"Don't make me stop this car!...I swear I will!...Hey, you kids back there....Stop it!...Damn it, I'll turn this sucker around right now!!:

Ah, summertime.

Musings following the most beautiful early summer day in the history of Maine:

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Red's Eats Update: Traffic flowed very smoothly through Wiscasset Tuesday afternoon. I was shocked. But not as shocked as I was when I saw the enormous line waiting for a lobster roll/fried clam platter/any Maine dish out the back of Red's: more pasty white flesh than I have seen since the 1985-86 Celtics released their team photo. My god, I was blinded! Quickly looking away, I resumed my journey. Some new rules:

1) It is not right for an obese (hey, that's me you're talkin' about), white (check), elderly (does 40 count?), out of shape (check again) male/female to wear shorts and sleeveless blouses or t-shirts! It just ain't right! (But I do it anyway...)

well, 1 is a start, anyway.
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If you are older than, say, late 20's and drive a Miata, you had better be gay. Because everyone assumes you are. I can't think of a more gay car than a Miata. I believe that down in Provincetown, they have a Miata parade every summer. Just hundreds and hundreds of Miata, in all colors of the rainbow: pink, fuschia, white, fire-engine red, teal (sp?). Basically every color you can think of. If James Dean were alive today, he'd be driving a super-charged Miata.

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And speaking of Dean: Just finished "James Dean: The Biography by Val Holley", which first came out in '95. I'm not sure how this bio wound up in my "To Be Read" shelf, but I started it last week. And boy, it was tough sledding: if Kenneth Starr had been assigned to write a book about Dean instead of taking a bite out of President Clinton's ass, this is the book he would have written. It's 279 pages long, and the author spend the first 200 or so quoting folks who had met Dean in his LA/NY/LA days before he became a star, and the last 75 talking about what a jerk he was after he made "East of Eden" and "A Rebel Without A Cause". Very little is mentioned about the filming of two of the great films in cinema history. Holley breezed through their production, and then gets back to the character assassination.

Actually a clue to how the author was going to treat this American icon is revealed in the first chapter, when Holley goes to great lengths in describing a "mentor" relationship Dean had with a gay producer in his first go around in Hollywood, implying Dean was 1) very bisexual (Well...Duh!) 2) very self centered and selfish (Duh!!) 3) was not too bright (This, I don't buy).

Yes, I read the book. But I certainly can't recommend it to anyone interested in James Dean. He may have been a lot of things, many of them not too flattering, but he also made movie history with his starring roles in "East of Eden" and "Rebel Without a Cause".

Also, in his final role, he actually made Rock Hudson appear completely heterosexual in "Giant". Can't imagine Elizabeth Taylor spent too much time in either Hudson's or Dean's trailers, "going over lines."

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Is there a word for the naturally appearing phenomena that occurs when you are passing someone on the highway, they realize they are going a bit slower than they would like, your car is just about even with them (you in the passing lane, them in the travel, inside lane), and they accelerate juuuust enough to stay even with you? And you both drive on, even with each other for a few minutes, neither one willing to speed up too much or slow down. You just kind of drive side by side for a couple of miles, trying to pretend that on an otherwise empty stretch of highway two cars driving rightnexttoeachother is not at all wierd or anything? Is there a word for this?

Hope about passaphobia? That would apply to the driver who the other car is trying to pass. He/she does not like being passed, at it implies homosexuality, and always always speeds up when possible to prevent the passing.

But what about the guy/girl in the passing lane? What word describes the person who is willing to go, say, 72 in a 65 mph zone, but not 76, which would allow the passing of the other car to occur. What word would describe this?

Or is their a word that would encompass the whole thing? I am needing to search Wikipedia this evening. This might keep me up at night.

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Red's Eats: Maine's Most Beloved Road Hazard

For the last month or so I have had to drive up Route 1 from Brunswick to Damariscotta, then back down, each weekday afternoon between one o'clock and four. This is for my part-time job, obviously, as no right thinking person would knowingly drive this road in the summertime unless forced.

The drive is kinda fun most of the time. I have a '98 Corolla, so of course speeding tickets are my number one concern. But apart from being pulled over for doing 69 in a 65 mph zone by some overzealous law enforcement officer, the thing that really gets me......really churns my butter....really yanks my chain....is the fact that the self titled "Prettiest Little Village in Maine" chooses to put its number one tourist attraction approximately 7 feet from one of the busiest roads in the state, at one of its most jam packed bottlenecks: right before the bridge to Edgecomb . Red's Eats in Wiscasset is the culprit, and pedestrians aged 8 to 80 (oh hell, let's be honest. it's more like 65 to 105) are the reason for the bottleneck. It's not their fault. Everyone knows Red's Eats serves the greatest, most tastiest lobster in all the state. They must, since it would be impossible for anyone other than a master chef, like....Red.... (is there actually a guy or gal named "Red"? Has there ever been a "Red"?) to be able to boil water and toss the little bastards in, then wait until they are good and dead. Must be a secret recipe or something. Anyway....

Besides losers like me who live in the area, all of the autos and campers headed up to Desert Island from Boston and New York have to pass through Wiscasset. Many truckers headed to northern Maine and Canada must use this route to get from Brunswick/Topsham/etc. to their destination. A lot of hunters headed to parts unknown to kill something use this route (these are the ones I always am courteous to; any large pickup trucks I always allow to merge ahead of me and such...nothing like a well armed driver to induce courtesy).

The question is why has Wiscasset ("TPLVIM") put their number one tourist trap/attraction right next to a road that could be the number one cause of tourist injury? There's miles of coastline on that side of the river in either direction. Why not move the place somewhere else, so that the rest of us can get to wherever the hell we're going?

This news report on Red's said "you can't miss it". That's for damn sure. I wish I could miss it: would save five or ten minutes off my trip so I could get back to my apartment and start drinking earlier.

Looks like someone picked the wrong day to stop drinking, smoking, sniffing glue AND amphetamines!!

You go, girl!.

America's national pasttime: covering home plate with a mound of dirt.

Actual quote from actual lunatic Bill O'Reilly...

O’Reilly (discussing the war in Iraq): "Now to me, they’re not fighting it hard enough. See, if I’m president, I got probably another 50-60 thousand with orders to shoot on sight anybody violating curfews. Shoot them on sight. That’s me… President O’Reilly… Curfew in Ramadi, seven o’clock at night. You’re on the street? You’re dead. I shoot you right between the eyes. Ok? That’s how I run that country. Just like Saddam ran it. Saddam didn’t have explosions - he didn’t have bombers. Did he? because if you got out of line, you’re dead.

"Now… is that the kind of country I want to have for Iraq? No… But you have to have that for a few months to stabilize the situation so the Iraqi government can get organized, can get security in place and can get the structure going."

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Got this statement that "Bill the Butcher" made on his radio show last week from these guys. They're probably Commie pinko yellow bastards, but I'll post this sucker anyway.

Because it made me laugh.

Just before I dry heaved.

