private mail back in the day. Today, our internets communications are secure and reliable.
c) There was a draft following US entry into World War II. Today, the military is all volunteer. These men and women chose to put their lives on the line; they were not forced to by the government. And should not be treated as disposable cogs in a great war machine.
d) In World War II, the Germans, Italians and Japanese were the bad guys. Today, we are.
e) All of the above.

===================================

1) Answer is d)
2) Answer is c)
3) Answer is d)
4) Answer is e), in our opinion
5) Answer is d), though a) is acceptable, since we arethisclose to giving up.
6) e) is untrue. VP Cheney remains in an undisclosed location, cleaning his gun.
7) Answer is c)
8) Answer is c)
9) Answer is d)
10) Answer is d)
11) Answer is e)

Johnny got his medication -- "Think of this as being a key, and this is a lock, the hole in the lock is blocked."

"60 Minutes" and Lesley Stahl: Brought to you by Sumner Redstone, and now, the AMA and Wyeth Pharmaceuticals.

-----------------------------------------

The most cynical story ever run on the show? Probably.

The killing of the Big Tobacco piece years ago doesn't qualify, since they, um, killed it. For a while at least, as covered in "The Insider."

But CBS and Viacom can't sink much lower than this one. "Journalist" Lesley Stahl, who's forte for many years has been puff pieces on celebs and freaks while wearing revealing skirts (she's eligible for AARP? she doesn't care.), ran a piece on Sunday's show that was simply awe-inspiring in its shamefullness.

There apparently is a drug currently being used for high blood pressure called Procramital that is now being prescribed for those who suffer traumatic memories and have difficulty coping with flashbacks and the like. Or at least its manufacturer would like it to be prescribed for this reason. The drug, according to the AMA MD shills interviewed by Ms. Stahl, works amazingly well in reducing the mental anguish of, well, rape, suicide, car accidents, etc.

Ain't that cool?

Three women who have suffered trauma at different points in their lives are presented by "60M" as having been basically "cured" by this drug. Forgive our cynical nature, but taking a sampling of desperate folks who are helped by a particular drug is ridiculous and a shameless, shameful plug for an enormous drug company that almost certainly is now scratching someone's back, as thousands of trauma sufferers are calling their doctors and begging to be put on this amazing Procramital, (God damn it all!)

------------------------------------------

Example: Fen Phen, a drug that was also manufactured by Wyeth (then known as "American Home Products") helped a lot of folks lose a lot of weight, at least in the short term.

It also killed a lot of folks, and is no longer being manufactured. If "60 Minutes" and Leslie had done a piece on this weight loss drug before the awful side effects were publicly acknowledged by Wyeth, then it might have gone something like this: (And if you don't think that Wyeth didn't know that there were side effects, then you haven't got a fucking clue how business operates in this here world.)

Patient #1 -- "Fen Phen? My God, man! Ya gotta get ya some! It's a miracle! I've lost 200 pounds in three months and I feel great! I've started to lay golden eggs! Can you believe it?"

Patient #2 -- "Fen Phen? Holy shit! I took some of that and won the damn lotto! Bought a Super-Duper-Cruiser and quit my job to travel the country! The stuff is amazing! And the taste is out of this world!"

Patient #3 -- "Wow, that Fen Phen is some good-ass shit! I took one pill, lost 85 pounds, met the woman I would marry, and went to Law School! And I owe it all to Fen Phen! Get ya some!

Doctor -- "As far as you know, it's completely safe! And nutritious, too!"

----------------------------------------------

Back to "60M" and the credulous Leslie Stahl --

"Procramital sits on that nerve cell and blocks it, so that, think of this as being a key, and this is a lock, the hole in the lock is blocked because of propranolol sitting there. So, adrenaline can be present, but it can't do its job." --
Dr. James McGaugh, professor of neurobiology at the University of California, Irvine and one of the shills promoting off-label use of the drug.

How much Wyeth stock does this man have?

Thank God we all don't have to worry about that nasty adrenaline anymore. Wasn't doing the guys getting shot at in Iraq and Afghanistan much good anyway. (There's a bullet with your name on it, son....)

----------------------------------------------

The military is looking into giving this crap to all the guys coming back from the Middle East with limbs missing and buddies who were blown to bits. So that now they can forget the deaths, dismemberments, and brutality and get back to whatever it is that people occupy their time with between wars.

A few dozen doses of Procramital and they'll be ready for another rotation!

And another! And another!

----------------------------------------------

Extra Advertising Supplement --

Lipitor, made by the huge pharma company, Pfizer, is another blood pressure med heavily prescribed in the US. And Pfizer is running a big ad on the CBS "60 Minutes" site, right next to the Procramital miracle story. Just in case you were Googling "blood pressure miracle cures sumner redstone".

Or something like that.

Houston's Tracy McGrady breaks own self reference record...

...in an AP article titled "McGrady Is Content in His Supporting Role for Yao", from today's New York Times.

------------------------------------------------

As you may know, T-Mac's personal record was set in this SI online article from two weeks ago, at an astonishing 5.95%, when he referred to himself 75 times in a 1,260 word article.

But the man is worker....at least in the self reference department.

And today that hard work has paid off.

Now, much of today's AP article concerns Yao Ming's MVP caliber play thus far, but two paragraphs in particular are quotes from Mr. McGrady talking about how he, T-Mac, has grown as a player since the long ago days he had to "carry the (Magic)":

1) "'I had no choice but to go out and carry the team, because I didn’t have Grant Hill,' he said, referring to his time with the Orlando Magic. 'When I came here, I’ve got a big guy that I can go throw the ball to and he gets 25 shots a night and I could defer to him.' -- That's 6 self references out of 58 words. Great effort, coming in at 10.34%. But he can do better.....

2) "'I’m all about winning; I’m a very unselfish player,' McGrady said. 'For me, it’s all about getting W’s. I’ve won scoring championships. I don’t care about none of that stuff no more. I’m at a point in my career where I just want to win ballgames. So if that’s going out averaging 12, 15 points and we’re winning ballgames, so be it.'" -- And there it is, sports fans! 8 self references in a 62 word paragraph. That's the record; 12.90%.

You may quibble with our record keeping, since we cherry picked two paragraphs out of an eleven paragraph story, buried on page 3 of the Times Sports Sunday.

And you may be right.

But it's our blog.

------------------------------------------------

The NBA. New Slogan: Where's Rondo?

And to think we almost voted....

Hey, mr. protester sir, please stop hitting my nightstick with your skull, you ungrateful little tree hugger! -- Same fucking story from the Old School Media every fucking time some kids get their heads bashed in. Same story every goddamn time.

You two give hecklers a bad name. -- (You know we could have said some awfully nasty things about these two douchebags, but we didn't, did we?)

VERY small town news. -- "Hey, Press Herald?...Yeah, I'm the rock guy. Yup, that's me....The rock guy.....The R-O-C-K guy....Haven't heard of me?....Where the hell you been?....I make piles of rocks on the beach? Come on, screw the DuBois followup....How about 500 words on my piles of rocks?"

This woulda killed Don Knotts.

Proof that you don't have to make a lick of sense to get a job in the Old Media. Still have no idea what this dude is talking about, just remember him joking about waterboarding.

Guns don't kill people. People with guns kill people. See here.

Are you an idiot? No, just religious.

Ditto

CNN: the Mike Tyson of Old School Media. -- How far can you fall?

Officer of the Year 2001...and 2006, too.

Dick Vitale is the only man alive capable of making Dean Smith, John Wooden, Bill Russell and Oscar Robertson simultaneously cringe with embarrassment. He is awful. He is terrible. He must be stopped. FYI, Vitale: McRoberts is another in a long line of Great White Hopes, and Paulus can't carry DOMINIC (Not Dominique!) James shaving kit. Please stop telling us how smart the white players are and how athletic the black players are. We G-E-T-I-T. You are clueless.

On the lighter side.

"It shocks you what lays buried." - Michael Richards

Michael Richards suffering a mind blowing meltdown onstage. From TMZ.com.

YouTube video of Richards aplogy on "The Late Show." -- Notice the people laughing at the beginning before Jerry Seinfeld asks for quiet. Actually, he had to tell the idiots that "This isn't funny." Even Letterman's audience has fucking morons in it? We weep.

------------------------------------------

New York times ran an AP story today about Richards apology on Letterman. The story included a couple of reaction quotes from actor/comedian Paul Rodriguez and publicist Micheal Levine, author of "Guerilla PR" (Funny title):

''Once the word comes out of your mouth and you don't happen to be African-American, then you have a whole lot of explaining,'' comedian Paul Rodriguez, who was at the Laugh Factory during Richards' performance, told CNN. ''Freedom of speech has its limitations and I think Michael Richards found those limitations.''

Rodriguez has made a tremendous living playing the Hispanic this and the Hispanic that in addition to his standup. Fine. There are extremely limited roles for non-whites in Hollywood, certainly. But for a person of color to be the first to throw Richards under the fucking bus is a bit off putting. Why so holier than thou, Rodriguez? Your "Hispanics R Funny Too" tour, or whatever it was, played on racial stereotypes. There is no doubt about that.

