"That is a dangerous book....": "Shock: The Healing Power of Electroconvulsive Therapy" by Kitty Dukakis and Larry Tye

"All that was left was to put a name to the new procedure. One assistant suggested electric shock; Cerlutti objected because it was already used for muscle contractions directly due to electricity. Ditto for electroconvulsion. Another aide proposed electroshake, which Cerlutti thought too scary. So he ended with electroshock..." --- pg 61. Ugo Cerletti is described by author Larry Tye as" electroshock's patron saint."
================================
"'It was love at first sight.'" --- pg 153. Dr. Charles Welch (Kitty Dukakis mechanic at Mass General) describing how he felt about ECT. He, to my knowledge, has never experienced any ECT treatments.
================================

"That is a dangerous book" is what I was told by someone close to me after describing the outrage and disgust I felt after reading Robert Whitaker's searing 2002 indictment of how the mentally ill have been mistreated in this country for centuries, "Mad In America".

And that same advice I give to you, turned on its head. "Shock" attempts to show its readers the benign usefulness and effectiveness of ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), but in this attempt has sickened me. First, the fact that coauthor Larry Tye could be so incredibly disconnected to the suffering caused by this medieval form of therapy shows the callousness that has plagued the psychiatric community since its inception. The examples of ETC's benefits, as described by those patients who gained relief from their severe depression, serve as counterweight to Tye's gross lack of concern over its costs. To take an example mentioned in the book, during the 40s and 50s heyday of the procedure, "four out of every ten patients at Rochester [NY] and other hospitals of that era suffered a serious complication -- a rate four hundred times higher than today [meaning present day] -- with most involving DISLOCATIONS or FRACTURES". (emphasis mine)

Yeah, I guess in the pre-anesthesia and muscle relaxant era, the fact that you had nearly a one in two chance of breaking a damn bone, at minimum, could give ECT a bad reputation.

============================

The following are quotes found in "Shock", some from Tye and some from other works quoted in the book:

----- From a chapter titled "Serendipity and Science", describing an early form of therapy:
"While its [ie "sleep therapy", a technique that put patients suffering mental illness to sleep, if you can call it that, for one to ten days using various drugs] use eventually was constrained by its death toll -- it killed ONE IN TWENTY PATIENTS -- it was a critical link in the progression of organic therapies." (emphasis mine)
----- Yes, but did is do any goddamn good, besides killing patients? Not addressed in the book.

-----Assorted quotes from the book that left me dizzy, and quite angry with the author's indifference to patients suffering:
"One patient was given 800 sessions."
"Dr. Lucio Bini, Cerlutti's collaborator in founding electroshock...described his approach of administering several sessions a day of shock....(as) Annihilation."
"ECT use among the young is more problematic.....partly for fear of harming....brains of children. It is also a reaction to experiements like the one....at New York's Bellevue Hospital [during the 1950s], with patients as young as THIRTY-FOUR MONTHS getting TWENTY TREATMENTS." (emphasis mine)
and...
"Thorazine did for psychoses what Viagra would do for impotence, educating America about an ailment as well as a hopeful new approach to treatment."
----- So, Larry, apparently you've never taken an antipsychotic, because believe me, when you're on Haldol the last thing you think about is getting a boner. It ain't happening, my friend. Thorazine and Viagra: fellow wonder drugs (as I retch).

RE ECT Statistics
"The upshot is that while in 1980 schizophrenia accounted for 16.5 percent of in-hospital ECT usage, by 1986 that number had tumbled to 6.5 percent, and today it almost certainly has slipped further." ----- "Upshot"? "(T)oday it almost certainly has slipped further"? Wow, pass the champagne! Hate to be a wet blanket, but I know that the author knows that ECT doesn't do a thing for schizophrenia besides potentially reducing the depression.

RE Forced ECT:
--"Georgia Power Cocktail": The termed used by the former superintendant of a hospital in Georgia to describe forced ECT, and who is quoted as saying that it was at one time "hospital policy to use shock treatment to insure good citizenship."
--"Robert Whitaker, author of the expose 'Mad In America', estimates that more than 1 million patients receive(d) forced electroshock' in the 1940s and 1950s."
--""In Illinois today, 91 percent of ECT patients consent to treatment. In California, it is 96 percent and in Texas 98 percent." Wow, so 9 percent of ECT's in Illinois are FORCED. And Tye chose to include that stat in his book. Did he go to the school that the Ben Stiller character in "Zoolander" dreamed of opening (the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good, Too)? And the numbers in Texas are skewed by the dozens and dozens of electric chair "Annihilations"/executions every year, I assume.
"'It's much more gratifying to work with a willing patient.'" -- sweet hearted Dr. Ben Liptzin of Baystate Health Systems. Sounds like a swell guy.

RE ETC used as torture:
"...(M)edia reports were pouring in [during the 60s] from Hungary, Russia, Australia, and Argentina of electroshock's use in real torture. In Canada...Dr. Ewen Cameron got CIA funds in the 1950s to run a series of brainwashing experiments. Without telling his patients they were guinea pigs, he used high-dose ECT, hallucinogenic drugs, sensory deprivation, and barbiturate-induced sleep to try to obliterate neurotic ideas..." ----- Hello, and welcome to Gitmo, you dirty Arab scum!

One more quote from the chapter dealing with what I'm sure will be termed "ancient history" by doctors and those patients who benefit from modern medical miracles:
"Sakel tried intentionally inducing such comas [a hypoglycemic coma induced through the injection of insulin] in schizophrenics, with SPECTACULAR RESULTS. Symptoms fully cleared in thirty-five of fifty test subjects and partly remitted in another nine, he announced in 1934." (again, emphasis mine) --- It is clear, looking backwards from present day, that Dr. Sakel was quite the liar. These numbers were likely almost completely fabricated. Curing schizophrenia (70% success rate) by inducing comas? Not bloody likely. The thing about this passage that irritates me is that there is no mention by Tye that these figures are obvious bullshit. The guy puts this in his book put doesn't mention that there is no way that they are truthful? He, according to the book jacket, spent fifteen years at The Boston Globe as an award winning journalist. Award winning journalist? Hey, I guess if Manilow can win an Emmy, then anything is possible.

==============================

----- Two sentences, one inch apart on the page opened before me:
"His [Randall McMurphy as played by Jack Nicholson in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"] last scene also would have won, for Worst Psychiatric Excess [that is, another Oscar], although all he did was lie on a gurney motionless and emotionless."
.....and....
"In its earliest days, shock treatment did resemble a torture chamber."
----- Sooooooo....which is it, Mr. Tye? Bad screenwriting or "torture"? One inch apart on page 90. Did this book need an (better) editor real, real bad? I think so.

==============================

RE Efficacy of ETC
"So how well does ECT work for its target population of severely depressed patients? It can offer immediate relief to three-quarters of them..." --- This quote is made in a book with a substantial Notes section. Strangely, there is no note to back up this claim. But trust me. it's horseshit. Complete horseshit.

"(A) study, published in 2005 and involving 131 depressed patients who said they were actively contemplating killing themselves, found that 38 percent stopped thinking about suicide after just one week of ETC..."
---- Because...I don't know...they couldn't think about anything besides not wetting their pants?

No, I've got it, it went something like this: Doc: So, feeling better? Thinking of killing yourself? Cuz if you are, we can hook you up to that car battery again. Patient: Wha....I'm sorry...who are you?....oh... Yes, I am never going to even think about killing myself again. Never, ever, ever. Just don't electrocute me again. Please, oh god. Doc: Thanks, Mrs.....(looks down at chart)....Ms. Smith....I'll mark you down as "showing tremendous improvement".

=============================

You. Cannot. Make. This. Shit. Up.: Parts I and II

Part I:

Republican Congressman Foley of Florida, the author of the sexual predator provisions of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006, resigns due to numerous cases of......acting like a sexual predator towards underage males and females.

The Onion would have never, ever thought up something like this. And they get paid to think "outside the box". Holy shit.


=====================

Part II:

HBO Comic causes international incident.

Leading to World War III? Tune in next week.

=====================

Maybe Foley should visit Kazakhstan. I hear Borat's sister is excellent, clean prostitute.

Though probably too old for him.

=====================

Followup, 9/30/06: "So tell me Mr. Congressman, did you exchange raunchy emails with a young boy? No? Good enough for government work. Ok, we're done here" Dept:

link to story

"Rep. John Shimkus, R-Ill., chairman of the Page Board that oversees the congressional work-study program for high schoolers, said he did investigate but Foley falsely assured him he was only mentoring the boy. Pages are high school students who attend classes under congressional supervision and work as messengers."

=====================

Followup, 10/2/06: Just like Alanis and that old Winona Ryder character from "Reality Bites", AP writers may have some trouble understanding the true meaning of the word "ironic". here:

"Ironically, Foley, who is 52 and single, could be found to have violated a law that he helped to write as co-chairman of the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus."

Wait....hmmm....my bad...that may be a bit closer to what the word actually means.

Oh hell, I'll look it up in Webster's Collegiate: "irony - n - 1. a method of humorous or subtly sarcastic expression in which the intended meaning of the words is the direct opposite of their usual sense." No, I was right the first time: nothing "humorous" or "subtly sarcastic" about old creepy men of power hitting on high school students.

Well, that's settled.

Disco is coming back, man. Book it.

Original Artist: Alicia Bridges
Brand New Song: "I Love the Cops Life (Shit Goes 'Round)"

===================================

Please don't talk about sodomy tonight.
Please don't talk about sweet love.
Please don't talk about bustin' heads
and all the trouble he's been through.
Ah, please don't talk about all of the plans
we had for fixin' this broken down man.
I want to go where the weirdos dance.
I want some action ... I want to live!

Action ... I got so much shit to give.
I want to give it. I want to get some too.

Oh, I ... Ohhh I ... I love the cops life,
I get to watch 'im on the apartment's floor, oh yea.
Oh, I love the cops life,
I get to watch him on the apartment's floor , oh yea.