I know, I know: O'Reilly...again? But as I've said before there are many, many people who listen to this guy. And listen to him WITHOUT irony. Unbelievable.

Bruin's front office working on a new marketing plan:

Now that the Bruins have hired ex-agent and Senators front office member Peter Chiarelli as the new GM (though Jeff Gorton remains interim GM), the Bruins are attempting to create a slogan that captures the organization's past glory, along with giving hope for its bright future. Here are some of the slogans they've been working on....

1) The Boston Bruins: Quite obviously steroid free!

2) Buy Bruins season tickets: it's your civic duty!

3) Enter the Official Bruins "When will Patrice Bergeron be traded?" pool and you might win 2 tickets to a Patriots game!

4) Your Boston Bruins: The best professional hockey team in New England!

5) Bruins Hockey: Where else can an obese 40 year old wear an XL Cam Neely jersey in public?

6) (The B's have announced tryouts for a new team of cheerleaders....called the "Ice Girls")...

Boston Bruins: Come for the tits, stay for the hits!

This slogan may be a bit racy for The Boston Globe and the local television stations, though I have a feeling WEEI
and The Herald are gonna love it!

7) Boston Bruins: Who Let the Dogs Out?

Admittedly dated, but still dead on.

8) Boston Bruins Hockey: We have beer, too! And fried dough!

9) All fans get a free Chalupa if the home team scores 100 points!

The B's were able to get insurance for this promotion for a song from Celtics management, who realized that they might
actually have a decent team next season and didn't want to pay for 20,000 meals at Taco Bell every week. What are the
odds that the Bruins score 100 goals in a 60 minutes game? One in a Google!

10) Boston Bruins: Building for the future since 1972.

Headline from Friday's Portland Press Herald: "Bike Week rates positive spin"

I'll just steal a few quotes from the AP article about Laconia's annual rally: "Bike Week was comparatively trouble-free this year".

Regarding gangs and their potential for trouble making: "The potential for trouble from outlaw gangs - those with histories of being involved in drug sales and other crimes (Aside: Is there any other kind of fucking gang?!?) - 'directly affects the safety of visitors'" (statement from Laconia, NH chief of police Tom Oetinger).

"That incident (he's referring to a "short confrontation" between two gangs) notwithstanding, the June 10-18 rally 'was extremely successful from a public safety perspective', he (Oetinger) said."

"(A)rrests by city police fell for the third year in a row....summonses fell".

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Oh yeah. At the end of the article: "Elsewhere in the state, 10 bikers died in accidents, counting three in one accident.."

Ten bikers die in accidents and the police chief says the rally was "extremely successful from a public safety perspective"? My god, what would constitute unsuccessful? The entire town of Laconia dying of some new tropical disease? A wall of water moving in from the Atlantic coast about 40 miles away destroying the entire state of NH's infrastracture and most of it's population? Oetinger further explained: "10 motorcyclists may have met their maker, but since 3 died in one accident, we're gonna count that as 1, so really only 7 bikers died....Is my math right?...Yeah, so we're going with 7 deaths, and also gonna continue with the "extremely successful from a public safety perspective wording, since we really were expecting about 50 or 60 of them guys to get smashed up. To me, this is a great day for Laconia!"

Damn, this is man who needs to get a job in the White House: "Aside from the 2,500 deaths and more than 10,000 wounded, our military has had basically zero casualties during the ongoing operation in Iraq."

Or "Apart from the near total destruction of the historic city of New Orleans, the Gulf Coast emerged unscathed from any and all hurricanes that hit the area, and will continue to not be damaged for the rest of our lifetimes."

I am envious of such ridiculousness. From "Bull Durham": "The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness."

Bruins trade former ROY goaltender Raycroft: The push for the #1 pick in 2007 begins in earnest!!

Yesterday, the B's "just for now" General Manager Jeff Gorton traded a proven, quality goaltender in Andrew Raycroft for an unproven, possibly unquality 19 year old goalie named Tuukka Rask. The trade with the Toronto Maple Leafs continues the Boston team's goal of unloading every decent player on the roster for shiite. Said Gorton after the dead: "We're well into our plan of accumulating every bad to mediocre player in the league. We very badly want that first pick in the 2007 NHL Draft, since I read on the internet that there should be some pretty good prospects available. Whether we keep them, or continue trading them away for shiite, well, we can't predict the future." Way to go, Jeff! Here's Jeff on Tuukka: "I had never heard the name before last night, but knowing that Raycroft had the potential to actually win some games for us....well he had to go. And hopefully this new guy, Rask, can't speak a word of English, making any interaction with his defensemen impossible. Guess we'll find out when we get in touch with him. Hey, do any of you media guys know which country this dude is from? We thought maybe Finland, but there's like 300 Tuukka Rask's listed in their phone book. We need to call this guy and have him working his way out of shape quickly, because training camp starts in about 2 months, and we don't want anyone showing up our other stiffs."

In the past year: 2005-06 MVP of the league, Joe Thornton? Gone! Sergei Samsanov? Gone! The Razor? Now, gone!

The Bruins, one of the Original Six NHL franchises, are already in a heated competition with the Chicago Black Hawks for the 2007 Cleveland Barons Trophy, awarded annually to the lousiest run team in the league. Named after the Barons, who were absolutely abysmal in their brief lifetime, the award has, in the past, been awarded to the Hartford Whalers/Carolina Hurricanes a record five times, with numerous other franchises winning it multiple times. But now that Carolina has won the Stanley Cup, the Bruins see a clear opening. Again, here's GM Gorton: "We may not win the Conn Smythe, the Lady Bing, the Pie McKenzie, or even the Dick Van Patten next year, but I'll be damned if we let another team snag the Baron. Hell, we've already got space in our trophy case in the new Garden ready and waiting.....lots and lots of space."

Harry ("He traded Bobby Orr") Sinden's legacy continues to grow.

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Apparently, in a mistake that B's management vows not to repeat, Rask is considered a good prospect, one of the better young goalies in the world.

The problem being that the Boston organization already has the rights to the #1 goaltending prospect right now, a guy named Hannu Toivonen, whom they drafted in 2002. So I guess if the idea is so suck as badly as possible, then trading for a guy with some actual skill makes sense only if you have another guy better than him, thus insuring that Rask will never get any ice time. Smart. Sneaky smart.

"One, two, three, four": Morning Calisthenics

Philip Roth's "Everyman" is the best book I have read this year. Though the subject matter regarding an old man looking back on his life may put some off, this is some of his best writing, if not his best. I found the novel more engaging than the recent "The Plot Against America", which was also outstanding.

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Does anyone actually sit down and watch local/network news anymore? Ten to fifteen minutes on the computer gives you several times more useful, relevant, and honest news of the day than one hour watching the local car crashes and domestic violence disputes, along with endless weather teasers and updates, then sitting through 22 minutes of the day's "Big Stories" which have been copycatted by all of the broadcast networks.