-------------------------------------------

Is he my client? No? Then he's a fucking asshole." -- Michael Levine, post Richards tirade. Or something like that.

More from the AP article --

"Veteran publicist Michael Levine, whose clients have included comedians George Carlin, Sam Kinison and Rodney Dangerfield, called Richards' remarks inexcusable. Comics often face hecklers without losing their cool, he said.

'I've never seen anything like this in my life,' Levine said Monday. 'I think it's a career ruiner for him. ... It's going to be a long road back for him, if at all.'" -- Didn't Mel Gibson do something similar like two months ago? You don't remember that, Mr. PR hack?

More on Levine -- From IsrealInsider.com:

"'It's a nuclear disaster for him,' said publicist Michael Levine, who has represented Michael Jackson and Charlton Heston, among others. 'I don't see how he can restore himself.'" -- Michael Jackson? Enough said. And Mr. "...Mixed Ethnicity (in the US causing tens of thousands of gun related deaths)" (from Bowling For Columbine") Heston? Give us a break.

More holier than thou.

----------------------------------------

For the hundreds of folks attempting to boycott Amazon.com for selling OJ and Judith Regen's sick joke of a book, we ask you: Do you even think about what you are doing? Boycott a bookseller for selling a book you disagree with? Would you have Amazon and Barnes and Noble ask you personally which books are acceptable to you and your church/ACLU group/Habitat for Humanity club? Give us a big goddamn break.

For the many thousands of eager Americans who actually signed up to read "If I Did It" on Amazon, we say, as with other topics discussed here on Apartment404's blog, that living your life must be punishment enough.

For the hundreds of thousands of hypocrites who wrote off Michael Richards after hearing about, then seeing, a man lose his mind for six minutes, we say, as he did during his rant, "It shocks you what lays buried."

Sometimes it ain't buried so very fucking deep.

And for Mr. Richards, who was clearly in tremendous pain during his Letterman appearance in trying to understand and vocalize his confusion at to how he could have said such offensive things, well, one screwup does not define a man's life. And we won't let it define how we view his work. Since Mr. Richards has only visited Apartment404 as "Kramer" during his 9 year run on "Seinfeld", as well as in the cute "Unstrung Heroes", we will continue to welcome him and laugh when he's funny. Which is often.

Portland, Maine, USA

A basic steal from Overheard in New York:

Yes, we ARE shameless here at Apartment404.

-------------------------------------------

"Will you take a check from Bangor Savings?" - from F.Y.E., 11/19/06, a bank which until this week charged its customers $1.50 each time they made an ATM withdrawal. Nice!

"That guy's a joke. He can't even drive a stick." - from a burger joint, early November

"I don't feel any guilt at all." - mid November, the Barron Center, Portland

"Work harder. Millions on welfare depend on you." - White Mountains on New Hampshire, early November

What ya gonna do? - "Gonna put 'ya in jail, that's what." - Portland, 11/19/06: 1:00 pm

"What's left to lose, besides H.?" - Portland, 11/19/06: 7:15 pm

"Writers only like to sniff their own turds." - Bukowski, 9/30/91

"I remember, when I was in university I studied history, and there was this one major historian of the Third Reich, Ian Kershaw. And his quote was, 'The path to Auschwitz [Gitmo?] was paved with indifference.' I know it's not very funny being a comedian talking about the Holocaust, but I think it's an interesting idea that not everyone in Germany had to be a raving anti-Semite. They just had to be apathetic." - the incredible Sasha Baron Cohen in "Rolling Stone", November 30, '06

Separated at Birth - another idea stolen, this one from the greatest mag ever, Spy: Big Hat Guy...see page 2 of the '05 annual report for a big hat - and.... - "Very Big Hat"!!

"I don't get it" - Portland, many, many times

"What a wierdo" - Portland, ditto

"What an asshole" - ditto, ditto

Bo and Woody. Woody and Bo. If you missed 'em, well, that's a shame.

Bo Schembechler passes away from heart failure at 77.

===========================

Great job by ESPN.com's Pat Forde on Bo's passing:

"(Former Michigan offensive lineman Doug) James, one of the captains on Schembechler's 1984 team, remembers a day in the spring of 1985 when he was a graduate assistant under Schembechler. His duties included getting Bo's lunch, washing his car and driving him to the airport when needed. On this particular day he was driving Bo to the airport so he could fly to Columbus and visit Woody, who was in failing health.

'Bo was talking about the Old Man,' James recalled. 'He was so competitive with Woody, even in those days. He said, 'Woody's wife loves me. She always told me I'm one of her three favorite people in the world. Cary Grant is No. 1, Thomas Jefferson is No. 2, and Bo Schembechler is No. 3.'

Schembechler laughed.

'Woody didn't even make the top three.'"

===============================

Woody Hayes - from Wik

"As head coach with the Buckeyes, Hayes led his teams to a 205-61-10 record, winning five national championships (1954, 1957, 1961, 1968, and 1970), (and) 13 Big Ten conference championships.

Despite (a) seeming willingness to avoid change, Hayes became one of the first major college head coaches to recruit African-American players and hire African-American assistant coaches. One of those players, Archie Griffin, was one of four Heisman Trophy winners to have played under Hayes and remains the only two-time winner in seven decades of selections.

With four Heisman Trophy winners, Hayes is tied for the most...In addition, Hayes saw 58 players earn All-America accolades under his tutelage, while many notable football coaches, such as Lou Holtz, Bill Arnsparger, Bill Mallory, Bo Schembechler and Woody's successor, Earle Bruce, served as his assistants."

===============================

The small world of bigtime football --

Woody Hayes - Jim Parker - Johnny Unitas - Ted Marchibroda - Bill Belichick

"Act like a human being and you'll be treated like one." -- UCLA Library Tasering

YouTube video of a UCLA student being tasered by campus cops in library.

The guys with the uniforms on ordered the student to "stand up" or "get up", by our count, 107 times in 6:53.

107 times.

107 times asking a pretty average sized 23 year old to "get up."

Did they not think to simply pick up the guy and walk him out? The thing was escalating with the other students attracted to the commotion. The guards apparently panicked, repeatedly told the guy to "get up", then tasered him several times. Could they not cuff him and carry him out of the building if they felt the situation warranted? There were a slew of the security guards there. Surely three of them could have done the job.

=================================

MSNBC story about the incident.

=================================

Here is just a sampling from the comments posted on YouTube re the video. These are as disturbing as the abuse itself: people, presumably young people, who blame the victim in this obvious case of violent abuse of power. --

blitzenfrogs --
he deserved it...welcome to the modern world jackass...just show your ID and the police will check IDs so people do not blow you up.

mborrett --
When you act like a jackass, you get treated like a jackass. If he would have done what the CSOs asked him to do, the police would not even have had to respond. Act like a human being and you'll be treated like one!

bebotemx --
why wouldnt he stand up
its not that hard, how stupid is this moron

SpaceDune --
Wake up people being a cop is not easy and the fact is they have ever right to taze the bastard... All you have to do is freakin listen, and than if they taze and beat you... you can do something but if your a freakin moron like he is you have nothing. Camera man... stop hiding, you have every legal right to tape. Don't go duckign everywhere. I would be right up there getting close ups to show what a dumbass he is.

phobal --
Cops have two options: use soft open hand restraints and put both themselves and the subject at risk even though the subject shows highly resistive behavior ("DON'T TOUCH ME!") resulting in the subject getting hurt and suing the police, or they can stand out of harms way and tase the subject until he gets compliant. Sorry, how many times did they ask him to be compliant ?

BiggBaddBobb --
Scream Haji Baba scream you Iranian fuckhead.

dkc4c --
Before the guy was getting tasered, he was basically in the middle of the computer lab screaming his lungs out at the police. What would you have done in that situation? He got tasered because he was making a scene and disobeying a police officer, and he got tasered again because he continued to refuse to cooperative.
Get real, police don't taser people just to get some jollies out of it.

soulcatch --
I listened to the video several times to be sure I heard it correctly. He was obviously NOT leaving peacefully. The police said several times stand up prior to the first tazzing. He was obviously on the ground and disobeying them. Had he simply cooperated with the rules the whole situation would have quickly AND peacefully been resolved. He chose not to obey and AFTER repeated requests to comply were issued he was tazzed. Ihe was trying to incite dissent and blatently resisting arrest.

clearlyunseen --
that guy totally deserved it, these cops did the right thing. Some stupid over zealous college student trying to be a martyr. And then the stupid college students getting swept in the bullshit, fucking sheeple.

frankie4fingars --
Umm, it is not abuse, he fricken tells the officers to Fuck off.... come on. Only people who have no respect for authority would think it is appropriate to tell law enforcement officers to fuck off when they are told a direct thing.
Secondly they were threatened to be tazed too when they were approaching the scene and trying to but themselves into the ordeal when they shouldn't have. They should have let the officers do their job.

=============================

A week or so ago there was a big shitstorm about this video, but to Apartment404's eyes there is a lot of ambiguity in the 19 seconds. No way to tell what preceded the punching, though the guy was under control at that point. Had he really been resisting arrest just prior to the video? Cops in LA have just about an impossible job, and their adrenaline was most likely sky high. The cop was clearly wrong for punching the guy, who at that point was defenseless. But it's impossible to make any further judgements about the incident.