Please don't talk about sodomy tonight.
His sweet cryin' won't make it right.
Love and lies just bring me down
when you've got weirdos all over the town.
You can smash them all and when you're through,
maybe that'll make, huh, a man out of him
I want some action ... I want to live!

Action ... I got so much shit to give.
I want to give it. I want to get some too.

Oh, I ... Ohhh I ... I love the cops life,
We get to boogie and the shit goes 'round, oh yea.
Oh, I love the night life,
I get to watch him on the apartment's floor, oh yea.

Oh, I love the cops life,
We get to boogie and the shit goes 'round, oh yea.
Oh, I love the cops life,
I get to watch him on the apartment's floor, oh yea.
I love the cops life,
I get to watch him on the apartment's floor, oh yea.

Not a simple thing to fire a tenured prof: How long before UNH finds a way?

From The Boston Globe's 9/10/06 edition concerning controversial UNH Psychology Professor William Woodward, who has been outed as a member of a group that believes the Bush administration had a large hand in the 9/11 attacks on the U.S., even planting explosives in the Twin Towers.

No mention if Prof. Woodward has tenure at the university. I would think he does, given his age and credentials (PhD from Yale in '75). Firing a tenured professor is not easy: they are contracted, union employees who have rights. If Woodward has not broken the terms of his contract with UNH, and I don't expect he has since he teaches psychology and apparently makes no mention IN CLASS of his kind of "out there" opinion, then I think he should remain. Unless "they" start burning crosses on his lawn or some crazy shit like that. THEN he should quit.

"Students for Academic Integrity"? Yeah, right. Probably six bow tied assholes who believe in a massive left wing media conspiracy, Clinton being a serial killer, and other wacko bullshit.

My money is on them being just as "out there" as Prof. Woodward.

"I need a good long ride on your rodeo and everything will be all right...."

Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band kick ass on the Late Show Wednesday night. From Youtube.com.

WTF is he talking about? Dept: Bill Simmons Division

From The Man Formerly Known as Boston Sports Guy's NFL Week Three Picks column.
_________________________________________

(Highlight No. 2: After Chad Jackson caught his first touchdown as a Patriot, I called my dad for the obligatory "Chad Jackson!" phone call, and as we were taking turns raving about him, CBS came back from commercial and showed him on the sidelines, without his helmet, and he had his hair arranged in tight corn rows, with little blue beads dangling from the ends. So Dad's talking at the time and it sounds like this: "Yeah, the guy looks like a gamer, I like everything I've seen and rea- (three seconds of silence as we see Chad and his beads on TV) ... wow ... (searching for something positive to say) ... well, they say those Florida guys are a little different. ... ")
__________________________________________

Now I know BS writes a ton of stuff every week, and it's not all gold, But this is just weird, man. Not exactly sure what he's getting at, but the above paragraph strikes me as uncomfortably, um, strange.

==========================

9/28/06 Edit: Taking a wild stab at what Simmons was getting at....

Maybe BS thinks Jackson should sign up for the all-time home run king, "Hammerin' Hank's original team, the Indianapolis Clowns.

That's right. The greatest of all home run hitters, and a member of the All Time outfield (Mays, Ruth, Aaron and Ted....yeah, I know that's four but we're gonna leave Morgan at home and play without a second baseman. So there.) started out in the Negro Leagues, playing for a team named the "Clowns" for $200 a month. And people wonder why Aaron never loosened up.

New Boss Same as the Old Boss: The new media reveal their true feelings about depression/suicide:

From Kissing Suzy Kolber: This is, I think, an attempt at humor.

"Jones : TO Wanted Out: A statement from Cowboys owner/GM Jerry Jones to KSK reveals that TO wasn't happy in Dallas, and wanted out. I spoke briefly with Jones earlier this morning.

Kissing Suzy Kolber: You might think what he's done is shocking.
Jerry Jones: Yeah, um, to me though suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems that life has given him.
KSK: That's good, but TO would never use the word "myriad."
Jones: This is the last thing he'll ever do. He's going to want to cash in on as many 50 cent words as possible.
KSK: Yeah, but he missed myriad on the vocab test two weeks ago.
Jones: That only proves my point more. The word is a badge of his failures at this school.

(posted by Monday Morning Punter/KissingSuzyKolber")
______________________________________

Also from KSK:

"Life It Seems To Fade Away...

In case you weren't already aware, Cowboys wideout Terrell Owens has apparently tried to kill himself. Is it fair to make fun of a man who may be in his darkest hour and in need of serious mental counseling?

I say yup.

TO has long been someone who desperately desires attention, negative or otherwise. So I think TO (who is not dead) would have wanted it this way, with people brutally flaying him with rapturous glee. That way, other people can step in and say, "Hey, he's a person too, assbag!", thus causing TO be viewed in a highly sympathetic light, leading up to Pontius Pilate's swift execution order.

In other words, we at KSK plan on giving TO exactly what he wants. Stay tuned today for our numerous theories on why TO decided to try and half-assedly knock himself off. Seriously, has anyone died from attempting suicide by ingesting pills (cue random commenter who has a loved one that actually did)? TO didn't want to die. He just wanted a $5 million advance for his memoirs. What a tactician."
____________________________________________

Some more attemts at funny by KSK:

"The Timeline for our Darkest Day

Disclaimer: I recognize the severity of suicide. I have very personal reservations telling jokes about it. But this is an NFL humor site, and we have work to do. When I found out how T.O.'s day went yesterday, I had to share it. My apologies for the military time. And for the poor taste. But mostly just the military time..."

============================

From Sports Illustrated's Don Banks. He calls Owens attempt "bizarre".

============================

From Pat Forde at ESPN.com, writing that Owens life is an "absolute carnival."

============================

From the Cowboys blog on AOL Sports: "Owens, T.O. need to get their head together."

============================

From Deadspin.com:

"• The kids at Kissing Suzy Kolber have all kinds of irresponsible (and, therefore, quite fun) theories."

============================

From Seattlest.

"But if there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that Terrell Owens is immature."

============================

Dan Marino and Cris Carter on Inside the NFL on HBO:

Carter on Owens press conference on Wednesday: "He looked good." "He needs to be examined."

Marino, no brain surgeon he, was whining about how a lot of people's "livelihoods"' are dependant on this man, and thus he needed to be checked out. Presumably so he could get back to work as soon as possible.

That's exactly what this guy needs: folks like Marino and Carter giving him advice.

============================

To sum it all up: Depressed? Stop the whining and get back to work ASAP.

New boss same as the old boss. In more ways than one.


============================

9/28/06 Edit: Just one more....

From TheBigLead.com:

"There are eight million and three theories flying around the net about just what the heck happened to the Cowboys star, but for reasons unknown, we haven’t seen this one, which comes from a reader who may or may not know a thing about drugs:

'Painkillers are an easy way to get high. Did the publicist tell the police it was suicide to steer police clear of the fact that TO may have been trying to get high? Do you know how many people use painkillers to get high?'

Uh no, we don’t. But we like it!

A last word on the suicide angle: If it all hinges upon Owens saying, ‘yes’ when asked about harming himself, well, that’s pretty weak. If you’ve ever been hopped up on codeine during an illness, you’ve probably mumbled some dumb shit to your wife/girlfriend/fiancée that has gotten you in trouble. Right?"

==============================

From the "No shit" Dept.: New York Times Division

From a NYT, online edition, 9/27/06 story concerning Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Omar Hassan al-Bashir's (of Sudan) speeches at the UN recently:

"American officials were quick to dismiss the speeches as chest thumping, noting that all three men were from countries with vast oil reserves and other resources, well able to thumb their noses at Washington but hardly representative of the poorer countries that rely on American aid."

So correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. NYT reporter, but the countries we can't screw over because they have stuff we must pay for should knuckle under nicely, or we will call them nasty names.....these are our enemies?

Also....

"Officially, most diplomats here were quick to frown on the Venezuelan leader’s remarks. But in quieter moments officials and diplomats said they feared that he was reaching a receptive audience of poor countries that felt exploited and bullied by the United States."

Poor countries being exploited by the US. I am shocked, shocked.

Five Misdemeanors and the Wacky Professor = Global Manhunt

Five Misdemeanors:

Mark Karr currently faces five misdemeanors for possessing child porn in California, charges that date back five years. His bail is an astronomical $200K, largely, one would think, due to 1) the threat of flight by the defendant, though he probably has no money or passport at this time, 2) the sensational nature of the whole sordid JonBenet Ramsey case and his false confession, which probably caused the judge to set a ridiculous bail instead of having him held for a psych eval, which is clearly called for.

For a bunch of misdemeanors, the guy should either be set free or be held and quickly checked for the ability to understand the nature of the charges, etc. Why even set a bail? He's only gonna get probation and time served no matter what, unless he's found incompetent. In which case he'll be committed until/if he's able to stand trial.

These charges were filed five years ago and are the reason that Karr has been on the run overseas ever since.

Five misdemeanor charges.

========================

The Wacky Professor:


While on the run, Karr began to send emails to a grandstanding U. of Colorado professor interested in the Ramsey case by the name of Micheal Tracey, apparently claiming that he, Karr, was present at JonBenet Ramsey's death. I would expect a professor of journalism to get a clue at some point that Mr. Karr was simply a delusionial man trying to make a name for himself. Karr is sick, and I'll bet the ranch that Tracey knew this was a wild goose chase from the beginning.

The first time I heard Karr speak on TV (I believe it was after his arrest in Thailand), I said to myself "No way in the world did that guy do it. He's just sick."

========================

Now that the country is on the hook for another $70 billion in military spending on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, what's a couple of million more so that mommies and daddies can feel good about putting their kids in those sickening t 'n a prepuberty beauty contests, then act all outraged when wack jobs like Karr get turned on.

Karr obviously has no family that give a shit, since he's been blowing in the wind since this started. If he does have family and they have turned their back on him, they are a sorry lot.