The internet has meant freedom. And in terms of daily news, it means freedom from watching, on the local news, whatever gruesome car crashes happened on 95 and 295 in the last twenty four hours, as well as viewing endless perk walks of endless criminals. Nationally, the major networks news divisions are increasingly becoming irrelevant. They may have more dollars to throw at a story, but rarely do they report accurately and honestly, as the beer, car, and drug companies that pay their bills act as Big Brother.

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"Man Bites Dog" on Comedy Central is an example of a promising yet uneven new show that none of the Big Four networks would touch due to its edgy humor. The first three episodes have been pretty entertaining. Hopefully the characters will grow into their roles in time and there will be less "Hey, can I get the network to pay for my Spank-O-Vision in my hotel room last night?" kind of humor that's been done to death.

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Another show worth watching is HBO's "Entourage". Not that this is any newsflash after the multimillion dollar publicity campaign launched in anticipation of Season 3. But it's a show where no one gets whacked, no one gets any incurable diseases, no one whispers to dead people or horses: just a nice 25 or so minutes spent in the company of some pretty fun and decent guys living something of a fantasy life. Though now that Vincent is the "biggest movie star on the planet", according to Ari, I wonder where the writers will take the show. Doesn't seem to be much room to manuever once you've had the biggest opening weekend in (fake) movie history with James (Jim?) Cameron's "Aquaman". And Kevin Dillon is worth tuning in all by himself. Gotta love the Drama.

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"Let's Get Something Straight Between Us..": True/False Test about Karl Rove

1) Rove is the strongest man in the world, as he can leg press 2,000 pounds.

2) Rove attended four different universities during the time of the Vietnam War and afterwards, but did not receive a degree from any of them. And has obtained no degrees beyond a high school diploma to this day.

3) Rove divorced his first wife while she was in the hospital recovering from a bout with cancer so that he could cohabitate with an employee many years his junior.

4) Rove was born on Christmas Day, 1950.

5) Rove was elected Senior Class President in High School.

6) Rove has been named as someone of interest to the Watergate prosecutors according to testimony from John Dean, but they declined to pursue him because they had "bigger fish to fry."

7) Rove has secretly had a major man-crush on George W. Bush since their first meeting in the fall of 1973. Here's Rove's description of W: "Huge amounts of charisma, swagger, cowboy boots, flight jacket, wonderful smile, just charisma - you know, wow!"

8) Rove was named by Barbara Walters as 2004's "Most Fascinating Man of the Year."

9) Rove was elected, at the age of 24, "Exalted Cyclops" of his local KKK chapter. He later left the group due to the revalation that he, as a 20 year old, had sexual relations with his family's 16 year old maid. The maid became pregnant due to the intercourse and gave birth to an illegitimate child, who received money regularly from Rove throughout her life.

10) Karl Rove is going straight to heaven whenever he passes.


Answers:
1) False. The correct answer is senior citizen Pat Robertson, who claims that due to his exceptional diet, he has leg pressed one ton, making him the world's strongest man.

2) True. But he reads a lot.

3) False. That was Newt Gingrich. I have no idea how Karl Rove divorced his first wife.

4) True. And that is why, under the Bush II Presidency, December 25th was made into a national holiday for all to enjoy.

5) True But really, it was at a high school in Salt Lake City. The competition was Pedro's mother's cousin and a 17 year old girl who had been married for four years and had three children to take care of. How could he lose? Actually, I believe the Utah Supreme Court was called in to break a deadlock between the married girl and Rove. Rove won 4-3, along straight party lines.

6) True. Nixon and Ehrlichman, among others, were the bigger fish, at least at that moment in time.

7) False, but really a trick question. The quote is accurate. Hell, cowboy boots AND a flight jacket? Who wouldn't fall in love? I feel tingly just sitting here typing. But to say that Rove has man-crush implies a capacity for normal, healthy human emotion. Karl Rove does not suffer emotions such as love, empathy, or lust. Therefore the answer is "False".

8) True. So I guess Barbara Walters really needed to get laid back in 2004.

9) False. Sheesh. The first part describes West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd. The second part describes the late South Carolina Senator Strom Thurmond.

10) False.

Karl Rove, the US Military's most highly decorated veteran, criticizes noted draft dodgers John Kerry and John Murtha...

....in this week's edition of Newsweek (6/26/06). Rove is quoted: "They may be with you for the first shots, but they're not going to be there for the last tough battles."

How moving. How touching. Brings back so many memories.

Impressively, not once did American Hero Karl Rove note to the Manchester, NH audience, that he, Karl Rove, is the only 5 time recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor. The history of how he was awarded these medals is something that, to this day, takes the collective breath away from most folks like myself. The courageous yet unassuming Rove has been called by many the "model for which we have built our great party" by many GOP loyalists. Man, right on brother!

A brief history of the great man:

First MOH: Rove was born on Christmas Day, 1950; this in the runup to US involvement in the Korean War. Once Rove's loving and dedicated parents told him, at the age of 13 months, that the US military needed a few good men to fight the godless heathens of North Korea, young Karl made up his mind to join the fray: he lied about his age (and height, weight, and lack of potty training) to the recruiter, who quickly signed up the happy warrior. Once he arrived in Korea, Rove led an assault on what was then known as Hill 265489A (now known as "Rove's Mound of Soil" to South Koreans). Responsible for the wounding of several dozen enemy soldiers with his newly emerging baby teeth, Rove's commander was said to have uttered the phrase "We need more toddlers like Karl Rove if we're going to win this war....or at least tie it", and pushed for the MOH to be awarded. It was.

Second MOH: Vietnam. 1968. While panty waists like John Kerry, Bob Kerrey, Rocky Bleier (this guy thought the NFL was a better career option than the US Army), and so many others were back in the states working on their golf games, receiving multiple deferments, and getting useless degrees, Rove dropped out of college to again join the military. (Rove was to attend four universities in his academic career, but as the call to arms was strong in his stout heart, he would never earn a degree of any kind.) This time, Rove was out for blood. Lots of blood. The war for Vietnamese independance was the illness, and taking out hundreds and hundreds of Vietnamese was Karl's prescription. Using machine guns, hand grenades, a butter knife, fungo bat, and his lethal Kung-Fu grip, Rove cleaned out entire valleys of all forms of life. His motto? "Suck on that Ho Chi Minh; now let's see you turn these corpses into Commies!" For his efforts in the relocation of the village of Mi Suk Fo, Rove was again awarded the MOH, and returned stateside to a ticker tape parade thorugh the street of Austin, TX.

Third MOH: Panama, 1989. Noriega had "The Bomb". And he was going to use it if we didn't stop him: we knew this because of irrefutable CIA and FBI evidence provided them by Luxombourg's Secret Police, who bought it off a guy on a street corner in Paris, whose cousin lived in Panama, or possibly Nicaragua (he was never specific). Bush I needed to take this guy of of action, especially since Noriega at the time for 15% of the CIA payroll, and the US government was in a budget crunch. But what to do? What to do? Our man Rove knew what to do: he is the one responsible for the name given by the US Military for the Invasion of Panama: "Operation Just Cause". Although to be fair, Karl's original wording was "Operation Just Because", as in "just because we can, we will" (He was a little tipsy on Miller Lite at the time that he wrote it). For this, Rove received MOH number three. And well deserved!

