Today and Tomorrow

You can be sad with me
I don't mind
I don't give up on people easy
Plenty of folks
Wrote me off
But I'm not built that way

We own our feelings
To each, alone
The day will come soon
When you'll know that it's alright
To drown a little
And die just a bit
Because our days aren't meant to be perfect
And their number is finite

But to walk the beach
Or see the sunrise
Somehow makes some days easy to take
And lessens the pain of it all

Rene Rancourt: Cut the Shit, Asshole

Rene Rancourt has been singing the national anthem(s) at Bruins games for a long, long while. Someone should tell him he ain't the freaking show: stop with the embarrassing fist pimp and histrionics. Does he think anyone buys a ticket to see him sing the fucking songs? No, they don't. Stop it.

Rancourt will never have a bigger stage than when the Bruins come home for Games 3 and 4. It'd be nice if he didn't act like a jerk, and let the players have the stage. They deserve it. They are champs and he's a lounge lizard.

The crowd is going to be so pumped up they wouldn't notice if Glenn Ordway sang the damn anthem.

Stop it, Rancourt.

If I Had a Fortune

I've been nothing a good long while
But if I had a fortune
I'd find me a woman
Who needed a good friend
She would have her a mind
Filled with hatred, fear, and love
Old or young, I don't care
I'd take her down with me
To the places I've known
She'd tell me her stories
And show me her home
I'd still be alone
But my woman'd ask me how I am
Every once in a while
She'd care about kids
And the drunks in the gutter
She'd know how it feels
To be at the end
She'd see me as sad
But worth the trouble
Think I was sexy
And think I was funny
We wouldn't plan on tomorrow
But live for today
If I had me a fortune
I'd do me some good
And plenty of bad
But I'd do it all for her
Because that's who I am
If I had a fortune
I'd still see the sad
And live with the shame
But me and my woman
Would walk together
Hand in hand forever

You Don't Know You Can Trust Me

I can help you see the light
And I can help you find out all that's right

In the beginning it's all so frightening
Strangers, all laughing in your face
Knowing some secret code
Pissed when they turn away
At you you're sure

But you can trust me
To hold your hand
And you can trust me
To take a stand
For what's right
In the end
I play no favorites
In calling out the bull
Of all my friends
They don't rule
This man's world
With their damn plots
And schemes

I'm a big dude, that's true
But I know what it's like to be small
And scared, in the way
Of all those passers by
In a hurry to make something bad happen

I'll be around
For a long long while
Thinking of ways to change the tune
Of the twisted heads
We call home

Baby, Just Leave Me Be

Baby, just leave me be
To find my lonesome again
You've broken my heart once more
I asked for it, gave you the rope , and
Let you do your thing

Baby, just leave me be
To sit with my thoughts
Of how great we'd be together
If only you'd have changed your mind

Though reality is different
That doesn't change my heart
Or how I see your shape
In my memories of us

I thought this time it'd be different
But you were still you
And me still me
Baby, just leave me be

You were gonna be different than the other ones
That left me
We were gonna be different this time
That was a promise I made to me
But the ending was just the same
Me with my broken heart, alone
Wishing I was a better man
Baby, leave me be

Please

Wouldn't you please
Make me feel loved
Wanted, trusted
One of you

As I am on the outside
Looking over your shoulder
To the circle of friends
You a such a part of

Please let me
Feel like you do, I see,
All day long
So easily

As I want it to go away
For just one second
Of one day
Of my enduring life

Please let me know
What I did wrong
To make you ignore me

As it is I am, right now, all alone
Again
Without you
And this is all too much to bear
Without you

Author Andre Dubus III Comes to Portland to Speak and I am Overcome With Jealousy

This man, this writer, this icon, is famous
Wealthy and secure, doing what he was meant to do
Was born to do
And
Arriving with a hundred dollar haircut
To warm the crowd with

He is funny, confident and sexy
Looking a bit like a model of past days
With great, practiced stories, all with a point

And I sit
Growing angrier by the minute as he speaks

I knew guys like this in college
To whom everything comes easy
They come from good families, even when they don't
Their talents and charm withering the defenses
Of all in their path

I know him
He is too together, too much
And I am angrier still

Why not me?