The 6:53 video of the campus cops abusing the UCLA student leaves little room for doubt. The security officers were clearly in over their collective heads, and abused their power repeatedly. They used the phrase "get up" or "stand up" roughly 107 times. They tasered the kid several times. And according to one witness, threatened to taser onlookers. Not much ambiguity there.

.........

This is currently #76 on Amazon.com's list of best sellers.

Fox.com/OJ.

This is Portland, Maine's Fox affiliate.

=================================

Woody Guthrie wrote;

"This land is your land, this land is my land
From the Redwood Forest to the New York Island
The Canadian mountain to the Gulf Stream waters
This land is made for you and me.
As I go walking this ribbon of highway
I see above me this endless skyway
And all around me the wind keeps saying:
This land is made for you and me."

Yeah.

Media Spotlight -- Borat has came to U, S and A.

1) Interview with CNN's Becky Anderson --


Lowdown -- Hip Brit? Huge twit. CNN takes hit. Again.

-----------------------------------------

2) Harry Smith of CBS with Borat --


Lowdown -- Mr. Smith, meet Mr. Borat. A bit of wrestling. Later, Smith to assistant producer of "The Early Show": "Who the hell booked that prick?"

-----------------------------------------

3) "Entertainment Weekly"s Josh Rottenberg with Borat --


Lowdown -- "Gypsy Bingo" rights to be bought by Fox Network. Promos run during OJ Simpson Week.

-----------------------------------------

4) "People" --


Lowdown -- "People" couldn't score a sitdown with Borat.

-----------------------------------------

5) National Review -- The following is a transcript of an interview between the magazine's founder and Mr. Borat Sagdiyev.

William F. Buckley -- Your film has been widely greeted as a work of great cinematic and historical merit. Because if I do not now mention it, someone will say I was trying to conceal it, I herewith divulge that Mr. Sagdiyev's masterpiece has been brought out in America by a production company owned by a company which I serve as chairman of the board. I had no hand in the transaction, and I saw your film for the first time yesterday. I was instantly struck by the especially laudatory notices given to it in England by members of the left. For instance, Mr. Peter Bradshaw, who called the film an "Extraordinary mocu-reality adventure: a film so funny, so breathtakingly offensive, so suicidally discourteous, that strictly speaking it shouldn't be legal at all."

Borat -- (to Mr. Buckley's assistant) He is not so bright, this one?

WFB -- Mr. Sagdiyev, I think it would be instructive to explore the current and historical meaning of anti-semitism, and I want to begin with the understanding that we shall not devote anything like the entire interview to it. By touching on racism and anti-semitism, specifically on American anti-semitism, I'd like to ask you Mr. Sagdiyev; do you believe there is a nexus between anti-semitism and American fascism?

Borat -- My name is Borat Sagdiyev. I son of Asim Balat Sagdiyev and Boltok the Rapist. I am former husband of Osana Sagdiyev who was daughter of Mary Anne Pulakby and Boltok the Rapist. I have three children; Bilaik, Bilam and Hooeylewis, who is twelve and my favorite. He has two children. I also have brother named Bilo. He is a retard with small head, but very strong arms. He has 204 teeth, 201 in mouth and three in nose. You can do anything to him - he do not remember nothing! He is a sex crazy - all day long he in his cage look on porno and rub rub rub. My first wife she dead.

WFB -- Do you acknowledge that political labels tend to acquire meaning insofar as they communicate certain things? And would you, therefore, not say that it is generally accepted that a fascist, to the extent, perhaps, that he is a nationalist, tends to be ethnocentric and tends to be impatient of minority races, and that, therefore, for example, the persecution of the Jews by Hitler, although that might have been his way of persecuting a minority that stood in his way, that it is characteristic of fascist nationalism to look for victims and that it tends, therefore, to seize on racial minorities; such that, for instance, a fascism in America might be one that would be, say anti-black in character; or do you feel that it is purely adventitious?

Borat -- I would like to say that I liking U, S and A a very much. Enjoy your peoples and enjoy your delicious food. First day I here, I go to restaurant named McDonalds, which is so fancy pants, it actually have separate room for making toilet in. There I eat 17 hamburgers and 600 packets of red soup. These did not agree so much with my stomach and the next day my anus was hang loose like the mouth of tired dog.

WFB -- You do not deny, I note, that many of the people who watch your film are primarily fuelled not by antagonism towards Kazakhstanis, but by an antagonism to the Jewish race. They find you a very convenient leader for their particular viewpoint.

Borat -- My favourite movie films is Robot Cop, Womanman Doubtfire, Little Lord Fontelroy, Transsibierskiy Ekspress 2, Gerald McGuire, Life She Beautiful, and sex comedy The Accused.

WFB -- Is it your point, Mr. Sagdiyev, that a national minority, whether religious or racial, does not have the right to attempt to mobilize national energy to come to the rescue of a persecuted people in other parts of the world?

Borat -- You know, I try to stay normal person. I like to relax like any other married man. I shoot dogs. I receive a open mouth from my sister and like to drink fermented horse urine with the boys. I just a regular guy. But I am proud of my status. I am fourth most famous person in all of Kazakhstan. Number three is ex-Olympic gymnast who now perform in the state circus where she is famous for being able to put one foot in her mouth while the other is in vajeen. It's incredible!

WFB -- And what about the paraphernalia of fascism? To what extent is the posture of the military, the uniforms, the salute, the marching - do you think that's sort of a necessary tempermental expression of fascist movements?

Borat -- While in your country, I would like to meet fearless anti-Jew warrior Melvin Gibson. We in Kazakhstan agree with his comments that the Jews started all wars and we also have proof that they were responsible for killing off all the dinosaurs. Also, Hurricane Katrina and many twister storms.

WFB -- Let's switch arguments. It is said that the drug crack is substantively different from its parent drug, cocaine, in that it is, to use the term of a Professor van den Haag, "crimogenic." In other words a certain unspecified percentage of those who take crack are prompted to, well, to go out and commit mayhem of some kind. Is that correct?

Borat -- I have previous work as icemaker and gypsy catcher. And I was also work in computer maintenance. I was one who paints the outside and then remove the dead bird from its pipes. You like the birds?

WFB -- Isn't crack a drug whose addictive power exceeds that of many other drugs? If that is the case, one assumes that people who opt to take crack do so in the belief it yields the faster and more exhilarating satisfactions to which many make reference.

Borat -- We in Kazakhstan very much admire your mighty warlord, George Walter Bush. Not merely as he is a wise man but also because he so strong - but not as strong as his father, Barbara.

WFB -- To what extent is the addictive factor of crack and cocaine affected by education? Here is what I mean by this; taking a drug, say heroin or cocaine or crack - or, for that matter, alcohol - is a form of Russian Roulette, using a ten cartridge revolver. Now, presumably an educated person concerned for his livelihood wouldn't take a revolver with nine empty cartridges and one full cartridge, aim it at his head, and pull the trigger. But, granted, decisions of this kind are based on ratiocinative skills. And we have to assume these skills do not exist among young people. If they did there would be no drinking in college, let alone drug taking. Comments?

Borat -- I am very surprised to see that woman is allowed to drive a car in your country. This could never happen in Kazakhstan - is too dangerous. We say that "to let woman drive car is like to let monkey fly a plane." We do not allow this since 2003 Astana air crash. Also, am surprised to learn it is now illegal to shoot at Red Indians. And I would like much to use this opportunity to apologize once more to the staff of the Potawatomi Casino in Nebraska. I think they like. Make them dance!

WFB -- Mr. Sagdiyev, one final question. Some would say that Christianity is primarily an appeal for a better world. Others that it is to teach us how to order our souls. I think that these conceptions are interwoven. In order to earn access to heaven one is enjoined to improve one's behavior. To the extent that one improves one's behavior, one makes for a better world. One must guard against any suggestion that Christianity, or the practice of Christianity, breeds a political utopia. It cannot do so because the factor of original sin can never bring about what the ancient Grecian scholars termed "eudeomonia." So, under the circumstances, I think that it is sloppy thought to assume that a Christian nation is going to head towards utopia. Agreed?

Borat -- The anti-communist organization Fox will be release a DVD for "Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan" in spring. We in my country will be releasing our own version one month earlier. It will have everything the Fox has with some special extras, including DaVinci Code, Season Two: Boston Legal, Life She Beautiful, and Live Free or Die Hard! High Five!

WFB -- Thank you very much, Mr. Sagdiyev.


Lowdown -- The conservative, Christian, libertarian Buckley and Borat Sagdiyev, who worships the hawk, have much in common.

"Fehrenheit 9/11" Revisited - DVD & Special Features

Fahrenheit 9/11 - The Film that DIDN'T change America.

---------------------------------------------

1) Hollywood Elite? No...spineless little shits. He was right. You were oh so wrong. Call yourself "Liberals"? Excuse us here at Apartment404 while we vomit.

---------------------------------------------

2) From reporter Uhban Hamid of Sweden -- A dozen or so minutes of footage of a typical raid, the likes of which is never shown on MSNBC, CNN, etc.

"Mainstream media are accomplices."