Fourth MOH: His first entanglement with the despot Saddam. Iraq had just invaded its tiny neighbor to the south, oil rich Kuwait. Apparently the reason for the invasion was a mixup in communication between the US Embassy in Baghdad and Saddam: the US Ambassador was yelling over the phone "No!...No!...No!", while on the other end, due to poor reception, Saddam heard only "Go!...Go!...Go!". The sort of mixup that happens so often between a third base coach and baserunner over the years in a sport we in America call "Baseball", but that is known to the rest of the world as "Boredom". So Iraq defeats the forces of Kuwait in a long, drawn out "war" lasting about two and a half hours (that's how long it took for the Kuwaiti "Army" to get in their Jeeps and get the heck out of Kuwait.) And Karl Rove, having returned to civilian life, knew he must act. And act fast. The nation needed him. What did Karl do? He interrupted his lucrative career running a company that did mass mailings for GOP candidates. An example of his best known work: "(Insert Democrat name here) is a pussy, and he might even be G-A-Y!". Stepping down from his post as CEO, Rove volunteers for the US Special Forces. After a small monetary settlement between Rove and the military was negotiated (since Panama, the Army had instituted a "no balding, heavyset, four-eyed, creepy short guys" enlistment policy), Rove was back in his element: shootin' guns, throwin' grenades, pullin' latrine duty, and taking names well after kickin' ass!!! The Iraqis were scared, let there be no doubt, once they were made aware that Rove was back in the game. Sure, the military historians will tell you that the B-52 bombing runs, the incessant Air Force bombardments, the Cruise Missiles, the artillery barrages, the tanks, George Clooney and Marky Mark, and the 500,000 member US military force were the deciding factors in the runaway US victory in the Gulf War. Don't kid yourself kids. It was Karl Rove and his rep that won that war, no question about it. Simply for putting on his old uniform (which had to be let out a tad...I mean, come on even Karl Rove puts on a few pounds in non wartime/kickin' ass mode.), Mr. Rove was awarded his fourth MOH, and in the same glorious week was also inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland for popularizing the phrase "Let's Rock n Roll!!", long his battle cry. (And you thought it was Spinal Tap.)

Fifth MOH: The GOP Primary Season of 2000. Rove has hitched his wagon to George W. Bush, Texas governer and heavy favorite to win the nomination. But it seemed that Senator McCain of Arizona has thrown a bit of a monkey wrench into the campaign by winning in NH. Next up is the South Carolina primary. Rove springs into action: knowing that Sen. McCain and his wife had adopted a young child of the not-white complexion, in addition to having several kids of their own, Karl set up a phone "push poll" that asked the citizens of South Carolina (who hopefully had seen pictures of the entire McCain family) "Would you be more or less likely to vote for John McCain for President if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?" A pure stroke of genius. And Bush won the primary in SC, the GOP nomination and was then elected to the White House in November..no, no...December of 2000 by the United States Supreme Court. For Rove's coolness and courage "under fire" during the SC Primary, the military awarded him his fifth MOH. Asked why they gave an award to someone not currently serving in the Armed Forces, the military issued a simpy worded statement "Anyone with balls that big deserves another MOH. We'd give him two if we could."

Thus, the lofty moral high ground that Rove used as a pulpit in scolding Murtha and Kerry last week in NH.

Also, in recent weeks, Rove has been quoted as saying of Senator Daniel Inouye of Hawaii: "No right arm? Hah! I lost my entire upper torso in the jungles of Panama, but was man enough to reattach it and STILL kept the fight going!"

Of Alvin York and Audie Murphy, who had previously been the most decorated soldiers in the history of the US Military: "Wimps! I used my baby teeth in my FIRST campaign back in Korea. These guys used machine guns. Who's tougher? Huh? Who's tougher?"

And finally, of Rush Limbaugh, Rove said a week ago "That is one bad m----rf----r! I would never tangle with that guy: those ingrown hairs on your behind can really toughen someone up!"

Reason the Cubs Suck Number...well...it's at least in the thousands...

Cubs sign good college pitcher to in-fucking-sane amount of money. Link here.

White boy? Good looking? Awesome hair? Golden Domer? Sign his ass up! Seven Million Damn Dollars?? Who cares? We...I mean the Cubs (I sure ain't a fan) suck, and you know the old saying: "Good pitching beats good hitting." So a guy considered an average prospect to make an impact in MLB DESERVES as much as three solid veteran relievers make in a year (which the Cubbies sure could use cuz they, as I said, SUCK this year).

What a joke of a team. If not for the misplay by ol' what's his name back in 2003, the Cubs might have actually won the World Series. They don't deserve it. And they didn't deserve it then; they just had three great starters who were actually healthy at the same time. And haven't been healthy together since, due in some part to Dusty having them throw 300 or 400 pitches each and every start in the stretch run of '03. Way to go, Dusty!

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Bill James a few decades back decided to stop rooting for his hometown team, the Kansas City Royals. Must have been painful.

All you youngin's won't remember the greatness of Amos Otis, Dan Quisenberry, Frank White, etc. You probably do remember George Brett, if only for his crazy man routine when the Yankees bush-leagued him out of a home run back in the 80's (must have been Billy as Y's manager, but I'm not sure). Gets rerun around the holidays in a lot of "Don't drink or do drugs cuz this is what will most definately happen to you!" ads.

The born and bred Kansan James, along with a large number of Midwesterners, were passionate followers of a Royals team that made multiple trips to the ALCS in the late '70s and early to mid '80s. The Royals, of course, won the WS behind the pitching of Bret Saberhagen in, I believe, '85. They were a proud franchise, unlike the Cubs, who haved sucked for, like, forever (literally since the beginning of the 20th Century).

But once salaries got out of hand, the Royals began to sink. Their market was just about the smallest in MLB and unlike their brethren Chiefs of the NFL, MLB has no revenue sharing. Steinbrenner would no more give away his TV and radio dollars than slice off a limb.

James, though, grew tired of the gross mismanagement of the Royals, not the fact that they couldn't sign every Tom, Dick and Jose Offerman. Their owner at the time of James decision was one of the richest men in the league (much like the multi billionaire who now owns the Twins and who would have gladly accepted hundreds of millions from MLB to fold his team just a few years back. But the Twins became winners, and Selig knew it would look awful to retract a division winner) but was a man who would not spend money on players.

And as the A's have shown, a small market team can compete in today's MLB consistenly ONLY with superior management. The Royals don't have that. And the Chicago Cubs have certainly never ever had that in the past 100 years.