------------

Driving home I nearly clip an almost certainly drunk pedestrian
And curse him, knowing the man is looking for trouble, which I nearly provide
My mind is frozen in temper, in heat and disgust

Why not me?

Andre Dubus III is a success story, his books important
I am a slob, bulked up from weightlifting, with fading eyesight
And nowhere to run
Who is no one
Nothing
And I hate him more

What do I think of successful writers?
I despise them
Because they've worked out the secrets in life
And I haven't

Sports Thoughts

1) Josh Beckett is pitching like a man on a mission, much like he did in 2007 when he led the Sox to the World Series. I have great confidence in the man when he appears motivated. With Beckett, Lester, and Bucholz, the Sox are in good shape should they get to the playoffs. And I am confident they will. This is a really good team that has a good chance to win the whole thing.

2) LeBron will never (NEVER) surpass or even equal his idol Michael Jordan. Never. The best he can hope for is one or two rings via overwhelming talent. Watching LeBron waltz through great portions of the game last night I was struck by how he is just not a killer like MJ, Bird, Magic, and Kobe. You have to be a large dick to be a killer, to be a great, multiple rings, champion. And LeBron just doesn't have it in him. Maybe he's too nice a guy. Maybe the pressure gets to him in crucial moments. I don't care what the scoreborard said after the game (the Heat won) and I don't care how many points James scored. He choked and didn't control the game. LeBron is the greatest combination of size and athletic ability the sport of basketball has ever seen. He's much bigger than MJ and Kobe, a much, much better athlete than Bird or Magic. He has it all physically, but mentally he is not the guy who can win the big games. I truly believe that when it's all said and done, Kobe and MJ will retain their places as the greatest modern day ball players and LeBron, even though he will surely win some titles in Miami, will be considered a choker, a la Karl Malone. And I'm a LeBron fan.

3) In contrast, Derrick Rose shot like shit last night but was a force the whole night. He never backed away, like LeBron did in the second quarter. Rose is going to be one of the all timers, no doubt, as long as his legs hold up. I love his attitude and am in awe of his game.

4) I will break down in tears if the Bruins should win the Stanley Cup. The Bruins were my first true sports love back in the late 70s, with "Too Many Men on the Ice" against the fucking Habs and going into the stands down at Madison Square. Great, great stuff. Their announcers back in the day were amazing as well: Fred Cusick and John Piersall. Voices and passion are what they had, unlike the cookie cutter clowns like Don Orsillo nowadays (which is why I watch sports mostly with the sound turned off today). Nifty, Ray Bourque, The Tasmanian Devil. I get chills thinking about the heart and soul that Lunch Pail A.C. played with. And now they are five wins away from winning the greatest trophy in sports. Should the Bs finish off the Bolts, Vancouver will be a big favorite in the Finals. Luongo is big and good and due and the Canucks have the best forward mix in hockey. But it can be done. Man, a Cup would be sweet.

5) Kyrie Irving, the projected Number One pick in the upcoming NBA Draft had his bodyfat measured, at the Draft combine, at around 10%. Shit, that's awful. He should be ashamed of himself. There's a couple dozen guys in my gym with lower bodyfat that that. What the hell is he eating? Now that he's got sneaker money and agent advances, he needs to hire a nutritionist and a personal chef. Man, there's literally hundreds of millions of dollars at stake, boy. Get your ass in gear and get in shape. This dude's game is fantastic, exactly like Chris Paul's when he was at Wake Forest, but there's no guaranteee's in The Association. You either produce or are forgotten. Get with it, Irving, and take this seriously.

6) Three months until college football kicks off. Can't wait. The summer sucks for televised sports, so I usually read a ton of books. This weekend I finished off three. Hoping to keep up the pace of three or four a week throughout the hot weather, as I just installed my air conditioners in my windows (Apartment 404 gets brutally hot whenever the air outside is hotter than 65 degrees).