---------------------------------------------

3) Lila Lipscomb and her late son, Sgt. Michael Patterson --

Mom -- "He knew he was going to Baghdad....He said he was really scared."

Michael -- "Hey Momma, well, I am on my way to bed. I love and miss all of you guys."

Media -- "Black Hawk down.....South Central Iraq."

Mom -- "He was a good guy."

......

Mom -- "I stand before you as a mother of war....."

......

Later, in DC, as Mom grieves.... -- Onlooker: "This is all staged!"

"Some, like Mr. Barber, eventually decide to give something back. Others never do." -- New York Times 11/13/06

From The NYT online edition article: "Athletes Practice the Giveback" --

"Eli Manning, the Giants’ quarterback, started early, finding causes he believed in after he was drafted and received a $54 million contract. But now, in his third season, Mr. Manning is still searching for ways to focus his efforts.

'The important thing is you find something that means something to you, something that hits at home so you’re going to be committed to it,' he said. 'If it means something to you, you’re going to work harder at it. I’ve teamed up with a couple of things, whether it’s childhood obesity, or the Police Athletic League in New York, gone to different events, giving time or money. I’m trying to figure out what’s going to hit at home.'

Mr. Manning is unusual in that he has a close role model. His brother Peyton started the PeyBack Foundation, dedicated to improving the lives of children at risk, early in his career as a quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts."

===============================

So how is the PeyBack Foundation doing? Tough to tell.

When we googled "peyback foundation" this is what we came up with. Looks like Peyton has other priorities besides web design and upkeep.

All right. This may not be so easy.

Clicking on the second item that google unearthed gave us this. Another dead end. Shit.

Third try at google leads to this site. Something called "Sports Philanthropy Project", and their section on the Peyback Foundation. The only item there is another press release from ten months ago titled "Colts Quarterback Peyton Manning Named Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year." Which is nice. A terrific honor. But that's all the site has on the Petulant One and his charitable works. Nothing else. Webster's definition for philanthropy is a "desire to help mankind." Does winning a Man of the Year award constitute helping your fellow humans? Why did he win the award? Are the reasons listed at a different website? Not sure.

Further digging on PetulantPeyton.com reveals some program called "Bright Ideas." Well, damn, that sounds great! How 'bout winning a fuckin' Super Bowl, Manning? Or at least not throwing your supportin' cast under the proverbial bus should the Colts choke it up again in the playoffs. Huh? That "Bright" enough for ya, Big Guy?

A visit to the Petulant One's official website, titled, ironically enough, PeytonManningCan'tWinTheBigOne.com, or something like that, leads to a September 2006 press release, whose title reads (and we can't make this shit up): "Forth Annual PeyBack Bosl is a huge sucess!"

That's either three or two misspellings in eight words, depending on how you like to spell 4th. We're going with the over, since the writer couldn't spell "bowl", which was kinda the whole idea of the event.

According to the press release, $350K was raised for the "PeyBack Foundation to benefit children at risk." Sounds great. On the surface. But you're kidding yourself if you think that all the cash raised at these events goes to obese kids or whatever. Check out the bored look on Bob Costas face in this photo. Costas bored? Never thought we'd see the day. Maybe he's waiting for a plane ticket home. That would eat up a few bucks.

A lot of the money from many so called charitable events goes into the pockets of whomever set up the event, since that is how they make their living. And sometimes the attendees pay their own way, sometimes not.

So how much of the Manning Money went to deserving children? Can't tell by the website.

Per PeytonManningChokedInCollegeAndHeChokesInThePros.com, a total of $1,300,000 has been distributed since the PeyBack Foundation was founded in 1999. Yet Apartment404 could only find $759,450 in contributions detailed on the site:

1999 = not listed
2000 = not listed
2001 = not listed
2002 = $100,000 listed
2003 = $33,500 listed
2004 = $147,900 listed
2005 = $166,000 listed
2006 = $312,050 listed

That leaves $540K unaccounted for. Now, we're not saying that Peyton, his Dad and Mom, and the whole Manning "gang" are crooks, but, come on now.

Where's the money? Show us the money! Show us the money, Peyton!

==============================

As a bonus, SixFiveWithARocketArm.com has some special insight into what the Living Legend did this offseason....

This from his site: "The off season is no time to rest, click on the link below to see what Peyton did and who he met along the way. Peyton traveled the country speaking to men, women, young adults, and children leaving a lasting impression at each stop."

So we clicked here.

Wow. That's some workload.

=============================

That lazy-ass Tom Brady is way behind on the TomBrady.com front. Man, what does he do with his time?

Is Tracy McGrady the worst player in the NBA?

Well, maybe not. But when he is bad, he really is B-A-D. As in "not good." As in "kills his team."

-------------------------------------------------------

Tim Legler, professional sycophant for ESPN, as well as Greg Anthony and John Saunders fell all over themselves kissing McGrady's ass tonight on the broadcast. They weren't watching the same game as we at Apartment404 were.

Ever since T-Mac scored bunches of points in his first year in Orlando, there has been something of a cult in the league about what an amazing talent he is. He is a talent. But does he make his team better? We say "no", at least when he is doing his own thing. Horrible shot selection, streak shooting that only seems to blow hot when his club is up or down double figures, a seemingly lackadaisical attitude to most things not involving his own offense, the T-Mac strut, and a "me first" attitude do not win games.

They just get the man breathtakingly stupid commercials.

----------------------------------------------------

Yao Ming on the other hand, has little athletic ability despite his gigantic frame, yet seems to take pleasure in his teammates successes, might be the best passing big man since Bill Walton, and shoots an amazingly high percentage from the floor and line.

Listening to the trio of ESPN announcers harp on Yao's lack of offensive rebounding, (in their opinion) mediocre passing ability, and his lack of personality (What? No idea what they're talking about. The man is funny and put his ass on the line this summer with comments regarding China's lack of progress towards a medal challenge in the upcoming Olympics basketball tournament.), we find ourselves in agreement with the new media types who bash ESPN for their humorless approach to all things.

Whatever happened to Olbermann? Oh yeah. Well there were other guys who could wink at the camera, like Jack Edwards. They are long gone.

---------------------------------------

The final? Rockets 94, Heat 72.

Yao had 34 on 11-19 shooting and 12-13 from the line, as well as 13 rebounds. McGrady shot 6-18 and was killing Houston until the 4th quarter when he finally decided to pass the ball. And did so very well, but the game was pretty much decided at that point thanks to Yao's dominance on the offensive end.

---------------------------------------

Man, we hate to feel we are on our own planet here in the confines of Apartment404. "Studio 60" is just about the best show on tv, yet gets lousy ratings. "Borat" is a wickedly funny movie, yet its distributor thought so little of it that it opened small, costing them millions and millions. We don't boo the Pats, like several thousand assholes this afternoon. Yao Ming is our favorite non-Boston athlete. And we thought that Theo Epstein had just about the worst year in memory for a baseball GM, but of course we still have hope for next year. OK, maybe not a lot. But some.

---------------------------------------

We also don't think that retarded lunatics who drown their three children should be put on trail for triple murder. Yes, the DA must go through the motions in order to get this women into a psych prison, but does that same DA have to take such pleasure in spouting diatribes about "punishment?" As the nation learned from Andrea Yates, living in that head must be punishment enough.

C's v Cavs: No such thing as a "good" loss, but....

.....welcome to Boston, Sebastian Telfair.

That's how a point guard is supposed to play!

---------------------------------------------------

A home loss to Utah, or anybody, is not good. But a road L to a decent team like Cleveland that would have been a huge W if PP makes the 3? That is a "good" loss. Almost. Especially on the rear end of a back-to-back.

Although we have to wonder what Doc Rivers is doing to justify getting paid. Did he not see Perkins struggling to get up and down the court in the last minutes of the game? His lateness on James drive may have decided the game. Olowokandi was backup center last night with Ratliff hurt. He should have been out there. And was Rivers trying to run Telfair into the ground, playing him 35 minutes? The young fella weighs about 165, going against Eric Snow and some other beefy Cavs guards. After Friday night Rondo certainly deserved more than a dozen or so minutes. Now HE knows how to play point guard.

Something to build on.

Portland Press Herald -- Cultural Learnings of America

1) Swifter than a speeding bullet?

-- "'I think all the officers are working hard to make sure the criminal justice system works swiftly,' (South Portland Chief of Police Ed Googins) said". From Saturday's edition.

Yeah, but "correctly" is a tad better than swiftly.

------------------------------------------

2) What a corrupt, inept, debt ridden country Mexico is. And now they're letting gays have civil unions. Sheesh.

-- From 11/10/06 wire service report briefs - "Mexico City's assembly Thursday voted for the first time in the country's history to legally recognize gay civil unions, a measure that will provide same-sex couples with benefits similar to those of married couples. The bill, which does not approve gay marraige, allows same-sex couples to register their union with civil authorities, granting them inheritance and pension rights, as well as other social benefits."

------------------------------------------

3) M.D. Harmon's Friday column.