One part Deadspin, one part Daily show, and one big part Carl Monday. Mix.

This is why the kids should stay off the internets. Because it is a vast wasteland of indecency and hatred. And bad spelling (don't I know it). From WKYC Channel 3 in Cleveland, and Carl Monday's (not his real name) personal blog. My comments are in parentheses, and are attempts to put Monday's and his viewers comments into context.

============================

John Stewart Crew Confronts Carl Monday (It's actually spelled Jon, but hey, Stewart is Jewish, so what's the diff?)
_________________________________________

It's 7:30am...and a "reporter" and two photographers are camped out at the end of my driveway. Wait...isn't that my job?

The "reporter" approaches and barks out something like this......"Carl, I'm a big fan of yours. How do you like going after sleeze bags?" (Doubtful that this happened in a way "something like this". The cameramen from the Daily Show carry film, not cameras, and the correspondants can't air a story without getting a sitdown with the subject. Very doubtful.)

This must be some kind of a joke. Well, in fact it is. The kind you find on Comedy Central. More to the point, the cable commedy icon....John Stewart Show. Yea, I know the guy is enormously popular...even hosted the Oscars....but at 11pm..I'm usually watching the local news and admit to not owning Tivo. ("Commedy?" "John"? "Yea"?)

So that's my excuse for not immediatley recognizing the crew that confronted me the other morning )my wife was next to me in the car if you don't believe me.) (Parenthesis his, not mine. Just so you know. Bet his wife is hot and wicked smart, too.)

Seems Stewart's producers sent the crew to Cleveland to do a "bit" on me. They hung around all day...sticking their microphone in the faces of downtowners...and Channel 3 staffers.

They hung around the station...and finally, by late afternoon...we "confronted" them...a case of dueling confrontations if you will...in the Channel 3 parking lot.

The "reporter" asked rediculous questions..and wasted no time regressing to comments about the "library story." You can guess where the "interview" went from there. ("Rediculous"? The library story is actually Monday's claim to fame, the numerous Emmy's notwithstanding, thanks to Deadspin.com.)

The "spoof" is supposed to air this week on the Commedy Channel. We'll give you a heads up on WKYC.COM. (How the fuck do you misspell "comedy" TWICE? Even I can't spell that bad.)

Don't now if I'll be laughing..but with all the bad news we deliver each day..i suppose we could all use some comic relief. ("now"? "i"?)

==========================

Post a Comment On: Carl Monday: Cleveland's Investigative Reporter
"Jon Stewart Crew Confronts Carl Monday"
19 Comments -Show Original Post Collapse comments

Anonymous said...
Carl, you need to use the spell check feature.
September 25, 2006

Anonymous said...
Are you kidding? You're a journalist? I thought that the field of jounalism required a degree in...journalism! Ran this through MS Word, found over a dozen errors. Spelling, grammar, style, you name it. I "don't now" where you acheived your degree, but you really should ask for your money back. Oh, by the way, it's the Daily Show with John Stewart. Try checking your facts before you just post them. This is the problem with blogs: they make the illiterate write things that are illegible and unintelligible, and then these monstrosities of the English language somehow find their way onto the web.
September 25, 2006 (I am laughing sooooo hard right now. This is a classic post of outrage mixed with.....something.)

Anonymous said...
Um, the previous commenter could use his/her own spell check:
It's achieved, not "acheived"
And it's the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, not John Stewart.
So don't be casting stones when you're living in glass houses, bucko.
I look forward to seeing the report--it should be funny!
September 25, 2006 ("Bucko?" Holy shit. Now you know you are in Ohio, motherfucker. Take that, bucko!)

Michael Cappetta said...
Shouldn’t be surprising that the previous posters wanted to remain anonymous. Anyways, sounds like it was fun and I am excited to see the report on Wednesday! Will Channel 3 do a story on them with the ‘dual confrontation’?
September 25, 2006 (Obviously lives with mother. Enough said.)

Anonymous said...
I think it's nice that you can have a sense of humor about yourself even if they do make you look bad. And by the way, who said you were conducting a class on spelling, writing and grammer in your blog, BIG DEAL!!! I look forward to seeing the report.
September 25, 2006 (This guy, "Anonymous"....I'll BET has no full cable package in his dorm room. Will be asking friends "what channel is the "Carl Monday Commedy Report" on tonight?)

Anonymous said...
Who cares about a few mispelled words? Good for you Carl. I have a DVR and have it set to tape the show. I think it's great they would want to do a bit on you. You haver always done an extremely good job of helping people out and I was actually shocked to see the library spot and what that man was doing. Carl, you should be proud that they would think you would be a great bit for them even if it is a spoof.
September 25, 2006 (Retard.)

Anonymous said...
Let's here it for internet lingo! This is a blog, not your English class! SOME of us are smart enough to know when to put the arrogance away for the night.
Carl, looking forward to seeing you on the Daily Show! We need all the good publicity we can get here in C-Town, even if it is on the funny side! Congrats Carl!
September 25, 2006 (Where the hell is C-Town? That would presumably be Cleveland, which has 9 letters. C-Town has 5 and a -. Man, that's some time saved.)

Anonymous said...
Do you only make admissions that you don't own a Tivo at 11 p.m. while watching the news?
September 26, 2006

Christopher said...
Don't these comedy people realize the time and effort it takes to uncover the truth and protect the public from those who would attempt to poison our fair city. Have they no shame.
Apparently these people have never been to a public library and had the pages of National Geographic stick together.
Well let me tell you something, I have and I sleep better at night knowing that you are out there beating the streets protecting me from the vile and disgusting masses.
I love you Carl.
September 26, 2006 (Carl Monday (not his real name) replies: "Thanks, Mom. I luve you two." "Beating the streets"...was that an attempt at funny business? Seriously, this HAS GOT TO BE A SARCASTIC comment, or I'll [contemplate] eating my socks.)

Mike Cooper said...
Whatever you do, DO NOT watch this report. Also, DO NOT have sex with yourself in public libraries. Yhat is all.
September 26, 2006 (Now that's some damn comedic posting.)

Anonymous said...
This is the most ridiculously awesome scenario I've heard about in quote some time. Thank you to all parties involved.
September 26, 2006

Anonymous said...
This is so rediculous!
September 26, 2006 (Now Y'all just being silly.)

Anonymous said...
Carl, you're about as much of a 'reporter' as anyone from the daily show.
September 26, 2006 (Actually, if you hold Carl Monday (not his real name) in your right hand (snort), take away the awesome shitheadedness, add a lot of talent and intellect, then mix some good taste and a ton of humor, you'd have a Daily Show correspondent. Maybe. Oh damn, forgot: shave the fucking mustache, loser.)

Anonymous said...
Ridiculous that a supposedly professional journalist can't spell...
September 26, 2006

Ric Romero said...
Carl, I was very impressed with your report, but I'm even more impressed with your blog! As a fellow reporter, I'm always trying to stay on the cutting edge of technology. (My forte is consumer news.)
Keep up the good work in investigative journalism! Maybe I'll come up to Cleveland sometime to visit sometime...but I guess I'll stay out of the library! ;D
September 26, 2006 (Ric is a homo. The gaydar says that ";D" is one dead giveaway. No real man types ;D unironically.) (Edit: OK, so Ric Romero is a real reporter based in LA. If this is really him, he's definately gay as well as being a national punchline for other reasons. You can't make this shit up, unfortunately. Oh my God, my side hurts from laughing.)

Anonymous said...
Well, the previous commenter didn't purport himself to be a journalist.
The blogger does. So...he's really got a point.
I spelt btter tahn taht in grdae shcool.
September 26, 2006

Anonymous said...
You're all idiots. Stop bitching about language and grammar you retards, who reads blogs and then pastes the to MS.....Honestly get a life, and "journalist" the only interviewees on The Daily Show are 99% of the time incompetent and usually lack any ability whatsoever except (most unfortunately) the ability to breath and swallow food.
September 26, 2006 (Mr. "Get a Life, you idiots" has enough of a life, or lack thereof, to post to others telling them to get a life. Actually, I have no idea what this guy is talking about......Well, shit, now I'm confused. Do I need to get a life, too?)

Kevin said...
John Stewart is watching you masturbate, Carl.
September 26, 2006 (Well, now we know. NOBODY can spell the little Jew's name. Where's Wik when you need it.)

Anonymous said...
Carl, you are an unethical and unscrupulous and apparently illiterate wanker. It's "Jon" Stewart, hoss -- among your many other crimes against the English language (and common decency).
I thank you for the laughter you've brought to my home, though.
I've been a college English professor for 25 years, eight of them in Cleveland. It's hard for me to imagine that you're making more than three hundred grand, when so many (more literate) people could do your job better.
Enjoy your time in between becoming a national laughingstock and the day that WKYC (inevitably) fires you.
September 26, 2006 (Obviously the best post. But...300K? For watching lonely OSU fans masturbate? Where do I sign on the dotted line? Fuck morals, give me the cash. Carl Monday (not his real name) is one smart son of a bitch.)

George Allen......Senator and Presidential Candidate for the Republican Party

"I still had a ham sandwich for lunch. And my mother made great pork chops." ---- Virginia Sen. Allen, after confirming that part of his maternal ancestry is Jewish.

----- From Newsweek, 10/2/06. The Senator expressed his awe-some sense of humor (and racial sensitivity) to the Richmond Times-Dispatch last week. Allen's maternal grandparents were Jewish.


"When Allen angrily told a reporter during a debate last week that she was 'making aspersions about people because of their religious beliefs,' as if Jewish roots were something to be ashamed of, he seemed out of control."

----- Also from this week's Newsweek, in Jonathan Alter's column.


"High school classmates rrecall that before a basketball game against a black team, he and friends secretly scrawled anti-white racial slurs on their school building, in an attempt to build resentment toward the black players."

----- Again, from Alter.