Such Sadness

Boston Globe story about the deranged woman from Texas who killed her son but didn't go through with her own suicide

My only question is: how did she own such a nice truck if she was so destitute? This may seem like a strange question to ask, but I wonder where the money came from. Probably dealing, I imagine, but it strikes me as odd that she was driving an expensive truck.

Mental illness is, quite often, a fatal and murderous disease. This story shakes me to the core.

To Own My Share

When I hear about a little boy dying needlessly
I ask, "What kind of world do I live in?"
Why is there such cruelty?
Such depravity?
Such hatred?

I catch myself
And realize that

In the last week or so
I have needlessly contributed to the anger and venom
On this planet
And cannot point the finger at others
Because I am the one making the world a scary place
In my own way

This is MY responsibility
MY writings have lashed out at innocents
My thoughts have been filled with
Anger and paranoia and confusion
I own this
I did this

The world is a worse place
Because I have made it so
I cannot blame some unfortunate woman
Caught by the police in Mass. yesterday
It is me that has been doing the damage

I own a piece of the current carnage
Explanations and reasons abound
But still
I have regrets

=========

Having two safe places to go yesterday
Is what opened my eyes
And brought me back
Outside the awful, hateful place I have been in
My pdoc's office, with him assuring me
That the people there, including him,
Will help me through this
And I believe him

And my home group, in the program, last night
Where I searched the faces for looks of disgust
And found nothing but normality
The usual friendliness
My paranoia met their acceptance
Because
They know me and want the best for me
As they want all the members to have peace of mind

Today is a new day, a chance to make right
By just being

How To Act Like A Normal Man

1) When you see an attractive woman across the room, tell your buddies, "I'd do that. She's got great tits." When that woman walks across the room and crosses your path without saying anything to you, say, just loud enough for her and your buddies to hear, "Bitch. Fuck her." Women apparently are turned on by this manly behavior, from what we hear.


2) When ordering food at a restaurant, never make eye contact with the server. Remember that they are there to serve you and are not considered human in any way. Tip 10% at most. Attempt to make the server feel less than you when you speak to them, even though they are usually very much younger, thinner, and more attractive than you are.


3) When talking with buddies, use as much profanity as possible. Use of the phrases, "She's a dyke.", "He's an asshole, bigtime.", "Fuck them mutherfuckers." should be sprinkled in often in order to prove your manhood. Describing others as "gay" is a good trick to move the focus off your own gayness.


4) If married, make sure the woman knows her place. First off, she had better have taken your last name, or you're not a real man. Next, SHE does the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning of dishes every single night EXCEPT when you break out the grill and serve up some tasty hot dogs and hamburgers. Even if all you do is play video games all day and all night the woman has to know her place in the natural order of society. Man is on top and woman is on bottom. Things just work better that way. Don't ever let her think she is smarter than you. If your wife makes more money than you, physcially intimidate her so she knows her true place. That's how real men operate. Never say a nice thing to your wife or she'll expect you to do it all the time (very unmanly).


5) Television watching: Watch great, hilarious shows like "Two and a Half Men" as often as they can be seen. You can't get more manly than watching Charlie Sheen describe how he's hung over (again). Comedy gold!


6) Music: The more curse words and descriptions of spousal abuse and violence the better the music. Leave The Commodores and Seals and Crofts to the panty waists and losers of the world. Stay hardcore, men!


7) Raising Children: Let them know who's boss. Don't be afraid to slap them around once in a while (or even once a day! heh heh). They'll get over it eventually. Constantly correct their bad behaviors. Make sure they know that men are the number one species on the planet according to the Holy Bible. Make sure they know that you bring home the bacon and provide their food and shelter (even if it's really your wife who does that). Be tough. Don't forget to swear at them a lot, them curse them out if they ever talk back or use the same swear you use every day. Children are to be seen and abused, not heard!