-- First paragraph: "Regarding the recent national election, it is tempting for conservatives, like the boy on Christmas morning, to grab a shovel and dig, acting on the theory that 'there must be a pony in here somewhere.'" That is not quite the way I've heard that story. All right, he butchered it, and Harmon artfully avoids use of the word "shit", but I understand where he is going. He thinks the nation is a big pile of manure now that the Dems control, barely, Congress. God, I wish he were my grandfather. Betcha he has some funny Holiday stories to tell the little Harmons.

Eighth paragraph: "While it seems incredible that the party of Ted Kennedy, New Jersey's Bob Menendez and Louisiana's William Jefferson could successfully portray anyone else as the 'party of sleaze', they did so. The difference is that the Democrats re-elect their sleazoids." - Bob Menendez? Thas all ya got, Harmon? So....deep breath. Ted Stevens, Jim Bunning, Trent Lott, Conrad Burns, Duke Cunningham, Tom DeLay, Richard Pombo, Henry Hyde, Robert Ney. Strom Thurmond. And Jesse Helms. Phew. Shall we go on?

Last three paragraphs: "Democrats won by not being afraid to wrestle down in the mud, the blood, and the beer. The GOP will do better when it learns that principles win elections, but excuses don't. Even 40 million of them." - Where to start? First off, President Bush and his cronies are responsible for all the blood and mud on the "floor"/in Iraq. The beer? I have no idea what Harmon means. Something about a bar, possibly. And the reference to 40 million excuses? Again, no idea. Number of voters? Number of Democratic voters? Your guess is as good as mine.

Rondo!! And other musings....

-- A priest, a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar.

And say to the bartender, "Let's kill all the fags!" ("High Five!")

---------------------------------------

-- Say what you want. This has always been a decent man and one tough son of a bitch.

---------------------------------------

-- THIS is how a post-game writeup is supposed to read.

by Howard Beck of the New York Times. Gives a feel of how Yao can take the life out of a team. Reminiscent of Bob Ryan way back when. That's great sports writing.

---------------------------------------

-- C's lose to Sloan's Jazz, but the kids make things exciting.

We couldn't find any word this early a.m. on Telfair's condition. Hopefully just a back spasm (not that that doesn't hurt) or a bruise that caused him to leave the game and the arena with shortness of breath.

But is there any debate, other than in ownership and coaching, that Rajon Rondo deserves 25 to 30 minutes a night? That was the most exciting fourth quarter of basketball the (new) Garden has seen in a while, and most of it was Rondo leading the team like a real point guard. Even his misses were jawdropping. Play the guy, please.

And less of "Fools Gold" Szczerbiak would help the team in NOT getting down by double figures every time out.

---------------------------------------

-- Another day. Another dead journalist in Mexico.

---------------------------------------

-- Republicans no NOT have a stranglehold on idiotic, "empty suit" politicians.

"Shuler not stopped". From StopShuler.com.

Winning is nice. But at what price? "Mountain Values?" Is this guy retarded?

---------------------------------------

"It's like everybody's forgotten him all of a sudden." -- Rockets GM Carroll Dawson

Ian Thomsen of SI.com posted an online article 11/10/06 about Tracy McGrady, titled "Diminishing Returns", regarding the "best player in the league to not have won a playoff series", and his aging body. T-Mac is quoted: "I'm young, but I'm old" and "(A)s you get older you slow down a little bit..."

Slowing down? I don't think so.

In the new season McGrady is averaging close to 20 points, 6 rebounds, and nearly 6 assists.

But his most towering achievement for 2006 is racking up a 5.95% self reference percentage in Thomsen's piece. T-Mac referred to himself 75 times in the 1,260 word article.

Here's the breakdown:
-- "I"/"I'll"/"I'm"/"I've" - 48 times
-- "My"/"Me" - 17 times
-- Third person reference (known as a "Boggs" up here in New England) using the word "You" - 10 times
-- Bonus reference - comparing himself to Roger Clemens, all time great and major star in the Self-Reference League.

-----------------------------------------

The NBA. It's Fan-tas-tic!

Dennis "Mr. Hustle" Scott and some guy named Steve Holman diss Lebron.

Once again, we can't make this stuff up, NBA Edition.

TNT spent their entire pregame show talking about "Lebron-gate." With his Cavs losing by nine with about 15 seconds left the other night versus Atlanta, a pissed James missed a late 3 and did not get back on D. The game was obviously over, Lebron knew it, everybody knew it.

Except "Mr. Hustle" and somebody named Steve Holman, who are the Hawks radio announcers. Basketball fans remember Scott as part of Lethal Weapon III under Bobby Cremins at Georgia Tech. Went to a Final Four. Then, once he got to the NBA Scott went all Marlon Brando in "Apocalypse Now" and became a standstill jumpshooter. Lasted quite a few years, but would have been a HELL of a player if he hadn't put on 30 pounds post G-Tech. The guy was great when he was thin. Was not when he put on the weight.

And he and some guy named Steve Holman dare to rip Lebron James? Anyone would be upset if their center was an injury waiting to happen, their 2 guard was a "now you see him now you don't" type of player, having one good game and one or two bad ones, and their point guard was Damon goddamn Jones (Eric Snow is a nice player, but won't be starting on any 50 win clubs anytime soon). Wow.

============================

Oh yeah. Here is Atlanta's W's and L's for the last eight years. Slight room for improvement, but the electricity that their awesome fans generate more than makes up for the shitty record.

99-2000 -- 28 - 54
2000-01 -- 25 - 57
2001-02 -- 33 - 49
2002-03 -- 35 - 57
2003-04 -- 28 - 54
2004-05 -- 13 - 69
2005-06 -- 26 - 56

The franchise has exactly 1 Championship - 1958. And that was only because Bill Russell rolled an ankle in the playoffs.

============================

Apartment404. All NBA. All the time.

Just you wait until the college season starts.

============================

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. Again.

The Good
-------------------------------------

1) Now that that's settled, let's get back to killing each other.

-- If there's one thing that religious nuts can agree on, it's that gays and any rights they desire are an abomination before God/Allah. (Ha ha...we wrote "bom")

-----------------------------------

2) Dan Shaughnessy's article in today's Globe.

-- Mostly for calling out a columnist at the nation's paper of record who wrote an attempted hatchet job on Red Auerbach fifteen years or so ago called "The Selling of the Green", and apparently kept his old notes from the prepwork on that "book". Here are some excerpts from a piece Araton wrote on Red's recent passing, and a few comments:

"Color blindness without a cause is also righteous, but we have to point out that the 1980s happened, too. Auerbach’s team fell from its progressive perch, from a reputation in the 1960s as the black team in a white sport to being considered by many as the white team in a black sport. A remarkable transformation, and in true Auerbachian fashion, executed in the interests of doing whatever it took." -- During the 80's the Celtics won three titles, second to the Fakers five. They were in the Finals a few other times. If Araton had a memory, he would have also ripped the C's for the team that took that floor back in the 70's, which featured Havlicek, Cowens, Westphal for a few years, Don Nelson, Steve Kuberski, Kevin Stacom. That group, along with "tokens" Silas, Scott, and Jo Jo White won two titles.

"An article Wednesday in The Boston Globe questioned whether Auerbach might have achieved anything close to the Celtics’ 11 Russell-era championships between 1956 and 1969 in the modern N.B.A., given the fundamental changes in the operation of the sport. Highly improbable in any rational judgment, but we do know how an Auerbach-run franchise was repositioned to successfully compete in an emerging high-stakes market, all the way to a $48.1 million public stock sale in 1986." -- Is this guy serious? Today, Mark Cuban's team jet costs about that much. The team wanted and or needed some cash, and folks turned it over willingly. Nothing wrong with that. Looking back on the IPO, the Celtics braintrust was visionary. And should have held out for more. Also, holding it against Red for not replicating what he accomplished in a league that fielded less than ten teams decades ago is just about the most meaningless statement we can imagine. Boy, if the South just had a few thousand AK-47's they would have won the Civil War, too (Someone actually wrote a book on that premise a while back). Really, what's the point? Red did what he did in a different era. And Phil Jackson has also won nine titles. They're both great coaches, all timers. But Apartment404 happens to be strategically located in New England. So we know that Phil Jackson sucks ass.

"Free agency balanced the negotiating table in the 1970s, then leveled the playing field. The Celtics, a bad draw in Boston during their heyday, no longer had the luxury of depositing only championships in the bank." -- Titles in 74, 76, 81, 84, and 86.

"'No matter what they’d say for the record, it was always assumed there had to be a certain amount of whites on the team,' Jo Jo White, a 1970s mainstay, said in the book. 'You’d start with the blacks you knew would make it and figure everyone else would be white.' -- Now our memory may be wrong, but the staff of Apartment404 is pretty fucking certain this is an old quote from when Jo Jo White was pissed that Red didn't think he could be a major contributor anymore in the late 70's. Jo Jo went to Golden State, played little, and retired, though we seem to recall him talking about coming back a la Cowens a year or two later, drawing no interest. How do we know that White and the C's have forgiven and made up? Because the man sits behind the goddamn bench just about every home game and works for the C's. That's how. Passionate people say things they regret. Idiot writers hold on to these quotes and wield them like knives decades later.