RE the "macaca" incident:
"First he said he didn't know what the word meant, then that he made it up from the word "Mohawk", and, most recently, that it's Italian for "buffoon. His insistence that he never heard the word growing up (backed last week by his mother) doesn't sound credible, given that the slur was common in the colonial Tunisian community in which she was raised.
------ Alter's column.


The smell of smoke is wafting throughout the man's campaign.

I can see clearly now: Why Criminal Justice is a popular major among armed robbers and/or SEC and other bigtime sports factories

From Deadspin.com's Hugh Johnson Project (readers email or IM often wickedly funny comments during games on Sundays and Saturdays). This note from two weekends ago seemed to come out of nowhere:

"• Nate Harris, whose U. Miami scholarship was pulled after he was arrested for armed robbery, is a justice administration major at Louisville. Perfect. - cb4"

================================

That is until I got to page 237 in Michael Lewis' new book, "The Blind Side". Then things made sense. Here Lewis talks about the academic life of the Ole Miss football team:

"Of the seventy players who survived Coach O's first grueling spring practice, more than forty were classified as 'academically at risk'..."

"A big part of the tutor's job was to steer the players away from the professors and courses most likely to lead to lack of performance (in the classroom). The majority of the football team wound up majoring in 'Criminal Justice.' What Criminal Justice had going for it was that it didn't require any math or language skills. Criminal Justice classes were almost always filled with other football players."

Does your favorite bigtime university offer Criminal Justice as a major? Is so, it may be a football factory.

===============================

Micheal Lewis is an author who never ceases to fascinate. "The Losers" was a book about the Presidential campaign....of a bunch of the losing candidates. Great stuff. "Next" was about the new economy, as was "The New New Thing. "Liar's Poker" is still a classic on Wall Street insanity. And of course, "Moneyball" has been a sensation for over two years.

And his new book, "The Blind Side", is another one sure to create a lot of interest. A sports book about.....a high school/college lineman? Well, I'm way into it. Good stuff.

What part of "Eight years of prosperity and peace" do you not remember?

Wallace the Young interviews President Clinton on Fox "News":

Here's a bit ....and a bit more, but not the whole thing.

Where are the controversial answers by the former President? Fox "News" has apparently, from what I could find, blocked YouTubers from showing the good stuff where President Clinton goes off, rightly, on Wallace...except for this brief little tidbit, which may not be available by the time you link to it.

"Against All Enemies", the Richard Clarke book that the President was talking about.
________________________________________________

Disappointing but not unexpected that Fox "News" would stop the clips of President Clinton answering questions in a way that would simply shame our current President. President Clinton is one of the country's smartest, most eloquent man, no matter which side of the political fence you sit on. The only way to silence him is, apparently to squash YouTubers from showing what really went down.

Worth reading....

Salon.com story on Sen. George Allen, and the differing memories of some of his former UVA teammates. Lots of smoke gathering around the Senator.

Athiests, sports bettors, and fantasy football junkies: Who gets to heaven?

I've always said (to myself mostly): Religious people do the right thing because they fear the consequences of sin. Athiests do the correct thing because it is the right thing to do.

Sports bettors and fantasy league players take all the fun out of watching sports for themselves, football in particular.

For example, The Man Formerly Known as The Boston Sports Guy bet AGAINST the Pats on yesterday's Broncos game. The BSG bet against a Boston team? So you're telling me, Bill, that you were actually applauding the crappy refereeing going on? Saying "Hip, hip hooray" when some unkown wide receiver from a DII school made two nice plays for Plummer in the first half? Come on, that's ridiculous.

Is it me or does it make no sense to cheer for players, not teams? Does it seem stupid to worry about your fantasy roster all having good weekends, and not caring who wins and loses?

You can have your Rotisserie Baseball, your NFL fantasy league. Those are as tired as tattoos.

Me, I cheer for the laundry, not the number.

Real and imagined quotes regarding the Pats v. Broncos

Tough loss. 13 games to play before the real season begins, hopefully.

"If it's the ultimate game, how come they're playing it again next year?"
---- (Real) Duane Thomas of the Dallas Cowboys prior to Super Bowl IV. The man had a point. Relevant since it's the third week of the season. Long haul left. Gabriel and Caldwell showed life and hopefully Jackson and Corey Dillon get healthy.

"UPI reports that an unknown terrorist slipped 10mg each of melatonin into Al Micheals' and John Madden's pre-game green tea. Arrests to be made soon."
---- (Fake) Could these two have sounded less like they give a shit? Rod Smith MAY be a HOFer? He's one of the greatest wideouts ever, Al. Madden: the Pats are pros: they don't show emotion when none is called for. Christ, these two made the game seem like a dental cleaning. If you are that bored, Al and John, let Joe Buck do play by play and Bob Davie do the color. No, I didn't just write that, did I? I hate those two guys. It's a long way from "Do you believe in miracles?".

"The Broncos and Colts will never win a Super Bowl BECAUSE of Plummer and Manning. They may win one, but not because of these two guys."
---- (Real....I was babbling to myself as the clock wound down) Jake da Snake? Naaah. It was Denver's D and Tatum Bell that won the game for Denver. Can't take anything away from them, it was a pounding in the Pats own stadium. But I would never bet on Plummer over Brady, even up. Never in a million years.

"We're all very different people. We're not Watusi, we're not Spartans, we're Americans. With a capital "A", huh? And you know what that means? Do you? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts."
---- Private John Winger as played by Bill Murray in "Stripes". (A Real, Fake quote) This is what it means to be a Patriot/patriot. Damn, if they won every game what fun would that be? My own great great (great?) grandfather from Germany was a draftdodger going back to the Bismarck inspired European wars of the 19th century. On my father's side: 100% IRISH!!!! And you know what that means: "No Irish Need Apply". That was the way of the world in Boston until less than a century ago. I am proud to call myself.....MUTT. As Bob Kraft said after the first Super Bowl win: "We're all Patriots!".....and we're all, in NE at least, MUTTS. Vrabel: Steelers didn't want him. Troy Brown: 7th rounder. Brady. Gabriel: traded by the worst team in football. Etc. Etc. Etc.

"No. They come back to the sideline and I tell them what I see. I'm a team player and I tell them what I see and what we should look out for. ... There was no reason. We all work together. It wasn't my time. I just have to wait until my number is called."
---- (Real) Doug Gabriel on if it was frustrating not playing in the first half. Now ya talkin', Doug. That sounds like Patriot talk to me.

"I am soooooo shitfaced right now'
---- Odell Thurman, midnight, Cincinnati last night. (Probably Real) Actually, hopefully real, since he may have had other stuff going on, too.

Next stop for the Pats: Paul Brown Stadium, 6 days from today, 4:15pm. Should be fun.

Tampa Bay is staring at 3-13.....

....but they have found a quarterback.

Chris Simms may have the worst stats in football, may come from a wonderful family (what kind of a football player comes from such a terrific family as the Simms?), may be too goddamn good looking to be great leader (ever see Bobby Layne's picture?), but damn if he didn't prove his guts today. He had his spleen removed postgame, probably has some broken ribs, dehydration, etc., but that is one badass QB, to finish the game with those kind of injuries. That is pure toughness.,

That lockerrom is HIS, I'll bet. Don't count out Chris Simms just yet. Not everyone comes out of the gate firing bullets. This guy's a keeper.

If Tampa Bay and Gruden could win a Super Bowl with Brad Johnson, they can win another one with Chris Simms. Book it.

===========================

9/25/06 4:00 pm Edit: Terrible news about Chris Simms career from the Tampa Tribune:

"Chris Simms' season is probably over. His career as an NFL quarterback may be in jeopardy as well. How the Bucs will replace Simms is unknown. The likelihood is that Bruce Gradkowski will take over, but the Bucs have two weeks before their next game, so they have time to consider other options."

Not sure what to think. So many of the guys in the NFL have superhuman recovery powers, so I'd take the "career..in jeopardy" as not being the absolute gospel. But his injuries were severe, and his long term health shoulld obviously be the number one priority.

===========================

9/28/06 Edit: Fox Sports followup.

===========================

Another thing you can count on happening: Coach Marvin Lewis winning a Super Bowl sometime in his career.

Maybe not this year. But sometime. His Bengals have everything but the experience of having been there. Hope for their sake they don't party TOO much this week. That would be a shame.

Or not, since I'm a Pats fan.

9/25/06 Edit: Damn, the Bengals sure know how to celebrate a win in the third damn week of the year.. It's a long season, fellas. Happy kegging and whatever else. TWIs...Yours, Bengals! (Thanks, Deadspin)

Maine Sunday Telegram for 9/24/06: Is "Anne Louise Bannon: Family Viewing" even written by a real person?

Can't find anything substantial on Google.

This "person" writes something called "Family Viewing" for the local Sunday paper's Parenting section here in Portland. I have searched online for the article, but no dice. The local paper lacks a search engine, and didn't put the article online this morning.

The only reason it interests me today is that there is a picture of Donnie Walhberg pointing a gun directly at my face.

In the Parenting section.

Under the byline "Family Viewing".

========================

'Scuse me while I get back to watching some porn.

Gay people kissing can cause massive inflight electrical failures...

....at least that is what a few American Airlines flight attendents, pursers, and even pilots think. So be warned, you homos.

From this week's New Yorker: Talk of the Town.

Post "Seinfeld" Era: "Arrested Development" set the bar high....

....and "The Office" smashes right through it.

Thursday night's episode of "The Office" was as good a half hour of TV as I can recall seeing. It wasn't just achingly funny. It was also (gulp) more than a tad thought provoking. While Arrested Development was pretty much straight laughs (wildly successful at that, certainly), "The Office" brings more to the table, in large part channeled through Steve Carell's Michael Scott character, one of the most memorable TV personalities you hate to love.

Thursday's The Gay Witch Hunt episode was directed by Roger Nygard (this guy worked on "Mind of the Married Man"? is this possible?) and was written by the brilliant Ricky Gervais and Stephan Merchant (from the original British series). Are more episodes going to be penned by G & M? Hopefully.