--------------

That's just a few points I've learned on how to be a real man. None of this chicken shit, touchy feely, being decent to your fellow humans. Fuck em all and let the Good Lord sort out the casualties. Be a man!

It Doesn't Wash Off. I Tried.

(1)

If I'm not always entertaining
They will forcefully shit all over me
If I am not the funniest person in the room
They will make it their job to make sure I'm aware
That I am not welcome

----------

(2)

He introduces me to his friend
Then they both crap on me as I walk away
I have to ask
Why did you introduce me in the first place?
I do not treat others as they treat me
I must not be human

----------

(3)

I once worked in a bookstore for two months
And the monstrosities that posed as customers
Were truly breathtaking, no question
The rudeness, the callousness
Of the average person
Was shocking
Who fucking raised you?
Why do you think you can shit on others like that?
Do you not see that people like me can hear you?

----------

(4)

This is my stench
For that I'm sorry
It does not shower off
It does not go down that drain
As I would like

I want to get off this ride

I'll Try

How big an ego would it take
To think I've destroyed an entire meeting
By myself?

-------------

It started with an online argument
Between me and someone
I'd like to think is a friend
Six months back
He hasn't shown up
To the morning meeting
Since
Not one fucking time

And today it hit me
That all the people I enjoy seeing
The ones that help keep me sober
No longer attend
My morning meeting

Only strangers show up

I am too toxic
Too sick
Too sad
To be around
For one hour

It is said in the program
That to start a meeting
All you need
Is a coffee pot and a resentment

Maybe all you need to kill one
Is me

Why?

Feeling very low last week
As I am now 0 for ...oh, 6 or so in two years on the dating front
Saw my shrink on Thursday
He tells me, with kindness, that my life
"Is pretty good, relatively"
He's right, I know
And thank him for his honesty
He is such a good and valuable man
In my life

Four days of keeping the negative thoughts at bay
Follow
Four days of not allowing myself
To say, inside my head,
"I wish I was dead"
Tough days, long days

Last night the dam burst
And I considered the pills in the bathroom
What combination would do the trick?
How many? Would I have to buy some booze to finish the job?
All that sort of nastiness
And self loathing
My head was swimming
In
"I wish I was dead"s
For hours
I couldn't stop

Went to bed at 7:30
And woke up feeling OK
Looking forward to the day
Why?

Finally, a Movie Worth Seeing: "Bridesmaids"

Here's the New York Times glowing review.

==========

Thank you Kristin Wiig.

Honestly, movies have sucked for several years now. When a decently executed piece of fluff like "The King's Speech" sweeps the Oscars, you know something is wrong. I, for years and years, went to the movies faithfully at least once, usually twice a week. But that has stopped in the last 18 months or so because of the quality of the films I was seeing. Recently, I walked out on the supposedly funny "Hall Pass", left early on the well reviewed "Win Win", and so on and so on.

But "Bridesmaids" is a different breed than the recent crap. It is.....funny! Laugh out loud funny. I saw it Friday night in Westbrook and I, along with what seemed to be everyone in the full house, was in hysterics for just about the entire two hours.

There has, in my memory, never been a funnier female driven movie. I'd put this up with other comedy classics of the last decade or so like "Borat", "Shawn of the Dead", "The 40 Year Old Virgin", and "There's Something About Mary": "Bridesmaids" is that good.

I Shot Osama

I shot Osama
In his pajamas
Down in Pakistan
Where the dust'll choke ya

Told him to reach for the skies
Then shot 'im right between the eyes

Man, that fucker had it comin'
And I brought my own summons
Me and my Glock
Brought the fucker down
To where he belongs
Dead in the sea
Down with the fishees and the leach

Yeah, I shot Osama
Dead in his tracks
Like a Navy SEAL should
Makes a fellow feel good
To be part of history
Now that that dirty so and so is gone
We can all get along
Now please tell me
Won't ya
Why my gas still costs
Four fuckin' dollar?