How anyone can root for the Cubs that doesn't live within 100 miles of Wrigley...well....I just don't understand. They suck. They have sucked for almost one hundred years. And they will obviously continue to suck long after Jeff Eye-Chart has spent his $7.25 billion (sorry...meant to type million) dollars.

For Chicagoans, at least the Notre Dame football season is only months away. Charlie Weis? Now there is somebody who knows how to win. The Cubs should hire Weis as president or g.m right now. The fact that he never played baseball or knows anything about running a baseball team shouldn't be held against the man: the Cubs suck/sucked/will suck. Bring in a winner. End of case.

Put away the party hats....or....One Down, Several Million Left to "Hate Us For Our Freedom".

al-Zarqawi is dead. That would be a good thing if this were WWII and he was Adolf Hitler, and the other leaders of our foe wanted the war over, as was the case in Germany in '45. This is not WWII, and the other terrorists in Iraq, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and many, many other countries do not care if al-Zarqawi is dead. There is no magic bullet. There will be no magic bullet.

This just in. A very sad story.

How many more of us/them have to perish??

Ava Lowery....Peace Activist.

This 15 year old from Alabama appeared on CNN recently to talk about her website. Here's the link to crooksandliers.com about her appearance. She's a pretty cool customer, it would appear. Inspiring.

Game Seven: Compare and Contrast.

So I'm sittin' here at 8:19pm, waiting for the Oilers v Hurricanes game to start.

1) First off, the student singing the anthem: whose daughter is she??? This woman clearly has never sung a note in public before. Talk about embarrassing for the NHL; even ancient Rene Rancourt could have blown her doors off. Don't even mention that awesome opera singer who does the duty for Edmonton: he is fantastic.

2) "Rock You Like a Hurricane"??? Fer cryin' out loud, don't they know down in NC that The Scorpions were the blueprint for one of the great movies, "This Is Spinal Tap"? This song is about 25 years old. Anything from this century? From the last two decades even? My god, Raleigh is the sticks. They do not deserve the Cup. No way.

(Carolina just scored....Rats!!!)

3) In a battle of good vs evil, good always triumphs, at least when George Lucas directs. Edmonton MUST win tonight for the universe to remain in balance. The friggin' Carolina fans don't even know what they are cheering for/booing against. It would be like Toronto winning an NBA title, for Christ's sakes! Or the US winning the World Cup...like that's gonna ever happen.

4) NBC has said that the Oilers arena is sold out........Sold out.
There is no game there tonight. They just put up a big screen and will show the Canadian broadcast of the game. Wow. Dedicated fans.

5) Go Oilers!

Hey Ref....YOU are NOT part of the show!!!

A brilliantly played Game Five in the NBA Finals was decided late in overtime not by a player or coach, but ultimately by some referee named Joe DeRosa. Ever hear of him? Me, neither.

You can be sure after his screwup the man will never, ever referee a Finals game again, no matter what spin the NBA puts on this in the coming days about how he made the correct calls. He F'ed up in a big way.

The scenario was this: Mavericks lead by one, Dwyane Wade with the ball for the Heat. He spins and drives to the basket, past two Mavericks and into the general direction of Dirk Nowitski. There is some contact by all three defenders, but enough to call a foul in the last few seconds of an NBA Finals game? No way, in my opinion. No way in the world. The foul was called on Diggler, who had the absolute least amount of contact with Wade.

That was bad enough; to make a touch call so late in the game. But things got worse for Dallas. Wade made the first to tie the game. Dallas Coach Avery Johnson signalled to his team on the court that he wanted a T called AFTER the second free throw, which would hav allowed the Mavs to out of bounds at midcourt. He did so by making the "T" signal then putting up two fingers (for the second free throw). Josh Howard signalled T back to Johnson for what couldn't have been more than a half second. No biggee.

But in comes Joe DeRosa, like Custer into battle. I think he may have been yelling at the top of his lungs "All is well....all is well!". Having seen Howard make a T with his hands, he decided to make what will go down as one of the biggest grandstanding moves in NBA officiating history: forcing Coach Johnson and his team to take the T they clearly didn't want until AFTER the second freebie by Wade. A T BEFORE the second made no sense.

Bennett Salvatore, a veteran and much respected ref, tried valiantly to do the right thing and spare the chump DeRosa much embarrassment. He signalled the players to remain on the court; that no T was coming.

But nooooooooooooo, DeRosa was gonna run with this blunder to the very end. He ran over to the scorers table, and that was that. The other two refs now had to back up their idiotic compadre. To do otherwise would have been seen as not supporting their coworker. Crawford after the game was quoted as saying "Howard goes to Joe DeRosa and not only once, but twice asks for a timeout. Forced to call it, simple as that."

What a load of crap. This is simply Crawford having his mates back. Howard didn't "go" to any of the three refs from the replay I saw. He simply made a T with his hands, once. And DeRosa decided he wanted to do something. Has he ever heard "less is more"? Has DeRosa ever been told that a good ref is anonymous, and that a well called game is one where no fan has any idea who officiated the game?

Here's SI.com's take on the calls.

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Now to the WayBack Machine: It was thirty summers ago that a similar scenario unfolded. Call me old (or O-L-D), but the first thing I thought of after the call by DeRosa was the Celtics v Suns triple overtime game in the Boston Garden in the early summer of 1976, often called "the greatest game ever played".

I don't remember which overtime it was, or even if it was at the end of regulation, but I clearly recall Paul Silas frantically signalling for a timeout to, I believe, the great ref Earl Strom with just a second or two left before the buzzer. Strom saw Silas, but he also knew that Boston had no Ts left. If he had acknowledged the request, the Celtics would have been hit with a technical and the Suns likely would have won to take a 3-2 series lead, with the possibilty of closing out their championship back in Pheonix two days later. Instead Strom ignored Silas, which may not have been by the book but was clearly the right thing to do, time expired and the C's went on the win a classic contest.

There are some Suns fans (and ex Suns players and coaches) who still bellyache over this sequence. But come on, no championhips should be decided by a ref making a questionable call. Refs should never, ever stand out. Strom made the right call by doing nothing.

And DeRosa made the incorrect call by grandstanding and following, I guess, the rulebook to the letter of the law. He screwed up

H--y S--t, THIS guy is a member of Congress?!?!?

Some guy with a vaguely French sounding name tore this dude a new one on some tv type show last night, apparently: video (QT). Funny stuff.

To be fair, the Congressman was elected in the state of Georgia.

Once more, with even more feeling....

Edmonton won in OT at Carolina last night, so thank the gods that I/we get to hear this one last time.

To me, they can just skip the awful ditty that is our National Anthem. No one knows the words. It's just a horrible tune with no rhythm, no nothin'. Any pub song should never ever be turned into a nation's anthem, especially for the most kickassingist nation on tha planet; am I right people?!? Just not a good song at all, if you ask me.

So on Saturday night, just sing the Canadian anthem "Oh, Canada" again. Or maybe even three times total. It just is a beautiful song, anthem or no.