===============================

Also...

The current issue of The New Yorker calls "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" "...entertainment...of the highest order."

Yes, it's true. The new edition to NBC's Monday lineup hit like a sledgehammer this past week. A simply jaw-dropping, sparklingly fresh script as well as cast came out of the shoot running. A slickly made, whip smart slew of walk and talks (what, you expected "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" from Aaron Sorkin? The energy level of his characters on "Sports Night", "West Wing" and now "Studio 60" are off the charts.) that grabbed me by the throat from the getgo.

From what I saw in the first episode, this Matthew Perry guy could be a star. And I did not know that, as Carson used to tell us, Amanda Peet could actually act. My goodness, I'm giddy.

===============================

Thirdly, do yourself a favor if you have IFC and watch an episode of "The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman" on Friday nights at 11pm. If you like it, remember who told ya.
===============================

Now, when the hell is Tina Fey's show going to open?

Bowling Alone: Who is responsible for the health/incompetence of an organization?

Is it the hourly wage earners, middle management, or the owners/upper management?

(Hint: It's always always always ownership/upper management.)

No matter what the size of a company, there are almost always three levels of personnel: the lowly front line workers, who do most of the hands on work and the dealing with the public and are often times paid based on hours worked, not salary. Then comes middle management, whose job is to manage the front line troops and keep the day to day operations running smoothly and efficiently. The last and most important group, obviously, is upper management, which in most cases is also the ownership (whether through stock or privately held companies). These folks are responsible for big picture thinking and not so much the daily operations, while still being accountable for everyone under their care.

Whenever I have a problem that can't/won't be addressed by someone at a company, I do my very best to hold my tongue and simply ask to see their manager. This works pretty well when dealing with folks over the phone or certain other situations. I'm faaaaaaar from perfect and have often times lost my temper when dealing with an incompetent, but do my best to simply ask a simple question when confronted with ignorance/obstinance: "Can I talk to your boss?"

The problems come about when middle management is also incompetent.

When a man or woman is promoted from the ranks of the front line hourly wage earners into a management position, it should be a because they were doing a good job at their last position AND u.m./ownership believes them capable of leadership. Not as some reward for longevity or any other reason other than that they have the capacity to manage other people and succeed in their new job.

Problems seem to come about when middle management can't do their jobs effectively. I try to never hold it against a company when their front line staff aren't so great.

It IS hard to find folks who, for $10/hour, will be polite and accomodating when placed in stressful situations. For example, I used to work in a seafood restaurant, and the hardest hourly job, day to day, in the place was hands down the waitress/server positions. We cooks could be back in the kitchen picking our noses all day and wearing the same smelly t-shirt all week; it didn't matter. Our sole responsiblity was to cook the damn food, and cook it well. The servers job was to 1) deal with us slobs in the kitchen, oftentimes by kicking a little fry cook ass in a threatening tone of voice 2) deal politely and efficiently with the customers, who couldn't care less about the, as I said, nose picking slobs in the back. What a balancing act, and a hard one to pull off.

Back to my point about incompetent middle management. And even u.m./ownership. If you run up against an owner who doesn't give a damn, then the only option is to vote with your feet and leave the premises, never setting foot in the place again or spending dollar one there.

Several years ago, I worked for a mental health agency (what?.....that's funny?....what makes you think that Apt404 members can't work in a mental health agency?....frankly, I'm offended at your giggling.) as what was called an In-Home Support Worker. My job was to provide recreational opportunities for folks, ironically, outside the home. And this one wonderful woman who not only was dealing with mental illness but the early stages of dementia LOVED to go bowling. So we'd go bowl a game, maybe two, at one of the local alleys here in the Portland area. She got a huge kick out of it and I thoroughly enjoyed her company (this is some time before I swore off all human contact. Hey, it was pre 9-11, man.) But I remember the guy behind the desk would usually roll his eyes when we walked through the door every week. I just wrote it off as some unhappy dude working a job he hated. I could relate and thought nothing of it.

Until one afternoon when my client and I came in, bowled one string each, and went up to the front desk to pay our five bucks or whatever it was. And this same guy looked pained. I remember that he tried his best at sarcasm when I handed him my scoresheet: "Ya want this framed?" or something equally not funny was what he said. I stood there for a second, took it in, then politely asked to see his manager. He said not only that he was the manager, but the owner as well.

At this, I said nothing but "well...thanks" and turned around and walked out with my client. What do you say to the owner of a joint who makes it his business to be rude and condescending to paying, loyal customers who obviously are small timers and no threat to anyone? You say and do nothing. You simply leave.

And to this day, I get a chuckle whenever I pass that bowling alley.

Because I know that I can always count the number of cars in the parking lot with the fingers on one hand.

And I do not consider my thumb a finger.

Other people's problems crack me up....

So I'm out last night in the Old Port getting hammered with my best bud, Shitheadniggerspic (We all call him that because he's 1/16 Nigger....sorry Afro-American....political correctness, so sorry. And he's 1/16 spic; Puerto Rican. I think they're spics down there. Anyway. And he's also been nicknamed Shithead since he wet his pants when he was 12. I mean, is that funny or what? So ever since me and my buds...we call him Shitheadniggerspic. I swear, he looooooves it. Dude's cool.) After about 16 beers at Three Dollar Dewey's we head up to Exchange to laugh at the dykes. Wicked fun stuff, if ya haven't tried it.

On the way up there we see this homeless guy kind of looking at this tiny little cop kinda funny. Like maybe the loser homeless guy doesn't know what planet he's on or some shit like that.

Anyway, the little cop jumps up and HEADBUTTS that loser right in the forehead! Fucken' A, man! 41 shots ain't enough in that situation, motherfucker. So we yelled "headbutt him again, badass!" I don't think the little cop heard us, since he and the other six officers were pummelling the homeless guy, who was STILL FIGHTING BACK (the loser). Punch after motherfuckin' punch to this guys balls. And the cops, these guys were soooo cool. Laughing and shit. Wow, it was like "Portland 911", man! How cool!

So then I see the same homeless guy at The Big Penis Sporting Goods store, and I'm like roaring with laughter. Just dying, man. His face is all bloody, he's got the big fat bandage around his head like some wuss. Holy shit did I bust a gut....

Shitheadniggerspic laughed too. At least that's how I remembered it.

"Johnny U: The Life & Times of John Unitas" by Tom Callahan

"Johnny Unitas is Horatio Alger, He's Frank Merriwell. He's Francis Scott Key. And he's ours."
---- quote from the Mayor of Baltimore ('47 - '59), "Big Tommy" D'Alesandro

"If there were a Mt. Rushmore of pro football, the craggy face of Unitas would be one of the four figures on it. Tom Callahan is the perfect writer to tell the real story of Johnny U, and he does it with deep reporting and clear wriiting, cracking a myth etched in stone and bringing back to vivid life the real man."
---- David Maranniss, author of the football bio that all others are measured by, "When Pride Still Mattered: A Life of Vince Lombardi

===========================

some quotes from "Johnny U":

He died on an exercise machine at Kernan. Bill Neill heard the gasp and went to him. A little while later, the phone rang at Gino Marchetti's home in West Chester, Pennsylvania. "My wife answered", Gino said. 'I heard her say 'Oh, no'. Because it was September eleven, my first thought was that those bastards had run another plane into a building. When she told me John was dead, I couldn't say anything. I just sat down." He'd have cried if he wasn't Gino Marchetti.
----- Don't know who Gino Marchetti was? Good reason to read this book. Know who Gino Marchetti was/is? Even better reason to read this book.

"He was a football player," said Unitas's primary receiver, Raymond Berry. Those words don't look like much on the page, but you should have heard Berry say them.
----- Berry led the Pats to their first Super Bowl by Squishing the Fish down in the Orange Bowl. One of the great wide receivers and most cerebral players ever. And Johnny U's teammate on the Baltimore Colts.

long quote, but telling about what kind of player and man Johnny U. was:
...."I went back on the field and I walked straight up to John and said, "If you ever talk to me like that again, I'm going to break both of your skinny-ass legs." All he said was, 'Do your job, Parker. You and I'll talk later.'"
That was a Saturday. They didn't have their talk until Monday, six days before the opener. "We went into a little boiler room at Memorial Stadium," Parker said, "away from everybody else. I was waiting for him to say something first, and do you know what it was? He said, 'What kind of guy is Woody Hayes?' 'Good guy,' I said. 'Tough guy?' 'Oh, man.' 'Did he ever embarrass you?' 'Every fuckin' day,' I said. 'What was the most embarrassing thing he ever said to you or did to you?' I told Unitas exactly what it was. It was the last time we were together, as a matter of fact. Woody, Ann, their son Steve, and I were at dinner in a restaurant. Woody went to the bathroom, and while he was gone, I ordered a beer. I had graduated. I was a grown man now. I was a married man. 'Goddamn it!' he said when he came back to the table. 'You don't drink in front of me!' Everybody in the place was looking at us. He picked up the beer and poured it out. 'All right, Coach. I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I won't do it again.' Unitas asked why I took that from him, and I said we'd been through a whole lot together. John said, 'You and I will be going through a whole lot together. I'll make you a deal. I'll take a few hits from your man if you'll take a few hits from me. I promise you, when it really matters, I'll be on your side.' 'I'll be on yours,' I told him. We never had no trouble after that. He called me the Perfessor. I called him Johnny U."
---- a story told byt Hall of Famer Jim Parker, one of the greatest of all offensive lineman. Now that is a Quarterback.