"The blacker the N.B.A. became in the 1980s, the whiter the Celtics became, from Larry Bird on down to the end of the bench." -- Terry Duerod? Micheal Young? Darren Daye? Sam Vincent? Carlos Clark? A.C. freaking Earl, from the 90's?

==========================

The Bad
-------------------------------------

1) Not Yahoo!, too.

-- This article was originally titled "Stocks seen off sharply on Democratic win" and posted Wednesday morning. Since the markets did fairly well (Drats!), Yahoo! wisely chose to change the headline as the text was updated. God help us all if we return to the financial ruin that was the Clinton Era.

-------------------------------------

2) We all went to public school, so we wouldn't know about "values" and "morals".

This from Deadspin and the San Jose paper: After reading the post about the ref who screwed up the game-deciding call, and the aftermath, we wonder how could anyone even ask if there is a decision to be made? The dude who heads the school that benefitted from the mistaken call....this guy is qualified to be in charge of anything?


===========================

The Ugly
-------------------------------------

1) Who's going to be the next General Manager of the Celtics? Does it fucking matter?

-- Because as long as Wyc Y. Grousbeck and his group are running that club there will be no 60 win seasons, no more retired numbers save Paul Pierce's, and certainly no new banners. Danny Ainge has played "52 Card Pickup" for several years now, and the resulting roster is a complete mess. Last night Boston beat a young Charlotte BobJohnsonCats team on Pierce's feed to West. But if you think that anyone in the NBA would trade the C's roster even up, including PP, for Charlotte's, then you're nuts. Bernie Bickerstaff has chosen to go solely with youth. No grizzled, wiley vets like......like......Scalabrine or Candy Man to teach the youngsters to......to.....well, whatever it is they could possibly teach the young guys. Bickerstaff has youth at each position that we can see being a big factor on a 50+ win team in the league, and soon.

On the C's, you have PP, of course. Then who else? No one. Telfair is an over-hyped disaster. No wonder Portland got rid of him: he is now possibly the fourth best point guard in Boston (Rondo, West, Gomes [point forward], then Bassy). The guy's defense is, as Cooz has said several times in the young season, "unacceptable". That would be almost OK is he got it done at the other end. But he can't shoot consistently, can't seem to drive and dish, and fiddles and diddles the first 12 seconds off the shot clock every single time downcourt.

Wally is now the Rob Deer of the NBA. Reason? If there are eight or so major basketball skills (shoot open jumper, score points, pass, pick for teammates, defend, run the court, rebound, and block shots) he has exactly one: shooting the open jumper. That's it, just as Deer could only hit homers. Poor Kevin Garnett. He's had four guys who came to Minnesota heavily hyped: Starbury, Wally, Sam Cassell, and now Randy Foye. Starbury wanted out after a couple of extremely promising seasons up there because he is, as his posse always tell the media, "the best point guard in the world.", and would never get the media attention that playing second fiddle to KG allowed. So he forced a trade and has become kind of a league joke (in NJ and Phoenix most especially). Wally thought he should have been the number one pick when he came out of college. Turns out he probably should have been a late lottery pick at best. One All Star Game and not much in the W's department. Cassell has two rings, so whatever else you want to say remember that. And he has won everywhere he's played after the Houston title years. Sam is the only one of those three to survive the KG experience unscathed, as he still can play and still wins. Not that it's Garnett's fault. But when you get signed to the biggest contract in league history, in the early stages of the salary cap era as KG did a while back, then you have a rather large load to carry .

Back to Boston's roster. Perkins just doesn't play smart. West has a bad back. Allen has the bum knee. Let's hope that Rivers gives out plenty of minutes to Green, Big Al upon his return, and Rondo. Soon.

Did young Rajon say something obnoxious in practice this week? Is that why he sat last night? We can see that. Otherwise, 30+ minutes of Bassy is inexcusable.

---------------------------------------

2) Hoping it all goes away.

-- The headline here is inflammatory, and may be jumping the gun. But how much more bad news can this country take?

Election Day is here: Does it fucking matter?

From this morning's old school media frenzy --

NBC's "Dateline"...now with suicides!!

Fox News...now with torture!! (ha ha ha ha ha ha): "You can crack pretty quickly...(though)...there's no hard science on this." -- USA! USA! USA!

"For Democrats, Even a Gain May Feel Like a Failure" -- From the New York Times. Any other GOP supplies headlines you want to fill us in on, oh paper of record?

Does anyone in the race have a black, born out of wedlock, love child?

Chandler Woodcock, broke Republican schill, has a decent chance to be Maine's next governor. If elected, will he eliminate all taxes should the Republicans control Augusta? Will he deport all non-Republican poor people to New Hampshire, Mass., points unknown? Will he pay his utility bills? Stay tuned....

"Macaca"/"Nigger" Boy is neck and neck with a Vietnam vet and literary icon. Who will the voters of Virginia vote for?

Harold Ford, Jr, probable history maker. Big time weenie. It just breaks Apartment404's heart to have such an important, historic opportunity in the hands of this guy. Sorry, just our opinion. But who the hell else is going to run for office.

Dim bulb Healey getting her tiny rear end handed to her by Deval Patrick. Well, maybe there is a little justice in this world.

But we live in Maine, and can't vote for history. We have to chose between Baldacci, the broke Republican, Barbara Merrill (from Wikipedia: "...fighting urban sprawl. She says that she wants Maine to be known as 'the Free Enterprise State.'" -- Make up your mind Barbara.) and Pat LaMarche, who is way too compassionate and bright to be Gov.

The NBA...."Go There!" -- Opening Weekend

Savings our loose change in the Apartment404 penny jar for this completely bitchin' swatch of a jersey on a 3.5 by 5 inch piece of plastic. $500? Screw the child support payments!

=================================

-- Rudy Gay's gonna be a star....or not

First three games:
-- 1) 4-11 shooting, 10 points, 9 rebounds
-- 2) 0-4 from the field, 2 points, no rebounds
-- 3) 8-21 shooting, 21 points, 8 rebounds, 4 blocks.
-- Total assists for first week = 0

---------------------------------------------

-- Houston Rockets record is 1-2

Give. Yao. The. Damn. Ball.
-- Yao Ming's field goal percentage = 67%
-- T-Mac's = 34%

---------------------------------------------

-- Wizards 124 - C's 117

Bassy = 34 minutes, 24 points on 8-12 from the floor, 4-4 from the line, 4 rebounds, 6 assists. Hooray!

Arenas = 40 minutes, 6 assists, 2 steals, and 44 points on 14-25 shooting and 11-12 on free throws. Holy shit!

....Where's Rondo?......

---------------------------------------------

-- Return of the King

Lakers start the year 3-0. Lamar Odom's numbers for the winning streak: 34 points and 13 rebounds, 22 and 13, 28 and 8.

#24 returns to lineup in game #3, a W over Seattle.

Game #4: Lakers lose to Sonics, 117-101. The King plays 39 minutes. Odom falls to 11 points. Ray Allen goes off for 32 points.

Who is he kidding wearing number 24?

---------------------------------------------

-- A good young team in Charlotte. Just remember to pass first, shoot second, Raymond

Bernie Bickerstaff has done a very nice job collecting young talent in the first seasons of BOB Johnson's BOBcats (ha ha...he kills me..). Great win over the Cavs this weekend.

Averages thus far (despite a 1-2 record) --
Emeka Okafor = 13 pts, 8 rebounds, 4.3 blocks
Sean May = 11 pts, 8 boards
Gerald Wallace = 9 points
Adam Morrison = 16 points per
Felton = 14 points and 5 assists

--------------------------------------------

-- Our Rookie of the Year Pick?

"What's the matter with you people... I was joking!! HA-HA-HA! Joking!"

The Timberwolves are 2-1. Nice start. And they have a rookie who is pretty much tearing it up in limited minutes. Just as predicted.

Randy Foye = in an average of 7 minutes per game he has yet to score. Less Dennis Hopson. More Mitch Richmond, please.
BC's own Craig Smith = 11 points per.

--------------------------------------------

-- Isiah!

Starbury is shooting 29% and has an awful assist/turnover ratio. The team's only win was in triple overtime. Expected team savior Renaldo Balkman has played a total of 16 minutes and has 4 points and 7 rebounds, but with a lot of hustle.

Good luck Cooz and Clyde.

--------------------------------------------

-- ROY candidate Brandon Roy of the Blazers off to a very good start

Averages of 18 points, 5 assists and 4 rebounds. He's only shooting 38%, but if that goes up he will be the team's best player by the end of the month.

--------------------------------------------

-- Special Bonus Rip Job

The 9th pick in the draft, Golden State's seven foot Patrick O'Bryant, is averaging 10 minutes, 1 point, 1 rebound and 1 block thus far. Man, Chris Mullin has a tough job, but that looks like a miss. Though looking at the picks that immediately followed in last spring's draft, well, he could have done worse. Or he could have picked Marcus Williams or Rajon Rondo, been laughed at, and come out of it smelling like a rose.

Sonics - Saer Sene, Forward
Magic - J.J. Redick, Guard
Hornets - Hilton Armstrong, Center
Bulls - Thabo Sefolosha, Guard - Though he looks like a player
Jazz - Ronnie Brewer, Guard - Ditto
Hornets - Cedric Simmons, Forward
Philly - Rodney Carney, Forward
Pacers - Shawne Williams, Forward
Wizards - Oleksiy Pecherov, Center
Kings - Quincy Douby, Guard
New York Knicks - Renaldo Balkman, Forward and All-Intangibles Team Member

----------------------------------------------

Also...