"Modern Family"

Now this is one funny damn show. Wednesday's at 9 on ABC, if you hadn't heard. Watching last night's episode this morning on the DVR, I found myself laughing out loud at least a dozen times. I know comedy is hard, but why can't there be more shows like this?

--------

One minor quibble: I don't believe Cam and Mitchell have ever...you know....um....fucked. No, I don't buy for a moment that they have ever had intercourse. Maybe all the writers on MF are het, but damn, Cam and Mitchell are the least sexy couple on TV. How about an open mouthed kiss, or some groping? It's possible that the network doesn't allow these two to really get down and dirty with each other, but when I watch this supposedly gay couple interacting I just don't buy it. Sexing up this relationship would make the show even better, which would give "30 Rock" a run for its money as the best sitcom going. Possibly the actors just aren't good enough to make this facet of the show work.

Now Claire and Phil? I think they just did it five minutes ago. Man, the sexual energy between these two characters is out of sight. I definitely believe the Dunphys are fucking every single damn night and twice on Saturdays. And their kids are hilarious. The Dunphys are the funniest sitcom family since the golden age of "The Simpsons" (which hasn't been good in many years). Just a look from Phil into the camera is usually enough to make me giggle with delight. Great stuff.

And Jay and Gloria.... Well, they are probably doing OK in the bedroom. But you know Jay is using mega doses of Viagra or whatever boner pills he can scrounge up. I don't do accents, so Gloria doesn't really do it for me. And she's a bit too much in a lot of ways. But Manny is one of the great children's characters I can ever remember being on TV.

-------

A great show that has gotten even better in its second season.

Pushback

By striving for honesty
I push people away
Apparently

------------

Is that why I'm so alone?
I want to live the artist's life
Of complete vulnerability
And transparency
(As if that were a good thing)

But really, there seems to be no choice
I don't have any options
Because
To breath is to write
Is to check myself in the mirror
And those around me

It makes for a sad and isolated existence
When I take the measure of everyone I see
Even though I admire all that I write about
And enjoy the time spent together

What will become of me...
By June?
In ten years?
On my deathbed?
Will I still be alone?

That would be a horror

----------

Living honestly is the only way I know how to

But it is truly brutal

The "Bigger House" Syndrome

Thirty year old man: "Life's good, but if only I had a house as nice Bill Jones down the street, life would be even better."

Man works 80 hours a week for the next 15 years at a job he hates in order to afford the 20% down on his dream house.

-----------

The now 45 year old man: "I like my new digs, but if only I had a Corvette like Larry Saunders over in Gorham does to show I still got it. That would be sweet."

Man works 10 more years of soul crushing 80 hour weeks shoveling shit at the job he now hates with every fiber of his being.

-----------

The now 55 year old man: "The ride is nice and I love the house, but I need some 'Me Time' with the spouse. The islands are nice this time of year. Honey, we should take a month long cruise, like the Smiths did last year."

Man spends another 40,000 (80 hours a week X 50 or so weeks in a year X 10 years) hours working that crappy job to afford to be able to take some time off.

-----------

The now 65 old man wants to give his kids down payments for THEIR dream homes (which are twice as much as they can afford), so he works extra hard, putting in 90 hours a week moving piles of feces from Point A to Point B down at the Manure Plant.

Man says "This is great. I've got everything I need.... Except for a vacation home."

-----------

While toiling in the Great Manure Mine of Maine so he can spend a week Down East at the new place, the now decrepit and beaten 65 old man feels something tightening in his sunken, soulless chest. It's a heart attack, apparently. His boss calls 911 (after our hero finishes his shit shoveling shift).

Before the ambulance arrives, he dies.

Such is life.

Money and Pro Athletes: Just a Thought

I have to cringe every time I hear or read a pro athlete talk about money.

They usually say something like this: "Yeah, I hear stories about guys losing their money, but my agent/manager/buddy handles all that stuff for me. I don't even see a bill."