==========================

What kind of a man was Unitas? Here's a quote from Johnny Sample, who had been kicked off the Colts for stealing money from his teammates lockers in '59. He denied the crimes to the day he died. Following a stint in prison for check stealing, Sample became a highly regarded tennis linesman, calling matches at The US Open and other major tournaments (I s--t you not). The quote concerns a 1978 CBS Sports Spectacular reunion game on the 20th anniversary of the Colts/Giants OT Championship Game, often cited as the most important football game ever played:
"I got there just in time to see John intercept Conerly's pass [Gifford's pass, actually] and score the winning touchdown,' said Johnny Sample. "It was around the Fourth of July [July 7] because Wimbledon had just ended. I was in town for a tennis thing, staying at the Warwick. When I heard about it, I walked over to Central Park from Fifty-fourth Street. After the game, the guys were eating sandwiches and waiting their turns to be interviewed by Summerall. I'm standing by myself off to the side when, all of a sudden, Boom, the ball comes to me. I caught it just by reflex. I wasn't even looking. Unitas jogged over. I said, 'Why are you throwing to me, John?' He handed me a sandwich and said, 'Because you're back on the team, Johnny.' I'm glad he didn't throw me another one, though, because I couldn't have caught it. My eyes were full of tears."
---- THAT was Johnny Unitas.
==========================

Superfluous but obligatory slams of the Indianapolis U-Hauls and their QB, Petulant Peyton:

from "Johnny U": When Robert Irsay moved his franchise to Indianapolis on March 28, 1984, sneaking away in the dark of night, Unitas asked to have his statistics stricken from the Indy guide. "I never played there," he said simply.

again, from the book, following Unitas' death: Peyton Manning asked the Colts if he could wear black hightops in the game that week. The team checked with the league. The league said no. "Sometimes with the NFL," Manning said, "if it's not their idea, they're against it. I wish I had never asked. I wish I had just done it."
---- But you didn't, did you, oh Petulant Peyton?

===========================

Bob Jones University Personal Ads...new at BobJonesUniversity.yoursinchrist.gov

We here at The Lord's favored University, Bob Jones U., are tired of taking a bum rap for our long held belief that whites should not date the ..... other races. Well, times change and we have too. So welcome to BJU Personal Ads. The place to be if ya wanna party!

Let's get right to it...a sample ad from one of our gorgeous, zit free and non-gay students....

================================

My BJU Personals Profile - a place to preview and edit your profile

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Intro [ edit intro ] Born Again Christian seeks same...
About Me [ edit about me ]
First Name: Jebediah
Gender: Man seeking a Devout, Healthy, Young Woman of Breeding Age
My Age: 28
My Location: Greenville, SC
My Marital Status:Single - never married (technically a virgin)
Body Type: Ralph Reed-esque
Height: 5 foot 9 inches
Eyes: Piercing Blue
Hair: Balding (BUT NOT BALD)
Ethnicity: White of Good European Stock
Sense of Humor: Yes, and a gosh darned good one, from what Mom tells me!
Favorite Social Settings:I'm a bit shy at first, a home body, but loosen up in small groups, esp. of other men.
TV Watching:sports nut (esp. greco-roman wrestling), sitcoms (Love Everybody Loves Raymond, G Rated Disney Movies)
Favorite Movies: Fame, Camp, Beaches, Wrestlemania I through IX, Top Gun Special Edition DVD with Tom Cruise commentary and free Tom Cruise 8X10 action photo with Tom posing next to his fighter jet.
Smoking:I don't smoke when other people can see me
Drinking: Does the blood of Christ count?
Living Situation: With parents
Have Kids: No
Want (more) kids: Yes! They are The Lord's Blessings!
Education: Doctorate in Theology from BJU (non-accredited program)
Employment Status: Working the Drive Thru at Burger King while spreading His One True Word on Saturday nights at the local midget car races
Income: Live with parents
Religious: The One True Faith
Attend Services: Every day 7-10 am
Political Views: Compassionate Conservative (Though to be honest, I could certainly do without those welfare kings and queens they have so many of way up North)
Languages: (1) English (2) Tongues
Interests: Religion, Community Service, Dining, Family, Religion, Movies, Singing in Church Choir, Listening to Godly Music, Manly Outdoor Activities with Other Men (preferably shirtless), Reading the Old Testament, Religion, Watching Sports, Computers/Internets, Watching television (only Family Foundation approved shows), Playing Sports, Religion, Health/Fitness (esp. greco-roman wrestling)

Something About me In my very own words [ edit description ]

I believe in the inspiration of the Bible (though only the Old Testament); the creation of man, then later on women, by the direct goodliness of The One True God; the incarnation and virgin birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ via Mary's unmentionables; His identification as the Son of God; His vicarious atonement for the sins of mankind by the shedding buckets and buckets of His blood on the Cross; the Resurrection of His body from the tomb; His power to save men (and women, too) from sin; the new birth through the regeneration by the Holy Spirit; and the gift of eternal life by the grace of God, so help me God.

Amen.

=====================================

About My Match [ edit about my match ]

Location: Within 50 miles of Greenville, SC
Age: Old enough to conceive God's greatest gift: children
Marital Status: Single, never married or seriously courted
Body Type: Slim, Slender, Average, Athletic, Fit
Height: 4' 8" - 5' 8"
Eyes: Any (as long they aren't slanty or something foreign like that...)
Hair: Long enough to grab a handful of [ ] Not [ ]
Ethnicity: White [ ] Not White [ ]
Sense of Humor: Friendly [ ] Clever/Quick Witted [ ] Goofy [ ]
Social Setting: Shy at first [ ] Warm up quickly [ ] Home Body [ ] Better in small groups [ ]
TV Watching: Any, so long I can watch greco-roman wrestling
Personality Type: Any
Love Style: Top
Smoking: Doesn't smoke
Drinking: Never
Living Situation:Any
Have Kids: No
Want (more) kids: Must want multiple little Lord's Blessings
Education: HS Graduate (GED fine), nothing higher than an Associates Degree
Employment Status:Any
Occupation: Any
Income: Must not make more than me
Religion: The One True Faith
Attend Services: Daily
Political Views: Republican
Languages:English and/or Tongues
Interests: must have fewer than me

Thanks for your interest......

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Bob Jones U.: Allowing interracial dating for several years now...ever since the IRS threatened to take away our tax exempt status.....

Happy Birthday, Red!

New Celtics t 'n a squad!!.

---------------------------------

From "Let Me Tell You A Story: A Lifetime In The Game" by Red Auerbach & John Feinstein....

""Here's a question for you: How many NBA teams today do not have cheerleaders or a dance team?'

Red pulled the cigar out of his mouth and smiled. 'The answer is one. The team is the Celtics. The reason is me.'"

---------------------------------

Now, if we could just change those tired, ugly-ass uniforms to something snappy like teal, we'd really have sumptin'!

If FireJoeMorgan is right, I must again weep for the Globe....

Because I can remember when it's Sports Pages were possibly the nation's best, though as a kid in the pre-internet age I had no idea that this was the case: I just remember Dad coming home at 6:00 sharp with the Globe under his arm....

"Hey Dad....can I have the Globe??" Every damn night. That was life in the 70's for young sports fans all over New England.

==========================

But Nick Cafardo et all are clearly in the Decline stage of the Decline and Fall of the Globe Empire saga. This is a ridiculous article.

Again, I don't get the Globe's paper version, and this is from a blog. But if Cafardo wrote that Hanley Ramirez was part of the '03 Draft he should retire.

Or take a really long nap.

Jesus.

________________________________________

Edit: That's what you call "losing the moral high ground".

Now that our summer intern, ol' what's her name, has gone back to Caddwalader U. for the fall semester (I remember she WAS "a peach"), a poor job of proofreading can only be blamed on myself. Obviously, I got my stuff for this post from FireJoeMorgan, not Baseball Prospectus.

Man...I thought I was on such a roll with the whole "outrage" thing.

-----------------------------------

9/20 Edit of Edit: Yes, it's true. Nick Cafardo claimed in the Monday, 9/18/06 print edition of The Boston Globe that
"The '03 draft produced Rocco Baldelli, Mark Teixeira, Jose Reyes, Joe Mauer, Miguel Cabrera, Justin Morneau, Johan Santana, Travis Haffner, Hanley Ramirez, Rich Harden, Lastings Milledge, Brandon Wood, Nick Markakis, Chad Cordero, and Rickey Weeks."

Lastings Milledge? He couldn't have said Ryan Howard or someone good at least?

Great comment at FJM:

I'm pretty sure I figured out how this went down.

March 2003:
Cafardo walks past his assistant Hal.

CAFARDO
Hey Hal. You get that coffee and danish I asked for?

HAL
Um, yeah. Well, they were out of danishes, but I got you a muffin instead. Here's your coffee.

CAFARDO
Out of danishes? What is this, Russia? [tasting coffee] Hal, tell me this is whole milk in my coffee.

HAL
Oh, right. I'm sorry. I forgot you liked...skim.

CAFARDO
TELL ME THIS IS WHOLE MILK YOU LITTLE DICKWEED --

HAL
Sorry! Sorry. It's whole milk. I'm sorry.

CAFARDO
That's what I thought.

WE FLASH FORWARD TO:
September 2006

HAL
So, remember, tomorrow's my last day. Thanks for this incredible opportunity.

CAFARDO
No, Hal. Thank you. Oh. One last thing -- I need a list of all the good players drafted in 2003.

HAL
Yeah, I'll get that for you right away.
# posted by dak : 9/19/2006 1:39 AM

So some good DOES come from crappy movies....

Notable reporter Jerry W. Mitchell of the Clarion-Ledger in the heart of the Old South, Jackson, Mississippi, was duly honored by Colby College with the 2006 Eligah Parish Lovejoy Award for his courageous reporting that led to the conviction and imprisonment of some of the Ku Klux Klan's biggest scumbags.

Such as Sam Bowers (murdered Vernon Dahmer in '66), Bobby Cherry (murderer of four girls at a Birmingham church in '63), and Ray Killen (the murderer of three Freedom Riders in '64: see or read "Ghosts of Mississippi").

Wonderful man, obviously, and incredible work that resulted in the jailing of men who had long escaped their just rewards for the killing of innocents and heroes alike.
____________________________________________________

One small problem: to quote the Portland Press Herald from today (Monday 9/18/06)...