Hank Szabo, Shawn Kemp and Sammy Sosa would all like to return to the good life of pro sports; per diems, girls with "long legs and brains", plush hotels, big money, and you don't even have to carry your own suitcase.

Though in Hank's case, those memories were kinda made up.

Chances of any of the three returning to that life = Highly unlikely.

You Cannot Make This Shit Up.: Part III -- The Ghost of NBC

1) Sunday Night Football --

-- Al Micheals, John Madden and Andrea (Cue Cards) Kramer -- The biggest game of the entire NFL season and these three can't even pretend to care. Marvin Harrison is hurt? Rodney Harrison is hurt? First and goal or first and ten? The worst taunting call we've ever seen and no comment about its outrageousness? Why is the crowd quiet after a missed Pats field goal? Peyton Manning is "able to move his eyes and his feet at the same time?" Sorry to interrupt your naps but a few folks actually got excited about this one. Guess that's why there's a mute button.

-- The last time anyone over at NBC Sports answered any e-mails was 10/8/06.

---------------------------------------------

2) Exactly WHO is/are the Biggest Loser(s)? --

-- NBC's online store sells merchandise for "The Biggest Loser", which is a show where folks who are obese attempt to lose 100 pounds or more....And they sell sweatshirts.....And the biggest size they offer is "XXL." Might want to rethink that.

---------------------------------------------

3) Jay Leno --

---------------------------------------------

4) Why is this network trying to fuck over two of television's best shows? --

-- Can someone please tell us what day of the week "30 Rock" is on? As of right now, we think it's on Wednesday's at 8pm...but not every week, at least here in Portland. Tina Fey has a damn newborn at home, "presumably well cared for." If she's out of work, let her go home to breast-feed the thing, for christ sakes!

-- Rampant schadenfreude over the poor early ratings for Aaron Sorkin's outstanding "Studio 60" is kinda offputting. Regardless of how the media and peers feel about him, please judge the show by what's on the screen. Having seen what we thought was Kevin Smith's sweet "Jersey Girl" get flamed by just about every critic a few years back, Apartment404 hopes that the folks who make a living critiquing other's life work will do their readers the favor of shutting the fuck up about who is sleeping with who, who just got out of rehab, etc., and just tell us if the movie/book/tv show/etc is any goddamn good. Because in twenty years all that will matter is what's on the screen.

---------------------------------------------

5) Matt Lauer --

-- "Didn't Rush Limbaugh just say what a lot of people were privately thinking?" -- From MediaMatters.com

Can't wait to vote on Tuesday....

God, I am just dying to vote for Olympia Snowe! She is going to just totally ass-fuck all the lazy welfare cheats out of our great nation. Wow, will that be cool! Saw a bunch of her minions over at the Maine Mall an hour or so ago. So cute, so adorable, so blonde, so anglo. I asked them if they were going to totally ass-fuck all the poor losers here in Maine after the election, and they practically giggled with joy. "Oh yeah, we're gonna totally ass-fuck the folks who live off the fat of our own tax dollars! At least, that is, when we begin to pay taxes, after graduation. Yup. An ass-fucking is gonna go down like shit through a goose!"

I was pleased, and directed the Apartment404 Escalade (bumper sticker: Let's totally ass-fuck the poor!) back towards home.

Upon returning to Apartment404, the staff decided it was a good time to read the morning's paper.

And in the local news section, there's a massive story about Big Hat Guy. Cool! We're down with Big Hat Guy!

He's even wearing a Big Hat in his picture. Kinda sexy, if you ask us. Though when you're almost totally bald, Big Hats are a necessity.

The following quotes come from some of the dick-sucking by "writer" David Hench that can be found in the Portland Press Herald article:

"(H)is management style has drawn praise for several quarters."

"Year at the helm quiets controversy for (Big Hat Guy)."

"(Big Hat Guy's) low key style wins support from city and neighborhood leaders...."

--------------------------------------------------

BHG: "Oh gawd.....oh gawd...keep going, David....don't stop..".

-------------------------------------------------

"(Big Hat Guy) is thoughtful and deliberate, sounding more like a management consultant than a street cop."

"(Big Hat Guy's) low key style is winning support from city officials and neighborhood leaders, as well as...approval from rank-and-file (Ass-Rapists)."

"Portland City Manager Joe Grey...says (Big Hat Guy's) style and substance are just what the city needs right now."

-------------------------------------------------

BHG: "Almost there...oh lordy...almost there..."

-------------------------------------------------

"The Rev. Kenneth Lewis, vice president of the Portland branch of the (National Association of Uncle Tom's), who served on a panel that interviewed the candidates, said he never doubted that (Big Hat Guy) would do a commendable job, and he has not been disappointed. 'He has certainly made efforts to reach out to the community,' Lewis said. 'There's a lot going on in the city, but I think as a steward of the department, (Big Hat Guy) has been open and sought some community input.....(Big Hat Guy) is a student of his work,' Lewis said, 'He's a student of policing, He can be a teacher to the rank and file and the command staff as well as to the community about how to make this a safer city, a more livable city for all people."

------------------------------------------------

BHG: "Oh YEAHHHHHHHHH!.....Wheh. Ok, David, give the Reverend his turn now."

------------------------------------------------

Postscript: As one of our stupider interns had two unpaid parking tickets, we are all expecting four or five cops to enter Apartment404 sometime soon and shoot us all "as many as 20 times". Come get it, ass rapists. We are armed only with our halfwits.

Idiom: "To Flog A Dead Horse".....

....If someone is trying to convince people to do or feel something without any hope of succeeding, they're flogging a dead horse. This is used when someone is trying to raise interest in an issue that no-one supports anymore; beating a dead horse will not make it do any more work. -- From UsingEnglish.com.

2006

2007?

================================

Like we had a chance in hell anyway.

What's that about a dead horse?

The Apartment404 crystal ball sees all......

=============================

11/03/06 - Celtics new dance team streams on to (new) Garden court after Gerald Green's last second three versus Pistons, celebrating game winning shot. Dancers told later that C's lost by 13. Console selves by rereading "A Million Little Pieces." Cry at sad parts.

Bassy "shorts tug on D" count starts at 1. Result: Billups (20 points, 0 turnovers and 11 assists) on the blow-by for an easy two.

11/04/06 - Celtics all time great, "Mr. Basketball", Hall of Famer Robert Cousy is told by C's owner, Wyc Grousbeck, that he is no longer allowed to announce for "his" team due to Cooz's referring to Sebastian Telfair's defense in 4th quarter of previous night's loss as "unacceptable."

11/05/06 - "Mr. Basketball" hired by Knicks as second color man on MSG broadcasts, working with Clyde Frazier. Cousy tells cab driver on way to Logan that he wants to see what a real team looks like. Driver moans quietly to the departing Celtic legend, "Take me with ya, Cooz."

11/15/06 - Pacers and Larry Bird come to (new) Garden and beat the living crap out of Celtics. Doc Rivers spends game telling team to "start hustling or else." Doc starts game with lineup of Wally, Candy Man, Scalabrine, Ratliff, and a tearful Paul Pierce. Asked later by the press about the unusual starting five, Doc says, "Well, smallball didn't work out so good, so we thought we'd mix it up. If only the guys had played harder. Hey, you fellas know when the next flight to Orlando leaves?" C's record stands at 1-7. Doc promises more hustle out of his team in the future.

11/16/06 - After third reading of James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces", C's dance team decides to start their own book club. Choose "American Prometheus", a biography that a member of the squad, SaNdi!, heard President Bush enjoyed.

11/18/06 - Official Celtics Dance Team Book Club Meeting #1: After squad purchases copies of "American Prometheus", decide not to include work in their club, as 721 pages seems like much too much work. Go out for strawberry margaritas after meeting is adjourned in hopes of seeing some Patriots, and discuss potential new choices. Decide on Virginia Woolf's "To The Lighthouse" after finding out the book is only 208 pages.

11/24/06 - Against Knicks at (new) Garden, C's lose as Starbury scores 34 and dishes 8 assists against distant cousin Telfair. Bassy executes several shorts tugs on D as Starbury blows by him repeatedly. Telfair shorts tug count for season = 15. Blow-bys for layups = 12 (Two missed layups and, in game against Blazers, Jarrett Jack fell down laughing and was called for travelling). Wally, shooting 43% on the year, complains to the media, post game, about not getting "enough good looks."

12/02/06 - Official Celtics Dance Team Book Club Meeting #2 does not go well. Girls complain of "wicked long, stupid, nonsense sentences" by Woolf. Agree that "To The Lighthouse" is a poor choice, and decide that next meeting they will discuss the December issue of "O".