And to have 15K loud-ass fans singing it at the top of their lungs....well, as I said similarly in a prior post: if that doesn't get you juiced, there is no soul residing in your sports fan bones. None 'tall.

Go Edmonton! Bring the Cup back to where it belongs; in the middle of absolutely nowheres-ville, Alberta. Versus Raleigh, NC, a nowheres-ville, USA, where I bet the youth hockey participants can be counted using one or two people's fingers and toes.

Edit: This is from the pre-game of Game 3 in Edmonton. It's 10 minutes long, and has Don Cherry wearing a sportscoat made out of something he must have run over on the drive to the arena, but the anthems are great. This is just "sports porn" in the best sense of the phrase (which I just made up!).

MORE evidence that President Bush is a MF'ing Gangsta....

Of course he didn't know the dude was blind. Of course. He had nooooo idea. He definately does not have a chart in front of him at every bi-yearly or so press conference that refers to the media by their much loved nicknames like "Stretch", "Jonesy", "Stretch", "Major League Asshole", "Stretch", and various other humorous monikers. Absolutely not a chance in heckfire that Bush would make a ............."mistake/error".

No way did the President have ANY CLUE who he was ridiculing.

(The story from the Independant: here.)

Actually, I'm certain that, as Jon Stewart said, he just didn't give a s--t.

Funnnnnny guy, that W.

Just what in the HELL is going on with Ann Coulter and her black dress?!?!?

Last night, on a much publicized appearance on The Tonight Show, Ann showed up wearing........that same damn black dress! Does this woman own another stitch of clothing? Is this really a huge tattoo covering a good part of her body? Does she shower/bath in the thing, too? My god, the humanity....

Sorry, but this is driving my friggin' nuts (not a long trip...badda bing...). Why is no one in the so called News Media talking about this woman's fixation on wearing the exact same dress on every TV appearance? Does she wear the dress on radio too? I would think so.

Really: why change a good thing? Like when an athlete is on a lucky streak, he/she will often wear the same socks/t-shirt, or even....undies until the streak is over. And folks, Mizz Coulter is on some streak: Numero Uno on Amazon AND The New York Times Bestseller lists. She is raking it in right now. So I guess we should all get used to that goddamn black dress. Makes we wish I was blind (almost).

Edit: Darn it, Ann is down to #3 on Amazon as of 6pm 6/15/06. Better get a blackier dress.

"So this father says to his daughter, 'Honey, If I could marry you, I would!'" - Tim Russert to Letterman, 6/13

This after a bad breakup by the daughter and her boyfriend. Is my mind always in the gutter, or are fathers who say ickey things like this to their daughters kind of, well, not so fatherly?: I mean, I may be "Mr. Worst Case Scenario", but I've always thought that fathers who utter stuff like this are pushing a boundary line that should be left alone. We all have wierd Freudian things going on, but having a Dad say he wants to marry his own daughter ain't right, if you ask me.

Russert, as he does every Father's Day, is pushing a book on, yes, fathers being fatherly. Last time, it was strictly about lessons his Dad had taught him. But this one is marketed to include "daughters" as well as "sons" and their relationships with Dad; an oh-so clever marketing gimmick by either Russert or his genius publisher. Kinda like the guy who doubled sales of shampoo decades ago by including the word "Repeat" under the term "Wash Hair". American ingenuity at its finest. "Hey Tim....great book...but we missed about 50% of the market for people who buy stuff like this on holidays...next time, put some broads in there somewhere....."

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Ann Coulter: love her or hate her, her little black dress is getting plenty of airtime. Does she own any other type of clothing besides this lbd ("little black dress")? Every single picture I've ever seen of her, it seems like she is wearing this thing. Is this like the Seinfeld episode where Jerry dated a woman who only seemed to wear one outfit, which puzzled him so horribly that he broke into her closet and discovered dozens of the EXACT SAME dress?

She is certainly a thin blonde woman. If that makes her attractive to some, then so be it. I can see how someone hung up on thinness (and lbds) would have a sorta thing for her. But I see only her eyes, which are the eyes of someone who is aged beyond her years...and who maybe doesn't believe any/all of the s--t she is spewing. Coulter is without a doubt very bright: Law Review at U. of Michigan Law School and so forth. But her rantings are so mean spirited as to be breathtaking. She has been compared to Micheal Moore in terms of her comments: so how far over the line of decency do they both go?

Moore does take a lot of shots, some of them cheap, at his targets in the US. For example, in "Fahrenheit 911" the last five minutes or so of his ambush interview with Charlton Heston (who, despite what some may claim, was clearheaded and coherent: the fog of his disease, to my eyes, had not begun to take hold) should have been cut. Having him yell at the retreating actor about feelings of guilt and so forth were just not necessary. His point had been made: mainly that Heston played the "race" card in an attempt to decipher why the US had so many murders, and looked foolish in doing so.

Is Moore as mean spirited as Coulter? I don't think so, although he certainly can be a bit nasty. Does he say awful things that can't be defended? Sometimes: during the election runup in 2004, Moore began referring to President Bush as a "draft dodger". This was and is a serious but unsubstantiated charge. Bush WAS a member of the National Guard. He certainly didn't have to dodge anything, as the Guard in those days was designed partly as a holding pen for offspring of the nation's bigshots who didn't want to serve in Vietnam and take a chance on getting killed. No draft dodging there.

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Knuckle Tattoos: Wise decision?

To me, when you make the decision to get tattoos on your eight knuckles, particularly homemade tats, you have pretty much made a life altering decision. You're saying to yourself "Screw the white collar world! F--k ever wearing a suit or dress to work! Forget ever obtaining any position where I have to deal with people who might be offended by having the phrase "F--K Y-U!" or "L-O-V-E H-A-T-E" or whatever clever 8 number/letter sequence you thought of jammed repeatedly in their faces!"

"Series 7, CPA and Bar Exams: even if I polish off all of these, no one in their right mind is going to have me work for them, so just f--k it!"

What may have seemed a good idea during a drunken weekend spent partying your friggin ass off ("Let's Rock and Roll, mf's!!!) will be with you a long time. So think long and hard about inking those eight numbers or letters permanent-like on your knuckles: I mean really, if no one has ever created a vanity plate that was funny or interesting for more than about a week, do you think you can do it with your knuckles?

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The Red Sox: Is it possible that Al Nipper is an even worse Pitching Coach than Pitcher?

After looking up his stats at BaseballReference.com, I was a bit surprised that Nipper's numbers were as not-terrible as they were. His record was 47-50 and his ERA was a respectable (pre steroid era, of course) 4.52. So he wasn't exactly horrible. I had thought he was a member of the Sox when Clemens went through his gradual decline in the early to mid 90s, but that is not the case: Nipper was gone in 1987. They were supposedly buddies, and I had him pegged as Clemens Rick Robey, but that was my mind playing tricks on me (Damn you, mind!).