"Mitchell, talking to an audience at Lorimer Chapel (at Coiby), said his early interest in the Klan's racists activities began when he saw the movie 'Mississippi Burning'. He said he was infuriated, that is was unfair when killers walked free 'even though everyone knew they were guilty'."

"MB" came out in 1988. I didn't see it until a couple of years later, and sorry, but it made me quite ill. This was many years ago, when I thought more in black and white than the nuanced grey that the world truly exists in. And this film was complete and utter bullshit. Popeye Doyle didn't do a damn thing in the South, and Bobby Kennedy did NOT force Hoover's hand to use the FBI to promote truth, justice, and the American way until AFTER the heavy lifting was complete (and the dying, too). Complete bullshit. The FBI did not come swooping in to the Freedom Riders rescue, as shown in "MB". It just didn't happen that way.

It was the Freedom Riders themselves/ "The Children" (David Halberstam) who put their lives on the line every day they spent in their home states or far from home. I know since I attended Miami University, whose Western College was a staging area for some of the '60's Freedom Riders. And no goddamn FBI agents were there (or Jackson or anywhere else for that matter) to protect them.

The REAL heroes were the mostly black college students (and many whites, as well) and plain ordinary folks who rode buses, intergrated restaurants and diners, and simply tried to register to vote in the hell that was the Deep South of the 1960's.

For some reason my late father loved this same movie and I told him the same thing I'm writing in this here blog.

Maybe Mr. Mitchell gave the PPH a throwaway line to placate some local reporter whom he assumed didn't know the true history of the Civil Rights Movement. Either he has poor taste in movies or he thinks we're rubes up here in Maine.

But still, there is no denying his accomplishments.

More Odds and Ends...in the form of a question.

1) Is the new Bob Seger album the best rock 'n roll put out this century?

---- That I'm aware of, oh yes. Most definately yes. Never in my life have I listened to a cd 40 plus times in a week. It may be because Seger's return is so emotionally charged for me and millions of other fans, but I freakin' love this album. Not one throwaway, though I sometimes skip the 12th track since it's intended to be the capper, and I tend to just go back to "Wreck This Heart" and start the fucker all over again.


2) Can I possibly think of anything BAD to say about the Bruins?

---- Not a chance. The last time I paid attention was when they made that Draft Day trade of Raycroft for some prospect. Of course the prospect is apparently pretty talented, though if he can't beat out Tim Thomas in the first two months of the season....well, that wouldn't be good. Lewis and Chiarelli look like the kind of guys who get things done.

Now that Harry ("He traded Bobby Orr") Sinden has retired (hope they give him a night or something. He was a big part of the franchise for a long time, he just wasn't Red or BB), the new blood can take over and not have that shadow hanging over them. Though there is a shadow looming in Buffalo that still owns the team. Nuff said on J. Jacobs. Kessel is talented apparently, but his maturity has always been the question mark. If they hit it on him, they'll hit it big. It they miss, he'll hopefully be gone in two years, since his rep is not good. We B's fans can live with self centered hockey players who score 35 to 45 goals a season. Just not ones that score 15 goals and wind up with 50 points.

Since the Bruins will always be the Lunch Pail AC to me and many others, I hope to heck that they can find their way to 90+ points and the second or third round. That's all I/we're asking, guys.


3) Caught a few minutes of Ben Affleck on the Regis and Kelly show this morning while getting an oil change.

---- Is it me, or is this what everyone thinks?: Damon is clearly the better actor, but Affleck seems like a really good guy and someone who wants to be liked so much that you'd love to have a beer (or three) with him. Whose career or life would you rather have? I don't know either.


4) Does the Manhands/Kramer gets a job/George enters the Forbidden City/Elaine enters the Bizzaro World episode represent the high water mark for the best tv show ever, Seinfeld?

---- For me, this is the one that should be on 24/7 at the Smithsonian. Though the episode where Jerry dates Lois (Lane?) and wins the Big Race II, or maybe Moops/Bubble Boy/"My father's cabin!" as well. Any of those three will still be killing me 25 years from now, when I'm in the early stages of senility.

Being Don Rumsfeld: Thoughts on Pats in the form of a Rummy "Press Conference"

"Am I excited over the state of the Patriots? Yessiree. Could they have started the year any better? Not in my opinion. They're 2-0, 2-0 in the division while the Fish are 0-2, the team is just about completely healthy, the wins have come by relatively small margins, so no one will lose focus, and Denver comes in next Sunday night for a big game.

"Does Junior Seau look good in a New England uniform? You're goddamn right he does. Those eyes are burning bright, though the body may not be the same machine it once was.

"If Corey Dillon and the rookie Maroney are now 'The Twin Blades', where does that leave lifelong Pat Kevin Faulk? Not sure (really, who the hell needs three blades in their razor?), but Faulk, who appears to have gotten over the fumbling, will be key, just like Randy Cross said. No team in football has anywhere close to the three running backs the Pats feature. Hope the shoulder is well, Corey.

"Is Chad Jackson possibly the most important young player on the team? Yes, especially after Doug Gabriel's poor play (we give Al Davis Plunkett AND the great Mike Haynes, along with Don Hasselbeck, and he returns the favor with this guy?). Gabriel has a long way to go. A long way. But Jackson can possibly be this year's Terry Glenn. Remember, it was Glenn coming on strong as a rookie that allowed Bledsoe and Parcells to get to that Super Bowl against the Packers. Glenn was the key to the team a decade ago and me thinks that Jackson and his hammy are the key to this years. Every other group on the team, barring injury, is good to excellent, including the secondary now that Rodney Harrison is back. Hobbs and Samuel? Excellent corners. Linebackers? Set. Defensive line? Maybe the best in football if Wilfork learns to control his emotions. Offensive line? Very good. QB? None better. TEs and RB's? None better. It's the lack of wide receivers that is the major concern. Coaches can't control injuries (stop using that word you moron!! fucking jinx..) but they can control a lot of other stuff.

"Are Belicheck/Pioli the modern day equivalent of Red in his prime? I'd have to say Yes! Remember when Auerbach signed half the Knicks team to keep McHale in Green? The coolest, funniest moment of the entire sports year was BB filing that tampering charge against the Jets. Who cares if it works out into a fine or 6th rounder or whatever. It was designed to show the kid Mangini that his old boss plays for keeps. As Bill Maher said Friday night, 'The real patriot act is shitting your pants'. Well, how 'bout it, Eric? Is that what happened?

"Has any team since the early to mid 90's Cowboys had more Hall of Famers on its roster? Not a chance. Brady, Seymour, Harrison, and Seau are locks. And since the current squad is so young (yes, really, check the ages of everyone except the linebackers) there may be a bunch more, like Dillon (moderate chance), Light, Vrabel (very small chance but they won't ever be forgotten by Patriot fans) and the greatness that is Troy Brown. Did I imagine that stiff arm he put on the Jet DB yesterday? Did that really happen? Troy Brown, thy name is "Football Player".

"Now if there's no further questions I have to go stick pins in my Garry Trudeau doll for about a half hour. That is all."

===============================

The Closet here at Apartment404 contains two replica jerseys: Yao Ming's. And number 54, Tedy Bruschi. HOF chances? Pretty damn good, if Harry Carson got in. Sometimes Apartment404's memory....not so good.

New Rule: "Free Speech" has a few limits, per CBS.

CBS News is making a big deal out of their new "Free Speech" segment on the nightly news. Here's Rush giving his views on....something.

But according to Bill Maher on his HBO show Friday night, when asked by CBS to do a spot, he requested "religion" as his topic. CBS declined, then according to Maher provided him a list of approved topics he COULD talk about on their new Free Speech segment......


You can't make this stuff up in 2006 America.

-----------------------------------------------

By the way "The Warrior Known As Limbaugh" got out of service to his country in the Vietnam Era due to an ingrown hair on his ass (see Education on this Wik entry), according to everything I've ever read on that tasty subject. I have no problem with ingrown hairs on their asses getting folks out of killing poor people halfway around the world in a war we shouldn't have fought, but to decades later pretend to be some kind of a tough guy makes me sick.

CNN misses Ted Turner juuuuuuuust a tad.

Apparently, sanity is not a requirement to get your own talk show on the radio. That we knew. For a long time.

But now it's not even asked of those who have shows on CNN. Never heard of this guy before falling over these clips at MediaMatters.com: a Mr. Glenn Beck....

Going on for an uncomfortably long time about killing Michael Moore. Funny for one second? Possibly. Funny for a minute or two? Um...no. Just creepy.

Another creepy one about "nuking" the Middle East. Again, could be funny or amusing for a second but the guy goes on and on. Creepy shit.

More inappropriate creepiness here.

You have your beliefs. I have mine. But I know funny. And Mr. Beck, you no funnyman.

Must take shower.

Mickey Mouse is apparently a Republican....

and Harvey Keitel needs work bad. As do Stephen Root, Donnie Wahlberg (fucker still can't act), Patricia Heaton, and Amy Madigan (Amy Madigan? Say it ain't so, Shoeless....).

===================================

"The Path to 9/11". From the ABC website. ABC, of course, is owned by Disney. Did you watch the movie? I didn't, but was aware of the s--tstorm it caused all over the nation. Guess it was...um.....a bit slanted.

===================================

Keith Olbermann gets to say pretty much whatever he feels like, I suppose, because no one watches his MSNBC show. Lucky him. He makes a lot of sense.

Olbermann on the Disney 9/11 Dramatization. Mislabeled by the helpful person who taped it as the "GOP" "documentary". I don't believe that anyone has claimed it was a doc. Better not.

Keith talks about his feelings towards the Sec. of Defense.

Finally....

Olbermann at Ground Zero on Monday night.

===================================

When you can't trust multibillion dollar corporations to tell you the truth about the most important event of my lifetime, then who can you trust?