12/09/06 - Nets crush Celtics by 17 at Meadowlands. Jason Kidd and Marcus Williams combine for 34 points and 21 assists. Sebastian Telfair goes 1-8 from field with 1 assist (end of half heave by a crying Paul Pierce). Plays 38 minutes. Tugs on shorts five times....Gets beaten for layups by Kidd and Williams all five times. Rondo allowed on court for 16 minutes, scoring 8 points with 5 asssists and 2 steals. Does not see action in fourth quarter. Doc quoted postgame saying, "Goddamn it, if these guys don't want to hustle, I'll find someone who will! I don't understand these younger players! And if you'll excuse me, I have a damn flight to catch!" Celtics record stands at 5-14.

1/03/07 - Lebron and the Cavaliers come to Boston, with the winningest franchise in NBA history reeling at 7-23. James records first quadruple double in league history; 37 points, 16 rebounds, 10 steals and 12 assists in 20 point win over C's. Bassy records his own triple double; 10 points (on 3-12 shooting, 4-7 at the line), 11 turnovers and 14 shorts tugs on D. Owner Wyc Grousbeck tries to get "The Wave" going from his spot under the C's basket during third quarter while Boston trails by double digits. Fans in loge seats give him the finger, en masse. Wyc being filmed by crew for an upcoming FSNE documentary about him entitled, "Wyc! The One And Only!", that is scheduled to run two dozen times on the cable station in early May.

1/31/07 - The Men from La La Land come to town for the annual C's - Fakers matchup. Celtics win 72-69 as Kobe shoots just 6-22. Wyc tries unsuccessfully to get crowd to stand and cheer in third quarter during 8-0 Faker run. Fans in loge seats give him finger, en masse. Wyc pretends not to notice. Telfair continually attempts famous "shorts tug while D-ing up" as he guards Smush Parker, who scores career high 28 with no turnovers. Rondo plays 16 minutes: 7 points, 4 assists and 3 steals. Sits out fourth quarter. A sobbing Paul Pierce manages 35 in come from behind win. C's record stands at 12-33. Fakers record is 15-28. David Stern attends Spurs-Jazz game in Salt Lake City instead of NBA's greatest rivalry. Rips assistant for not being able to find a Diet Coke in all of Utah.

3/07/07 - Hubie Brown and the Rockets come to the (new) Garden for matchup with C's. Yao scores 32 on 14-18 shooting, along with 16 boards and 8 assists. Tracy McGrady is out, thankfully for the Rockets, with back spasms. Battier and Bonzi Wells combine to torch Wally for a combined 31 points and just 1 turnover. Wally bitches to Doc and Paul Pierce throughout game about lack of "quality shots for me." Paul Pierce plays game in Richard Nixon mask in effort to hide tears of grief but still records a double double; 28 and 16. Pulls Nixon mask lower on face following each Wally tirade. Coach Doc misses entire 4th quarter as last flight out of Logan for Orlando departs at 9:45pm. He is quoted as saying "Family comes first on this team" to media on way out of (new) Garden, as well as promising "More hustle or heads will roll." Several signs at (new) Garden read "Bring back M.L.!", though they are quickly ripped to shreds by security on Wyc's orders. C's record is 17-43.

4/06/07 - The World Champion Heat come to town. Beat C's handily as Dwyane Wade scores 45. As Miami grows bored during fourth quarter of blowout, Coach Pat Riley allows Wade and rookie Chris Quinn to take on entire C's team for last five minutes of game, then lights up a victory cigar in closing seconds. Security escorts him from building following final buzzer. C's are now 18-57.

4/18/07 - In final game of season Celtics are crushed by another old nemesis, the Detroit Pistons, 114-92. Paul Pierce plays entire game in haz-mat suit, yet still leads team in points, rebounds and assists. Wally pulls a game long "Pippen" and refuses to enter contest unless promised "some good looks." Doc refuses, but is more concerned with cell phoning his moving company during tv timeouts in order to insure his belonging are shipped down to Orlando ASAP. Final record = 20-62.

Season Totals =
Books read by the Official Celtics Dance Team Book Club = 1: "Culture Warrior" by Bill O'Reilly.
Bassy "shorts tug while in D-ing up posture" = 114. Resulting layups by opposing point guards = 98.
Paul Pierce averages for season = 27 points, 7 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals, and 5 crying fits per game.
Rajon Rondo = In limited minutes the rookie point guard leads team in assist/turnover ratio and steals.
Wyc - Attempts at leading "The Wave" = 43. Successful attempts at leading "The Wave" = 0.

Sports Illustrated: The Covers

Duk Koo Kim, Len Bias, Jim Valvano, Arther Ashe, Reggie Lewis, Dale Earnhardt, Ted Williams, Johnny Unitas.

And David Eckstein.

Terry McDonnell; not exactly living up to the legacy.

This is still what a great blog looks like.

FireJoeMorgan.

But do they have a dance team?

C's Lose Opener......Herald: "Wait 'Till Next Year"..?

One of the great evenings of the year: Opening Night in the NBA (don't give me any Heat or Laker crap). And here's some stuff from the box scores....

----------------------------------------------

Hornets 91 -- Celtics 87

Szcerbiak -- 37 minutes, 5-14 from the floor.
Gerald Green -- DNP Coach's Decision

Telfair -- 28 minutes, 2-5 shooting, no free throws, 1 goddamn assist
Rondo -- 23 minutes, 6 pts, 4 rebounds, 3 assists

----------------------------------------------

Magic 109 -- Bulls 94

Grant Hill -- 29 minutes, 19 points, 4 assists, 2 steals. How sweet is that?

----------------------------------------------

76ers 88 -- Hawks 75

the no longer Fab Chris Webber -- 34 minutes, 4-16 shooting, 8 points, no free throws, a bunch of boards (though Harvey Pollack was keeping the rebound totals)

----------------------------------------------

Pacers 106 -- Bobcats 99

Adam Morrison, in a loss, but still -- 32 minutes, 5-13 from the field, 14 pts, 2 steals. Take a seat Brevin Knight.

----------------------------------------------

Nets 102 -- Raptors 92

For Toronto, #1 pick Bargnani had 2 points in 9 minutes.

For NJ, Marcus Williams had 7 pts, 8 rebounds and 3 assists in 23 minutes. And a pat on the ass from 34 year old Jason Kidd.

----------------------------------------------

In the offseason's big challenge trade --

TJ Ford in Raptors L -- 34 minutes, 19 points, 7 assists, but 5 turnovers -- A-

v

Charlie Villenueva in Bucks W -- 33 minutes, 6-21 shooting, 16 points, 12 rebounds, 4 assists -- B+ because of the 15 misses

----------------------------------------------

Cavs 97 -- Wizards 94

a Mr. DeShawn Stevenson -- 29 minutes, 2-7 from the floor, zero free throws, 4 points. I think that's enough chances. Give Jarvis Hayes 35 minutes a night, please.

---------------------------------------------

Timberwolves 92 -- Kings 83

Randy Foye played 6 minutes and didn't score. -- Please oh please let him have a sprained ankle. This was Apartment404's pick to be the next Mitch Richmond?

oh yeah....Stat line of the night came from BC's own bull, Craig Smith -- 10 minutes, 3 points, 6 personal fouls. That's tha way to announce your presence with authority, Craig.

---------------------------------------------

Knicks 118 -- Grizzlies 117 in 3 OT

In the post game press conference, Isiah groped two female reporters on the way to the podium, then, while wearing his famous "Isiah smirk", gave an expletive laden speech directed at ESPN's Greg Anthony and the other media he said "had never played the game anyway." Then nominated Renaldo Balkman for Rookie of the Year after his 8 minute, scoreless yet gritty ("Eckstein-like") performance. Isiah -- "We're working on an extension for the kid right now. How's 6 years, $30 million sound?"

Stevie Franchise -- 35 minutes, 0 for the game from the field, 5 to's. Is he hurt or does he just really suck now?

Rudy Gay (is his jersey available for purchase yet? Man, that cracks us up.) -- 38 minutes and 21 points. Where the fuck was that against Mason?

oh, and Kyle Lowry had 10 rebounds in 28 minutes. Pao was a DNP, and better watch out. Lowry is 175 pounds of guts.

------------------------------------------

Jazz 107 -- Rockets 97

T-Mac -- 42 minutes, 8 of 24 from the floor in the loss.

v

Yao -- 33 minutes, 8-12 shooting. -- Give. Him. The. Ball.

------------------------------------------

Blazers 110 -- Sonics 106

Brandon Roy -- 35 minutes, 10-16 shooting, 20 points, but no free throws. -- B+. Gotta get some freebies.

---------------------------------------------

Fakers 110 -- Warriors 98

2-0 with no Kobe.

Jordan Farmer -- 25 minutes, 9 pts, 4 assists. Good job.

Bonus, Funny Stat Line -- Patrick O'Bryant played 5 minutes for Golden State. Had zero points and zero rebounds. Chris Mullin, you may have made another mistake, God luv ya.

--------------------------------------------

Suns 112 -- Clips 104

Amare Stoudemire -- 25 minutes, 15 points and 4 rebounds. Nice to see.

----------------------------------------------

And this is why Marty Burns writes for SI.com, and not the print edition: from his NBA predictions column posted 10/31/06

"Cigars will be popping up all over Boston's T.D. Banknorth Garden, partly in honor of Red Auerbach and partly in honor of the new Celtics dance team."

Go fuck yourself.