As far as his coaching? Well...don't get me wrong, I know he is trying his behind off. When I watch the games, I see Nip with his bifocals, his charts, his pitch counter, etc, next to Francona. He LOOKS like a real pitching coach should look. It appears he is watching the game with the utmost intensity. But the proof is in da pudding, as they say. The Sox pitching outside of Schilling and Papelbon (and Timlin hopefully when healthy) is atrocious. Tavarez and Seanez simply can't be put into a close game. No way, no how.

There is widespread talk that Beckett is tipping his pitches, leading to his recent spate of shellings. His velocity is the same as it has been, so maybe there is truth to this. And if so WTF are the Red Sox gonna do about it? They are supposed to be among the brightest organizations in the game, so it shouldn't be such a major hurdle to get the Big Guy to keep his hands in the same position for each pitch, should it? Am I wrong?

And where is Craig Hansen? Two years ago, I had the chance to see him and Papelbon pitch up here in Portland. Papelbon started and pitched well; it was obvious he had terrific major league potential. But Hansen was unhittable, throwing in the upper 90s. You almost felt sorry for the other team's batters. AA hitters had no shot against Hansen; he didn't give up a run in his stint in Portland. Today, Papelbon, who is three years older than Hansen, is the hottest reliever in the game and Hansen is pitching well in AAA. He walks a few too many, but the guy has electric stuff. I can't imagine any scenario where Tavarez and Seanez are ahead of Hansen on the bullpen depth chart. The two veterans were signed to decent contracts in the offseason, but that is sunk money. The Sox have to pay them whether they pitch 60 innings or get released. So why not give Hansen the chance, and either release Julian and Rudy or stuff them back to the back of the pen. There are certain players on every team in MLB that can be said "the more they play/pitch, the worse this team will do." Of the position players, it is clear that Willie Harris and even starting shortstop Alex Gonzalez are in this category (please, Dustin, get healthy quick!). And pitchers DiNardo, Tavarez, and Seanez are there, too.

This is a team that has a legitimate shot at winning another WS. Let's hope that Theo has another Dave Roberts up his sleeve...maybe even three or four of them, God willing.

6/6/[0]6....plus two: We made it!

1) "Gone in .06 Seconds":

Former Maine Governor Angus King's 1990 red Miata convertible was stolen on Tuesday. That stinks, sure....but the funny part was that the former top man in our state government "left the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition." Brunswick may not be Brooklyn, but does it take a genius to realize you don't leave keys in the ignition of an unlocked car in the middle of the night?

Update: Apparently the car has been found about a mile away from the King's home.


2) Jon Stewart, I love you!...I adore you!..or ...as Woody Allen said in "Manhatten": "Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?":

AsCrooksandliars.com put it so well, if Mr. Stewart can put hypocritical gasbags like Bill Bennett in their place so very easily, why does the so called "liberal elite" media have such a problem doing same? Or is it possible that the media are a) not that liberal? b) not very well informed c) don't really care all that much? Answer: a), b), and c).


3) WWCND?

Chuck Norris jokes are sweeping the nation.....kinda. (Chuck Norris does not do pushups...He pushes the Earth down!) Why is Mr. Norris the object of so much hysteria and hilarity? I believe it's because he is famous, but not too famous. He takes himself seriously, but not too seriously (a la Sly Stallone). He has become a a sort of caricature of himself, but one that is not too far gone (a la Steven Seagal). (Jesus was known to wear a WWCND? bracelet) And, of course, "Walker, Texas Ranger" is exactly the sort of so bad it's good tv that drunk college kids watch (only when they're drunk, though). (Chuck Norris does not go hunting. That would imply the possibility of failure: Chuch Norris goes killing!) And he's also supposed to be sweatheart of a guy, too! I hear, anyway. (Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk....and Kill!) Here's the link to the Top 100 Chuck Norris Facts. (Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.)

More randomness.....

1) Shawn Kemp is a changed man with a brand new perspective on life.....um, yeah..."perspective"....that's right:

Kemp, a 36 year ex-NBA star power forward of the 90's is attempting a comeback. He has reportedly lost 75 pounds, is doing a lot of jogging and playing competitively, and is actively trying out for various NBA clubs in hopes of being signed to a contract, probably requiring participation in some league sanctioned summer league.
From si.com: "Kemp was also featured in a story by Sports Illustrated in 1998 detailing athletes with out-of-wedlock children. The article said he reportedly fathered at least seven children by six different women. 'That was a little part of my life,' Kemp said on the subject of his checkered past."
That's right: his seven children (by six women) are a "little part of his life." Man, are they ever luuuuuucky little suckers to have Shawn for a dad.


2) Ohio: The blind leading the soon to be blind.

Another big WTF?!? on this one: A $500,000 bond has been set by Berea County Judge Marisa Meyer for the release of noted library masturbater Mike Cooper. That's right: one half a billion dollars for getting caught playing with himself in a cubicle in a library while surfing the internet. Unbelievable. The judge says that she is "uncomfortable releasing Mr. Cooper prior to a psychiatric evaluation."
Here's the link.


3) Ann Coulter vs. Matt Lauer/Sanity:

I post this having watched the video of their most recent interview once. Once was enough.

You may say "who cares?" But there are hundreds of thousands of people in the US who actually buy her books, just like their are 2m folks who watch Bill O'Reilly every night. And they are, simply, frightening.

6/08/06 Update: Ann Coulter's newest book is number 1 on Amazon.com. Unbelievable.

4) For those of you who got all excited about the proposed gay marraige ban being discussed in Congress this week...

....well, I guess you got all worked up with no place to go (except some library in Ohio):it's over.

"He was a wonderful actor. I loved hating him." - Judd Nelson about Paul Gleason (1939-2006)

Paul Gleason, known to generations of young people as one of cinema's greatest screen villians for portraying the bitter and humorless Principal Richard Vernon in John Hughes 80's teen classic "The Breakfast Club" died May 27th of a rare form of lung cancer.

Gleason lived a fascinatingly full life, much of it centered around his twin talents of athletics and acting: he played college football alongside fellow future acting stars Robert Urich and Bert Reynolds at Florida State University (albeit well before the Bowden era, when FSU became a national power), played minor league baseball for the Cleveland Indians organization for a time, then began a successful and notable acting career in the '60s after studying under legendary teacher Lee Strasburg.

Movie fans today may remember Gleason mostly for his brilliant job of making the despicable Richard Vernon ("don't mess with the bull....") stand out, but prior to his appearing in "The Breakfast Club", he won roles in timeless films such as "The Great Santini", "Arthur", and "Tender Mercies", along with an extended soap opera run and numerous TV credits. To start his acting career, Gleason had to put his time in on the usual Roger Corman dreck (anyone remember the R-rated "Private Duty Nurses" aka "Young L.A. Nurses 3"?) that was the proving ground for so many of Hollywood's biggest names.

As is often the case in cult films, it appears that the fame Gleason gained through his signature role was a double edged sword: after 1985 and TBC's release, the only notable movies he appeared in were "Die Hard" and "Miami Blues". It appears that Gleason was type cast as Principal Vernon. Maybe that's a good thing, and maybe that's a bad thing. But it appears to have limited his acting opportunities from 1985 until his passing.