(More) Good, Bad and the Ugly....

Good....


----- Seger Fans, Arise!!

Four run throughs and I can TELL that this is damn good Bob. Have no idea how many he'll sell, and don't care. But this is Supernaturalesque.

Ten bucks? Can you spare ten bucks?


----- Um....deficit up: good (?). Stock market up: good (!).


------ Wild turkeys is smart. Then why don't we eat venison on Thanksgiving?

Driving through Raymond just now saw a wild turkey in the middle of the road. The bugger calmly stared me down, thought for a split second, then turned and scampered back out of harms way. Let's see a deer do that! Or a squirrel, though I don't brake for squirrels ("we have a deal"...says George Costanza).

==============================

Bad....


----- This may shock and suprise those of you who think Cruise ISN'T gay and believe in the tooth fairy.... the truth kinda sucks sometimes. No direct evidence, but come on. It's not the worst thing in the world. Did they have to build him up to be some type of Superman when the sport is the dirtiest on the planet? Just sad as well as bad.


----- Allright...who's holding out? Who the fuck has Will Ferrell's email address?

==============================


Ugly....


----- Garth Snow vows to return to a backup goaltending job...somewhere...as fast as humanly possible. If this isn't the stupidest (gut reaction at first glance, though at times long term contracts can become bargains) decision by a GM since Dick Vitale traded ML Carr and the picks that, through some machinations, became Two of the Big Three (Chief and McHale) for Bob McAdoo, then I'll (contemplate) eating my socks.

Ok, ONE of the stupidest. I mean, that's covering some ground. But..wow.

This deal is why I love the phrase "batshit insane", popularized by Jon Stewart. 15 year deal for a goaltender who may get Steve Sax/Blass Disease any day now. There are no sure bets in goal. Unless you were to clone Dryden and Roy, then feed the offspring tons of steroids. No way a 15 (15!...DiPietro will be 40!) year contract makes sense in the supposedly "new" NHL. Or I'M the one that's crazy, not Mr. Wang....(ha).

The NHL is thinking of disbanding the Isles...or something like that...as of this writing.


------ Oh really?. Another big "Thanks, bunches!!!" to the US Veterans. Thanks, guys...from your government.

==============================

Urgent: Need Will Ferrell's Address....

Because we here at Apartment404 keep our promises. See right here.

Memo to Pats Fans who boo: Suck It!

1) Whatever the result, you and your Range Rover driving asses are sad. Go home and next time, give the tix to some REAL fans, dudes/dudettes. Wow, do you suck.

The fans booing the Pats at the half are the same shits who booed them at the half of the Snow Bowl versus the Raiders....you do remember that, Lexus driving assholes, don't you? Or were you too drunk on Budweiser swill to remember that stuff?

And after the game you drove home to your suburban four bedroom worth about $750K and and told the wife about what an awesome game it was. Fuck you and your booing.

Again: if you feel like booing the most successful franchise in Boston, don't go to the game. Stay home and give me the tix. Or at least someone who deserves them.

----------------------------------

2) Julian Tavares knows how to handle pressure apparently.

When it's on he sucks. Or throws a fit and breaks his hand. When it's off he's pretty good. Not the kind of guy I'd want on the 2007 Red Sox. You say: "hey, it's something to build on". I say: trade him for what you can. Big waste of a roster spot.

----------------------------------

3) Martina!

----------------------------------

4) Memo Number II: That Beyonce Cd? As Dr. Dre says on "The Chronic": "This should be played at high volume...preferably in a residential area.".

Otherwise, B-Day doesn't quite kick as much ass, frankly.

----------------------------------

4:00 PM Edit:

McGahee = 3.5 yards a carry vs. Maroney: A new star in Boston ------>>> Great win for the Pats.

=========================

Memo III: Peyton Manning....how many fucking commercials do you have to do before you realize that a Mr. Brady has three rings and zero ads that run DURING THE DAMN GAME! Not that I would know, but I bet his teammates not likey so much the commercials that Peyton does. Just a guess, especially after you threw your line under the bus after the Steelers game to end last season. Memories of the bad stuff last longer than memories of good stuff.

Peyton....win a Super Bowl, retire then pimp yourself out all you want. How much money do you need, anyway? Can't buy a ring: Brady has three AND Bridget Moynihan, bud. Wake the heck up.....

=========================

Edit: OK, so Brady did have a few ads back a couple of years. He had the good sense to let his lineman get all the good lines...in fact, did Tom even say a word?

Peyton is clueless. And rich.

Not such a bad day to veg out in front of the tube watching sports....

---- The single biggest victory in the history of UNH Athletics (and yes, I'm including hockey, which is only played at the highest levels by a couple dozen schools...). Here!. UNH has, I believe, won no NCAA national championships, so I hope no one seriously argues a football win over a mid-level Big Ten team playing a game with a ton of emotional significance (first home game since the death of their Coach, Randy Walker.) isn't the most significant, coolest day in the school's sports history. The hockey FF's were great, but this is the goddamn BIG TEN, people. You can fit the city of Manchester inside the Big House (almost), for example.

Now....the question is: Is UNH the best college team in New England? They certainly are at least UConn's equal, and would give BC a game wherever it would be played. Just a great day for UNH athletics. Good on ya, Coach McConnell and Ricky Santos!


----- Told Ya! A-Roddick to the US Open Final....and Jimbo to his doc for some sedatives!!! Never saw a coach sweat more than a player! Let's hope this is Bogart/Rains. Allright Andy!


----- Chuckie is a HOF, and Coach Auriemma as well. Congrats! Nique? Sorry, but you don't belong. It's The Hall of Fame, not The Hall of Meaningless Stats and Selfish Play.


----- Good guys win.. and good guys win II.

----- One of the best sports books in recent years IMO and a must for any 1980's/1970's tennis fan. Did you know that when the Men's tour went pro in the early '70's they specifically excluded the gals from their union because the men a) the men thought they were the ones people wanted to see b) were kinda chauvinist pigs (even Arthur Ashe)? I didn't.

If there is ever a Mount Rushmore for women's sports built, then Billie Jean King (the George Washington of female athletes), Martina and Chris Evert belong on any list. They are/were that important to women's athletics and IMO to the acceptance of women as whole human beings in our society (though still an ongoing process). Evert as a wife and mom, Martina as a butt-kickin lesbian (!) and Billie Jean as someone who shoulda been a Senator or even President (not kidding). Women's tennis is the ONLY sport where dozens of females make serious money performing at the highest levels of their chosen sports. (the WNBA? they make pocket change...)

========================================

Nothing to do with sports....but hey, there's those irritating commercials to deal with Dept.:

----- It's fun to zap the non-believers...in video game land. Some wholesome, christian fun there.

----- bitch.

=======================================

Also...

The Pat Tillman article in SI that I blogged earlier got me to thinking of one of another man. Coach Jim Valvano was far from perfect but he faced his biggest challenge with incredible dignity and grace, and moved millions on that night 13 years ago.. Thanks to YouTube and the person who provided a terrific video reproduction....

How 'bout some sports news, Bob Neumeier..er...I mean Newmy?

----- This girl's father is an ass. Parenting...what parenting? "Our baby's a goalmine, I tell ya!"

----- May cause irritation. Do not operate machinery following reading.

----- Hopefully you can link to this (you may need to be a subscriber...not sure). Gary Smith's writing is the best consistent sportswriting there is, period. He has had no equal for about two decades, or ever since Frank Deford tried to put together that crappy sports-daily back in '90 or so (it covered pro wrestling, I remember that much..), and lost a little piece of his mind.

Pat Tillman may be the 21st Century's equivalent of my greatest 20th Century American Icon, Ted Williams (that is NOT an exaggeration, IMO), for very different reasons. While Ted was also angry, bright as hell, stood up for underdogs, an athlete/warrior, and always asked "why?", Tillman was a college graduate and intellectual, more of an underdog type than the great "Splinter", came from a stable middle class home (though Tillman's parents eventually divorced) and possessed much more media savvy, as he chose to ignore the media hordes after deciding to enlist....savvy, right? Ted always wanted to explain himself. First, why he didn't have to join the Armed Forces in WWII and then later why he shouldn't serve in Korea, since he had done his duty. He was right both times but the media assholes "killed" him twice for doing what he thought was right. And he served valiantly twice.

Tillman and Williams are everything that is great about this country, and just a bit about what we sometimes do badly. Tillman's death by friendly fire has some in the military questioning his recklessness, just as Ted's decision to NOT bail out was questioned following his crash landing in Korea. But both decisions, I believe, will stand the test of time. Ted's career continued (as he did NOT break both legs, as likely would have happened by ejecting and ditching the plane) and Tillman, who had never before been in a live-fire incident, chose to engage the enemy rather than sit back and wait. He seemingly did the right thing: try to save his platoon mates from an ambush. Maybe we will never know the whole story of what went down the day Tillman was shot by his fellow Rangers in a wicked crossfire of inexplicable confusion (the "fog of war"), but he may be more representative of America in the 21st Century (as the sole superpower) to lefties like me because of his NEEDLESS DEATH by American bullets. The amazing Tillman family have uncovered a large part of what happened that awful day, as you will find by reading the SI story. Very complex man was Tillman. Very amazing and wonderful gift to us all was his life and death. Please read the story.

------- Thank you docs: Big Papi is back.

Another loss tonight (to lowly KC) though.

------- Sharapova v. Henin-Hardenne in the Women's US Open Final? Yuk.

Sharapova is a seemingly programmable robot whose shrieking is irritating as hell. And if anyone thinks Henin-Hardenne's gamesmanship in any way compares to Johnny Mac or Jimmy Conners, well, they just didn't get those two guys. Mac and Jimmy Conners tried to psyche THEMSELVES up, not psych OUT the other player...well, maybe a bit of both. Henin-Hardenne has faked injuries numerous times to get the advantage of TO's and slow the other player's momentum. I root for neither. Go A-Roddick.....