===============

Fucking Hell, Moron: That's what they all say!! "I don't even see a bill." Fuck, that is retarded. If every professional athlete spent five or ten hours a week educating themselves about finances they wouldn't have to worry about winding up like Ray Williams, who played in the NBA for over a decade and wound up sleeping in his car for three years. Or Antoine Walker, who spend untold millions of his $100 m in salary on gambling debts and bad real estate investments.

It's relatively easy to blow millions of dollars. Just trust your agent completely. Or develop a gambling habit. Or have a dozen kids out of wedlock with a bunch of different gold-digging skanks. Shit, these pro athletes need a father figure in their lives to tell them the straight poop: Know where your money is. Learn how to read a financial statement. Keep track of everything. Marry well.

================

Howz that for straight shootin'?

Thoughts on the NBA and NHL Playoffs

1) First time in the Conference Finals for the Bruins since 1992, with a 1 in 4 chance for their first Stanley Cup since 1972. That's a long time to be Cup-less (Thanks, Jeremy Jacobs and family up there in Buffalo). Eight more wins, 4 over Tampa Bay and 4 over, most likely, Vancouver will do it. Lots of work left to do for the boys, but this is getting exciting. I was six the last time the Bs took home the Cup and have no memories. I didn't become a sports fan until Yaz and Tiant in 1975.

2) Oklahoma City will never (NEVER) win a title with Russell Westbrook as their main point guard. He commits too many turnovers, especially at crucial times, and is a shoot first point. A deadly combination for a team looking to win a title. They could really use a JJ Berea type that can come in and run the team for twenty minutes a night and show Westbrook how a point is supposed to play. The Thunder front office has quite the conundrum right now because Westbrook is their number two offensive option and they have built the team around him and Durant. To trade or move him over would show that they have made a big mistake in building the team around the former UCLA player, who didn't play point in college because his teammate was Darren Collison. I bet the Thunder would love to trade Westbrook straight up for a pure point like Collison right now.

3) Both the Canadians and Flyers won no fans in their series with the Bruins with all the diving and instigating. Play like men, please! Don't try to draw penalties by whacking somebody with your stick then act like you got shot when the Bruin retaliates. The Flyers and Canadians have a lot of soccer players on the roster (Soccer freaks are know to dive and dive often).

4) One of the great moments in sports has always been the singing of the Canadian national anthem in a Canadian rink during the Stanley Cup playoffs, but tonight in Vancouver was a big disappointment. The massive opera singer didn't seem to have much of a feel for the anthem, a beautiful song, and mangled the end of it when he went for the big finish. Despite that, any real pro hockey fan is rooting for the Canucks, the only Canadian team left in the playoffs.

5) Great effort by the Celtics tonight in beating Miami. I would have expected a better effort out of the Heat, but Bosh disappeared, Bibby and Z are fossils, and James Jones never got untracked. If not for Joel Anthony playing so well the Heat may have lost by 30. What happens in this series if the Celtics tie it up with a win on Monday? The Heat choke, presumedly, and the Cs win the series in 6 games. Hey, it could happen.

Alone

When those sad
Haggard
Paid professionals, sitting
In their little offices
Tell me
Flat out
I can't do
What I was meant to do
I know they are wrong
About everything else

Why do I listen to fools?
There is no choice
Seemingly, because
I need to prevent a
Relapse to the crazy places
I've often been
And sitting down with licensed folks
Remains the plan

What good are they?
None right now
That I see

But should I falter
And hear the many voices
Getting louder
And more insistent
Then these people that get paid
To listen to my crap
Will certainly come in handy
In deciding when
To put me back in
Spring Harbor Hospital
For my safety

Until then
I know they are full of shit

Loring Life

I live in low income housing
The building is called The Loring House
An old hospital converted to apartments
Several decades back

It's been almost seven years since I moved in
And it feels right

My rent is about half of what market would be
The government pays the rest
As I am "disabled"
On the dole
A bit of a bum, some might say