---

Here are some of the classic Principal Vernon quotes, stolen directly from imdb.com:

Richard Vernon: That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not throwing it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and forgotten about this place and they've forgotten about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.
Bender: You threatening me?
Richard Vernon: What are you gonna do about it? You think anyone's gonna believe you? You think anyone's gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me. I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack of monkey shit, and everyone knows about it. Oh, you're a tough guy. Hey c'mon. Get on your feet pal. Let's find out how tough you are. I wanna know how tough you are. Let's go. C'mon man, just take the first shot. I'm begging you, take the first shot. Just take one good swing...
[Bender pauses, staring]
Richard Vernon: Yeah, that's what I thought. You're a gutless turd.

Richard Vernon: [Andrew laughs at Bender's backtalk] You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's "bitchin," is that it? Let me tell you something. Look at him - he's a bum. You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.

Richard Vernon: You think about this: when you get old, these kids - when *I* get old - they're going to be running the country.
Carl: Yeah.
Richard Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me.
Carl: I wouldn't count on it.

Richard Vernon: Hey. What's going on in there?
[whispering]
Richard Vernon: Spoiled little pricks.

Richard Vernon: You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.

Principal Richard Vernon: The next time I have to come in here I'm crackin' skulls.

---

Trivia:

Attended and played football at Florida State University along with fellow actors Burt Reynolds and Robert Urich. Also played minor league baseball before turning to acting.

Published the obligatory book of poetry, though google books has no listing for it.

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Fox News: Hard to defend

Bill O'Reilly's "Chinese water torture" of a television show attracts on average2 million US viewers each and every night. That's a lot of people.

Fine. If you want to watch that type of stuff, welI, I guess that's why Murdoch and Ailes created Fox in the first place. Fox is the cable channel this is, in part, for people who like to think of themselves as "informed" when actually they aren't, at least when compared with other TV viewers. I'll bet some of Fox's audience still believes Saddam was behind 9/11 (um....he wasn't)

But when those 2 million viewers are repeatedly told absolute lies and slanderous falsehoods about historical events by the host of a show on Fox News, that to me is wrong, and they should be called out. And when the show changes the written transcript of said episode to prevent the host's screwups from being brought to the public's attention, that to me is every bit as wrong.

Here's a link to a website whose operators somehow get some sucker(s) to watch the O'Reilly Factor each and every night, and do actual fact-checking (yes I know: very unusual) to catch Fox's errors and lies. Last week another site found some really weird stuff going on. Slightly scary stuff, actually, concerning O'Reilly's lies about a WWII massacre of US troops by the German army. You need to watch the entire clip of Olbermann to get the full impact of deceit by Fox News.

"Welcome to F-----g Deadwood!" - Al Swearenger

"Deadwood" is back on June 11th for season 3, and not a f-----g moment too f-----g soon, c--ks----r! I was getting pretty well pissed the f--k off at waiting so god damn long for the new f-----g season to f-----g start. F--k!! What does a "lying, thieving, c--ks----r" have to do to get some f-----g quality tv 'round here? M----rf----r!

I've just started watching the c--ks-----g season 2, and it's pretty f-----g good!

The plots are so f--k--g realistic! I never knew that those god damn cowboys had to put up with so much s--t! I mean, pissing in a f-----g p--sp-t? What the f--k? And the way they talk: Holy S--t! As Sol Star f-----g said on the first episode of the m----rf-----g second season, "I LIKE saying c--ks----r! What do you think of that?" Man, that is so right, so f-----g right on. F--k!

Thankfully, all the main f-----g players are back ('cepting fer Wild Bill...may he rest in god damn peace, amen.):

- Calamity Jane, whose only line in the first f-----g episode was "C--ks----rs!", upon which she passed out dead f-----g drunk on her c--ks-----g horse, the drunk b---h.
- Sheriff Bullock (bool'ek n. 1. young bull 2. a castrated bull, steer: Webster's), who now f--ks the s--t outta that rich widow what owns the gold strike, Mrs. Garret.
- Al Swearenger, f-----g saloon keeper and basically runs the whole p--sppot of a town. The nicest thing he had ta say in episode one was "I'll put your nose through your f-----g brain!!" to Silas Adams (nice cuz he DIDN'T actually do it). And when Swearenger says "Remove the fucking thumb!", ya better remove it quick!
- Cy Tolliver, another f-----g saloon owner: Swearenger's main competitor for biggest c--ks----r in Deadwood. To a bunch of new wh---s brought in by Joanie Stubbs to stock her brothel, Cy growled "S--k some p---ks if ya like, keep whatever they give you as my way of saying 'Welcome!'".
- Dan Dority. NOT a man ya wanna f-----g piss off....ever. Shows his softer side by bawling in episode 1: f-----g c--ks----g pussy!
- Silas Adams: Watch season 2 and you'll be f-----g enlightened what the phrase "He just twelve pointed 'Slippery' Dan...." means. It ain't too pretty.
- E.B. Farnum - The c--ks-----r innkeeper. "There's a rodent looking creature lamping off your barrels." "Pay him no mind, that's the mayor.": When the town's new w---es say this aboutcha, yer none too popular. But it kinda fits, if ya know E.B. He did get in a good one on Swearenger though: "I'll look into the new w---es." Smart ass m----rf----r.
and last but not f-----g least, Mr. Wu's god damn m----rf-----g pigs. Those h---es--t swine are still eating the various dead f-----g bodies produced by Deadwood's many nightly "disagreements." For a fee, of course: five f-----g bucks.

All right, so I'm f-----g done already with the first two god damn disks, Netflix. Where the f--k are the next c--ks-----g two? What the f--k am I paying you t-ts-----rs for anyway? To sit on your god damn asses all f-----g day? F--k! Come on now, get f-----g moving!

PS: to HBO: RE: the fart "jokes" - What the f--k is it with these f-----g fart jokes every twelve seconds? It's f-----g disgusting, god damn it. If I want to be f-----g grossed out by m----rf-----g bodily functions, I'll watch "Nip/Tuck" or the f-----g Discovery Channel or some shit like that. Christ, can't you a--h---s class it up a bit? There-s f-----g kids watching this s--t! F--k!

Carolina vs. Edmonton for Lord Stanley's Cup

Who to root for?......who to root for?.....hmmmmmmmm.

Well, as I see it, it comes down to whether this is more moving than the idea of doing this to your car. Pretty simple choice, really.

Anyway, Edmonton has what passes for tradition these days, with 5 Cups earned in the Gretzky/Messier/Fuhr/Ranford Era. Also, they have just about the coolest looking unis in the NHL. And they're from a city in CANADA, where I hear the game is quite a big deal, though no Canadian team has won since Montreal in 1993.

Carolina? They "relocated" a team from Hartford, of all places. I think that says it all.

Go Oilers!