But I've tried my best to fit in with the world outside
Loring House doors
And it's not been a good fit
Craziness
Drinking
Hospitalizations
Suicide attempts
All that

Yeah, I belong here
And it's fine
Most of the time
I have my two tvs, my books, my iMac
My kitty cat Rudy
And quiet
Now

The people who live in the couple of dozen apartments
Below me
Are just like me
Some older
Some sicker
Some with less money
But I fit here

They trust me, most of them
I bet
To not shit on them
Like most of the world does
I don't
Ever

Because I'm next (if that happens)
And I like it here

Looking Good For The Heat

-- Up 2-0 over the Cs: The team winning the first two home games in a seven game NBA series wins almost every time.

-- The Hawks look like they can give the Bulls all they can handle, especially with an injured Derrick Rose, with his sprained ankle. That should at least be a tough six game series and I would not be surprised at all to see the ATL win it.

-- Roles on the Heat are finally defined: It's LeBron's team, and Bosh and DWade feed off him.

-- Out West, the Lakers are dealing with Kobe's multiple injuries and the passivity of the twin towers in Gasol and Bynam.


Add all that up and the Heat must be heavy favorites to win the franchise's second NBA title.

Living History

New Facts coming in from the media today: Bin Laden was unarmed when killed by US Navy Seals Sunday.

What this means in a practical sense: He was assassinated. Killed while defenseless, in cold blood. By US soldiers with no desire to bring him to justice as we know it in the States: a court of law.

The Reaction Across America following the assassination: Jubilation reserved usually for national holidays and the ending of World Wars. (Bin Laden's assassination is neither.) Those morons who chanted "USA!" at the ballgames should be checked for BAC, because they are some sick individuals.


==============


The US Government initially claimed Sunday night that Bin Laden acted like a "coward" to the end by shielding himself with one of his many wives. What the initial government spokespeople did not tell the world was that Bin Laden had no weapons on his person when he was murdered. And he was shot in cold blood, rather that to be tried under court of law and likely sentenced to death after offering up his defense.

There was no gun battle, apparently. The shots fired were by the American Navy Seals executing the people they found there. Nice and simple. A "Kill Mission."

==============

If you can embrace a world where assassinations are celebrated, then I pity you. Because you have no sense of what is really going on and what is truly important. Al Qaeda is not dead, not nearly finished off. There are many hundreds of millions of young people in Islamist countries and some even here in the West and Europe who want to kill Americans. Osama Bin Laden is dead and they will want to kill Americans and Westerners in retaliation. And round and round we go.

This whole shitstorm is not nearly over. And there is no reason, none whatsover, to celebrate the assassination of another human being.

Is it Ok if it's not OK?

I have to believe everything will be ok
I need to believe that life is worth living
Saying that
And
Knowing that being a small part of life
is all I've got
Makes me scared
For why would the future be better than the past?
When I've been struggling, trying mightily, all along

------------

Sometimes with
No reason to get out of bed
Other than what I make of the day
I do, though, stuggle up and out

I am on my own, though
By my wishes
And inborn diseases and weaknesses
And closed off nature

Having proven to not mix well with society
And their various employments and anxieties
I am largely alone
With my books and blog and weights and meetings
And little else besides the beloved kitty for company

A lonely journey to be sure
Will it be worthwhile?
Will it be rewarding?
.....Yes
I'll find what I'm looking for

(the book, the bodybuilding, the answers to all the loneliness)

Won't I?

In My Dreams, I Dunk

I dream often of basketball
Playing the sport I cherish
The beautiful game
An often solitary sport
That teaches about brotherhood

-------

In my dreams, I dunk
Dribble through defenses
And shoot from anywhere
In gyms new and old
Usually alone
Or against opponents only felt, not seen

I'm not lonely
Nor tired or sad
Only balling
Like I can only imagine in real life

-------

When I wake I'm happy
And know that the game
Will never let me down
Or go

If only I could play in this real world
Like I do when asleep
My dreams might stop
And that would not be good